Why Your Team Sucks 2024 -- Da Bills

[TheCockSportif]

https://defector.com/why-your-team-sucks-2024-buffalo-bills

 

I usually love the Why Your Team Sucks things.  Redskins/Commanders, Titans, Miami, Cowboys, Panthers, the Jets, and so on.  Writing about teams that I dislike the most almost always entertains me the most.

 

Oh yeah, and typically I absolutely love the one about Da Bills.  However, this year, I don't see any reader comments (reader comments are always the funniest part of this all), and it's more of a documentary than actual satire.  Ugh.  YMMV as always.  Incognito mode in Chrome, for example, lets you view this at zero cost.

 

[EDIT: Well, I guess that user comments are up now, unlike they were 6+ hours ago.  Can't wait to read them.]

 

Edited August 29 by TheCockSportif

[GoBills808]

That was not an enjoyable read

[TheCockSportif]

1 minute ago, GoBills808 said:

That was not an enjoyable read

Yeah, I know, right?!

 

[GoBills808]

2 minutes ago, TheCockSportif said:

Yeah, I know, right?!

 

It's like reading your own autopsy

[T.E.]

I haven't read one of these in years, and wow, time has not been kind to this column.

[Chaos]

This was a really well researched article.  Not funny though, because its true.  

I did laugh at "Mitch Trubisky, noted breast enthusiast" though. 

[TheCockSportif]

54 minutes ago, T.E. said:

I haven't read one of these in years, and wow, time has not been kind to this column.

In a way, I think, but reading TBD on the regular is basically the same tenor as what was written in WYTS.

 

For example, I nearly lost control of my bodily functions a few years ago where a reader wrote in, about the Cowboys, when they talked about meeting Jerry Jones, he who was wearing one shoe when JJ entered the room, and then asked JJ about how he lost a shoe.  Jerry Jones promptly corrected them and said that he FOUND a shoe.  Still cracks me up to this day.  (Full disclosure: I was dating a Texas-based pharma sales rep years ago and got a chance to meet JJ once.  And he was *just* like that, like unironically.)

 

Or the thing about the Eagles where someone wrote in about thinking of buying some kind of "hi-fi" system from Circuit City -- the salesperson asked if these people liked the Eagles, and everybody was like, "hell, yeah" -- only to realize that the salesperson decided to play them DVDs of a band called The Eagles.  Maybe it goes without saying, but no sale was made on that day.

 

It's probable that I still have in infantile sense of humor, but god, that stuff cracks me up.

 

Every other thing was exactly like my 50 years of fandom.  Ouch.

 

 

Edited August 30 by TheCockSportif

[T.E.]

12 minutes ago, TheCockSportif said:

In a way, I think, but reading TBD on the regular is basically the same tenor as what was written in WYTS.

 

For example, I nearly lost control of my bodily functions a few years ago where a reader wrote in, about the Cowboys, when they talked about meeting Jerry Jones, he who was wearing one shoe when JJ entered the room, and then asked JJ about how he lost a shoe.  Jerry Jones promptly corrected them and said that he FOUND a shoe.  Still cracks me up to this day.  (Full disclosure: I was dating a Texas-based pharma sales rep years ago and got a chance to meet JJ once.  And he was *just* like that, like unironically.)

 

 

I remember reading that story too. Hilarious. I'll bet he's fun to party with haha.

[Low Positive]

Drew Magary used to write these on Deadspin. Now he does not. That it all.

[TheCockSportif]

2 minutes ago, Low Positive said:

Drew Magary used to write these on Deadspin. Now he does not. That it all.

Deadspin has its own torrid history.  I think that they had to divest from a number of their properties (if memory serves, wasn't Hulk Hogan involved w a lawsuit?).

 

Ultimately, Magary printed what I believe could be the trajectory of the team this year.  I'm in the camp that thinks that the team is in for a reckoning.  Naturally, they will win a Super Bowl and I will be shunned for life.  But, know what?  I'd be fine with that.

[Draconator]

@TheCockSportif you started another thread?  

 

Are you feeling ok? 

 

See ya in the fall! 

[seven&nine]

"the Bills do have some promising young talent in the room with Khalil Shakir, who runs like he has to poop"

 

😂

[LABILLBACKER]

Coach 9/11....😁

[TheCockSportif]

35 minutes ago, seven&nine said:

"the Bills do have some promising young talent in the room with Khalil Shakir, who runs like he has to poop"

 

😂

Yeah, that cracked me up.

 

[PonyBoy]

This article typifies the expression Diarrhea of the mouth. 🤮

[frostbitmic]

These articles used to be funny, now it's like, yeah we know.

[NoHuddleKelly12]

Ironically, the very thing this pithy author points to as one of the reasons we “suck” most, getting rid of the end all-be all WR Diggs, is the very reason Houston supposedly sucks this year too??!! I can’t make this up, take a look—it’s like the author just cut and paste all of the reasons why the Bills traded him (from our vantage point) for the Houston edition:

https://defector.com/why-your-team-sucks-2024-houston-texans

 

I get the overall attempt at tongue in cheek humor and all, but really, try harder. 🤔

 

Oh, and yes before you ask, I’m quite fun at parties. 🎉 

[Mr. WEO]

I was dubious when I saw the byline.  But this was pretty funny, well done. 

[Ned Flanders]

These were funny for about the first five years...sorta like Seinfeld.

[MiltonWaddams]

I don’t know why, but this one really gives me the vibes that it was written by some sort of broke AI and then someone went in and edited just enough to make us think it wasn’t. That being said, horrible journalism and not really enjoyable.