The Bipolar thread

[Draconator]

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

[Augie]

Thank you for sharing that. There are far too many topics people try to avoid rather than discuss openly. We all have 💩 in our lives somewhere. Anything we can do to help another person going thru something similar makes the world a better place. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone helps.

 

We’ve been thru our stuff, and I won’t derail things here (at this moment) but I swear that just talking about it helps. People we barely knew would approach us and want to ask questions. They were going thru the same kind of stuff and just needed someone to listen. Helping others navigate this stuff is an act of kindness.  

[Draconator]

7 minutes ago, Augie said:

Thank you for sharing that. There are far too many topics people try to avoid rather than discuss openly. We all have 💩 in our lives somewhere. Anything we can do to help another person going thru something similar makes the world a better place. Sometimes just knowing you are not alone helps.

 

We’ve been thru our stuff, and I won’t derail things here (at this moment) but I swear that just talking about it helps. People we barely knew would approach us and want to ask questions. They were going thru the same kind of stuff and just needed someone to listen. Helping others navigate this stuff is an act of kindness.  

 

Thank you. I've always been one to help, so if this helps anyone, I've met my goal for this. 

[muppy]

2 hours ago, Draconator said:

 

Thank you. I've always been one to help, so if this helps anyone, I've met my goal for this. 

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

[UConn James]

Bipolar runs in the family a bit on my mum’s side, and my mum was in and out of treatment for it when I was very young, and my oldest brother and, from the sounds of it, his son (11) have it. (Autism — which I have) & schizophrenia also are cluster diagnoses that run alongside with bipolar in heredity.) He hit on good drug treatment for it and they’re looking into for my nephew with aggression and a lot of sleep issues. Thanks for some insight.

 

BTW, diabetes also runs on my mum’s side, and my brother’s numbers were up, and he started Ozempic awhile back and it’s been terrific for him. A1c is down into the 5s, and he’s lost 50 pounds so far; doc says he’s the poster person for it.

[Draconator]

27 minutes ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

 

Thank you for sharing your back history. If we can get past the stigma of mental health, we would all be in a much better place. And you're right. The quality of the professional is key. My current therapist visited with me for 3 hours and confirmed my initial diagnosis. 

11 minutes ago, UConn James said:

Bipolar runs in the family a bit on my mum’s side, and my mum was in and out of treatment for it when I was very young, and my oldest brother and, from the sounds of it, his son (11) have it. (Autism — which I have) & schizophrenia also are cluster diagnoses that run alongside with bipolar in heredity.) He hit on good drug treatment for it and they’re looking into for my nephew with aggression and a lot of sleep issues. Thanks for some insight.

 

BTW, diabetes also runs on my mum’s side, and my brother’s numbers were up, and he started Ozempic awhile back and it’s been terrific for him. A1c is down into the 5s, and he’s lost 50 pounds so far; doc says he’s the poster person for it.

 

We suspect my dad was Bipolar. In his later years, he didn't deny that he had it and said his mom also may have had it. Bipolar is heredity.

[Another Fan]

 

3 hours ago, Draconator said:

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

My dad and uncle were diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I just tended to think of them as moody at times more than anything growing up.  The one time he had an episode that reminds me a little of what you talk about is when he impulsively bought a new car which he found out was like a bad fit for him weeks later and he wound up turning it in.  At the time I didnt really think much of at all...  I'm a very sort of people are people kind of person and if you're not doing something to harm someone else it's more or less whatever.  

 

My mom's cousin I am told has bipolar.  This came about when I was at a wedding with him and he said some things like really inappropriate to me like out of the blue.  It totally shocked me as the image I had of him was like a sort of jolly loves life kind of fellow.  I just attributed it to him being really drunk.  But when I asked someone what the hell was that about I'm told his daughter has bipolar and he most likely does as well.

 

 

I imagine like autism though it's kind of a spectrum disorder in how severe you have it?  I got officially diagnosed with autism last year.  While no one else in the family was diagnosed officially a fair amount of relatives have similar traits to me where I never really stood out so to speak.  

Edited August 12, 2023 by Another Fan

[Draconator]

1 minute ago, Another Fan said:

 

My dad and uncle were diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  I just tended to think of them as moody at times more than anything growing up.  The one time he had an episode that reminds me a little of what you talk about is when he impulsively bought a new car which he found out was like a bad fit for him weeks later and he wound up turning it in.  At the time I didnt really think much of at all...  I'm a very sort of people are people kind of person and if you're doing something to harm someone else it's more or less whatever.  

 

My mom's cousin I am told had bipolar.  This came about when I was at a wedding with him and he said some thing like really I thought inappropriate to me like out of the blue.  It totally shocked me as the image I had of him was like a sort of jolly loves life kind of fellow.  I just attributed it to him being really drunk.  But when I asked someone what the hell was that about I'm told his daughter has bipolar and he most likely does as well.

 

 

I imagine like autism though it's kind of a spectrum disorder in how severe you have it?  I got officially diagnosed with autism last year.  While no one else in the family was diagnosed officially a fair amount of relatives have similar traits to me where I never really stood out so to speak.  

 

The car episode does sound like a manic episode. The story about your mom's cousin to me (and I'm no professional) sounds more like mild schizophrenia than bipolar. Those diagnosed with Bipolar don't normally blurt out inappropriate things, while people with schizophrenia do things like that.  Thank you for sharing those stories. 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

2 hours ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

❤️✊🏻Muppito. 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

5 hours ago, Draconator said:

Got this idea from the Johnny Manziel thread on TSW.  I shared some of my Bipolar journey there but thought it wouldn't hurt to start a new thread specifically for Bipolar. 

I am an open book when it comes to this. So if you had any deep, dark questions about Bipolar in general, feel free to ask me anything about it. I'll give you an answer from my real life experience having been diagnosed with it for 16 years now. 

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling in April 2007. What led me to my diagnosis was the break-up with my ex. I didn't take it well, and seeing a doctor at the clinic I was going to, what I was going through clued him in that I may have BIpolar. So I met with a county psychiatrist for close to 2 hours. That's when she diagnosed me with Bipolar 1 with Rapid Cycling. Bipolar 1 is the more severe form of Bipolar. Rapid Cycling is you have manic and depressed events 3 or 4 times a day, as opposed to 3 or 4 times a year with someone with BIpolar who doesn't have rapid cycling.  

 

What is it like to live with Bipolar? You spend a LOT of money while manic. It's nothing to drop that month's rent at the casino, trying to pay for rent. You already have it, but you feel you need more money for it. You drive like a lunatic. Like 75 in a 35 is no big thing. You want to have sex a lot and will ask any female to have sex with you. I didn't resort to abuse thank goodness, but having a lot of sex is a form of mania that many bipolar folks have. You drink a LOT. In my earlier days, I would spend $150 to $200 a night at a bar, buying drinks for random strangers. I still do have about 2 to 4 drinks a night. But I am not drinking in order to get hammered drunk. In fact, I hate being drunk. I know I joke about my drinking here, but I do drink more than my fair share. When I'm feeling a good amount of buzz, I'm done or take a long break between drinks. 

With my now wife, I was living near Oakland, California, and her in Buffalo when we reconnected. We went to high school together, and we were in show choir, chrous, orchestra, musicals, and plays together. We however didn't say more than 5 sentences to each other. She had her own group of friends and I had mine. We reconnected via Facebook. Facebook messages turned into phone calls. On our second call, I told her I had bipolar. Not wanting to hide it. Her response made me think she's a keeper. She said, "How can I help you with it"? She still helps me. Whenever I feel like I'm entering a cycle, I tell her exactly that, and she immediately sits me down and we talk about what I'm feeling, and how I can make it through it. Thankfully, I haven't had any real cycles for a few years now. Her help and the medication I am on have made a tremendous difference. For those playing at home, I take Latuda as my main medication. Last winter I was entering a depression. I spoke to Jen my wife who encouraged me to see my PA. She diagnosed me with severe seasonal affective disorder. So she also prescribed me Trileptal which back in 2011, was my main bipolar medication. Back in my time in California, I was seeing a county psychiatrist. She could only prescribe medications that were approved by the county. So Latuda was not an option. When I moved to New York, I was in the Erie County Medical Center psych unit the first month after I arrived, because I didn't have a doctor at the time and was off medication. Jen worked with me after I was released (thankfully after 2 hours instead of the mandatory 72-hour hold), helped me find a doctor, and got me back on medication. I was taking different medications with screwy side effects. I was on Geodon, which gave me daily mini-seizures. Also, while on Geodon, I could not drink alcohol, at all. I had a glass of champagne at midnight on December 31, 2013, and passed right out 5 minutes later. The most common side effect of bipolar medication, and true in my case, is excessive weight gain. When I started on medication, I was around 205 lbs. I'm currently 280 lbs. I don't tend to lose any significant weight either. I was at my lowest 240 lbs a few years ago, while working out every day and intermittent fasting. Once I stopped fasting and working out daily, the weight came right back. 

 

More as it pops into my head. Feel free to ask me about what I stated above, or anything about bipolar in general. Or go ahead and call me tubby. I'll just sit on you and fart in your general direction. 

What an amazing journey and thanks for sharing.  I don’t deal with these issues but it always helps to understand what others might be going through.  

 

 

[muppy]

10 hours ago, leh-nerd skin-erd said:

❤️✊🏻Muppito. 

Leonardito. That's a mouthful.   MUWAH .  I claim you as amigo,  eso es cierto.  that was so sweet of you? Are you feeling ill today or somethiing?

 

🤭

 

he's like the brother I can tease  I don't have any more IRL. I adopted him and he let graciously allowed it.  That's actually true :-)))))

 

Lord knows what he's gonna say back lmao

 

 

[leh-nerd skin-erd]

54 minutes ago, muppy said:

Leonardito. That's a mouthful.   MUWAH .  I claim you as amigo,  eso es cierto.  that was so sweet of you? Are you feeling ill today or somethiing?

 

🤭

 

he's like the brother I can tease  I don't have any more IRL. I adopted him and he let graciously allowed it.  That's actually true :-)))))

 

Lord knows what he's gonna say back lmao

What he’s going to say back is that as a guy who got really lucky in life, the ability of people to overcome obstacles and tragic events in life impresses the heck out of me.   
 

In fact, when you and I first discussed things a few years back, it changed the way I approached certain topics, online and in person*.  Drac’s story here provides context and experiences that likely will do the same.   

 

I’m trying to keep learning, Mup, that’s all. 

Ps:  no idea what MUWAH means, but it sounds dirty. 
 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 12, 2023 by leh-nerd skin-erd

[muppy]

awesome mate. I am jazzed you remembered that conversation many moons ago. You are the BEST bratty adopted brother I could have hoped for

 

lol I added an extra W for spice MUWAH I like my spelling better :-)-m

 

@leh-nerd skin-erd

 

 

Edited August 12, 2023 by muppy

[Another Fan]

17 hours ago, muppy said:

Props for sharing your mental health journey with us.  I have been under professional care for my own mental health issues for years as the result of having been the victim of a violent felony crime.  Mental health issues are also caused for many others due to traumas of all different kinds.  Chemical imbalances, injury, abuse, many reasons to cause it even hereditary within your family

 

Although mental health illnesses are often stigmatized  I have often felt that was unfair. If someone has lupus or say type 1 diabetes it would be wrong to chastize or snide them for having a physical illness. Why are diseases of the brain not thought of in the same manner. Both physical and mental disease deserve serious consideration and treatment.

 

My own issues have been treated for which I am very grateful. I feel the same way for you hermano. I'm glad you found your spouse and are clearly healthy enough to have shared something as personal as this. 

 

I will say the quality of the professional is Key to receiving an accurate diagnosis AND treatment plan.  God speed and blessings to you and yours xo m

This.  Although I like the phrase different more than disease per say.  

 

 

I cannot tell you how many times I got made fun of growing up for not speaking.  In front of whole classes as well and in family parties.    But really to me I make the same comparison as somebody with a broken leg being made fun of because they can't run fast.  People just wouldn't do that.  

 

 

Internalizing a lot of that over the years turned me into a bitter, jaded person.  

[Draconator]

1 hour ago, Another Fan said:

This.  Although I like the phrase different more than disease per say.  

 

 

I cannot tell you how many times I got made fun of growing up for not speaking.  In front of whole classes as well and in family parties.    But really to me I make the same comparison as somebody with a broken leg being made fun of because they can't run fast.  People just wouldn't do that.  

 

 

Internalizing a lot of that over the years turned me into a bitter, jaded person.  

Don't let what happened younger in life to be carried by you later in life. 

[T&C]

Getting out in nature certainly helps... hikes or just a walk through the woods. I'll bet that a lot of functioning people spend a lot of time on the internet when they really should get away from it. 

Edited August 12, 2023 by T&C

[Draconator]

I remember this statistic being high, just went and verified it. Just over 41% of all people with Bipolar smoke, whereas 21% of the general population smoke. I was a smoker. Thankfully the last anything I had to smoke was December 31, 2019. Chewed nicotine gum after that, and gave that up sometime in the fall of 2021. This is good, because smokers in the general population have a 1 in 4 chance of quitting smoking, while people with bipolar have a 1 in 10 chance of quitting. 

Edited August 13, 2023 by Draconator

[Bill from NYC]

On 8/12/2023 at 10:49 PM, Draconator said:

 This is good, because smokers in the general population have a 1 in 4 chance of quitting smoking, while people with bipolar have a 1 in 10 chance of quitting. 

These are numbers that I did not know. Thanks for this.

 

I quit smoking on October 15, 2015. I was on the patch for approx 2 months. One day I couldn't find my patch and I was sweating and agitated. I found it and decided that I would never use nicotine again in any form.  It was one of the best decisions of my life.

 

Cigarette smokers are more vilified than heroin users imo. Both are threats to society in some way, be it second hand smoke or the crimes frequently committed by heroin addicts. That said, there are far more commercials and attacks waged at cigarette smokers than at heroin users. 

 

To this day I feel very sorry for smokers. Smoking really is suicidal in a back door way. Surprisingly, MANY people don't even know why they smoke. It is an addiction to nicotine, plain and simple.

 

To anyone wanting to quit, I highly recommend the book by English author Allen Carr. 

 

Sorry, I am not trying to derail your important topic. 

[Draconator]

2 hours ago, Bill from NYC said:

These are numbers that I did not know. Thanks for this.

 

I quit smoking on October 15, 2015. I was on the patch for approx 2 months. One day I couldn't find my patch and I was sweating and agitated. I found it and decided that I would never use nicotine again in any form.  It was one of the best decisions of my life.

 

Cigarette smokers are more vilified than heroin users imo. Both are threats to society in some way, be it second hand smoke or the crimes frequently committed by heroin addicts. That said, there are far more commercials and attacks waged at cigarette smokers than at heroin users. 

 

To this day I feel very sorry for smokers. Smoking really is suicidal in a back door way. Surprisingly, MANY people don't even know why they smoke. It is an addiction to nicotine, plain and simple.

 

To anyone wanting to quit, I highly recommend the book by English author Allen Carr. 

 

Sorry, I am not trying to derail your important topic. 

I don't think you derailed it in any way, shape, or form. Everything said is connected in one weird way or another. 

And I had listened to "Easy Way to Quit Smoking" (The Allen Carr book), and when I actually did quit, no panic, no outbursts of anger. I did feel withdrawal from quitting the nicotine gum, rather than cigarettes, or vaping (which I did prior to NYE 2019.) My wife and I were coming back from a funeral in Syracuse in December 2019 for a close college friend of hers. My vape stopped working on the drive back home, and I was like, "That's a bummer. Let me pop this gum in". 

[LeviF]

Lot of ups and downs in this thread