Parents and youth sports (again)

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

The kids must be so proud.

 

https://www.lehighvalleylive.com/news/2024/01/bleacher-clearing-melee-with-screaming-shoving-at-nj-youth-wrestling-match-video-shows.html

 

At the 40-second mark in the upper right:

 

 

Another video:

 

 

[Augie]

What fine examples we set for our children. 

 

My son played in an AAU hoops game in Miami where the refs stopped the game until they could get police in the gym. In so many ways those were great times, but also cause for shame at times.  It’s a game, played by kids. Chill. 

[dpberr]

Parents permanently banned from all future events.

 

Children of those parents involved banned for six months of events.  Children of parents who started it - banned for a year.

 

Until you start penalizing the kids for the actions of their parents, this stuff won't stop.  You must break the bad behavior this way.

[RkFast]

Not to be contrarian (ok, just a little), but Ill take a few parents popping off every blue moon over the underhanded, toxic, and at times downright evil nonsense that constantly goes on behind the scenes and in whispers in youth sports. Thats the REALLY bad stuff...not parents getting a little mouthy and pushy shovy on the sidelines. 99.99% of kids and parents will laugh off a screaming match or even some pushes and shoves by the time the game is over...especially if proper apologies are made.  Those who have "been there", especially with the travel leagues, know EXACTLY what Im talking about. 

Edited February 2 by RkFast

[Augie]

35 minutes ago, RkFast said:

Not to be contrarian (ok, just a little), but Ill take a few parents popping off every blue moon over the underhanded, toxic, and at times downright evil nonsense that goes on behind the scenes in youth sports.  Thats the REALLY bad stuff...not parents getting a little mouthy on the sidelines. Those who have "been there", especially with the travel leagues know EXACTLY what Im talking about. 

 

Care to expand on this?  I’ve been there, but what happened behind the scenes was mild compared to what the parents were up to. We had our sons in travel league sports for years, and there were embarrassing moments for sure. There are behind the scene drama regarding who gets more minutes, etc, but the biggest problem, BY FAR, was with the parents. 

 

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, this was not people “popping off” or getting “mouthy” from the stands with something to say. These were adults rolling around on the floor.  At an AAU hoops tournament one of the dads (a coach even!) had to be held back by the other adults or he would have been arrested for assaulting the clock operator, a guy at least 100 lbs smaller. It was embarrassing just to be there. 

 

We had one dad banned from high school campus because his roid rage was out of control and he was pinning people up against the wall by the throat in the gym. His son went on to Va Tech to play football, but it was pretty clear he was juiced up, just like his dad. 

 

Kids learn this shameful behavior from the adults, they don’t invent it. 

[RkFast]

27 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

Care to expand on this?  I’ve been there, but what happened behind the scenes was mild compared to what the parents were up to. We had our sons in travel league sports for years, and there were embarrassing moments for sure. There are behind the scene drama regarding who gets more minutes, etc, but the biggest problem, BY FAR, was with the parents. 

 

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, this was not people “popping off” or getting “mouthy” from the stands with something to say. These were adults rolling around on the floor.  At an AAU hoops tournament one of the dads (a coach even!) had to be held back by the other adults or he would have been arrested for assaulting the clock operator, a guy at least 100 lbs smaller. It was embarrassing just to be there. 

 

We had one dad banned from high school campus because his roid rage was out of control and he was pinning people up against the wall by the throat in the gym. His son went on to Va Tech to play football, but it was pretty clear he was juiced up, just like his dad. 

 

Kids learn this shameful behavior from the adults, they don’t invent it. 

 

The politics of which kid gets on a team, closed off in secret tryouts, whether a kid even gets a tryout or makes a team because of who the parents are "friends" with, kids making (or not making a team) depending on mom's looks, clinics and offseason workouts held in secret, rec leagues put on pause so travel teams get priority with field use and access to league funds, lesser kids kept out of clinics becuase they would "prevent the better kids from learning more", the cliquish and elitish behavior on the sidelines, on and on.

 

THATS what Im talking about. Witnessed (or heard about) ALL of this stuff. Im sure there are plenty of cases of really bad phyisical behavior. But that stuff is few and far between. However, the list of stuff I provided above is common and regular. The fights are bad...dont get me wrong. But the underhanded stuff just makes my skin crawl. 

 

Edited February 2 by RkFast

[Augie]

9 minutes ago, RkFast said:

 

The politics of which kid gets on a team, closed off in secret tryouts, whether a kid even gets a tryout or makes a team because of who the parents are "friends" with, kids making (or not making a team) depending on mom's looks, clinics and offseason workouts held in secret, rec leagues put on pause so travel teams get priority with field use and access to league funds, lesser kids kept out of clinics becuase they would "prevent the better kids from learning more", the cliquish behavior on the sidelines, etc.

 

THATS what Im talking about. Witnessed (or heard about) ALL of this stuff. Im sure there are plenty of cases of really bad phyisical behavior. But that stuff is few and far between. However, the list of stuff I provided above is common and regular. The fights are bad...dont get me wrong. But the underhanded stuff just makes my skin crawl. 

 

 

Yeah, I could check off most of the things you mentioned. We saw a lot of that over the years, and it was indeed unsavory. Our son was a top 3 player on a soccer team and he was playing up a year. For some reason they no longer let you play up so he had to try out for the team his age. But they already had tryouts (no, they didn’t), and their team had been together for years. Everyone just expected to be on the team. It sucks for somebody, because my son thought he deserved a chance to try out and some kid was gonna get bumped after like 3 years on the team. 

 

The only positive aspect of that part is kids are learning how the world works. It might not be a pleasant lesson, but at least it’s something. When the adults go crazy, there is zero redeeming value. You are always teaching your children, even when you don’t mean to. They can learn proper behavior….or something else. 

 

Full disclosure, I was a hot head when our kids first started playing sports. I admit it, but I came to see how awful it is.  By the time we got to high school sports I had mostly grown out of that kind of obnoxious yelling at refs and such and by graduation I was the calmest person there.  I’m still a bit embarrassed by the way I behaved early on. 

[RkFast]

1 hour ago, Augie said:

 

Yeah, I could check off most of the things you mentioned. We saw a lot of that over the years, and it was indeed unsavory. Our son was a top 3 player on a soccer team and he was playing up a year. For some reason they no longer let you play up so he had to try out for the team his age. But they already had tryouts (no, they didn’t), and their team had been together for years. Everyone just expected to be on the team. It sucks for somebody, because my son thought he deserved a chance to try out and some kid was gonna get bumped after like 3 years on the team. 

 

The only positive aspect of that part is kids are learning how the world works. It might not be a pleasant lesson, but at least it’s something. When the adults go crazy, there is zero redeeming value. You are always teaching your children, even when you don’t mean to. They can learn proper behavior….or something else. 

 

Full disclosure, I was a hot head when our kids first started playing sports. I admit it, but I came to see how awful it is.  By the time we got to high school sports I had mostly grown out of that kind of obnoxious yelling at refs and such and by graduation I was the calmest person there.  I’m still a bit embarrassed by the way I behaved early on. 

 

Listen...I LOVE youth sports overall. My boy does all of them, except lax and while hes not a top athlete, hes serious about play and dedicated. I do enjoy a lot of it. Im just saying that..for me anyway...that the stuff that bothers me and it does so more than the fights! 

 

And its def easy to get "caught up" in it all. Its a ton of time, its a ton of money and its your kid up there! Thats enough to put any parent on edge!

[Augie]

4 minutes ago, RkFast said:

 

Listen...I LOVE youth sports overall. My boy does all of them, except lax and while hes not a top athlete, hes serious about play and dedicated. I do enjoy a lot of it. Im just saying that..for me anyway...that the stuff that bothers me and it does so more than the fights! 

 

And its def easy to get "caught up" in it all. Its a ton of time, its a ton of money and its your kid up there! Thats enough to put any parent on edge!

 

Like in life, I suspect the best prospects get the best opportunities. It’s all about what you do with it. 

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

8 hours ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

The kids must be so proud.

 

https://www.lehighvalleylive.com/news/2024/01/bleacher-clearing-melee-with-screaming-shoving-at-nj-youth-wrestling-match-video-shows.html

 

At the 40-second mark in the upper right:

 

 

Another video:

 

 

this reminds me why I deleted Twitter. My feed would always be like random viral brawls. 

[May Day 10]

4 hours ago, RkFast said:

 

The politics of which kid gets on a team, closed off in secret tryouts, whether a kid even gets a tryout or makes a team because of who the parents are "friends" with, kids making (or not making a team) depending on mom's looks, clinics and offseason workouts held in secret, rec leagues put on pause so travel teams get priority with field use and access to league funds, lesser kids kept out of clinics becuase they would "prevent the better kids from learning more", the cliquish and elitish behavior on the sidelines, on and on.

 

THATS what Im talking about. Witnessed (or heard about) ALL of this stuff. Im sure there are plenty of cases of really bad phyisical behavior. But that stuff is few and far between. However, the list of stuff I provided above is common and regular. The fights are bad...dont get me wrong. But the underhanded stuff just makes my skin crawl. 

 

 

This x1000.  It describes everything perfectly.  I have been in this for 8 years and it's a nightmare.  The cliques (I call them cartels) are infuriating.  

My kid tries out and makes top elite teams out of the area for the spring and summer (paid coaches), but the local parent coaches won't even return a call or email.  

 

I have yet to see a fist fight among parents.  

Edited February 3 by May Day 10

[AlCowlingsTaxiService]

On 2/2/2024 at 7:27 PM, Miyagi-Do Karate said:

this reminds me why I deleted Twitter. My feed would always be like random viral brawls. 

That’s why I keep it 😂

[boyst]

NJ has top 5 status of high school wrestling every year surprisingly.

 

Ohio is always number 1, Iowa, PA usually mix around 2 and 3.

 

A lot of states suck at wrestling lol

 

I was JV as a sophomore and routinely beat the snot of #7 of Florida in summer camp training. 

[thenorthremembers]

My kids basketball team played Newfane the other day.  One of the kids on Newfane looked right at the ref and yelled "what the f"  not the clean version.  Ref did nothing. 

 

The kid ran down to the other end of the floor, threw my kid to the ground during a jump shot attempt.  Then screamed at him "you're not him!"   That prompted multiple chest bumps from his teammates.   

 

I've coached youth and high school sports for 15 years but I've had it.  The kids have become entitled jerks and it's easy to tell where they get it from when you speak to the parents.  

Edited February 5 by thenorthremembers

[LewPort71]

Sorry that your son was playing basketball and the other team was at WWE.  As a retired  soccer ref, if the

parents were removed, the kids would have lots more fun playing the game.

My grandson shoots archery.  He's pretty good for 10 years old.

The tournaments have elementary, middle school and high schools shooting at the same time.

Two kids shoot at one target and they score each others results.

My grandson was paired with a HS girl and she shot well.

Afterwards I saw her crying in the cafeteria and my grandson told me the mom had severely admonished her.

Parents, encourage your kids , please.

[Royale with Cheese]

Yeah all too real for me.  My dad was asked not to coach anymore when I was 13 because of his temper.  He got into one fight I know of but several "almosts".

12 hours ago, boyst said:

NJ has top 5 status of high school wrestling every year surprisingly.

 

Ohio is always number 1, Iowa, PA usually mix around 2 and 3.

 

A lot of states suck at wrestling lol

 

I was JV as a sophomore and routinely beat the snot of #7 of Florida in summer camp training. 

 

I was friends with a 4 time state champ here in GA.  He went up north to Minnesota for a summer camp....he was worked all week.

It was crazy to me a 4 time state champ wasn't offered any decent D-1 schools.  But now I understand...Georgia is basically JV to the midwest states.

[boyst]

35 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

Yeah all too real for me.  My dad was asked not to coach anymore when I was 13 because of his temper.  He got into one fight I know of but several "almosts".

 

I was friends with a 4 time state champ here in GA.  He went up north to Minnesota for a summer camp....he was worked all week.

It was crazy to me a 4 time state champ wasn't offered any decent D-1 schools.  But now I understand...Georgia is basically JV to the midwest states.

i was *****. in ohio, my school not specifically strong yet pretty damn good. here it goes sectionals - districts - states. Top 4 from each qualify to go to states - 4 districts in the state to make 16 qualifiers. from my freshman year until my junior year - 160 sectional qualifier. 171 state qualifer, 189 state qualifer, 215 state qualifer, 275 state qualifer. I was 160 as freshman (had to cut). 171 sophomore, 189 and 215 as a junior - even wrestled some 275 (damn near beat a league runner up at HW @ 275#).

 

we had a kid get 3rd place in michigan move to our school as a senior. he ended up quitting because he couldn't beat our jv wrestler.

 

the difference there was wrestling started for us in the biddy programs @ like 10 years old or earlier. and iron sharpens iron. i would spend weeks in the summer training in Iowa (Univ of Iowa or someones barn) or at Ohio State.

1 hour ago, LewPort71 said:

Sorry that your son was playing basketball and the other team was at WWE.  As a retired  soccer ref, if the

parents were removed, the kids would have lots more fun playing the game.

My grandson shoots archery.  He's pretty good for 10 years old.

The tournaments have elementary, middle school and high schools shooting at the same time.

Two kids shoot at one target and they score each others results.

My grandson was paired with a HS girl and she shot well.

Afterwards I saw her crying in the cafeteria and my grandson told me the mom had severely admonished her.

Parents, encourage your kids , please.

thats pathetic.

 

oone of the reasons i know i love my wife is neither one of us are vocal for her sons sports in the games or give him anything but positive feedback after.

[Augie]

5 hours ago, thenorthremembers said:

My kids basketball team played Newfane the other day.  One of the kids on Newfane looked right at the ref and yelled "what the f"  not the clean version.  Ref did nothing. 

 

The kid ran down to the other end of the floor, threw my kid to the ground during a jump shot attempt.  Then screamed at him "you're not him!"   That prompted multiple chest bumps from his teammates.   

 

I've coached youth and high school sports for 15 years but I've had it.  The kids have become entitled jerks and it's easy to tell where they get it from when you speak to the parents.  

 

The kids learn that behavior when their parents allow or even encourage it. I was coaching my son’s basketball team when he was little.  These kids are young, so each period begins by lining up the kids across from each other and make it clear who everybody is supposed to guard. One new kid looks up at me and says “No, I’m not guarding him.”  Excuse me?  “He’s too big”, he tells me. Well, you’re both the same size. Things are about to start, so I put my much smaller son on the kid, and we began. 

 

Unbeknownst to me, the asst coach went and had a talk with his parents after the game and told them what had happened. He mentions this on the way out of the gym and I forget all about it. At the next practice the asst coach hands me a folded up piece of notebook paper. It dawns on me, the parents must have made the kid write an apology. That makes sense. Nope, it was from the parents. Apparently Little Jimmy is used to having the ball in his hands at all times in the YMCA league and he should be the leading scorer. I was just speechless.

 

This kid soon became known around the league as The Little Gunner Boy.  His dad coached his team after that first season. The league requires that each kid gets equal playing time so we work out a schedule to be sure it’s fair. The best kids get any leftover minutes. So I’m coaching a close game against Gunner Boys team, and dad doesn’t take his kid out the whole second half. (We still won because my son was the best player in the gym, and Gunner Boy was probably in the 5th percentile for height.) I go up to the dad after the game to make sure he knows the rules, ostensibly, but really to rub his nose in it that everyone knew he was cheating. He pointed to the kids on his team and said “what am I supposed to do?”  Well, let’s start by letting all the kids play (that’s why they are here) and do NOT teach them to cheat. 

 

I could go on and on, like when my 14 year old sons would ref the little kids games and have to eject 45 year old dads coaching who just can’t hold their %$#@ together.  I enjoyed those years, and I miss them in many ways, but you sure do see the ugly side of people. 

[teef]

i don't like to make generalizations, but i think the hard core wrestling dads are the worst.  i know too many who are living through their kids.  Constantly in tournaments, worry about ranking of kids 8 and under, fighting/arguing with other parents, etc.  the worst is making kids that young suck weight.  i can name a few people that don't allow their kids to eat just to keep in class.  that's ***** gross.  one dad makes his kid practice everyday after school, and will make him run laps if the practice isn't on point.  the kid is 6 and his dad never wrestled a day in his life.  

[boyst]

18 hours ago, teef said:

i don't like to make generalizations, but i think the hard core wrestling dads are the worst.  i know too many who are living through their kids.  Constantly in tournaments, worry about ranking of kids 8 and under, fighting/arguing with other parents, etc.  the worst is making kids that young suck weight.  i can name a few people that don't allow their kids to eat just to keep in class.  that's ***** gross.  one dad makes his kid practice everyday after school, and will make him run laps if the practice isn't on point.  the kid is 6 and his dad never wrestled a day in his life.  

Girls gymnastics is just as foul.

 

My stepson does parkour and ninja. The gymnastics classes are across the building. The kids just get berated while their moms just play on their phones. After practice you'll hear the mother ask why her did not perform well in practice or couldn't succeed in preparation.

 

Mom is almost always 40+ lbs overweight and a freaking mess.

 

It's f'n practice. That's where you are supposed to take chances and find your failures.