Have any of you been in this situation before??(vague title)

[Orlando Buffalo]

My son is 18 and telling him he had to a Bills fan growing up backfired in that he hated football. He is now at FSU and enjoys it greatly but that is more despite my efforts than due to them. I would recommend that you allow him to distance himself from the Bills and maybe look into college teams and players he likes in NFL to root for instead of Bills exactly. 

[TheyCallMeAndy]

I used to get super heated and emotional, I’d let the games impact my mood. My wife isn’t a Bills fan, she doesn’t follow any sport so is usually happy to get her husband back on Sundays.
 

After my dad’s accident last year, death of my grandma and my wife’s grandpa, and a miscarriage, a football loss doesn’t hit like it used to. I love watching them play, and win, so if I get to watch 19 games instead of 17, that’s a huge bonus.

 

I think a lot of us lose perspective on what this is: a game. It has no impact on our lives (or shouldn’t). I can confirm that a W doesn’t make bad times better, so a loss should never make good times bad. I’m always trying to remind myself of this perspective. 

 

It’s pretty rare that the “best team” wins the Super Bowl, luck and politics has more to play than any fan wants to admit. Maybe we will catch lightning in a bottle. Maybe we won’t. 

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

14 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

I have struggled with this with my kids,

as I grew up in WNY but we live in another football city. 

 

i told them they can choose any team they like. But they have followed me off a cliff and are die-hard Bills fans. I don’t think they realized what they were getting into though with the crushing losses.

[stevewin]

My kids grew up (not in Buffalo)  during the drought (they were 2 yrs old for music city miracle).  I used to take them to watch games every sunday from the time they were literally babies - the days before sunday ticket where you were always looking for family friendly places that had satellite and would show all the games.  During all those years and all the pathetic teams and losing they never once wavered on their fanhood.  For 17 years, throughout the entire first part of their life, the Bills didn't make the playoffs.  Year after year after year.  And never once did their fanhood waver.  I remember feeling sorry for them through all the years they didn't even really have a Bills player who was truly great to be their sports hero.

 

My son still lives in our area and comes over for games, and I have found myself sometimes after particularly devastating losses actually apologizing for the circumstances that led him to be a Bills fan and he just laughs.  Through the good and that bad he wouldn't want it any other way.  That's what being a fan is after all.  We'll always have our shared passion for the team as something that we'll always be texting or calling each other about - just like i do with my Dad (and my son with his Grandpa).  That is the best part of all.

 

Relative to the OP - to me the life lesson is if you change teams because they lose you were not a fan to begin with.  Being a fan means taking the good with the bad, losing with winning.  Simple as that.

 

Edited January 23 by stevewin

[Einstein]

4 hours ago, Tenhigh said:

The fact that the kid had to go to his grandmother makes me think this is bad advice. If you force a kid to do something they don't want to you may succeed for the short term but they will ultimately end up resenting you, the Bills or both.  Better to let them choose, imo. 

 

Sorry but this new age horse manure doesn’t appeal to me.

 

Do they get to stop going to school because they don’t want to? Why force them, right? They may end up resenting you! 

 

I know a sports team is not the same seriousness level as not going to school, but the foundational and core principles are the same. You make a commitment, you stick to it. Loyalty and other morals are taught - they’re not naturally ingrained.

 

Im not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams the answer IMO is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now.

 

 

Edited January 23 by Einstein

[damj]

Tell him that you love him and he can cheer for any team he wants.

 

Then tell him to let you know where he moves to after you kick him out.

 

My son (now 25) is a Bills and Ravens fan. You don't have to put all your eggs in one basket

[teef]

it's not even in the realm of me being concerned about this.  even if they like football, they can be a fan of whatever team they prefer.  now both of my kids are "bills fans" mostly because they see my wife and i in the gear, getting excited about the games, etc.  they've been raised to be bills fans, but if they came to me and said they liked another team more, whatever.  hell, my 5 year old son knows to piss me off by cheering for other team while i watch the bills.  it actually gets to me after about 15 mins.  

 

kids have their own personalities.  as long as they turn into decent human beings, have at it.

[Strethor]

15 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

Show him highlights from 2000-2016 

 

 

[Tenhigh]

30 minutes ago, Einstein said:

 

Sorry but this new age horse manure doesn’t appeal to me.

 

Do they get to stop going to school because they don’t want to? Why force them, right? They may end up resenting you! 
 

Do they get to be an a-hole to their parents because they want to? Can’t force them not to after all… don’t want that resentment.

 

I know a sports team is not the same seriousness level as either of these examples but the foundational and core principles are the same. You make a commitment, you stick to it. Loyalty and other morals are taught - they’re not naturally ingrained.

 

Im not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams the answer IMO is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now.

Thwn why bring up the dlfalse equivalence of school in the first place? But read the top post of this page, what I said actually happened to a fellow poster.  And I don't think the OP's question is about changing teams, it sounds like the kids doesn't want to be forced to watch football at all.

 

I told my kid he didn't have to root for the Bills if he didn't want to, but he stayed and he's still with me at the games or on the couch every week.  You don't like my way? Cool, but opinions are just that.

Edited January 23 by Tenhigh

[LABILLBACKER]

My Bills Fandom was not handed down to me by my family.  I grew up and have lived north of LA my whole life. As a kid I loved watching OJ run at SC and vowed to follow whatever team drafts him. Then the journey began and was amplified. Now my 4 grown up kids who do root for the Bills are more worried about my condition after big heartbreaking loses. Thank God I don't see them needing therapy like me after a loss. As Warcodered said you gotta take a breath and let it be authentic. 

[Alphadawg7]

16 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

 

My wife is a die hard Niners fan...and I am obviously a die hard Bills fan.  We have an 8 month old son, so the joke is always "House Divided" and even have a onesie that is half niners and bills with the slogan across the middle "House Divided".  

 

But I have always been confident he would be a Bills fan with dad.  We found out we were pregnant more than week earlier than we should have known the night after the game where the Bills smashed the Rams to open the season.  She shouldn't have even shown she was pregnant for like 10-12 more days.  But we were so excited she just took a test for heck of it.  

 

I found out I was having a boy an hour before the Packers vs Bills game while we were up visiting family at the house we got married at which is her aunt and uncles place.  We had all our family around and we did the reveal with a Bills onesie if it was a boy and niners onesie if it was a boy.  Obviously it was a Bills onesie and found we were having a son.  

 

Then...feeling excited as I sat down for the Bills vs Packers game surrounded by family, I placed a small $25 "First TD Bet" for the game on Knox that paid 10-1.  Sure enough, short throw to Knox for the TD and a $250 quick win.  Then as he spiked the ball and pointed to the sky I both the TV and I mention to the room that Dawson is pointing to the sky for his brother who had just been killed before the season began named Luke.  

 

Up to this point, we had a definite name had it been a girl, but we had not really found a boys name we loved yet.  And as this is happening, I looked at my wife and said, "You know, I really like that name Luke".  And she looked back at me and said "Actually I really do too", and then the room kind of all chimed in saying how much they liked the name Luke.  

 

Later that night as my wife and I layed in bed we just looked at each and realized that was the name...our sons name...Luke.  Now, we didn't directly name him after Dawson's brother, but his name was directly inspired by this moment, in this bills game, by this bills player, after a bills onesie told me our son was coming.  

 

So there had never been a doubt in my mind my son and I would be die hard Bills fans together.  Bills and my son were connected in some way at every stage on his way to his birth.  All that being said...I love him so much that it’s probably better for him to be a Niners fan to avoid this constant disappointment 😂, so I will let him choose rather than push him towards a team.  And if he chooses another team, I will be ok with that.  

 

Growing up, my dad was a die hard Niners fan and him and I were always competitive, so of course I had to root for someone else, and its honestly how I became a Bills fan in the first place while living my whole life in CA.  Chris Berman predicting Bills vs Niners for 20 years while I was growing up made me feel like they were true rivals.  And as I got older and started understanding football and really became a die hard fan in the late 80's after I discovered the K-Gun offense as I just fell in love with how exciting they were.  Didn't hurt that my grandpa (dads dad) bought a Buffalo for the heck of it and threw him in with our cattle at the time when I was a kid.  Was like seeing a dinosaur given I had been around cattle my whole life and other livestock but never seen a Buffalo before.  And one of my favorite things was always the football rivalry my dad and I had.  The only year I have ever rooted for another team was the year he was killed in November of 1994 where I rooted for them from that point on in his honor, just the one time.  And they went on to win the SB that year, the last time they won one.  

 

Maybe this year, in my sons first year of life, the Niners will come full circle and will win it again.  Even crazier...my wife and son were both born in May just a few days apart, and she was born in 1994, which means if the Niners win the SB this year, my son will be the same age my wife was when the Niners last won the SB, which was the same season I lost my dad and rooted for the Niners to win the SB.  So honestly, my son feels as destined to be a Niners fan as he does a Bills fan.   

 

Long story but the point is, I had as much fun rooting against my dad as we did rooting for each other in other things.  So just make sure your son knows its ok to be a fan of whoever he wants, all that matters is that you love each other and know that when the Bills beat his teams a** youre gonna relentlessly talk smack to him and taunt him hahaha.  

 

Congrats on the family!  We are trying for our second, but thats it for us.  5 makes you some kind of super hero hahaha.

Edited January 23 by Alphadawg7

[Heels20X6]

It's funny you brought this up.  I've got two almost three-year old boys and they were born very premature a week after the 13 seconds game.  I remember thinking at the end of that game "wow, this is the worst thing ever" and then life showed me how rough things could actually get and the reality of "it's just a game".

 

But here we are three years later and those same boys were sitting with me on the couch, in their Josh Allen toddler jerseys, copying me while I fist pumped or cheered.  This time, after the loss, I was more worried about having to break it to them in the morning as they went to bed at halftime.  They'll probably know a lot of disappointment, but they're also going to see Josh Allen in his prime like I got to watch Jim Kelly in his prime.  I'm just hoping they don't get the drought I did after Kelly retired.

49 minutes ago, Strethor said:

Show him highlights from 2000-2016 

 

 

 

That's just child abuse.

[The Frankish Reich]

It's like a Harry Potter thing - you don't choose the wand; the wand chooses you.

I never "chose" to be a Bills fan. I was born in Buffalo, my first in-person game was at the old Rockpile, and even though my family moved away from Buffalo when I was a kid (back when I couldn't even watch the Bills on TV unless it was Monday night football), and even though there was the two decade drought, I never really wavered. I was briefly seduced by other teams (Chargers when I lived in SD mainly), but these affairs were ill-advised ...

 

The Bills chose me; they may not choose your kid. Or this may just be a teenage crush.

[Gugny]

3 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

We are in mayfield ny Sacandaga lake/Adirondacks....I guess I could let him research the jets and giants woes hehe

I work with a guy from Mayfield!

[Riverboat Ritchie]

Have four boys who have never lived in Western NY and Nor Cal most of their life.   We are all Bills fans and 3/4 are pretty die hard.  The one who is not die hard is just not that into sports.   I joke that if they cheer for another team they are sleeping outside.  I think though just watching all the games and going to a few here or there and just seeing brothers and other family members so into it keeps them a part of it
 

honestly I probably respect their fandom more than locals as each time the Bills lose they hear it from all their classmates who most are niners fans.  It gets pretty brutal but they still support.  What’s sorta crazy is I think some of their classmates and friends have started somewhat cheering for Bills as they see how much we get into it.  We wear Bills gear not just on Sunday. As corny as this is, it is more a family crest than a team logo. Niners fan base is just not the same and people know it. Go Bills. 

[CookieG]

I programmed my oldest son well enough to be a life long Bills fan..lol.

 

With my youngest, I had a different problem. He has no interest in football whatsoever.  When we were in Buffalo 2 years ago, we took him with us to a Bills game.  He sat next to my sister, she said he barely talked during the game.

 

Odd too.  When he was  toddler, and in elementary school, I called him my LB in training.  He was always the fastest kid in his class, and loved physical contact (I won't get into the times when he beat the hell out of bullies in the higher grades).  When I coached my oldest in flag football, I'd put him on the defense if I needed to even out the sides.  I'd just tell him to go after the guy with the ball and grab the flag. He was chasing down kids who were 3 years older than him..the problem is he'd tackle them. 

 

But he never had any interest in playing the game.  Coaches in Jr. High and high school always tried to recruit him.  I didn't push it. 

 

My oldest, the shy one, ended up playing through high school, ended up  a pretty good player on a pretty bad team. I wouldn't have expected him to end up as a pretty good O lineman. (but 240 lbs isn't big enough to play college ball, obviously).

 

The point is...you don't know what interests they develop.  Which team they root for is a minor thing.  Now if, when he is older, he wants to experiment with crack, or join a gang..or something like that...then you have real problems.  But which team to root for...nah...don't make too much of it.

 

 

[WhoTom]

1 hour ago, Einstein said:

Sorry but this new age horse manure doesn’t appeal to me.

 

You make a commitment, you stick to it. Loyalty and other morals are taught - they’re not naturally ingrained.

 

My Dad was a WWII vet and not even remotely a "new age" guy. He was also a Browns fan. (The Bills didn't exist until he was nearly 40.) I grew up rooting for both the Browns and the Bills, but eventually settled on just the Bills. I'm glad his commitment to fatherhood and his loyalty to his family superseded his interest in a football team. And I'm glad he taught that to me.

 

 

[Mango]

The first thing I’d address is why it isn’t fun for him anymore.
 

Is it his heartbreak/emotion?

Is it your expectations/sadness?

Is it the yelling at the TV?

 

Solve this and you likely solve the fandom issue.

 

I remember being a kid and reenacting plays with my dad in the living room. Or being very low single digits and my dad pointing out that Bruce Smith was tough he never wore a shirt no matter how could it was, and at halftime we ran around the snowy backyard in the snow in shorts and a t-shirt.

 

The late 80’s and early 90’s had a lot of success and a lot of heartbreak. A lot like this era and Bills football. There’s ways to make the fandom fun even with the peaks and valleys. 

[Einstein]

11 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

My Dad was a WWII vet and not even remotely a "new age" guy. He was also a Browns fan. (The Bills didn't exist until he was nearly 40.) I grew up rooting for both the Browns and the Bills, but eventually settled on just the Bills. I'm glad his commitment to fatherhood and his loyalty to his family superseded his interest in a football team. And I'm glad he taught that to me.

 

 

 

Thanks to your Dad for his service.

 

If you think that what I wrote is anti-family or anti-fatherhood in any way, well, then you read it wrong. It is in fact the opposite. A commitment to family and being a great father includes instilling good ethics in you children, including loyalty. Mutually inclusive.

As I wrote (and perhaps you didn't fully read): "I'm not saying you force the kid to sit in front of the TV every Sunday and watch, but if they ask you if they should switch teams, the answer in my opinion is “You don’t give up just because the road is tough”. What he/she does with that answer is up to them. But you shouldn’t advise them to give up, or give them an answer that condones the potential of changing teams just because things are difficult right now."

[GottaRun]

Kid next to me (guessing 9 or 10 years old) wore Bills gear all year, then on Sunday he shows up in Chiefs gear... in the end it doesn't matter, cheer for whatever team you want to cheer for.  

 

Be interesting to ask your kid how he thinks his life will change if he switches teams though.