Have any of you been in this situation before??(vague title)

[Mango]

2 hours ago, Einstein said:

 

Sorry but this new age horse manure doesn’t appeal to me.

 

Do they get to stop going to school because they don’t want to? Why force them, right? They may end up resenting you! 
 

Do they get to be an a-hole to their parents because they want to? Can’t force them not to after all… don’t want that resentment.

 

I know a sports team is not the same seriousness level as either of these examples but the foundational and core principles are the same. You make a commitment, you stick to it. Loyalty and other morals are taught - they’re not naturally ingrained.

 

Im not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams the answer IMO is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now.

 

I don't think it is new-age parenting at all. 

I heard a story the other day of a guy at a stick and puck with his kid. Maybe around 10-12 years old. Dad was riding him hard, yelling at him. Slashed his stick out of his hands a couple times. Eventually tossed his kids stick across the ice. 

Now sports are great, hockey is awesome, and learning to commit to your team and your craft is an important lesson to be learned. But it is also OK not to ride your kid under some thinly veiled moral superiority. Can these things not be taught to a kid who wants to play volleyball or mock trial?  Can't a kid learn the benefits of fandom by rooting for a different team and a different sport? 
 

Or do we have to force kids to root for the Bills because....toughness or whatever? 

[Einstein]

17 minutes ago, Mango said:

 

I don't think it is new-age parenting at all. 

I heard a story the other day of a guy at a stick and puck with his kid. Maybe around 10-12 years old. Dad was riding him hard, yelling at him. Slashed his stick out of his hands a couple times. Eventually tossed his kids stick across the ice. 

Now sports are great, hockey is awesome, and learning to commit to your team and your craft is an important lesson to be learned. But it is also OK not to ride your kid under some thinly veiled moral superiority. Can these things not be taught to a kid who wants to play volleyball or mock trial?  Can't a kid learn the benefits of fandom by rooting for a different team and a different sport? 
 

Or do we have to force kids to root for the Bills because....toughness or whatever? 

 

1) You seem to have missed the entire last paragraph of my post. "I'm not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams, the answer in my opinion is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now."

2) Being a jerk to your kid and verbally abusing him/her while he plays a sport has literally NOTHING to do with what we are talking about in this post. I'm not sure where you even drew the comparison. 

 

[WhoTom]

29 minutes ago, Einstein said:

 

Thanks to your Dad for his service.

 

If you think that what I wrote is anti-family or anti-fatherhood in any way, well, then you read it wrong. It is in fact the opposite. A commitment to family and being a great father includes instilling good ethics in you children, including loyalty. Mutually inclusive.

As I wrote (and perhaps you didn't fully read): "I'm not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams, the answer in my opinion is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now."

 

I read that, but your "new age crap" comment and subsequent paragraphs (with irrelevant comparisons) set the tone for your argument. There are many ways to teach the concept of not giving up just because the road is tough, and I can assure you that my Dad taught that lesson well - through real-life issues, not sports fandom.

 

 

[Einstein]

27 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

I read that, but your "new age crap" comment set the tone...

 

So you ignored what I actually wrote (in detail) about, because I started with "new age horse manure" and it "set the tone". 

Ok... I don't think it's intellectually honest to appeal to a concept that a poster did not advocate for, especially when you know that person clarified what they meant in the very same post that you're quoting, but I can understand the temptation. I've been there. 

Glad you're Dad taught you well. He sounds like a great man. I don't want to litter this thread with a debate though, so I'll allow you the last word.

 

Edited January 23 by Einstein

[rm -rf /*]

18 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

 

My oldest is a *** **** queefs fan.  No ****.  He is a 22 year old man now, and believe it or not we watch the games together.  He takes way more crap from me than I do from him, ultimately it's just football.  You will find that you have just as much to talk about, it's just different.  Have fun with it.

 

For perspective, when I first saw him Sunday morning -- I loudly exclaimed it was woodshed whooping day and that he should start smacking his own butt now so it will not sting as bad later.  Offered him half a tube of chapstick later to pre-treat his impending butt chap.

 

It's all good.  Family first, the rest is just details man.

[Mango]

11 minutes ago, Einstein said:

 

1) You seem to have missed the entire last paragraph of my post. "I'm not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams, the answer in my opinion is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now."

2) Being a jerk to your kid and verbally abusing him/her while he plays a sport has literally NOTHING to do with what we are talking about in this post. I'm not sure where you even drew the comparison. 

 

 

Right, I read that part. I also read the part about new-age feces in regards to a dude who was raised by a WW2 vet and the part about not condoning the idea of a kid picking his own team, sport, interests, etc. I am addressing what you said in totality. Not picking this sentence and ignoring that sentence. You bookended your response with two similar sentiments. 

The point of the hockey story is that that dad also thinks he is teaching his kid life  the same life lessons, tough love, and anti-new-aged parenting whatever.  But in reality he is just being a wiener. He is just too close to see it for himself. 

 

 

10 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

I read that, but your "new age crap" comment and subsequent paragraphs (with irrelevant comparisons) set the tone for your argument. There are many ways to teach the concept of not giving up just because the road is tough, and I can assure you that my Dad taught that lesson well - through real-life issues, not sports fandom.

 

 

 

Ditto

[Einstein]

15 minutes ago, Mango said:

 

Right, I read that part. I also read the part about new-age feces in regards to a dude who was raised by a WW2 vet

 

You're clearly lost in this conversation. My "new age" comment was not in response, or in regards, to WhoTom or is his WW2 vet Dad.

Tom and I were not even conversating in this thread until AFTER I wrote that post. You are confused.
 

15 minutes ago, Mango said:

and the part about not condoning the idea of a kid picking his own team, sport, interests, etc. 

This also never happened.

I said you don't condone switching teams just because times got hard. That once you pick a team (which the kid obviously did), you remain loyal to your commitment.

Again, you are very lost in this conversation and are responding to items that you have a great misunderstanding of. 

Also worth noting that OP, who made this thread, greatly thanked me for my comments.

 

Edited January 23 by Einstein

[NI Bills Fan]

This is the first season that my eldest son (15) has really got interested in the NFL and sat down with me to watch games. I didn't force the Bills on him (just used suttle mind control 😄), and let him make his own mind up on which team to follow.  Thankfully he is all in on the Bills and we have really enjoyed the ups and downs of this season together... I  stupidly thought that this father son bonding is what the football gods had been waiting for all along before allowing the Bills to win it all. Obviously not the case!

 

Anyway, the point I wanted to make was that at low points this season, including Sunday night, I was conscious that I didn't want to (at least outwardly) show too much negative emotion (I can take Bills losses hard sometimes 😞 ) in front of my son... Not that I mind him seeing me like that on occasion, but to try and 'train' a more healthier response to sporting defeat for him and to try and help him enjoy the sport rather than let it competely dictate your mood.  Worth a go anyway... Over time he'll likely end up the same as me.