Passing of a former co-worker

[RochesterRob]

  I worked with this fellow over 25 years ago but it surprised me upon the mention of this guy earlier today the animosity I had left for him.  I'm usually the kind of guy who lets the sands of time blow over and cover up minor misdeeds done against me but all I could think of were all the bad times I had in dealing with this guy.  The guy would always hide and never answer the phone in his department.  He always had an excuse why he could never work late or why he could never come in on a Saturday.  We all had lives and commitments and duties but he thought his circumstances warranted special treatment.  Anybody else in a similar situation just well up with anger upon hearing similar news?  Usually, I can find some morsel of good in the turds I knew in life but this guy even though he never directly stole from me or committed a crime I just can't forgive the guy.  I guess the positive is that even though that job was a stepping stone to other things that in a number of other respects it was a decent time in my life.  

[row_33]

A former dirtbag of a co-worker was killed in a bizarre road accident about a year ago, basically the same thing as you with the animosity still remaining.

 

I take comfort i won't see him again and he won't be pointlessly antagonizing me every time he sees me.

 

 

 

 

 

[Nanker]

Exhale. Or as they say in Jersey, fuggettaboutit. 

He left a scar on your spiritual self. It'll never heal if you keep picking at its scab.

[Another Fan]

Honestly no.  Nobody in my adult life I disliked enough to that point.  Well that I knew anyway

Edited May 1, 2019 by Another Fan

[row_33]

13 minutes ago, Another Fan said:

Honestly no.  Nobody in my adult life I disliked enough to that point.  Well that I knew anyway

 

that's good.... of 200 people i have worked with only 2 were totally beyond the pale

 

people who would think nothing of lying or sabotaging another's work, even when it didn't help them out in the slightest

 

i helped usher a dozen or so out of firms my own way, those 2 were worthy of champagne celebrations when it was over

 

 

[RochesterRob]

3 minutes ago, Nanker said:

Exhale. Or as they say in Jersey, fuggettaboutit. 

He left a scar on your spiritual self. It'll never heal if you keep picking at its scab.

  It's been over 25 years ago and honestly he was a person I very seldom thought about in the interim.  I probably will have put it behind me by Saturday but it still boils my mind all the times I got stuck cleaning up his messes and problems.

1 minute ago, row_33 said:

 

that's good.... of 200 people i have worked with only 2 were totally beyond the pale

 

people who would think nothing of lying or sabotaging another's work, even when it didn't help them out in the slightest

 

i helped usher a dozen or so out of firms my own way, those 2 were worthy of champagne celebrations when it was over

 

 

  Care to comment further on those assisted exoduses?

[row_33]

11 minutes ago, RochesterRob said:

  It's been over 25 years ago and honestly he was a person I very seldom thought about in the interim.  I probably will have put it behind me by Saturday but it still boils my mind all the times I got stuck cleaning up his messes and problems.

 

even so there has to be something that was good about the person to think about, for me this person was good at taking care of his workers financially on projects, but it was other people's money he was throwing around and he didn't care about a budget   

 

 

[Augie]

Words easy to say, but harder to do: LET IT GO. 

 

I have had some pretty bad  things happen, and I can’t think of anyone I have that kind of resentment over. I won’t let it eat me up. In fact, in some cases I actually feel sorry for them. They have to go through life that way. Setting people up, stabbing them in the back, harming their families is not something you want to look back on when this world is over. 

 

 

In almost every case, we would be considered far more fortunate than those who took the low road. 

[/dev/null]

show up at his funeral and if anybody asks you came, tell them you just wanted to make sure the son of a b*tch was dead

[WhoTom]

After all these years, you're letting a dead man piss you off? Holding a grudge is a choice - an unhealthy choice. Do yourself a favor and let it go.

 

 

 

[row_33]

53 minutes ago, RochesterRob said:

 

  Care to comment further on those assisted exoduses?

 

it's an accounting specialty that takes a certain type of mindset and work ethic

 

if you were obviously not going to fit in then you might as well leave, there are plenty of other accounting paths to take in your glorious future

 

sometimes a direct chat with the person let them state what they already knew

 

they weren't given a second change to prove they clearly didn't belong on the files

 

and others... well office politics is natural to many we least suspect 

 

 

26 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

After all these years, you're letting a dead man piss you off? Holding a grudge is a choice - an unhealthy choice. Do yourself a favor and let it go.

 

 

 

 

depends.....  i knew audit partners who left a trail of former workers whom they sexually harassed at the very least before firing them.... probably not the case here....

 

 

[Doc]

Think of it this way:  you can still be angry at his memory.  He, OTOH...

[row_33]

35 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

After all these years, you're letting a dead man piss you off? Holding a grudge is a choice - an unhealthy choice. Do yourself a favor and let it go.

 

 

 

 

you carry around the legacy of what people imprinted on you, most are fortunately forgotten

 

from some you have learned what never to do to people.... ever....

 

 

[WhoTom]

56 minutes ago, row_33 said:

 

you carry around the legacy of what people imprinted on you, most are fortunately forgotten

 

from some you have learned what never to do to people.... ever....

 

 

2

 

True, and rather than holding onto anger, which hurts myself but not them, I choose to be grateful that 1) I'm not them, and 2) they taught me that lesson.

 

As Augie pointed out, it's easier said than done, but I find the effort is worthwhile for my own peace of mind and for the people around me.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 1, 2019 by WhoTom

[Augie]

6 minutes ago, WhoTom said:

 

True, and rather than holding onto anger, which hurts myself but not them, I choose to be grateful that 1) I'm not them, and 2) they taught me that lesson.

 

 

 

 

My wife was in sales then moved up to management with a major bank. One of the guys on the management committee was a neighbor who hated change, and was not too fond of women at his level. He undermined her at every opportunity. She has gone onward and upward, while he’s struggling to hang on at a much lower level bank and word is they are tired of him. He later admitted to her he was afraid of changes going on, and he hated losing control. Who won there? We actually feel for the guy. 

 

When my bank had a management change, I was one of two people in line to succeed my boss. The other person got it because she had previously worked with the new President. She had the pleasure of eliminating an entire level of management. Good, hard working people who could have had other positions in the bank. They just went with cut and run. A couple years later she was back in mortgage production at another bank. She did the dirty work, and I’d have hated myself had I been in that position. 

 

Life happens as it’s meant to happen. Do your best, forgive as much as possible. It’s best for everyone, including YOU. 

 

(Criminal stuff needs to face the music, but I don’t feel hatred.) 

[Another Fan]

Sometimes people are jerks because they are getting it bad some place else in life or have been victimized themselves.

 

Not making excuses for the guy the OP is alluding too, just saying

[row_33]

33 minutes ago, Another Fan said:

Sometimes people are jerks because they are getting it bad some place else in life or have been victimized themselves.

 

Not making excuses for the guy the OP is alluding too, just saying

 

It has to stop somewhere

 

You don’t want a dozen people who, if they came across you having a heart attack, would put the fire hose in your mouth and turn it on full blast 

[Koko78]

3 hours ago, /dev/null said:

show up at his funeral and if anybody asks you came, tell them you just wanted to make sure the son of a b*tch was dead

 

Is that before or after he should take a crap in the coffin?

[Boca BIlls]

3 hours ago, RochesterRob said:

  I worked with this fellow over 25 years ago but it surprised me upon the mention of this guy earlier today the animosity I had left for him.  I'm usually the kind of guy who lets the sands of time blow over and cover up minor misdeeds done against me but all I could think of were all the bad times I had in dealing with this guy.  The guy would always hide and never answer the phone in his department.  He always had an excuse why he could never work late or why he could never come in on a Saturday.  We all had lives and commitments and duties but he thought his circumstances warranted special treatment.  Anybody else in a similar situation just well up with anger upon hearing similar news?  Usually, I can find some morsel of good in the turds I knew in life but this guy even though he never directly stole from me or committed a crime I just can't forgive the guy.  I guess the positive is that even though that job was a stepping stone to other things that in a number of other respects it was a decent time in my life.  

Good riddance, you dont always need to mourn people. We are human, if a guys sucks you dont need to feel bad.

[BringBackFergy]

1 hour ago, Koko78 said:

 

Is that before or after he should take a crap in the coffin?

Limeaid??