OT- Coaching sports

[Adam]

Whatever happened to the novel concept of neighborhood kids getting together at the local playground for a pickup game?  I did this for years every day after school and on weekends.  No travel leagues, no parents fighting with each other, no expenses, etc...

 

Sometimes I wonder if organized sports(outside of schools) are more for the benefit of adults than the children playing the game.  Flame away.

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No reason to flame- you are right on both points

[John from Riverside]

Whatever happened to the novel concept of neighborhood kids getting together at the local playground for a pickup game?  I did this for years every day after school and on weekends.  No travel leagues, no parents fighting with each other, no expenses, etc...

 

Sometimes I wonder if organized sports(outside of schools) are more for the benefit of adults than the children playing the game.  Flame away.

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Labatt,

 

I miss those days as well....unfortunately playgrounds have turned into drugstores or a good place to catch a stray bullet

[LabattBlue]

Labatt,

 

I miss those days as well....unfortunately playgrounds have turned into drugstores or a good place to catch a stray bullet

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That's very sad. One of these days, I should go back to the playground I frequented as a youngster and take a look at what is going on.

[jester43]

I have been coaching soccer for over 10 years.   I think it is about time to quit.  Tired of parents bitching all the time.  If its not one parent its another parent.  I don't get paid.  I volunteer my time.  I coach a U-13 premier girls soccer team.  5 players were late to league game because of track meet.  So whenever one showed up I benched them for only 15 mins.  I did that to my star player when she showed up with 18 minutes left in game.  She got to play for only a few minutes.  Parents freaked out.  Calls me up and quits.   I think that's what I am about to do.  It wears on you over the years.

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i have been coaching for track and xc for 18 years. i coached wrestling for 5 and soccer for 1. i loved all of them but soccer. imo, it is something about team sports that brings out the worst in parents. track and xc parents are the best. wrestling parents were very supportive also. but for some reason when a kid goes from an individual to a team sport, the parents seem to trade their brains in.

 

having said that, a couple points:

 

1. were you made aware of the conflict ahead of time? if so ( though it sounds like you weren't), and if you agreed to let them run in the meet, you shouldn't be benching anyone. i am a college coach at a pretty tough academic school, and we are constantly dealing with academic conflicts. the whole deal is, when you know there will be a conflict, you make an arrangement ahead of time and you stick to it. but this situation sounds like they just showed up late though, without letting you know ahead of time that they would be late. for that they should be benched.

 

2. your story is one of the reasons i hate soccer: why the fug do under-13 kids need to be in an organized soccer league in the spring?! you probably know this, and please do not take it personally, but i gotta say...coaches of other sports hate soccer, because some of the coaches get this death grip on the athletes from a very young age and convince the kids and parents that if they are not playing year-round in organized "select" leagues and such, they will never cut it when they get older. it's bull sh--. they ought to be running in track meets! ...or playing softball or whatever. a little kid should be trying different things, and not be focused on one sport year round.

 

anyway, my personal prejudices aside , you sound like you care, so you shouldn't quit coaching. there are not enough good youth coaches out there. the local catholic school in carlisle has a youth track club that has 135 friggin kids in it and it is a sight to behold...ten volunteer coaches, and they do a fantastic job with those kids...i always say there is a special place in heaven saved for good youth sports coaches. maybe you need to give up coaching these uber-special "selects" and find a less competitive environment where the kids aren't being pushed into doing multiple sports at the same time (always a bad idea anyway) by their crazy ass living-vicariously-through-their-kids parents!

[The Poojer]

I think you will feel more rewarded when she is forced to walk back to you tail between legs groveling and apologizing, then it will validate what you did, as being the right thing! stick to your guns and do the right thing. don't ruin it for the players that appreciate you as thier coach.

 

I have been coaching soccer for over 10 years.  I think it is about time to quit.  Tired of parents bitching all the time.  If its not one parent its another parent.  I don't get paid.  I volunteer my time.  I coach a U-13 premier girls soccer team.  5 players were late to league game because of track meet.  So whenever one showed up I benched them for only 15 mins.  I did that to my star player when she showed up with 18 minutes left in game.  She got to play for only a few minutes.  Parents freaked out.  Calls me up and quits.  I think that's what I am about to do.  It wears on you over the years.

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[PastaJoe]

Whatever happened to the novel concept of neighborhood kids getting together at the local playground for a pickup game? I did this for years every day after school and on weekends. No travel leagues, no parents fighting with each other, no expenses, etc...

 

I wish our kids could do this. I used to get on my bike and be gone all day playing with friends and doing like you say, and my parents never had to worry. Unfortunately these days I get nervous letting my 11 year old go around the block out of my sight, and I live in a relatively safe suburban neighborhood. There's just too many nutjobs out there looking to do harm to kids.

[BuckeyeBill]

Without a doubt you did the right thing. Your "star" player, if she quits when there is adversity... for something she did that was wrong... it is just a sign of things to come. She may be a "star" but in life, she will only be known as a quitter.

 

Stick to your guns. You are the kind of coach that soccer and every other sport needs desperately.

[Stussy109]

Sometimes you don't have to be the disciplinarian TV shows coaches to be. A better way of handling this issue is establishing a set contract in the beginning. that way you blame the contract like "This is what I have to do to be fair to eveyone" type thing vs. this is wht I feel like doing. Coaches main roles are to be motivators, and to get every ounce of potential out of each player. With that said, does benching a player get that message across? I do understand you feel practice is important, but games are that much more important. What kind of mixed message are you sending that if somebody misses 15mins of practice, which in all reality is not a big deal in the grand scheme of thing, vs. missing 15 minutes in a game which is a huge deal. I would have a plan that says if you miss 15 mins, she owes you double that in extra practice and conditioning. Just my opinion....

[Alaska Darin]

Sometimes you don't have to be the disciplinarian TV shows coaches to be.  A better way of handling this issue is establishing a set contract in the beginning.  that way you blame the contract like "This is what I have to do to be fair to eveyone" type thing vs. this is wht I feel like doing.  Coaches main roles are to be motivators, and to get every ounce of potential out of each player.  With that said, does benching a player get that message across?  I do understand you feel practice is important, but games are that much more important.  What kind of mixed message are you sending that if somebody misses 15mins of practice, which in all reality is not a big deal in the grand scheme of thing, vs. missing 15 minutes in a game which is a huge deal.  I would have a plan that says if you miss 15 mins, she owes you double that in extra practice and conditioning.  Just my opinion....

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Yeah, you're right. Intramural league games for pre-teen girls should be treated as life and death experiences if they are held to a standard - especially if they're talented.

 

That's one of the problems with our society. What message does it send to the players who make every practice and do exactly what is expected of them every day? Oh, I know you show up to every practice and work hard and Julie's a prissy little B word who thinks she's above the team who doesn't show up to the game until there's only a few minutes are left, but we need to win this all important U-13 intramural game so our lives have some validation and she's REALLY good.

[Steve From Roch]

I have been coaching soccer for over 10 years.  I think it is about time to quit.  Tired of parents bitching all the time.  If its not one parent its another parent.  I don't get paid.  I volunteer my time.  I coach a U-13 premier girls soccer team.  5 players were late to league game because of track meet.  So whenever one showed up I benched them for only 15 mins.  I did that to my star player when she showed up with 18 minutes left in game.  She got to play for only a few minutes.  Parents freaked out.  Calls me up and quits.  I think that's what I am about to do.  It wears on you over the years.

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Man I feel your pain but I think quitting would be a decision you regret. The point being is that the right decisions are not always popular, but if someone has your back, the pain is easier to deal with. I’m sure that there are some parents that support you and respect you for how you conduct your self as the coach and roll model for these kids. Some life lessons are meant to be taught on the field, that’s why we play sports. Other lessons can only be taught on the bench. Stick to your convictions you have my respect and the respect of a lot of other parents out there.

[stevewin]

I coach (young) youth basketball and baseball. My personal experience with parents so far has been pretty positive. I haven't had problems with parents who yell/scream etc. - to be honest, right now my problem is more with parents who have completely undisciplined kids and just dump them on the team and don't blink an eye when their kid is being a major discipline problem and screwing around.

 

I do believe the priority of organized sports is having fun. I also believe very strongly that if a kid is going to participate in organized sports there is a responsibility to behave properly and respect coaches and teammates. At the start of each season I tell all the parents the importance of talking to their child about the importance of proper behavior in team sports - I empahsize it throughout the season and it simply astounds me that some parents are so apathetic about their kids terrible behavior.

 

I know I am dealing with young kids, and as they get older there will be more kids who are generally more interested in being there and paying attention - but regardless - when my kids were 5 years old I sat them down before their first league and had a long talk with them about the importance of proper behavior in organized sports and what it meant to be part of a team. And it is something I continually reinforce as they participate (of course it helps that my kids have been raised properly to respect people and behave properly in all situations ). When I was a kid I wanted to be at practice - and I wouldn't think of disrespecting a coach.

 

Which brings to the last point about organized sports today replacing pickup games. The fact is that most parents today are reluctant to let their young kids go off on their own to the park or wherever. So now organized sports are where some parents dump their kids so they have something to do - with the attitude that it will get them out of their hair or make them tired or whatever - without a care or understanding of some the responsibilities and beahavior which are some of the most important principles of organized sports (IMHO). It is one of my pet peeves.

[Surfmeister]

Casting Pearls Before Swine

 

In other words ... Don't give it away if they don't appreciate it.

 

Or ... ROI ... Check your return on investment

 

Young girls shouldn't be playing soccer anyway. They should be learning the skills they will need to be good wives and mothers with their free time. Cooking, sewing, gardening, skills in raising children. In Japan girls go to schools to learn the "marital arts" required to keep their husbands happy. Plus, the last thing girls need is to be bouncing a soccer ball off of their heads and giving themselves minor concussions and future neck problems.

 

If you're doing this for free QUIT the friggin thing until they come to your door begging you to come back. Then be very polite, listen intently on what they have to say and then give them until the count of three to get off of your property.

 

F-ing Soccer Moms ~ Bless Your Heart!

[Kevbeau]

I coach (young) youth basketball and baseball.  My personal experience with parents so far has been pretty positive.  I haven't had problems with parents who yell/scream etc. - to be honest, right now my problem is more with parents who have completely undisciplined kids and just dump them on the team and don't blink an eye when their kid is being a major discipline problem and screwing around.

 

My dad's biggest rule was while in public (including sports) we represented him, and anything we did to embarass him attitude or discipline-wise would be dealt with.

 

My brother was a pretty decent hockey player. Played on a bunch of select travel teams, at St. Francis and eventually red shirted at Mercyhurst (until he dropped out). I remember one game in HS he was being a bastard out on the ice. Cheap shotting opponents, mouthing off to refs. etc. Pop went down between periods, walked into the locker room and told him right in front of all his buddies and coaches that if he didn't start acting like a man, he was gonna get his ass kicked when we got home....problem solved. My dad's not a big man 5' 8", about 170 lbs but had 23 years in the service. He only had to kick my ass once to get his point across. I used to think he was too strict, but I thank God that he took that route with us (I won't even get started on my grandfathers ). You just don't appreciate it until your an adult.

 

I'm 31, don't have kids, but most my friends do. I see the kids telling there parents to shut-up, screaming until they get there way, telling other adults off. Dr. Spock has truly f'd up our youth. I ref youth hockey (8 -15) down here in Atlanta, mostly because there's a severe shortage of qualified refs. I don't need the money, have better things to do with my time, but the guy who runs the league is a buddy, so I'm helping him out. I've had two fathers threaten me in the parking lot (I just asked them if they really want their kid to see them get their ass kicked) and absorb a constant barrage of insults from people who can't even skate. Have I made bad calls...yes...all refs/umps do at some point, but you can't reverse yourself once you make the call. I've seen coaches threatened and verbally abused by people who don't know what off-sides is. My buddy is mechanic supervisor for Delta...a job that entails a great deal of responsibility and stress, but the hockey league is stressing him out more than that. I dread going to the rink if I'm scheduled to ref a game.

 

Do kids have behavior problems. Sure, they always have, but the parents are the ones who are dropping the ball IMHO. You are not your childs friend and at some point in their life they (the kids) are going to run into someone who won't put up with their BS and that's when it hits the fan.

 

I'll step down of the soapbox now.

[BADOLBILZ]

I have been coaching soccer for over 10 years.  I think it is about time to quit.  Tired of parents bitching all the time.  If its not one parent its another parent.  I don't get paid.  I volunteer my time.  I coach a U-13 premier girls soccer team.  5 players were late to league game because of track meet.  So whenever one showed up I benched them for only 15 mins.  I did that to my star player when she showed up with 18 minutes left in game.  She got to play for only a few minutes.  Parents freaked out.  Calls me up and quits.  I think that's what I am about to do.  It wears on you over the years.

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I don't see anywhere in that post that you had laid any specific ground rules, as people seem to assume. Growing up, most of my coaches would have done the same thing, but those guys told us straight up that if you were late for a game or missed practice for any reason you could not play at all. We couldn't play two sports in the same season because of this. Were you unaware that these kids were involved in track and there might be a conflict or were the kids unaware they would be punished, because if they knew full well, they've got no gripe.

[diver]

Thanks for all the advice. I can feel the stress from this team when ever the phone rings. The team is like the Bickering Bills. Its a high level team.

Before each season I pass out and discuss team guidelines. Within those guidelines it talks about playing other sports. Out of all the clubs in my town and in our league I have been the most allowing of girls to play other sports. But the guidelines always state the priority of our team over other secondary sports. I have never set up direct consequences for certain actions because I felt that was up to the disgression of the coach. But doing that leads to people saying, "Double Standards" We have a parents meeting this week and it may be time to set concrete consequences such as, Miss a practice you are benched for half of next game or come late to came you are bench for ? period of time. I do believe there is more to life than just sports and every family/player has individual circumstances that I have dealt with on a case by case basis. But its not working.

The girls get along great its the parents that feel the need to vent. This is the third time around for me coaching soccer. I never had such difficulty as with this group. Yes the rewards are great sometimes. My older team is playing High School and then off to college. When the girls see me they jump and hug me and are happy to see me come watch them play. But I went through some same issues letting players go who had baggage. But I do not if times are a changing but its more difficult no with the increase popularity of the sport.

[John from Riverside]

Thanks for all the advice.  I can feel the stress from this team when ever the phone rings.  The team is like the Bickering Bills.  Its a high level team.

  Before each season I pass out and discuss team guidelines. Within those guidelines it talks about playing other sports.  Out of all the clubs in my town and in our league I have been the most allowing of girls to play other sports.  But the guidelines always state the priority of our team over other secondary sports.  I have never set up direct consequences for certain actions because I felt that was up to the disgression of the coach.  But doing that leads to people saying, "Double Standards"    We have a parents meeting this week and it may be time to set concrete consequences such as,  Miss a practice you are benched for half of next game or come late to came you are bench for ? period of time.  I do believe there is more to life than just sports and every family/player has individual circumstances that I have dealt with on a case by case basis.  But its not working. 

    The girls get along great its the parents that feel the need to vent.  This is the third time around for me coaching soccer.  I never had such difficulty as with this group.  Yes the rewards are great sometimes.  My older team is playing High School and then off to college.  When the girls see me they jump and hug me and are happy to see me come watch them play.  But I went through some same issues letting players go who had baggage.  But I do not if times are a changing but its more difficult no with the increase popularity of the sport.

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And to me that is the real reward of being a coach.....with my basketball players it makes me feel good that I might have tought them something they can use later on.......

[Kevbeau]

Sorry, Off topic:

 

With all the kids playing soccer in the US nowadays...how long before we win a World Cup?

[Alaska Darin]

Sorry, Off topic:

 

With all the kids playing soccer in the US nowadays...how long before we win a World Cup?

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What's a World Cup?

[gantrules]

If there is one truth in life it's that you can't please everyone all the time.

 

From one coach to another I think you did the right thing. The punishment wasn't overboard by any stretch of the imagiation and now her parents are just trying to get an upper hand on you. Don't back down and honestly I wouldn't let her back on the team if she did try unless she apologized to her teammates for her actions.

[gantrules]

What's a World Cup?

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I think it's something given out after Earth Day.