Britain Sucks and I Am Never, Ever, Ever Going There Again

[SoMAn]

1 minute ago, The Frankish Reich said:

To be called Diggsian is indeed a great hono(u)r.

You had me at English ex-wife 😘

[SoMAn]

This has been a fine weekend for humour.  
Yesterday, while reading early morning news from her cell phone,  my wife alerted me that llamas had fired rockets into Israel. 
I said, ‘where are your reading glasses? I believe you meant to say Hamas’. 

oh. Right. 

If she told me alapacas were invading the Gaza Strip I probably wouldn’t have questioned her announcement. 

[ExiledInIllinois]

Stop over in Paris first and bring some bedbugs back!

 

The gift that keeps on giving!!!

[T&C]

3 hours ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

So, it's a cool place to just visit?

[Augie]

40 minutes ago, T&C said:

So, it's a cool place to just visit?

 

I’m not sure, but I’m going to give his wife her space. 

[The Frankish Reich]

1 hour ago, Augie said:

 

I’m not sure, but I’m going to give his wife her space. 

EX wife. English ex-wife.

Not that she traumatized me or anything ....

[Ralonzo]

10 hours ago, aristocrat said:

We started a war with them over less than this 

 

 

@The Frankish Reich Get in there my son!

[4merper4mer]

16 hours ago, SoMAn said:

This has been a fine weekend for humour.  
Yesterday, while reading early morning news from her cell phone,  my wife alerted me that llamas had fired rockets into Israel. 
I said, ‘where are your reading glasses? I believe you meant to say Hamas’. 

oh. Right. 

If she told me alapacas were invading the Gaza Strip I probably wouldn’t have questioned her announcement. 

Well they have been known to be combative.

 

 

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

20 hours ago, The Frankish Reich said:

my ex-wife

 

Pics?

[WotAGuy]

I love British porn. 
 

“Aren’t you a cheeky little crumpet!”