Losing a parent - when does it start to get easier?

[Gordio]

On 2/28/2021 at 10:32 AM, Chandler#81 said:

I empathize with everyone who has endured this inevitable occurrence when they’ve been less than about 50 years old. I/my family have been especially fortunate by comparison. No heart attacks, cancer or tragedies to speak of. My parents are now 87 and my grandparents and great-grandparents all lived well into the 90’s with Granddad achieving 99 -we give him full centurion recognition as he was just a couple months shy of 100. Me? I’ve literally done everything to challenge/disrupt my genealogy. Drink like a fish. Smoke like a fiend. Refuse to exercise. 

Chat with the folks weekly -they’re doing great. I’m thrilled they’re still a big part of mine and my siblings lives, but I have no desire to be their age. I’m 65, middle child of 5. 2 siblings have lost their spouses but they and all my Aunts and Uncles are still alive and doing well -all now Floridians.

For me, as old as I am, it’s still inconceivable to lose a family member younger than 92.🤷‍♂️

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good to see your taking care of yourself.    I respect that.  I have spent most of my money on women, booze and gambling, the rest I have spent foolishly.  

[Fan in San Diego]

On 2/28/2021 at 12:54 AM, Patience said:

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my mom's death, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks.  Lost my biological father (never really knew him) a few years back, so it didn't hurt as much.  I didn't expect to be without both of my parents before I hit the age of 30, but that's exactly what happened. 

 

Have had other things happen within the past couple years that definitely haven't helped (covid layoff last April, coming up on a year of unemployment), but my mom's passing has really hit hard.  

 

Any advice for getting through the death of a parent, or tough times in general?   I've tried to remain tough, grind it out, and keep pushing, but it gets to the point where I feel I just have nothing left to fight for.  Just kinda getting a few things off my chest here.  Would appreciate any insight.  Thanks for reading.  

I have been going thru a tough divorce. No contact with her in over 8 months. It feels like a death. I've gone thru all the stages of grieving a death. The only thing that has helped me is praying to God and getting more active in my church. It's getting better with each passing day but nothing dulls the pain. God has helped me endure the pain better.

Edit- Sorry I got distracted and didn't finish my thoughts to tie it in to the original poster.

When feeling melancholy or blue about your Mom, pray to our Heavenly Father for comfort with your grief. He will provide in some way comfort that you are seeking.

Edited March 10, 2021 by Fan in San Diego
Got distracted by work at work. Go figure.

[oldmanfan]

It takes time to grieve the loss of a loved one, and the amount of time is different from person to person.  The best gift you can give yourself is time.  And you shouldn’t feel that there has to be a time where things go away.  They never do completely. But having lost both parents what I would tell you is that, with time, the bad memories of her passing are replaced with the good and fun memories of her life.

 

With the anniversary of her passing, I would encourage you to surround yourself with the good memories.  Share them with your family and your mom’s friends, and have them share their stories with you.  That has helped me.

[LabattBlue]

Lost my mom a few years ago(she was in her 80's), and while it was difficult the first few months, knowing that she was very close to having to go into a nursing home, made it much easier to accept.

 

Just lost my dad, and it is an ongoing emotional struggle, because now, not only are both my parents gone, but the house I grew up in, and then subsequently visited for so many years, is now up for sale, and it hurts knowing that within a few months, I will never set foot in again.      

 

That being said, I gain strength in knowing they are together again, after spending 65 years together on earth.  

[Augie]

My mom is the only parent left for us. She’s 93 and had a bit of a health scare last night with BP going to 180/100 and felt lousy. I got her to the doctor today who said you don’t need to get to the ER unless you go over 200 on the top number or you have other symptoms (headache, dizziness, heart palpitations, etc). That was good info because we were wondering what to do last night and made her promise to call 911 if it got worse. Her facility is in lockdown still so I couldn’t even go sit with her. 

 

Anyway, all is well now and it reminds me of what my wife wisely reminds me. She will say “You don’t HAVE to take your mom to the doctor today, you GET to take your mom to the doctor today”. This is, of course, the proper way to look at this. 

[Wacka]

Just before I had my stroke in '14 I was talked into going into the ER to have them check me out. My BP was 242/ 75!!!!

They said they were admitting me ( Oh Sh*t moment1). About 9 PM I asked how come I didn't have a room yet. They said they were eating for a bed in ICU to open up ( Oh Sh*t moment2) . The next morning when I was gettin g a CAT scan or MRI (don't know which) I hear "Code Stroke" over  the PA.  Ask the attendant what was that frond he says " It's for YOU!!!) ( Oh Sh*t moment3). I either said or thought that and threw up.

 That was on Monday morning. I was semi conscious (remember having the compression pants on and getting a sponge bath) but the next clear memory I have was people visiting me on Thursday. Had a stroke at he best place you could have one, while they were scanning my brain.

Edited March 10, 2021 by Wacka