piss stained mattresses........love em or hate em?

[Sweats]

So, last week i had Covid and because i was sick, i slept the whole week in our spare room. This bed has always only been used for guests, however, when i decided i would sleep in the spare room, i changed the sheets and discovered piss stains galore on the mattress. Like, i'm talking someone had a real bladder problem......and also neglected to say anything.

I ran through the roll-a-dex in my mind of all the people that slept in the spare room.

 

The list of suspects are as follows.....

* My brother-in-law

* My sister-in-law

* My father-in-law

* My mother-in-law

 

(do you see a pattern here?)

 

I'll get to the bottom of this, i assure you.

I will not rest until i find out who it is (i won't rest on that piss-stained mattress anyways).

 

Piss-stained mattresses........love em or hate em?

[Augie]

Anyone who votes “love ‘em” needs some time off here to get some much needed attention. 

 

We bought a new mattress a couple years ago, and what a seedy industry! We thought we finally had things worked out, but the guy driving the truck says to me “I can drag it up here for you, but it’s easier if I just tell you now it’s got a giant stain on it.” A “brand new” mattress! We ended up getting one thru Haverty’s. 

[Fleezoid]

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Gross.  Are your in-laws like 100 years old?  Who pees the bed after age 4?  Weird.  I would be purchasing a new mattress right away… 🤢 

[Simon]

13 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

I would be purchasing a new mattress right away…

 

So they can just piss in it again?

Nope, divorce is the only solution.

[Augie]

1 minute ago, Simon said:

 

So they can just piss in it again?

Nope, divorce is the only solution.

 

You’re right, homicide would be excessive. 

[Simon]

1 minute ago, Augie said:

 

You’re right, homicide would be excessive. 

 

Plus, it could possibly stain the new mattress!

[Sweats]

1 minute ago, Augie said:

 

You’re right, homicide would be excessive. 

 

 

 

Then i'd have a mattress with piss AND blood on it.......that's not helping.

[Fleezoid]

Put plastic on the spare room mattress.

 

Then when the in-laws come to visit, conversation would go something like this...

 

In-Law: "Why is there plastic on the mattress?"

You: "You tell me...!?"

 

 

Edited 17 hours ago by Fleezoid

[TheCockSportif]

Well, you know, @Sweats, my wife and I throw this major party, each year, on the Saturday following New Years.  We cook a ton of Indian food (our biggest attendance was 51 people -- JFC we COOKED for 51 people?!), and historically it's also been a booze fest (for many, not really myself anymore).  A few years back, our toilet upstairs was grumpy... and old (we live in New England, in a mid-1800s house that we've been renovating).  Naturally, I could not retrofit modern plumbing (I believe that everything in the tank is now like 2.25" diameter) to the formerly 2" diameter.  We *told* people to *not* use the toilet upstairs.  It didn't flush anymore.  It couldn't flush anymore.  The water was shut off entirely.

 

And what did we find the next day?  Crusted urine in the bathtub, and a non-working toilet filled with urine.  It smelled like "organic matter" (i.e. death).  The cleanup, before I switched the commode to newer tech, was hideous.  I ***** hated it.

 

So, what I'm saying is that I feel your pain.  My mother was incontinent for years before she died (she would always deny her incontinence, and I get why).  Once we migrated from spring mattresses to foamy ones, we saw what took place (on the former mattresses).  Ugh.

[Augie]

1 hour ago, TheCockSportif said:

Well, you know, @Sweats, my wife and I throw this major party, each year, on the Saturday following New Years.  We cook a ton of Indian food (our biggest attendance was 51 people -- JFC we COOKED for 51 people?!), and historically it's also been a booze fest (for many, not really myself anymore).  A few years back, our toilet upstairs was grumpy... and old (we live in New England, in a mid-1800s house that we've been renovating).  Naturally, I could not retrofit modern plumbing (I believe that everything in the tank is now like 2.25" diameter) to the formerly 2" diameter.  We *told* people to *not* use the toilet upstairs.  It didn't flush anymore.  It couldn't flush anymore.  The water was shut off entirely.

 

And what did we find the next day?  Crusted urine in the bathtub, and a non-working toilet filled with urine.  It smelled like "organic matter" (i.e. death).  The cleanup, before I switched the commode to newer tech, was hideous.  I ***** hated it.

 

So, what I'm saying is that I feel your pain.  My mother was incontinent for years before she died (she would always deny her incontinence, and I get why).  Once we migrated from spring mattresses to foamy ones, we saw what took place (on the former mattresses).  Ugh.

 

That’s a lot of people to cook for! This reminds me of a couple who were our best friends early in our marriage. We bought our first house up the road from them, and they told us about their first house. They were so proud to be homeowners they insisted on hosting Thanksgiving. They ate early then settled in to watch football and drink beer. 

 

Their first house was an older house in NY and it only had one bathroom. They figured they could live with that for a starter home. Unfortunately, it was not well suited for a few hours later when everybody got food poisoning. 😂 

 

 

.

Edited 16 hours ago by Augie

[Sweats]

17 minutes ago, TheCockSportif said:

Well, you know, @Sweats, my wife and I throw this major party, each year, on the Saturday following New Years.  We cook a ton of Indian food (our biggest attendance was 51 people -- JFC we COOKED for 51 people?!), and historically it's also been a booze fest (for many, not really myself anymore).  A few years back, our toilet upstairs was grumpy... and old (we live in New England, in a mid-1800s house that we've been renovating).  Naturally, I could not retrofit modern plumbing (I believe that everything in the tank is now like 2.25" diameter) to the formerly 2" diameter.  We *told* people to *not* use the toilet upstairs.  It didn't flush anymore.  It couldn't flush anymore.  The water was shut off entirely.

 

And what did we find the next day?  Crusted urine in the bathtub, and a non-working toilet filled with urine.  It smelled like "organic matter" (i.e. death).  The cleanup, before I switched the commode to newer tech, was hideous.  I ***** hated it.

 

So, what I'm saying is that I feel your pain.  My mother was incontinent for years before she died (she would always deny her incontinence, and I get why).  Once we migrated from spring mattresses to foamy ones, we saw what took place (on the former mattresses).  Ugh.

 

 

 

Indian food, well that'll do it.........your lucky not every sink, bathtub, toilet, trash can, etc. was full

[Augie]

9 minutes ago, Sweats said:

 

 

 

Indian food, well that'll do it.........your lucky not every sink, bathtub, toilet, trash can, etc. was full

 

We went to a friend’s for dinner and he made Indian food. He’s a British guy and as we’re leaving he says in his funny little accent “you’ll want to pop a roll of toilet tissue in the freezer when you get home. You’ll thank me in the morning!”  

[Sweats]

I'm getting a little closer to solving the mystery and it may not be what i originally thought.......i mean, it is piss so there's no mystery in that, however, i'm getting a little closer to the whodunit.

 

Yeah, imagine those phone calls today........"um, i don't want to sound like an ***hole, but did you piss on my mattress?........no?.......okay, i'll talk to you another time".

[Johnny Hammersticks]

2 minutes ago, Sweats said:

I'm getting a little closer to solving the mystery and it may not be what i originally thought.......i mean, it is piss so there's no mystery in that, however, i'm getting a little closer to the whodunit.

 

Yeah, imagine those phone calls today........"um, i don't want to sound like an ***hole, but did you piss on my mattress?........no?.......okay, i'll talk to you another time".

Just curious.  Could it have been a pet?

[Augie]

3 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Just curious.  Could it have been a pet?

 

My son and his wife had to get rid of her cat when they brought home their first child. Damn cat was pissing all over the beds! Oh, and they needed new mattresses, and those are NOT cheap! Cat urine is “special” with that stink. 

[Sweats]

5 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

Just curious.  Could it have been a pet?

 

 

 

That's what my wife suspects.

She thinks when we moved to our new house that our 2 dogs took turns "marking their new territory" on the spare bed and because both of the dogs are domineering, as soon as one pisses somewhere, the other one pisses right over top of the other one to brand the new scent. 

 

We have seen the dogs do this in the yard all the time, so it might only make sense if they marked the house as well.

[SoonerBillsFan]

1 hour ago, Sweats said:

So, last week i had Covid and because i was sick, i slept the whole week in our spare room. This bed has always only been used for guests, however, when i decided i would sleep in the spare room, i changed the sheets and discovered piss stains galore on the mattress. Like, i'm talking someone had a real bladder problem......and also neglected to say anything.

I ran through the roll-a-dex in my mind of all the people that slept in the spare room.

 

The list of suspects are as follows.....

* My brother-in-law

* My sister-in-law

* My father-in-law

* My mother-in-law

 

(do you see a pattern here?)

 

I'll get to the bottom of this, i assure you.

I will not rest until i find out who it is (i won't rest on that piss-stained mattress anyways).

 

Piss-stained mattresses........love em or hate em?

Its usually because of my Granddaughters or Dogs, but I hate em'

[Johnny Hammersticks]

1 minute ago, Augie said:

 

My son and his wife had to get rid of her cat when they brought home their first child. Damn cat was pissing all over the beds! Oh, and they needed new mattresses, and those are NOT cheap! Cat urine is “special” with that stink. 

That’s kind of what I was driving at.  When my wife and I first moved in together, I had a cat and she had a small dog.  After a few days we noticed that the cat was pissing all over the place including on the couches and on the bed.  Cats and dogs can both be vindictive little a-holes.

[Augie]

 

One of our buddies in college stumbled out of a bar late and walked up the road to some friends to sleep it off. He went to the wrong house and woke up with an older lady and her grown son standing over him. He had pissed their couch. Slightly awkward, I’m guessing. Lock your doors!!!