The *Firebaugh Fable* - a California quarterback tale

[thunderingsquid]

A good good friend of mine is a retired minister who had a large congregation in Fresno.  He loves college and pro football but does not have a favorite team.  However, he HAS taken on an absolute favorite player recently.  As ministers often do, he has a way with words and was moved to write the most epic tale of a young quarterback in the CA Central Valley.

 

I asked him if he has ever been to Firebaugh California in his travels around the Central Valley as a minister in Fresno.  He said no, BUT he did spin this tale: 

 

"When I got to the Fresno Church in 1998, there was a weird story about a happening two

years earlier in 1996 in Firebaugh. 

 

It seems a homeless, cantaloupe picking couple who lived out of their van near

Firebaugh had given birth to their firstborn son under the new May leaves of a pistachio tree. It was a miraculous

birth. There was no medical help available.  But mom and child survived and she and dad wrapped the child

in an old Buffalo Bills tee shirt that they had acquired at Goodwill.  Soon news of the birth spread and

cantaloupe pickers, pistachio pickers, cotton and grape pickers from all around gathered to

celebrate this new baby.  "He is so long," some said.  "He is going to grow to be well over 6 feet tall."

"He is so handsome!" others said. "We think this baby has been specially gifted by God!"  But still

others were skeptical. 'Has anything good ever come out of Firebaugh?" they asked, well aware of its

heat and dust and poverty.

 

Once the story of this special child got out, he and his parents were visited by three wise people.

The first was a Firebaugh Police Officer - who brought the gift of canceling all the dad's parking tickets.

The second was the Cantaloupe foreman - who told the parents they could bring their boy with them

as they harvested the melons so they would not need to arrange for day care.  The third was a

California Social Worker who got the family on the list for some section 8 housing.

 

Well,after I go to the Fresno Church, the story just continued...

 

The boy, grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor of God and man.  By the time he

was three, he could pick a cantaloupe and toss it without fail 10 yards into a gathering bin.

By the time he was five, he could accomplish that same toss at 25 yards. And by the time

he was 15 - he could (9times out of 10) throw a football through a hanging tire from 60 yards away.

 

The coaches at Firebaugh High knew this boy was, indeed, specially gifted by God, but Oh, how

the purported football sages disdained the coaches evaluation.  They repeated again, that old

saying "Has anything good ever come out of Firebaugh?"  But the boy didn't mind.  He just

picked cantaloupes, and played baseball and basketball and football and dazzled all but

the most jaded local sports enthusiasts.

 

He was scorned as lacking scholarship quality by Fresno State - who thought he was too skinny.

By Eastern Michigan who thought he was not sophisticated enough and by San Diego State

who said, "Well, you can walk on and try out with us, but we don't think you'll make the

cut, so you'd probably be better off just cutting out now."

 

But this amazing young man did not give up.  "I just play for fun," he said. He went to

Reedley Junior College and sat on the bench for the first four games.  Then the Reedley

coaches put him in - and he scored four touchdowns!  It was a miracle!  This young man had

made the blind to see!  The crowd roared and loved him.  It was so loud even the deaf

could hear.

 

After that year - this young man went to college an the University of Wyoming where

(or so it is said) he raised a dead football program from the grave.

 

Later, well after I left Fresno, I heard that this young man was drafted by the

Buffalo Bills, the very team whose logo was emblazoned on the tee shirt that

served as his swaddling clothes.  Isn't that just amazing!!!

 

So you ask "Have you ever been to Firebaugh?"  And I must say "No"  but

I have heard the powerful Firebaugh Fable - and who could ever forget it?"

 

 

Edited January 8, 2022 by thunderingsquid

[Momma Pecoraro]

 

[Dablitzkrieg]

Why is this a thing?

[thunderingsquid]

8 minutes ago, Momma Pecoraro said:

Perfect!  Thank you and AMEN!

6 minutes ago, Dablitzkrieg said:

Why is this a thing?

I only did it to annoy humorless red asses.  You're welcome. 

 

 

[Rocky Landing]

Sounds like that kid splattered a lot of perfectly good cantaloupes. Should've been fired...

 

 

In another fable, I heard a Firebough kid named Josh Allen (who grew up on a cotton farm) could not throw a cotton ball even ten yards with any accuracy, because, you know... cotton...

 

 

 

Edited January 8, 2022 by Rocky Landing

[thunderingsquid]

4 minutes ago, Rocky Landing said:

Sounds like that kid splattered a lot of perfectly good cantaloupes. Should've been fired...

 

 

In another fable, I heard a Firebough kid named Josh Allen (who grew up on a cotton farm) could not throw a cotton ball even ten yards with any accuracy, because, you know... cotton...

 

 

 

Only Mac Jones can throw a tight cotton spiral, everyone knows.  LOL i'm dead. 

[Rocky Landing]

1 minute ago, thunderingsquid said:

Only Mac Jones can throw a tight cotton spiral, everyone knows.  LOL i'm dead. 

I always figured those wet rags he throws around the field were some polyester blend.

[Dablitzkrieg]

43 minutes ago, thunderingsquid said:

Perfect!  Thank you and AMEN!

I only did it to annoy humorless red asses.  You're welcome. 

 

 

Very lame.

[thunderingsquid]

27 minutes ago, Dablitzkrieg said:

Very lame.

I'm so glad you weighed in today!  

[Southern_Bills]

1 hour ago, thunderingsquid said:

Perfect!  Thank you and AMEN!

I only did it to annoy humorless red asses.  You're welcome. 

 

 

 

The original post wasn't that great,  but this is pure gold.