Have any of you been in this situation before??(vague title)

[WNY]

My son is 10 and was crushed last night. I’m from WNY and put this belief in him. I wouldn’t have it any other way. He woke up and put his Diggs jersey on (and said we should trade Von Miller for Justin Tuck ha!) and went to school ready to get some grief from his friends. Picked him up from school and we were back to discussing what the Bills need to do next. Every time I drop him off at school regardless if the Bills win or lose, he always says Go Bills before he shuts the door. I enjoy having the bond with my son, even though it can be tough at times….

[Old Coot]

Thanks. My knowledge of Rugby League football is a bit dated. My relies are die-hard Rabbitohs fans.

[QB Bills]

You only have one option. Put him up for adoption ASAP 

[BillsFanForever19]

Just like anything in life, you should let your son make their own choices and let them know you love them no matter what. I'd also let them know that they don't ever have to do something because they feel like they have to, just to keep you happy. And that he should never be afraid to talk to you about anything.

 

Maybe he comes back to being a Bills fan, maybe he doesn't. But in no scenario should you pressure or guilt him into doing something he doesn't want to do.

 

He's a kid. He's not invested like we are. In some ways, I envy being someone who is able to remove themselves from the constant torture. It's too late for us poor saps 😆

Edited January 23 by BillsFanForever19

[Peter]

Your post actually made me very sad.

 

Being a Bills and Sabres fan is part of my DNA. My father was a founding season ticket holder of both teams, and we would go to the games as a family. I have lived in Miami for several years, but as I say, you can take the boy out of Buffalo, but you cannot take the Buffalo out of the boy. 

 

Fast forward. I have two sons. One is 15 and the other is 21. Growing up, neither one was much of a sports fan. Of course, neither the Bills nor the Sabres was particularly good for most of their younger years. They would check with me on how the Bills, Sabres, or Arsenal (my other “football” team) are doing during the course of a game on television. They did enjoy going to Sabres games live in Buffalo (we would usually sit in a suite because of a connection I have so that was part of it).

 

As time wore on, they became marginally more interested.

 

Yesterday, my 15 year old wanted to spend the night with me rather than with his mother because . . . he wanted to watch the Bills game with me. That was the first time that ever has happened. You do not know how happy that made me.

 

I wanted the Bills to win yesterday’s game for a variety of reasons but most of all so that my son would experience the excitement of a Bills playoff victory and with me. It was that aspect of the loss that was most depressing for me.

 

In any event, I can appreciate how you feel. My best advice is to love your son unconditionally but also to lead by example and let him see how passionate you are about the Bills without forcing him. I think your son may come around, but even if he doesn’t, life goes on . . . and there also is the silver lining of not having your week ruined by a Bills loss. 

 

Be well my friend. All the best to you, your son, and your family.

[GunnerBill]

6 hours ago, Einstein said:

My answer: I disagree with all the posters telling you to encourage him to root for whoever he wants. That’s lame sauce. Sometimes crap doesn’t work out. Sometimes in life we lose. But we don’t give up and we don’t stop being a fan just because things didn’t work out the way we wanted. We stick through it and keep our commitments to our team. Then give him a hearty GO BILLS.

 

So I am the least qualified person to give parenting advice.... but I both agree and disagree with the above.

 

I'd say look you don't have to follow the Bills because I do, you have the right to choose your fanhood yourself. But the essense of fanhood is that there are more disappointments than glories. That is true whoever you support. Even if you followed the Patriots the last 25 years. They only won 6 years. 19 of them they failed. So fanhood isn't just about winning. It is about feeling an attachment and a commitment to something and the losing only ever makes the winning sweeter. So no, I doesn't have to be the Bills... make your own choice. But once you have made it you stick with it. Because that is where the pleasure comes from. Not just from winning.

[DQW87]

First off, I'd totally let him change if he truly wanted to.  But I'd try the usual dad things first absolutely.  I'd say you know son there are 32 teams trying and fighting to win the Superbowl.  Every year 31 of those teams are going to end their season in disappointment, like we did yesterday.  Everything has to go right for your team to make it there.  They have to get a few breaks, stay fairly healthy, improve as the year goes on.  That's why when it finally does happen for your team, it is so very very special. Buffalo is close, but may need a few new players, maybe new coaching, and less injuries to make it next year.  It's easy just to jump on the wagon of a winning team and say your their fan.  But there is nothing like staying with one team through all their ups, and all their downs, so when you finally get that championship, it means so much more to the true fans who've been there for the entire ride!! 

[newcam2012]

8 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

Young kids are mostly innocent and pure. Thus they speak brutally honest which is a great thing. Sadly, your boy's thought process here is spot in and 100% correct. There have been far more heartbreaks than successes. Your son has experienced them to it's fullest the last few years. As a father myself, you should absolutely acknowledge and recognize your son's feelings. There is no guilt, disappointment, or embarrassment that should flow out you your mouth. Totally support his decision and validate his feelings. Encourage him to pick another team if he chooses to watch football. That can be your second favorite team and cheer on with him. 

 

As for myself, I have lived in the San Diego area for 3 decades my son is nearly 20. I made a conscious choice to watch the local charger games with him. He's born and raised in SD and I didn't want to groom him as a Bills fan. Felt like that would be awkward amongst his fellow California friends. Perhaps make him an outsider which I didn't want. Totally different than what you are dealing with. 

 

Fast forward and he is a charger fan. Not a die hard charger fan but one nevertheless. Talk about pain lol. He's second favorite team is the Bills. I've always tried to make football as entertainment for him. Never wanted him to take it too seriously. I think he's taken this concept really well. He's seen that sometimes I get a little too emotional but I'm thankful that it hasn't carried over.

 

 

[newcam2012]

50 minutes ago, DQW87 said:

First off, I'd totally let him change if he truly wanted to.  But I'd try the usual dad things first absolutely.  I'd say you know son there are 32 teams trying and fighting to win the Superbowl.  Every year 31 of those teams are going to end their season in disappointment, like we did yesterday.  Everything has to go right for your team to make it there.  They have to get a few breaks, stay fairly healthy, improve as the year goes on.  That's why when it finally does happen for your team, it is so very very special. Buffalo is close, but may need a few new players, maybe new coaching, and less injuries to make it next year.  It's easy just to jump on the wagon of a winning team and say your their fan.  But there is nothing like staying with one team through all their ups, and all their downs, so when you finally get that championship, it means so much more to the true fans who've been there for the entire ride!! 

Totally disagree here. This is the absolute worst thing you can do. 

 

His young son has already made his decision. They only right thing to do is to validate his feelings and support his decision. Trying to influence him to change his mind is absolutely counter productive and damaging.

 

This is all about recognizing, supporting, and validating his son's decisions. He's made it clear it's too difficult for him to be a Bills fan. Yes, it sucks as a dad that's a die hard Bills fan. I get that but you have to take your emotion out of it. You have to take what you want out of it. It's not about you it's about your son. 

 

Your intentions here are likely helpful but your advice here is harmful. 

Edited January 23 by newcam2012

[T.E.]

He doesn't even know what real Bills pain is. By the time I was 10, I had already seen them lose four Super Bowls. Then they missed the playoffs every year from the time I was 16 until I was like 33.

 

Yeah, maybe he's got the right idea, actually.

[NastyNateSoldiers]

8 hours ago, Dick_Cheney said:

I wonder how many of us actually "made" the decision to become a Bills fan. I can't really imagine having the same kind of affection and connection for a team if I hadn't been born into being a fan and hadn't grown up surrounded by friends and family who were fans as well. At the end of the day yeah it's just a game, but the human and cultural connection that I personally have with it is much more important than simply making an arbitrary decision to root for some other, likely successful team.

 

And it sounds kind of lame, but with Buffalo sports and all the insane scenarios they've dealt with over the years, I feel like there have been a lot of teachable moments for younger people, and a lot of wisdom to take away from how adversity is dealt with.

 

I mean, just this year, we had Coach McDermott teach us all about the power of a group of underdogs working together against seemingly insurmountable odds to make their lifelong hopes and dreams come true.

There young let them figure it out I'm pretty sure they be fans again 

[Gugny]

It’s a good opportunity to explain the importance of loyalty and what it means. 
 

It’s also a good opportunity to explain perspective, independence and decision-making. 

[BarleyNY]

11 hours ago, BillsBlue said:

    Howdy everyone I just wanted to hear your thoughts about something that took place today in my journey of fatherhood. 

      I'm a father of five boys and my oldest is 13 and asked me if he still had to be a Bills fan. Let me rephrase that he asked his grandma my mom to ask me if it's okay if he stops being a Bills fan....

       I've never felt guilty for encouraging  my boys to be  Bills fans as I'm a son of Buffalo I was born there and my whole family on my father's side lives there. When my mother asked him why he said because it's become too upsetting and it's not fun anymore. He said he asked her to ask me because he knew it would break my heart. 

       This isn't a Pity post to be honest and I'm not the type that's going to be like I'm never going to watch this team again or I give up and all that crap that a lot of posters say.... it was a tough season and sometimes when you're extremely close things seem so far away...

       What I'm really looking for is good advice for when I sit down and talk with my boys about this season Etc and being a Bills fan in general I'm sure some of you that are older and wiser than I have had to talk with your sons and daughters....

     I truly see this team as very close.... some more addition by subtraction is needed thank God Bean has drafted some really good talent the past few years to soften the blow of our aging vets as they fade and move on... just a few key pieces I know we say this every year but a few pieces and I think we're there maybe a new coach too maybe not I know that's going to rile some people up but sometimes I'm just unsure about McDermott....

One before I die just one before I die please

        

      

 

If you love him, you’ll encourage him to choose another team.

 

I jest. To a degree. Encourage him to root for whomever he wants, but let him know that he can root for more than one team. Where do you live?

[Chandler#81]

10 hours ago, Dick_Cheney said:

I wonder how many of us actually "made" the decision to become a Bills fan. I can't really imagine having the same kind of affection and connection for a team if I hadn't been born into being a fan and hadn't grown up surrounded by friends and family who were fans as well. At the end of the day yeah it's just a game, but the human and cultural connection that I personally have with it is much more important than simply making an arbitrary decision to root for some other, likely successful team.

 

And it sounds kind of lame, but with Buffalo sports and all the insane scenarios they've dealt with over the years, I feel like there have been a lot of teachable moments for younger people, and a lot of wisdom to take away from how adversity is dealt with.

 

I mean, just this year, we had Coach McDermott teach us all about the power of a group of underdogs working together against seemingly insurmountable odds to make their lifelong hopes and dreams come true.

If you’re around my age (older than dirt) you became a fan instantly when it was announced in 1959 that Buffalo will field a team in the American Football League the following year. My now adult children had no choice as all of WNY was wrapped up in the Kelly/Levy era in their formative years. They’re battling the same OLD level of depression we all are. It’s our destiny.

Oh, and explain disturbed ancient Indian burial grounds..

[ArdmoreRyno]

Not exactly the same, but maybe more deeper to the heart than a NFL team... .

 

I'm a 3rd generation Oklahoma State alumni. I have two biological children, both girls. I took them to OSU games all their lives, my oldest is an artist (vocal performer) and wasn't into sports. She got offered to attend Boston Conservatory at Berklee so I never expected her to attend Oklahoma State like my grandfather, my dad or myself. My youngest daughter though, bleed orange. 

 

When it came down to it, she didn't want to stay in state. She fell in love with Ole Miss and she's now a Junior. She is a huge Rebels fan... but she still loves the Cowboys. 

 

I just let go and let them find their own way. One wasn't going to go to OSU at all, her talent was too much for OSU. The other though, I figured she would be generation 4 to go to school there, but she wanted to find her own way. But when it comes down to it IMO... her heart is in Stillwater, Oklahoma. 

 

Let him find his own way. I bet you anything, his heart will still bleed blue. 

[BillsBlue]

1 hour ago, BarleyNY said:

 

If you love him, you’ll encourage him to choose another team.

 

I jest. To a degree. Encourage him to root for whomever he wants, but let him know that he can root for more than one team. Where do you live?

We are in mayfield ny Sacandaga lake/Adirondacks....I guess I could let him research the jets and giants woes hehe

[SoMAn]

.  

You might have a heart to heart about the meaning of loyalty and how much more sweet it will be when the Bills finally win the Superbowl.

Of course you could just go old school and threaten the child with 'Father Baker' or some other form of foster care/adoption.

[BarleyNY]

13 minutes ago, BillsBlue said:

We are in mayfield ny Sacandaga lake/Adirondacks....I guess I could let him research the jets and giants woes hehe

Oh crap! He’s got a few choices there. Definitely steer him away from the Jets though. AFCE opponent and likely doomed due to ownership. Giants would be good since they are an NFC team there’s a Buffalo connection with Dabs, Schoen and some players. Good ownership too. It’d be easy for him to root for both the Giants and Bills. If he goes East Coast, then that’s probably the Ravens. You can’t argue with the success of their front office. Or maybe he goes with another team. NFC is preferable, but not necessary for him to maintain a live for the Bills. Good luck. 

[Drew21PA]

My son - 10 likes the bills but is already annoyed with how they lose big games and never seem to get it together.

 

It’s different for them with madden and fantasy - you start liking the players instead of teams which is fine

 

i got that way with Peyton manning - loved watching him.

 

dont force it A whatever end of the day its a sport and entertainment that doesn’t give two rips about you 

[Tenhigh]

13 hours ago, Einstein said:

 

For those who want a summary of what he is asking;

 

I'd like to hear your thoughts on a fatherhood moment. I have five boys, and my oldest, who's 13, asked if he can stop being a Bills fan. I encouraged them to be Bills fans since I'm from Buffalo, but he finds it upsetting now. He told his grandma to ask me because he knew it would hurt me. I'm not giving up on the team, but I need advice on talking to my boys about the season and being Bills fans. I believe in the team, and some changes are needed, like drafting new talent and maybe a new coach. One championship before I die, please.

 

My answer: I disagree with all the posters telling you to encourage him to root for whoever he wants. That’s lame sauce. Sometimes crap doesn’t work out. Sometimes in life we lose. But we don’t give up and we don’t stop being a fan just because things didn’t work out the way we wanted. We stick through it and keep our commitments to our team. Then give him a hearty GO BILLS.

The fact that the kid had to go to his grandmother makes me think this is bad advice. If you force a kid to do something they don't want to you may succeed for the short term but they will ultimately end up resenting you, the Bills or both.  Better to let them choose, imo.