Tis a Billdo game!

[ComradeKayAdams]

23 hours ago, Nextmanup said:

It seems like a bit of a faux pas to throw the Billdo at a Patriots team not being quarterbacked by Tom Brady.

 

That Bildo was all for Tom, wasn't it?

 

🤷‍♂️

 

Not exactly, Nextmanup. The tradition of throwing Billdos at Patriots game pays homage to Buffalo’s rich history of randiness and patriotism. For example, did you know that…

 

1. Marital aids were the first items that French trader, Pierre Beau Fleuve, exchanged with members of the Iroquois Confederacy? Pierre was in dire need of winter coats for his many British mistresses along the frigid Great Lakes shores. The Haudenosaunee, or “People of the Longhouse,” were in dire need of deep sexual exploration and happened to be masters of beaver fur. It was a perfect mutual trade, one not bested in Western New York until March of 2020 when our beloved Buffalo Bills acquired Stefon Diggs from the Minnesota Vikings.

 

2. The projectile that took President William (a.k.a. “Bill”) McKinley’s life here on September 14, 1901, was in fact a hilariously floppy rubber cylindrical object and NOT the metal bullet that most fanciers of American history assume?

 

3. The Buffalo metropolitan area was once the nexus of America’s great “Porn Belt” and had rapidly become the leading producer of dildos, butt plugs, anal beads, handcuffs, collars/leashes, paddles, all types of leather restraints, nipple clamps, and pretty much anything totally HAWT??!! This particular industry happened to be what fueled America’s post-World War 2 domestic manufacturing renaissance. Unfortunately, the mid-century opening of the St. Lawrence Seaway significantly contributed to this industry’s eventual demise in Western New York. You could fit many more seamen down their passageway up there than you could in the Erie Canal, basically.

 

And if you’re looking for the specific connection between pro football and Billdos, look no further than December 5, 1920. That was the day that Buffalo’s original NFL team, the aptly named All-Americans, tied a critical game with the rival Akron Pros which ultimately cost our Queen City its claim to the nascent league’s first championship. The referees had apparently lost their balls, so Buffalo’s head coach/QB/team captain/improviser extraordinaire Tommy Hughitt resourcefully offered them his wife’s marital aid as a substitute. The final score was 0-0 because no team could sustain a scoring drive, what with all the fumbles due to the likely fact that everyone was too red-faced to handle the makeshift football.

 

So with all this newfound historical knowledge, Nextmanup, I hope you’ll now have a greater appreciation for Billdo Day?? Enjoy the game, everyone, and make sure you strike Mac Jones with your Billdo just as hard as you would for Tom Brady! By doing so, you’ll effectively be demonstrating to the watching nation your love and pride for all of Western New York!

 

Bonus Billdo Day Pro Tip: The anal orifice can be a most excellent place to hide your Billdo from stadium security, but make sure it has a flared base for easy and safe extraction when the right time in the game presents itself. And during extraction, remember to go slow, arch your back, think of those Kegels you should have been practicing in private during the tailgate, and think about Dawson Knox’s v-shaped torso and muscular biceps in those cute tank tops he likes to wear in the cold…if that helps a little. Also don’t be afraid to ask those slightly creepy and drunk guys seated behind you for assistance. We are, after all, the quintessential “City of Good Neighbors.”

[Joe Ferguson forever]

On 1/7/2023 at 10:09 AM, Livinginthepast said:

Based on the wording of the thread title, should we only use Arthurian - Shakespearian English in our posts?  

 

"Methinks, the arena doth be fillith with vast codpieces and merriment"!!

but apparently no chastity belts.

[BillnutinHouston]

Would be completely tone deaf for idiots to do something like this today.