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Posted

This isnt a funny one....just a true one

 

Dont take a first date to a fancy dinner at the Air Force Officer's club unless you know the girls personality.....my experience:

 

- I was fresh out of boot (2 months) and one day saw a female one day that I thought I would like to get to know a little better.....actually I was just horny as *ell...:doh:

 

- OK...so I am pretty much broke as an Airmen doesnt make much starting out.....but a friend gave me a gift certficate to the Officers club so I invite her out.

 

- She accepts and seems nice (worked at a place on the base) now I tell her that I dont have a car yet as I fresh out of boot....she says she understands and we agree to meet at the officers club.

 

- The first thing I notice when I get there is she looks totally pissed off.....I ask her if everything is all right she says "nothing" and we go in

 

- I talk to her for all of 10 minutes to realize that I am dealing with a genuinely not nice person....but try to make it work (because I am horny)....but man...nothing is going right....has anybody seen the blonde from the movie "Anger Management"? This girl proceeds to have a meltdown similar to that because:

 

- I am not the right color (well...she knew this from the beginning)

- I probably just wanted sex (I never said anything of the sort but I was fresh out of book for christ sake so yeah.....I must have been thinking so loud she could hear it)

 

Now here was the kicker.....she thought I was a stuck up white guy because I took her to eat at this fancy place (I tried to explain it to her that we only did it because I had a friend do me a favor and I wanted to share it with her)

 

She then got up and walked out....telling me that if I ever bothered her again she would send her brothers to kick the ($*$ out of me.....and laughed a laugh that I can only describe as evil on her way out the door....embarrising the crap out of me.

 

I smartened up a little bit after that...I should have given this girl a big mac and cab fair home in the morning. Luckily for me the girl who was serving us (or attempting to) felt so bad for me she gave me HER number......

 

I actually dated that girl for some time.....

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Posted
32.  We're in luck!  They're removing a spleen at the local medical school surgical observation theater, and I got us in!

408269[/snapback]

 

 

31. "Here's a garden hose. Here's a golf ball. I think you know what to do."

Posted
You guys run out of fingers and toes?

408376[/snapback]

 

only the funny ones count. :doh:

 

29. "Do you mind swinging down to the launch pad with me? We scrubbed the shuttle launch and someone at the base said you could help..."

Posted
Turning into what?  :doh:

408342[/snapback]

In the spring as the sun heats the water, the water basically "turns over", bringing the smelly lower water to the surface.

Posted

23. Don't take her to see "When a Man Loves a Woman" thinking it's a romantic date movie, when her mother was an alcoholic who's life mirrored many aspects of Meg Ryan's character.

 

Many a kleenex were dispensed that evening.

Posted

21. Don't take a crap-throwing monkey on the date with you. Even though the monkey doesn't care, your date won't come through...

 

 

...smelling like a rose.

Posted
22. Answer your cell phone with "I've got to take this, it's my wife..."

 

OMG - this really happened to me on a blind date. :blush:

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