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BringBackFergy

By BringBackFergy
in Off the Wall Archives

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ExiledInIllinois Hall of Famer

ExiledInIllinois

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, BringBackFergy said:

https://www.news10.com/news/national/man-threw-meth-fueled-death-party-for-his-wife-before-she-died-deputies-say/1742595313

 

Mug shot

Meth

Bathing dead body

Guns

’Murica

#BringBackFergyIsSoDeadInside2Me

 

Disclaimer/WARNING:  Some content in this post may not be suitable for the faint of heart, NSFW, small children, sensitive pets and farm animals, @Gugny , triggerable people under 50 or anybody with a pacemaker or similarly constructed medically implanted device prior to 11/8/2016.

 

Holy *****!

 

"...The Mankato Free Press reported that Duane Arden Johnson, 58, of Searles, Minnesota, was charged with criminal neglect and receiving stolen property after his wife's death on Thursday.

Deputies said Johnson called 911 at about noon to report that his wife, Debra Lynn Johnson, 69, had died.

 

The real kick in the nuts for the deputies, somebody should call OSHA:

 

Officers arrived at the couple's home and found the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door.  A naked Duane Johnson allegedly ran outside and said his wife was dead, then ran back inside to take a bath. He was later found in the bathtub hallucinating and trying to wash white and black “things” from his skin, according to deputies..."

 

Hey, ain't Mankato in Minnesota?  Wasn't it like -35° actual temperature out in Minnesota yesterday?

 

Yeah... I am the stupid one for being a GateKeeper© playing Sudoku, blowing bubbles in a pit, twisting handles watching vessels float by with hot chicks in the summer, frozen Southern Hillbilly deckhands (hey, take the good w/the bad) in winter while Asian carp stealthily avoid the submarine nets all the while making a bit more what these poor, poor deputies earn... Boy, what a fool I am!

 

Holy Moly!  These guys need a raise and a Dunkin Donuts® lifetime all-you-can-eat & drink card for enduring these horrendous working conditions! Good thing Minnesota deputies makes above the national average.

 

The deputies no doubt were drawing straws on who goes in after this 58 year old Johnson dude that doesn't look a second under 93! LMAO... Okay, 88... Not a day under 88, he does have a youthful glow and impish look, smile about him! AND that's after he took a bath and scrubbed off the black & white demons.

 

DEPUTY #1: "Yeah Sam, looks like you lost... Pulled the old short straw... Good luck going in... I am here for ya Bro!"

 

DEPUTY #2: "Wow, this sucks Joe... Looks like he ran into the bathroom, there is water running, I will give him 10 minutes to clean up after all that hard partying & death."

 

 

WARNING! WARNING, DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

 

This is where the above disclaimer is applied... Press the back button now or forever hold your peace (and presumably the oatmeal and raspberry Chobani® yogurt you just had for breakfast):

 

 

 

 

 

 

50 ***** 8!  I am almost 7 years away from 58?  You sure that ain't a typo and 85?

 

duane%20arden%20johnson_1548878575028.jp

 

Yeah... I am killing myself on the job alright @BringBackFergy @Cripple Creek @et al...

 

 

...We need to start a GoFundMe to send those poor, poor deputies to Aruba for the month of January every year!

 

Where did grammar school (beside an F in spelling) go wrong in the 1960s?  And don't say swimming nekkid @Gugny...But I will concede that may have contributed to this dude's penchant for free-balling in -70°F wind chills, oh and a little meth too, but just a little, meth that is.  Somebody had to be the "adult" at the "death parde."

 

I am so done with you Fergy for posting this.  You are so dead inside to me... You scarred me for life once too many times. I treat you to 3 Floyds® and you treat me to Nekkid Johnson® and a re-evaluation of my privileged, charmed life.  You are an evil, nasty man who works in strange ways!

 

I gotta wake up to this... I am going to my Happy Place and shovel snow so my wife and daughter can get to work & school.

 

#BringBackFergyIsSoDeadInside2Me

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BringBackFergy Hall of Famer

BringBackFergy

Posted
  • Author
Posted

^^^ A response for the ages. Well done @ExiledInIllinois.

 

Coincidentally, Mr. Duane Arden Johnson was previously employed by the US Army Corps of Engineers (or is it Corpse of Engineers?). He supervised the construction of Lockmaster House 42-A outside Chicago   His use of meth, spray painting his door, washing his poor departed’s dead body and running naked in sub-z temps is attributable to high stress levels. He’s now collecting SSD (Social Security Disability) 

  • Haha (+1) 1
Gugny Hall of Famer

Gugny

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BringBackFergy said:

Oops. Sorry bout that. 

 

1 hour ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

 

 

 

:nana:

 

1 hour ago, BringBackFergy said:

Oops. Sorry bout that. 

 

 

Way to go, 26FergyBlitz.

 

  • Like (+1) 1
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SinceThe70s Veteran

SinceThe70s

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

#BringBackFergyIsSoDeadInside2Me

 

Disclaimer/WARNING:  Some content in this post may not be suitable for the faint of heart, NSFW, small children, sensitive pets and farm animals, @Gugny , triggerable people under 50 or anybody with a pacemaker or similarly constructed medically implanted device prior to 11/8/2016.

 

Holy *****!

 

"...The Mankato Free Press reported that Duane Arden Johnson, 58, of Searles, Minnesota, was charged with criminal neglect and receiving stolen property after his wife's death on Thursday.

Deputies said Johnson called 911 at about noon to report that his wife, Debra Lynn Johnson, 69, had died.

 

The real kick in the nuts for the deputies, somebody should call OSHA:

 

Officers arrived at the couple's home and found the words “Death Parde God Hell” spray-painted on the front door.  A naked Duane Johnson allegedly ran outside and said his wife was dead, then ran back inside to take a bath. He was later found in the bathtub hallucinating and trying to wash white and black “things” from his skin, according to deputies..."

 

Hey, ain't Mankato in Minnesota?  Wasn't it like -35° actual temperature out in Minnesota yesterday?

 

Yeah... I am the stupid one for being a GateKeeper© playing Sudoku, blowing bubbles in a pit, twisting handles watching vessels float by with hot chicks in the summer, frozen Southern Hillbilly deckhands (hey, take the good w/the bad) in winter while Asian carp stealthily avoid the submarine nets all the while making a bit more what these poor, poor deputies earn... Boy, what a fool I am!

 

Holy Moly!  These guys need a raise and a Dunkin Donuts® lifetime all-you-can-eat & drink card for enduring these horrendous working conditions! Good thing Minnesota deputies makes above the national average.

 

The deputies no doubt were drawing straws on who goes in after this 58 year old Johnson dude that doesn't look a second under 93! LMAO... Okay, 88... Not a day under 88, he does have a youthful glow and impish look, smile about him! AND that's after he took a bath and scrubbed off the black & white demons.

 

DEPUTY #1: "Yeah Sam, looks like you lost... Pulled the old short straw... Good luck going in... I am here for ya Bro!"

 

DEPUTY #2: "Wow, this sucks Joe... Looks like he ran into the bathroom, there is water running, I will give him 10 minutes to clean up after all that hard partying & death."

 

 

WARNING! WARNING, DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

 

This is where the above disclaimer is applied... Press the back button now or forever hold your peace (and presumably the oatmeal and raspberry Chobani® yogurt you just had for breakfast):

 

 

 

 

 

 

50 ***** 8!  I am almost 7 years away from 58?  You sure that ain't a typo and 85?

 

duane%20arden%20johnson_1548878575028.jp

 

Yeah... I am killing myself on the job alright @BringBackFergy @Cripple Creek @et al...

 

 

...We need to start a GoFundMe to send those poor, poor deputies to Aruba for the month of January every year!

 

Where did grammar school (beside an F in spelling) go wrong in the 1960s?  And don't say swimming nekkid @Gugny...But I will concede that may have contributed to this dude's penchant for free-balling in -70°F wind chills, oh and a little meth too, but just a little, meth that is.  Somebody had to be the "adult" at the "death parde."

 

I am so done with you Fergy for posting this.  You are so dead inside to me... You scarred me for life once too many times. I treat you to 3 Floyds® and you treat me to Nekkid Johnson® and a re-evaluation of my privileged, charmed life.  You are an evil, nasty man who works in strange ways!

 

I gotta wake up to this... I am going to my Happy Place and shovel snow so my wife and daughter can get to work & school.

 

#BringBackFergyIsSoDeadInside2Me

 

Friendly suggestion: decaf might be something to consider.

Steve O Veteran

Steve O

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, BringBackFergy said:

https://www.news10.com/news/national/man-threw-meth-fueled-death-party-for-his-wife-before-she-died-deputies-say/1742595313

 

Mug shot

Meth

Bathing dead body

Guns

’Murica

Could be a seen from Beaking Bad

10 hours ago, Kevbeau said:

That’s a hard looking 58.

That has to be a typo. Like Exiled said a few posts back...85. And a rough looking 85 at that. My 100 year old father looked 10 years younger.

ExiledInIllinois Hall of Famer

ExiledInIllinois

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

 

 

 

:nana:

You mean Mr.Ferguson is technically not dead to me? That this was all a cruel, vicious joke because somebody started the topic first!

 

For the love of Baby Jesus and all things good... Good grief!

 

Go to hell! ?

43 minutes ago, SinceThe70s said:

 

Friendly suggestion: decaf might be something to consider.

Skeptical... Gonna take more than decaf!  A frontal lobotomy, the first one didn't take.

  • Haha (+1) 1
Augie Hall of Famer

Augie

Posted
Posted
8 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

In his mug shot photo....he either appears to be really happy, or is having a pine cone inserted in his rectum....the wrong way.

 

You think there is a right way???   ?

  • Haha (+1) 2
Augie Hall of Famer

Augie

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

There’s a less painful way.  I don’t know this from experience, butt take my word for it ?

 

Yes. Yes, I think taking your word for it is certainly best! 

 

 

 

(But I still think you might have more direct knowledge than you're letting on.....)  

Jauronimo Hall of Famer

Jauronimo

Posted
Posted
9 hours ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

In his mug shot photo....he either appears to be really happy, or is having a pine cone inserted in his rectum....the wrong way.

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

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BuffaloBill Hall of Famer

BuffaloBill

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

There’s a less painful way.  I don’t know this from experience, but take my word for it ?

 

 

We are now suspicious that this is your secret hobby....

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