RocCityRoller Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) On September 9, 2014 it is announced Donald Trump has won the bid to buy the Buffalo Bills. In his first press conference Donald Trump announces he has 'bigly plans for the Bills and this 'One Buffalo' town'. The poor joke juxtaposing 'one horse' and 'one buffalo' falls flat on the WNY media. The press hate it immediately. He snickers to himself and continues. He says that small cities deserve sports teams, while gesticulating his appropriately sized hands around. 'For too long the good people of WNY have had to beg for scraps from Albany and NYC' he says. Local media starts to like Trump. 'Can you imagine if Bon Jovi, a good New Jersey kid, love New Jersey by the way, had won the bid?' he asks. 'If he had bought the team the chances of the Bills staying in Buffalo would have been 'Living on a Prayer', he continues. Some chuckles from the press corps. 'And what about that Pegula guy? Sleepy Terry I like to call him. Sleepy Terry has the personality of an Ambien. Sleepy Terry would have turned Buffalo into Pegulaville.' 'Sad.' A few more chuckles from the press corps. On day one, September 10, 2014, he walks into Russ Brandon's office and in full reality show bravado tells him 'You're Fired'. 'This team has been very bad since you took over' Trump says. Bills fans celebrate across the nation. Ivanka Trump is put in the role. Soon after, racy pics of Ivanka circulate among Bills fans, and there is much rejoicing. Women's groups laud Donald Trump and the Buffalo Bills for 'breaking long held gender stereotypes in professional sports'. Feminist groups buy Ivanka's goods at a higher rate than ever. Trump keeps Doug Whaley on as GM. 'I need a winner in three years, and you're brown' he says. Rex Ryan is hired as coach due to his NYC connections. (still sucks in an alternate universe) Trump reinstates the Jills 'Because'. TDS - Trump Division Sports is created. Trump's injection of cash, and ability to manipulate NYS tax code stabilizes the franchise. Posters like DCtom, Derranged Rhino, @B-Man, @Rob's House love to see 'TDS', it means security and stability. Ever the marketing guru, Trump starts a campaign called 'Make Buffalo Great Again'. The national press derides him for it. The Bills and Buffalo great? They mock Buffalo, the Bills and Trump. The locals and Bills fans 'circle the wagons.' Posters like @BillStime, @Penfield45 and @Tiberius call out the media for how it is unfairly reporting on Trump. Soon red caps with a white Buffalo and the motto 'Make Buffalo Great Again' in blue are seen all around WNY and Bills Mafia. The losing ways make for some epic Rex Ryan and Donald Trump post game press conferences. "It's my fault, it's all on me" Rex says after a loss to the Jets. Tired of losing, Trump says 'You are so fat how could it miss?" After a few years with Rex Ryan, Trump tells him 'You're fired!' and tells Doug Whaley he has one last chance to get the job done. When Whaley asks how, Trump says, 'It's easy, score more points'. 'Spare no expense, football needs to be exciting.' he says. Ivanka and Doug hire Sean McVay, the best available offensive mind as HC to the Bills to the highest HC salary in the NFL. Wade Phillips is brought back to Buffalo as DC. He also tells Whaley they need a QB at all costs. 'Even that Herman Munster looking guy in Oakland is better than our QB'. Since the Wentz and Goff trades are already set, in desperation Whaley selects Dak Prescott as Bills QB in round two. Hillary wins the 2016 election, the recession continues, and 'woke' culture arises early. 'I can't believe that old shrew won.' Trump says. But Trump has Democrat allies going back to the 80's. Mario Cuomo and Trumo used to be best buddies. Cuomo, who wants to easily win reelection in 2018 wants a WNY foil. He agrees to help fund a Trump Tower, Casino and Stadium project on the Lake Erie waterfront. The Press lauds the investment in WNY and posts pictures and video of Trump and Cuomo shaking hands as 'NYC and Albany' partners to invest in WNY. The Buffalo economy is boosted by the construction project amid the continued nationwide recession. Unfortunately most of the jobs go to recently allowed DACA recipients instead of Buffalo's own. With cancel culture in full swing the wolves are out and want to cancel 'Bills Mafia'. 'Do you think it is ok for Bills fans to be called the Mafia?' A woke journalist asks Trump. 'Well the Mafia and I have always gotten along.' Trump says. The Trump Sports Complex and Casino breaks ground on March 15, 2016 on the waterfront. Meanwhile in 2016 Sean McVay ignites the offense. At QB is Dak Prescott. WR's Robert Woods and Sammy Watkins both enjoy breakout seasons. LeSean McCoy wins NFL MVP by helping carry the load as a runner and receiver. He has the best season as a Bills RB since Thurman Thomas. On Defense, Wade Phillips escalates the Bills defense to pre Rex Ryan Days. Dareus, Williams and Hughes are a nasty part of a solid 4-3 front. Lorax, Brown and Brown are as good a trio of LB's in the NFL. Gilmore and Darby man the corners. The Bills are a 10-6 Wild Card Team and face the dreaded New England Patriots in the AFC championship game. The pregame press conferences could not be more different. Robert Kraft and Bill Bellichick on one side. Donald Trump and Sean McVay on the other. 'How do you feel about facing New England?' A reporter asks? 'That's not even a city' Trump replies. 'We will crush them.' 'The Bills haven't beat New England in years' another reporter says. 'Then this win will be huuuge.' says Trump. The press wants Buffalo to win for sh!ts and giggles, and they do defeating the Pats 24-20 in the AFC Championship game. The Bills Face the Atlanta Falcons in the Super Bowl. In the pregame press conference a reporter asks Donald Trump about his team's chance of winning the Lombardy Trophy. 'Well a falcon is fierce, for it's size.' Trump says. 'But a buffalo is huge and strong' he says. 'Why does that matter?' asked another reporter. 'If I wanted huge and slow, I would have kept Rex Ryan' he said. 'We are now bigly and fast'. The press left at a loss, stopped with questions. In the Super Bowl Buffalo goes up early on a 65 yard bomb to Marquise Goodwin. Additional scores from McCoy and Woods put Buffalo ahead 21-10 But Atlanta rallies back. Julio Jones owns Stephon Gilore in the second half, scoring two TDs. Buffalo goes up late 27-24 on a Dan Carpenter FG from 47 yards out. Atlanta misses a late field goal to tie it up and Buffalo wins 27-24. 'I told you it would be huuge!' 'Birds can never beat Buffaloes unless they are the Ravens' Trump exclaims after the big win. Bolstered by the Super Bowl win and new stadium Gilmore, Dareus, Woods and Watkins decide to stay in Buffalo, and welcome in the new world leading sports complex. Trump Tower, Casino and Stadium funded by TDS and NYS is complete in 2017, hiring hundreds of Buffalo area locals. Free agents consider Buffalo a hot spot to sign with. 'You made Buffalo, NY a winner Mr. Trump, what is next?' asks the Press. 'I don't know, if I can make the Buffalo Bills a winner, maybe the White House is next.' Everyone gets a good chuckle..... Edited July 15, 2020 by RocCityRoller 2
Warcodered Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) alternatively Edited July 15, 2020 by Warcodered 1
PastaJoe Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 If Trump bought the team they would now be known as the Vegas Dollar Bills. 2
Ridgewaycynic2013 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) That was creative. But no mention of Kraft and Bon Jovi at the AFC title game. ? (I know, everybody's a critic. ?) And where it falls apart is Sammy's 'breakout' season. 'Fragile Frankie' Watkins is more like it. "I see lizard people". ? Edited July 15, 2020 by Ridgewaycynic2013
dorquemada Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 This would have been infinitely preferable to the timeline we're in
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