Britain Sucks and I Am Never, Ever, Ever Going There Again

[The Frankish Reich]

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

[Dablitzkrieg]

I ain't reading all that lamp

[Bferra13]

Yikes lol.

[Bangarang]

This isn’t an airport. You don’t have to announce your departure 

[Aussie Joe]

Australia beats them at cricket 👍

 

 

[ToGoGo]

Deep down they haven’t moved on from the Victorian age. 

[BBFL]

Whoa! 
 

Grab their tea and throw it in the drink before you leave, that’ll show them!

 

 

-ps

 

Can we see you the post you had line up if we had won? Thanks. 

Edited October 8, 2023 by BBFL

[Freak-O]

1. At least the entire country has the same time. 
 

2. NFL owners, NBA owners etc. 

 

3. Shutting out the rest of the world is something Americans excel at, much more than the Brits. 
 

4. Music is subjective. They have a lot of great artists. Not much Country music though. 
 

5. McDonalds, Pizza Hut etc. The US isn’t really known for their food either. 

😄

 

[Big Turk]

Why would they be on Eastern Standard time when they are further away than California that is 3 hours behind?

 

At minimum they should be 3 hours ahead of NYC.

[Since1981]

9 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time alread

Put the pint down. What are you smoking ?

 

Brits do need one thing badly. Dentists

[Sandhill Mike]

10 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

 

 

 

[The Frankish Reich]

Just now, Since1981 said:

Put the pint down. What are you smoking ?

 

Brits do need one thing badly. Dentists

I spent a little time in France a long time ago.

You know what their term is for bucked teeth? Les dents Anglais. English Teeth.

[aristocrat]

We started a war with them over less than this 

[BBFL]

3 minutes ago, Since1981 said:

Put the pint down. What are you smoking ?

 

Brits do need one thing badly. Dentists

 

Who needs a dentist?!?

Football aside, we Brits are like Bills fans after this game and the events that unfolded… Nothing to smile about. 

Edited October 8, 2023 by BBFL

[The Frankish Reich]

15 minutes ago, BBFL said:

 

Who needs a dentist?!?

Football aside, we Brits are like Bills fans after this game and the events that unfolded… Nothing to smile about. 

Ok, ok, I’ll admit it. I actually love your country. 
I just gotta blame something/someone for what happened today …

[zow2]

Lol.  You had that written up just in case of a Loss, all ready to click Submit. 

[Big Turk]

23 minutes ago, Since1981 said:

Put the pint down. What are you smoking ?

 

Brits do need one thing badly. Dentists

 

At least Austin Powers got that part right haha

[mjd1001]

33 minutes ago, The Frankish Reich said:

This has nothing to do with the Bills losing, and even less to do with the fact that my ex-wife is English. I swear. These are objective facts.

1. They are stupidly proud of their Greenwich Mean Time that wreaks havoc with travelers and American football teams. This made sense in 1880 when London was the figurative Center of the World. It is not 1880. Now YOU adapt. Go to Eastern Standard Time already. 

2. They are stupidly proud of their Foreign Oligarch and Hedge Fund Manager League erroneously know as the English Premier League, so much so that they protect their precious English turf grass by making other events play on a substandard carpet that wouldn't be out of place in the indoor portion of a Walmart Garden Center.

3. They have a really nice launching spot for seeing the "the Continent" (they still talk of "going to Europe" as if they are a Caribbean island) but saw fit to ruin that by Brexiting and making all of that really inconvenient.

4. They are stupidly proud of their music scene, which no one cares about other than English people living abroad (which they do in millions, creating little Englands in every spot where the sun shines more than 60 days a year), and they continue to worship horrible acts like Cliff Richard and Oasis and the Kaiser Chiefs and all kinds of peculiarly English crap. They are also stupidly proud of their "English sense of humo(u)r" by which they mean "I will insult you in the most obvious manner possible whenever you say something remotely earnest so that all may bow to my rapier sharp wit."

5. The more recent arrivals in London and a few other cities will feed you well with tasty, complexly spiced dishes. But 90% of the territory will ooh and aah over heavy, greasy, tasteless dishes (so awful that even they have invented a word - "stodgy" - to describe their own cuisine) that you are expected to compliment your in-laws about as if they've just fed you a 4 star Michelin tasting menu. And heaven forbid you encounter these people around Christmas, where you will watch them howl with laughter at things like a Christmas Pantomime, a kind of childish joke play that appears to consist of putting the least feminine man possible in a dress, making a high pitched voice drowned out by howls of laughter. Oh, and then you can all gather round to watch the Queen's King's Christmas address, the same King who, in perhaps the least arousing sexting scandal ever, expressed his desire to be his horse-faced mistress's tampon. Really.

 

Goodbye, old England. I hope Bills Nation never visits you again.

 

I visit there once. It wasn't for me so I agree with a lot of what you said.

Some people love it, to each their own I guess, I just don't get it.

[stevestojan]

I asked ChatGPT to summarize to less than 40 words:

 

 

The author critiques England, citing outdated practices like Greenwich Mean Time, turf quality in the Premier League, the Brexit decision, their music scene, and traditional cuisine. The author wishes the Bills never return to England.

[RiotAct]

26 minutes ago, Freak-O said:

 

3. Shutting out the rest of the world is something Americans excel at, much more than the Brits. 

lol!!!  Yes America is an extremely insular country.