Augie Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. You want everyone to be safe, and you don’t want to create a rift in the family. My son is asking me what I think they should do. I tell him you’re the people getting married so it’s your decision. My 92 year old mother is fine with it. I can see both sides. What would YOU do?
BillsFan4 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 2 minutes ago, Augie said: HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. You want everyone to be safe, and you don’t want to create a rift in the family. My son is asking me what I think they should do. I tell him you’re the people getting married so it’s your decision. My 92 year old mother is fine with it. I can see both sides. What would YOU do? My cousin is supposed to get married in early September. So far she has no plans to change it (she thinks this pandemic is no big deal and makes fun of people wearing masks ?). I already told her that if she goes through with it unfortunately my family won’t be able to attend. I apologized but said that we couldn’t take the risk (we have high risk family members). A number of others in my (extended) family have already told her the same thing. I feel bad but a wedding certainly isn’t worth putting my family at risk. My sister was supposed to get married in October. She already cancelled her wedding and is hoping to do it next fall. She didn’t think it was right to ask people to put themselves at risk for her wedding, and she said when she does have the reception she wants everyone there to have a good time, not to be worried about getting sick if they talk too close to someone or dance with someone (etc). I agreed with her. 1
Bad Things Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 27 minutes ago, Augie said: What would YOU do? I'd tell them to do what I did 24 years ago. Elope! Save all that money for a great honeymoon or even for a deposit on a house. 1 1 1
Augie Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 1 minute ago, Bad Things said: I'd tell them to do what I did 24 years ago. Elope! Save all that money for a great honeymoon or even for a deposit on a house. Yeah, they’ll already be married by then. Mini-marriage! A priest, bride and groom and 4 parents. Both families gave them a chunk of cash to spend as they please. She’s a former wedding planner and knows how to cut corners and still “do it right”. A house is on the horizon, but they will probably still rent a place we got for them for a couple years. They were planning on a delayed honeymoon even BEFORE this mess. May be more of a delay than they expected. 1
Jrb1979 Posted May 19, 2020 Posted May 19, 2020 https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/05/19/859119865/florida-ousts-top-covid-19-data-scientist Its scary to see them manipulating data. You would hope that government officials would care more about people's lives. 1
The Dean Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 30 minutes ago, Jrb1979 said: https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/05/19/859119865/florida-ousts-top-covid-19-data-scientist Its scary to see them manipulating data. You would hope that government officials would care more about people's lives. Florida has also stopped letting Medical Examiners report cause of death. Apparently they were reporting higher numbers than the governor would like (that's a bit of an editorial, I suppose--draw your own conclusions) https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/2020/05/15/coronavirus-florida-search-deaths-county-censored-florida-medical-examiners-covid-19-database/5182813002/ 1
SinceThe70s Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 3 hours ago, Augie said: HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. You want everyone to be safe, and you don’t want to create a rift in the family. My son is asking me what I think they should do. I tell him you’re the people getting married so it’s your decision. My 92 year old mother is fine with it. I can see both sides. What would YOU do? So the parents-only wedding is mid-August with a reception two weeks later with 100-150? To me that doesn't make sense unless it was planned all along. When my kids were growing up they were in car seats longer than other kids the same age. Part of it was that we grow them small. More of it was my wife's protective nature. I would have had them out of the car seats sooner, but I could never justify the argument knowing that if I was wrong and something bad happened I could never live with myself so I let it go and it worked itself out within a year or so. So to answer your question, I'd postpone the reception out of an abundance of caution. 1
Augie Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 1 minute ago, SinceThe70s said: So the parents-only wedding is mid-August with a reception two weeks later with 100-150? To me that doesn't make sense unless it was planned all along. When my kids were growing up they were in car seats longer than other kids the same age. Part of it was that we grow them small. More of it was my wife's protective nature. I would have had them out of the car seats sooner, but I could never justify the argument knowing that if I was wrong and something bad happened I could never live with myself so I let it go and it worked itself out within a year or so. So to answer your question, I'd postpone the reception out of an abundance of caution. That was the plan from the beginning. They have always wanted the Grove Park Inn, their “special place” (and if you’ve been there, you’d understand why), but the Catholic Church requires an indoor (or possibly in church?) wedding. They have all the details nailed down. An outdoor wedding allows for the indoor reception space to be set up in advance. An indoor wedding requires a conversion of the space in between, which is awkward in terms of timing and flow of the event. She’s a former wedding planner, and the Grove Park is an amazing first class venue. No fools here, just a tricky situation. I know, it’s a first world problem, but we have one child to be married and hope it is beautiful for everyone.
SinceThe70s Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 1 minute ago, Augie said: That was the plan from the beginning. They have always wanted the Grove Park Inn, their “special place” (and if you’ve been there, you’d understand why), but the Catholic Church requires an indoor (or possibly in church?) wedding. They have all the details nailed down. An outdoor wedding allows for the indoor reception space to be set up in advance. An indoor wedding requires a conversion of the space in between, which is awkward in terms of timing and flow of the event. She’s a former wedding planner, and the Grove Park is an amazing first class venue. No fools here, just a tricky situation. I know, it’s a first world problem, but we have one child to be married and hope it is beautiful for everyone. Gotcha, my first thought was the split between wedding ceremony and reception was Covid-related. I hope it all works out for the best, regardless how it plays out. 1
Mr Info Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 4 hours ago, Augie said: HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. What would YOU do? My sister & her husband planned a kick-ass (225 guests) wedding on Labor Day weekend this year for their daughter. They live in MN. They told us on Sun that the wedding will still be held for immediate family only & the reception will be next year on Aug 28 at the same place. We already had preliminary discussions this might occur. This seems like a good idea. There are some attendees past 60 and they do not want to fly or travel far until there is a vaccine. 1 2
Hapless Bills Fan Posted May 20, 2020 Author Posted May 20, 2020 20 hours ago, Augie said: HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. You want everyone to be safe, and you don’t want to create a rift in the family. My son is asking me what I think they should do. I tell him you’re the people getting married so it’s your decision. My 92 year old mother is fine with it. I can see both sides. What would YOU do? So, as I understand it, this isn't about them getting married - they're getting married in front of parents mid-August. So this decision doesn't impact their legal situation, ability to obtain health insurance or other spousal benefits, or any religious restrictions, that's a done deal no matter what. This is about them throwing a big party for family and friends. It's the party of a life time celebrating the start of a lifetime together? I don't think anyone can tell your son and his bride what to do, but sometimes it's useful to write out a best-case and worst-case scenario for each choice Hold wedding in August best case: have fun party, no one gets sick worst case: wedding becomes "super spreader" event where multiple people in multiple families families become ill, potentially some family members or guests die Postpone wedding until next year best case: have fun party, no one gets sick worst case: one or more elder family members may pass of natural causes during the delay, wedding may need postponed again if too soon a date ? FWIW, I think it's very probable that by June next year we'll have at least one widely available vaccine as well as better/more rapid testing.
JohnC Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 16 hours ago, Augie said: HELP!!! I’m curious about what people here think..... Our son has a wedding scheduled for 8/28 at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. The hotel is to reopen 6/1 and they have until 5/28 to cancel with a full refund. They have the option to back out and pick a future date, probably next spring. (How do you know it’s fine in the spring?) The actual church wedding will be just parents only mid August, so they’ll already be married and this is the public service and reception with 100-150 people. The hotel will be checking everyone’s temp at the door. One of the bride’s sisters is stirring the pot, saying it’s unsafe to take their 77 year old father to a large gathering like that. Her parents have previously said they were cool with everything, but now signs the mom is wavering as the sister gets to her. She’s saying you might kill dad by getting married in August. You want everyone to be safe, and you don’t want to create a rift in the family. My son is asking me what I think they should do. I tell him you’re the people getting married so it’s your decision. My 92 year old mother is fine with it. I can see both sides. What would YOU do? There is going to be a limited attendance for the actual wedding. So the issue is conducting a reception during this uncertain crazy pandemic time. I don't understand your characterization of one of the bride's sister as stirring the pot over concern for the elderly father and other family members. I would say that she is using good judgment about the health risk for the parent who is in the vulnerable category. And don't doubt that just because others don't publicly complain about attending a reception at this time that they are not happy about being placed in a predicament between health and family relations. And it shouldn't be forgotten that even younger and healthy attendees can be exposed to the virus. And just because your 92 year old mother is fine with everything that doesn't mean that she is less vulnerable. How would you feel if she got exposed to this pernicious virus? Your son and daughter-in-law have the opportunity to cancel the affair and get their money back. They are lucky to have an opt out. Maybe as an option the married couple can have a first year anniversary reception to celebrate their lost wedding reception? Ultimately your son and daughter-in-law will have the final say. However, I don't want to come off as judgmental or critical but the bride's sister is not being unreasonable. She is expressing her concerns not for the purpose of creating conflict but doing so out of love and concern for the family. 1
snafu Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 16 hours ago, Augie said: They were planning on a delayed honeymoon even BEFORE this mess. May be more of a delay than they expected. If they want to be consistent, they should have the party around the same time they plan to take their honeymoon (if the reason for the delay is Covid-related in any way). I think they shouldn’t make other people travel if they’re not comfortable traveling. If this isn’t a factor, then your son and his bride need to make the decision on their own — it may affect family relations in the future. 1
Augie Posted May 20, 2020 Posted May 20, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, JohnC said: There is going to be a limited attendance for the actual wedding. So the issue is conducting a reception during this uncertain crazy pandemic time. I don't understand your characterization of one of the bride's sister as stirring the pot over concern for the elderly father and other family members. I would say that she is using good judgment about the health risk for the parent who is in the vulnerable category. And don't doubt that just because others don't publicly complain about attending a reception at this time that they are not happy about being placed in a predicament between health and family relations. And it shouldn't be forgotten that even younger and healthy attendees can be exposed to the virus. And just because your 92 year old mother is fine with everything that doesn't mean that she is less vulnerable. How would you feel if she got exposed to this pernicious virus? Your son and daughter-in-law have the opportunity to cancel the affair and get their money back. They are lucky to have an opt out. Maybe as an option the married couple can have a first year anniversary reception to celebrate their lost wedding reception? Ultimately your son and daughter-in-law will have the final say. However, I don't want to come off as judgmental or critical but the bride's sister is not being unreasonable. She is expressing her concerns not for the purpose of creating conflict but doing so out of love and concern for the family. 2 hours ago, snafu said: If they want to be consistent, they should have the party around the same time they plan to take their honeymoon (if the reason for the delay is Covid-related in any way). I think they shouldn’t make other people travel if they’re not comfortable traveling. If this isn’t a factor, then your son and his bride need to make the decision on their own — it may affect family relations in the future. There will be two weddings. The first is parents and priest only in a church to be recognized by the church. The second with priest, brides maids, best man, etc. They are among the small group of under 30’s who regularly go to church, teach Sunday school, etc. After the first, we’ll probably go out to dinner. After the second there will be a traditional reception. I hate to say this, but part of the problem is that the sister making a stink tries to tell everyone how to live every aspect of their lives. She thinks we should all be vegetarians (“that salmon you just ate was somebody’s mother!”) to what kind of dog to get (if your dog isn’t a labradoodle, you did it wrong). If she told me not to touch the hot stove, I’d be tempted to try it! Another part is wanting something they’ve been looking forward to and planning for for a long time. They ask the obvious question: How do I know the next date is safe? We help them think it through, but in the end it’s their decision and they have to live with it and the ramifications. We talked pros and cons, best case/worst case, etc. They need to understand that some people will not be comfortable flying, so attendance may drop. Some people may travel anyways, but be uncomfortable and possibly resentful. They just need to consider all that. . Edited May 20, 2020 by Augie 3
Warcodered Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 11 hours ago, Augie said: (“that salmon you just ate was somebody’s mother!”) Is that something she actually said?
Back2Buff Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 18 hours ago, Augie said: There will be two weddings. The first is parents and priest only in a church to be recognized by the church. The second with priest, brides maids, best man, etc. They are among the small group of under 30’s who regularly go to church, teach Sunday school, etc. After the first, we’ll probably go out to dinner. After the second there will be a traditional reception. I hate to say this, but part of the problem is that the sister making a stink tries to tell everyone how to live every aspect of their lives. She thinks we should all be vegetarians (“that salmon you just ate was somebody’s mother!”) to what kind of dog to get (if your dog isn’t a labradoodle, you did it wrong). If she told me not to touch the hot stove, I’d be tempted to try it! Another part is wanting something they’ve been looking forward to and planning for for a long time. They ask the obvious question: How do I know the next date is safe? We help them think it through, but in the end it’s their decision and they have to live with it and the ramifications. We talked pros and cons, best case/worst case, etc. They need to understand that some people will not be comfortable flying, so attendance may drop. Some people may travel anyways, but be uncomfortable and possibly resentful. They just need to consider all that. . By next summer I can 100% guarantee there will be a vaccine or treatment option.
Augie Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 11 hours ago, Warcodered said: Is that something she actually said? That’s the theory, and she firmly believes it.
Hapless Bills Fan Posted May 21, 2020 Author Posted May 21, 2020 4 hours ago, Back2Buff said: By next summer I can 100% guarantee there will be a vaccine or treatment option. I wouldn't 100% guarantee it but I believe it's highly probable for both. And yes, I do have former colleagues who are currently working on both. 2
Back2Buff Posted May 21, 2020 Posted May 21, 2020 59 minutes ago, Hapless Bills Fan said: I wouldn't 100% guarantee it but I believe it's highly probable for both. And yes, I do have former colleagues who are currently working on both. This much time and money is not spent on something for there not to be a solution. Even if it isn't 100% effective.
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