Warcodered Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Hapless Bills Fan said: pretty sure it's hamburger. 2 2 1 1 Quote
Marv's Neighbor Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 The Laws of Life 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers. 5. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now 6. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring. 7. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 8. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!! 9. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 10. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 11. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 13. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. 15. Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 16. Law of Public Speaking -- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! 17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it! 18. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. If you don't forward this to your friends, your belly button will unscrew and your butt will fall off. Really... It's true. I read it on the Internet! 1 2 1 Quote
WhoTom Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 40 minutes ago, Marv's Neighbor said: 14. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about. Been seeing way too much of that one lately. 2 1 Quote
The Senator Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 On 5/7/2019 at 9:38 PM, Misterbluesky said: Sounds like Vito's barbershop talk..I like it. Vito is the best! ?? Quote
NoHuddleKelly12 Posted July 14, 2020 Posted July 14, 2020 3 hours ago, WhoTom said: It still needs a made-up Norse sounding name that's used as an adjective in the too small to read instruction manual! Quote
Niagara Bill Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 A jumper cable walks into a bar and orders a beer Bartender says " ok, I will serve you but don't start anything" A dyslexic man walks into a bra......budda boom 2 Quote
Hapless Bills Fan Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 3 hours ago, Niagara Bill said: A jumper cable walks into a bar and orders a beer Bartender says " ok, I will serve you but don't start anything" A dyslexic man walks into a bra......budda boom A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here" The string steps outside, ties an overhand knot in one end, and frays its strands above the knot. Walks back in the bar. Bartender says "aren't you that string that was just in here?" String says "No, I'm a frayed knot" 1 1 Quote
Saxum Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 12 hours ago, Lurker said: Quarantine turns you into Roseanne Barr - that is scary. Quote
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