Wedding Gift Question

[Nextmanup]

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the wedded couple did not have a gift registry somewhere, and I pick an item off the list.

 

Absolutely at least $100.  That's low.

 

 

[Buffalo_Gal]

45 minutes ago, Augie said:

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it.

Congratulations!!!

[Gugny]

Either I'm really (REALLY) cheap, or only wealthy people are posting in this thread.

[plenzmd1]

38 minutes ago, Nextmanup said:

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the wedded couple did not have a gift registry somewhere, and I pick an item off the list.

 

Absolutely at least $100.  That's low.

 

 

plenzmd1 raises hand!!!! No gifts at our wedding..we absolutely requested no gifts, but if you like please make a donation to SOME DC(  so others may eat). My one aunt who was a fantastic artist gifted us a lovely original painting...only gift we received

10 minutes ago, Gugny said:

Either I'm really (REALLY) cheap, or only wealthy people are posting in this thread.

nah, just like so much in our world, things have been taken to extremes. Gender reveals, crazy birthday parties for kids, the horror of not being at every one of your kids college athletic contests etc. I mean how could these little darlings in their late 20's possibly make it in the world without $300 for every guest!

[Mark Vader]

1 hour ago, Augie said:

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

Does your son and family members know to not get married during football season?

[LabattBlue]

2 hours ago, Augie said:

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

???

[US Egg]

I am glad it's quieted down with family and friends kids weddings and invite obligations.

 

Some years there'd be 3 or 4, one year 5, weddings from June to mid Sept.

 

Add in same amount of June through July High School graduations too during this time.      

 

I don't miss it.

Edited November 16, 2019 by I am the egg man

[Gray Beard]

2 hours ago, Augie said:

A close friend has a daughter getting married soon. They are in their 30’s, established and she’s quite successful. Nothing on the registry was over $100. It felt awkward but we got something at the high end and will probably send a check too (cannot attend due to conflict). What do you do if they are 45 instead of 25? Is that any different?

 

My son is proposing this weekend. (Her father said “I was wondering when you were going to get around to it!”) We think she might even say yes! ? She used to be a wedding planner doing ~300/year. She is reluctant to waste so much money on a few hours where you don’t even have time to talk to everyone. I suspect her parents are giving her a certain amount that she can spend or keep. Want an open bar for everyone you know, or a nice start on a down payment for a house? The wedding will be as small as they can keep it. 

 

HOWEVER, all posters with extremely generous responses can expect an invitation!

 

My wife is from a HUGE family, and it’s that time for everyone to start getting married. Four in last 12 months I think. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Travel expenses for each one is a real thing. One was at Baha Mar resort in the Bahamas. It was worth every penny! 

My son’s fiancé was a worker bee for a wedding planner as a weekend gig for extra cash.  She insists that she wants no part of a big expensive wedding.  They would rather have money for a house and their honeymoon.  It’s actually their parents who would pay for the wedding more than they would, but they still don’t want to deal with it. 

 

When my son in law came to me to ask me about marrying my daughter, I told him, “We have something in common.  We both love my daughter, and we’re both scared of her mother.”  He didn’t know how to respond to that.  For the record, I’m happily married, it was meant to be funny (sort of).

[Virgil]

14 hours ago, Gugny said:

 

I might actually get married again just so I can invite you!

You have to ask me first!  Don’t assume I’ll just say yes.  I need to be romanced 

[ExiledInIllinois]

$150/person.

 

Family... $200/person if all four of us attending... $500+ just me or my wife attending a close family wedding.

 

Cash... Sometimes check.  Depends.  NEVER a gift.  Who wants that!!!! /smh

 

Who in hell are the people <$100... ??? $25-$49... ??? This ain't 1966.  That won't cover plate & booze even @ Bob's Country Bunker in Kokomo, Indiana... Okay, maybe that will! ?

[Sundancer]

13 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

plenzmd1 raises hand!!!! No gifts at our wedding..we absolutely requested no gifts, but if you like please make a donation to SOME DC(  so others may eat). My one aunt who was a fantastic artist gifted us a lovely original painting...only gift we received

nah, just like so much in our world, things have been taken to extremes. Gender reveals, crazy birthday parties for kids, the horror of not being at every one of your kids college athletic contests etc. I mean how could these little darlings in their late 20's possibly make it in the world without $300 for every guest!

 

Giving what you can, at least the cost of your attendance at the wedding, is the norm. At most traditional weddings, that's 150/person at least. Less than 100 is ridiculous unless you are the most hard up of hard up.

 

If it's an older established couple on a second wedding at a friend's bar catered by a cousin, the gift may be quite different. But the young couple on their first marriage gets the little extra lift. It's a nice norm. 

 

We always give cash and skip the registry. 

 

Oh and for you cheap bastids who say skip the wedding so you don't have to give a gift, that's not how it works. Invite = gift. 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Sundancer

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

16 hours ago, Gugny said:

Either I'm really (REALLY) cheap, or only wealthy people are posting in this thread.

haha— that’s what I was thinking. I think we cut a $50 check, with a lovely card. 

[OldTimeAFLGuy]

20 hours ago, row_33 said:

100+ easily

 

if they are registered i will get them something useful

 

otherwise cash in an envelope

 

and always repay kindness to you with the same or better

 

 

....sounds reasonable.........my daughter runs a large event/wedding venue..........what parents spend on weddings today is crazy......she had one last weekend where the bride's floral budget was 20 grand......spent 10 grand for the dress....10 grand for oyster/shrimp cold bar.....the father hired a rigging company to install guy wires between the 6 columns to hang extra chandeliers for ambience.....total tab was well north of 100 grand......

[Gugny]

1 hour ago, JR in Pittsburgh said:

haha— that’s what I was thinking. I think we cut a $50 check, with a lovely card. 

 

I went to a wedding last Fall.  My former next door neighbors' (and still close friends) daughter was getting married.  I went alone.  I gave them a $50 check and  I still feel fine about it.

 

If I'd had a date, I would have given $100.

 

One of my Supervisors at work is getting married in a couple weeks.  I'm not going to her wedding (it's one of those destination things), but I will give her and her husband $100.  The main reason is because a colleague of mine jumped on her registry and got them a ***** microwave.  So I can't come in with a 50 spot after that.

 

 

[plenzmd1]

1 hour ago, OldTimeAFLGuy said:

 

....sounds reasonable.........my daughter runs a large event/wedding venue..........what parents spend on weddings today is crazy......she had one last weekend where the bride's floral budget was 20 grand......spent 10 grand for the dress....10 grand for oyster/shrimp cold bar.....the father hired a rigging company to install guy wires between the 6 columns to hang extra chandeliers for ambience.....total tab was well north of 100 grand......

so what does it take to cover the cost of the plate on that one? Man, i be bust just going to a wedding LOL! BTW, already told my daughter, she is having her wedding paid for right now, its called tuition!

26 minutes ago, Gugny said:

 

I went to a wedding last Fall.  My former next door neighbors' (and still close friends) daughter was getting married.  I went alone.  I gave them a $50 check and  I still feel fine about it.

 

If I'd had a date, I would have given $100.

 

One of my Supervisors at work is getting married in a couple weeks.  I'm not going to her wedding (it's one of those destination things), but I will give her and her husband $100.  The main reason is because a colleague of mine jumped on her registry and got them a ***** microwave.  So I can't come in with a 50 spot after that.

 

 

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

[Gugny]

2 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

 

I'll check it out (then ignore it), but my guess is that the gift would have to be related to "services rendered," or otherwise work-related in order to be in violation of any policy.  This is strictly personal.

[plenzmd1]

Just now, Gugny said:

 

I'll check it out (then ignore it), but my guess is that the gift would have to be related to "services rendered," or otherwise work-related in order to be in violation of any policy.  This is strictly personal.

yea..i dunno bout that in a larger company...biggest gift gets promoted? biggest gift gets most favorable assignments? No gift..no raise?Lots of room for shenanigans. N 

[Gugny]

5 minutes ago, plenzmd1 said:

yea..i dunno bout that in a larger company...biggest gift gets promoted? biggest gift gets most favorable assignments? No gift..no raise?Lots of room for shenanigans. N 

 

All true and, unfortunately, this is a very large company.  Now I'm going to go check it out.

 

EDIT:  Just checked the manual.  Not a word about gifts.  I'm actually shocked.

 

 

Edited November 16, 2019 by Gugny

[OldTimeAFLGuy]

Just now, plenzmd1 said:

so what does it take to cover the cost of the plate on that one? Man, i be bust just going to a wedding LOL! BTW, already told my daughter, she is having her wedding paid for right now, its called tuition!

weird situation..wonder if HR would have an opinion on this...my gut is a betcha buried in the corporate handbook somewhere if a bigger company some rule about a limit on gifts being $50 or something

 

...the reception cost (food, beverage, oyster bar, etc) was $65,000.......my daughter books weddings for some of the more prominent families in the community......three "brides to be" who were all close friends, booked their weddings......after the 1st one, the 2nd one added a bunch of stuff to outdo the 1st one........the 3rd one gets married in 2020 and she is doing the same "add" thing.....she is already over 100 grand just for the reception and.....rising...SMH......

[Keukasmallies]

21 hours ago, apuszczalowski said:

I agree with most of this, you invited me to celebrate your wedding, now I'm supposed to pay for my dinner and a gift? Many cases the parents/family help out and pay for it, plus they have Stag & does to make money to help pay too. If you can't afford it or don't want to end up in debt afterwards, don't have such an expensive wedding.

 

When I got married i didnt want a Stag & Doe and paid for pretty much all of it ourselves. Kept it small and told my wife to work with the budget. 

 

 

Huh?