Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Maybe we should have a telethon to raise money for Catholic masturbators? 363133[/snapback] "Hello, I am Sally Struthers. I'm here to call attention to a problem that is overlooked by many in today's society, but has grave consequences to many. I'm talking of Christian chronic masturbators. Let me introduce you to Harry Palms. His chronic masturbation has led to a Holy Debt. For just 1.05 per day, you can help Harry repay that debt so that one day, when he dies, he can ascend into Heaven. Please help. Harry, and thousands others like him need you. Adopt a Christian chronic masturbator today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 "Hello, I am Sally Struthers. I'm here to call attention to a problem that is overlooked by many in today's society, but has grave consequences to many. I'm talking of Christian chronic masturbators. Let me introduce you to Harry Palms. His chronic masturbation has led to a Holy Debt. For just 1.05 per day, you can help Harry repay that debt so that one day, when he dies, he can ascend into Heaven. Please help. Harry, and thousands others like him need you. Adopt a Christian chronic masturbator today." 363140[/snapback] 3 times per day, 7 days a week. Wouldn't you rub yourself raw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 3 times per day, 7 days a week. Wouldn't you rub yourself raw. 363141[/snapback] And that's just covering the debt. In order to get there you have to burn through your $14.50 daily allowance first... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 I have actually had the discussion with our pastor when I was an altar boy. I asked about the friends of mine that were not Catholic and what would happen. Told him I didn't think it was fair. He basically said the nun who said it was full of crap and that God will look at people as being good or not, and accept them based on that. I knew long before the answer to the question. But yes there are a lot of morons who believe that only through their religion can you go to heaven. There are versions of babtists who believe all Catholics will go to hell, because they haven't been bad enough to have been born again into the Church. They say one must have done agregously wrong and repented in order to be accepted into the eyes of the Lord. We have a couple of those at work. So I guess in their eyes, if I haven't murdered, raped a dog, or something along those lines then I can't be saved. I always want to ask what they did that was so bad they they are sure they are "saved". 363137[/snapback] Nah, you just say: "I want to be saved....where's your wife right now...?" I hear ya. My faith guided me to a church that is more about "good News" rather than "Hellfire and Brimstone." It also guided me to a church that was about learning how to be closer to God, and I felt that ritual upon ritual was not the way for me. I feel I am a better person for the last five years I've spent at my church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Coli Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 My faith guided me to a church that is more about "good News" rather than "Hellfire and Brimstone." It also guided me to a church that was about learning how to be closer to God, and I felt that ritual upon ritual was not the way for me. I feel I am a better person for the last five years I've spent at my church. 363148[/snapback] So you joined a cult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 So you joined a cult. 363155[/snapback] Jim Jones would be proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Jim Jones would be proud. 363161[/snapback] Thank Koresh I never joined a cult like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Coli Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Jim Jones would be proud. 363161[/snapback] "Cult" is such a harsh term...we prefer "captive audience." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 "Cult" is such a harsh term...we prefer "captive audience." 363163[/snapback] But at least the drinks are good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 "Cult" is such a harsh term...we prefer "captive audience." 363163[/snapback] Get all the 13 year old girls that you want? Especially if you are a church elder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Just wondering, but do you think Tom Cruise, John Travolta, etc. have a financial endorsement from the Church of Scientology? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 So you joined a cult. 363155[/snapback] Yup, the First Presbyterian cult. 2.4 million members strong in the US...don't let your kids watch Mr. Rogers, or they'll be pulled into it too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Yup, the First Presbyterian cult. 2.4 million members strong in the US...don't let your kids watch Mr. Rogers, or they'll be pulled into it too... 363184[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Yup, the First Presbyterian cult. 2.4 million members strong in the US...don't let your kids watch Mr. Rogers, or they'll be pulled into it too... 363184[/snapback] So you're a Catholic wanna be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 So you're a Catholic wanna be? 363197[/snapback] technically, I am a catholic, as "catholic" as a term connotes the universality... Not a wanna-be, but a not-wanna-be, per my "cultist" criteria above... But yeah, I know, a lemming by any other name... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockpile Posted June 21, 2005 Author Share Posted June 21, 2005 technically, I am a catholic, as "catholic" as a term connotes the universality... Not a wanna-be, but a not-wanna-be, per my "cultist" criteria above... But yeah, I know, a lemming by any other name... 363211[/snapback] True. Catholic and Roman Catholic are not the same. Note to self: do not drink Dan's Kool Aid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Coli Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 technically, I am a catholic, as "catholic" as a term connotes the universality... Not a wanna-be, but a not-wanna-be, per my "cultist" criteria above... But yeah, I know, a lemming by any other name... 363211[/snapback] Wikpedia says you are a Calvinist Protestant. Presbyterian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Wikpedia says you are a Calvinist Protestant. Presbyterian 363232[/snapback] Yes I am. Got my Hobbes doll when I joined the church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry Tate Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Because I was just spouting sh-- at first, and then decided to give real teachings. The problem is a lot of folks believe what I aid at first to be true about the Catholic faith and it isn't . I was really just playing to the stereotype. Again, if you want facts, that vaatican website has a lot of the answers and the Church is not as bad as one would have you believe. Your input in this thread made it a worthwhile read for me. Thanks for taking the time. Nice to see direct, thoughtful answers to the usual bomb-throwing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted June 21, 2005 Share Posted June 21, 2005 Wipe that sh*t off your nose. I'll agree with your post. 363664[/snapback] Oh don't start again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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