Alaska Darin Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences: 1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? 2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time. 3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. 4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities. Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership. Thank you, A.D. P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more beer for me. 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Campy Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Go make me a sammich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Your number (1) issue seems to sound familar to me. My advice is, just plug it back in. Though a 45 could come in handy for stupid people, ya think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Your number (1) issue seems to sound familar to me. My advice is, just plug it back in. Though a 45 could come in handy for stupid people, ya think? 328721[/snapback] Ahhh, i know all about the drunk phone calls...what has gotten me into more trouble though is sending drunk IM's to people at all hours of the night, telling them exactly what i think... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Ahhh, i know all about the drunk phone calls...what has gotten me into more trouble though is sending drunk IM's to people at all hours of the night, telling them exactly what i think... 328729[/snapback] 18 prior to the Buc's Bill game? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 18 prior to the Buc's Bill game? 328741[/snapback] sounds good to me...i'm always up for golf...puhonix may be in as well, he golfs, and i know hes a fins fan, but we got him outnumbered 2-1, and he said he may go to the game just to hang out and to get away from his soon to be wife/fiancee/etc... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 sounds good to me...i'm always up for golf...puhonix may be in as well, he golfs, and i know hes a fins fan, but we got him outnumbered 2-1, and he said he may go to the game just to hang out and to get away from his soon to be wife/fiancee/etc... 328748[/snapback] Check your PM. We may have to exchange phone numbers when we get closer. Tell that fin fan to !@#$ off And good luck on his marriage Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin in Va Beach Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 P.S. Remember alcohol, I didn't stay angry at you for making me wake up naked with a tooth brush in my ass, but that stays between you and me okay? Thanks... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puhonix Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Check your PM. We may have to exchange phone numbers when we get closer. Tell that fin fan to !@#$ off And good luck on his marriage 328751[/snapback] Hey F-U buddy! The feeling is mutual. But in the great sunny state of Florida, I'm bound to find another Fins fan on the golf course, but often than not, you'll see bucs fans on the links. They're usually mowing the lawn, or carrying my bag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Hey F-U buddy! The feeling is mutual. But in the great sunny state of Florida, I'm bound to find another Fins fan on the golf course, but often than not, you'll see bucs fans on the links. They're usually mowing the lawn, or carrying my bag. 328774[/snapback] You may have your wish soon. I really like fish fans honest. Am I invited to the wedding? jason, keep this fuker away from me, will ya? JK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 You may have your wish soon. I really like fish fans honest. Am I invited to the wedding? jason, keep this fuker away from me, will ya? JK 328808[/snapback] i'll do what i can...but half the time i need to kick his a$$ myself...he has a fetish of bringing up wide right and foot in the crease, which makes me go ballistic...one of these days i'll off him...or the dog... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puhonix Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 i'll do what i can...but half the time i need to kick his a$$ myself...he has a fetish of bringing up wide right and foot in the crease, which makes me go ballistic...one of these days i'll off him...or the dog... 328822[/snapback] What you do with the dog and a tub of Peanut Butter is your business, but no offing me thank you very much. Let me remind you I only bring up Wide Right in self defense. Kelly may never have one won, but Marino didnt either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I don't shiv a git how think you drunk i am I do not have drinking with problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Perfect thread for me to come home and read with a nice buzz on......especially after I got that call back from the girl I accidentally called while drunk on Monday...one of those one date wonders whose # somehow ended up in my phone and I thought it was someone else when I called. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 Perfect thread for me to come home and read with a nice buzz on......especially after I got that call back from the girl I accidentally called while drunk on Monday...one of those one date wonders whose # somehow ended up in my phone and I thought it was someone else when I called. 328835[/snapback] its much worse when you have a great night of drinking, and then get a call from some girl a few days later and you have know idea who the hell she is...because its really tough to ask her how hot she is before you decide if you want to go out with her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puhonix Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 its much worse when you have a great night of drinking, and then get a call from some girl a few days later and you have know idea who the hell she is...because its really tough to ask her how hot she is before you decide if you want to go out with her... 328840[/snapback] Worse yet is when you drink and head home... make drunk calls or IMs, and then decide to leave again..... uh oh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 its much worse when you have a great night of drinking, and then get a call from some girl a few days later and you have know idea who the hell she is...because its really tough to ask her how hot she is before you decide if you want to go out with her... 328840[/snapback] Trust me....I'm racking my brains to try to remember who the fug this girl is and what she looks like! I don't even remember ever meeting another Wendy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 What you do with the dog and a tub of Peanut Butter is your business, but no offing me thank you very much. Let me remind you I only bring up Wide Right in self defense. Kelly may never have one won, but Marino didnt either. 328830[/snapback] I thought you two guys were room mates at FSU, and I mean that in the nicest way....... I hate the Gators and Canes.......... Ehem, unless they're pretty girls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 5, 2005 Share Posted May 5, 2005 I thought you two guy were room mates, and I mean that in the nicest way....... 328845[/snapback] well, we are until august, then i'm moving in with my current lovely little lady ...enough is enough with dolphins fans and their homosexual greyhounds... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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