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Startled by God


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Halfway down the trail to Hell,
In a shady meadow green
Are the Souls of all dead Troopers camped,
Near a good old-time canteen.
And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddlers’ Green.

Marching past, straight through to Hell
The Infantry are seen.
Accompanied by the Engineers,
Artillery and Marines,
For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
Dismount at Fiddlers’ Green.

Though some go curving down the trail
To seek a warmer scene.
No Trooper ever gets to Hell
Ere he’s emptied his canteen.
And so rides back to drink again
With friends at Fiddlers’ Green.

And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,
And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers’ Green.

 

Still chokes me up every time I read or recite. Sniff. 

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Hooker with a Penis

 

I met a boy wearing Vans, 501s
And a dope Beastie tee, nipple rings, new tattoos
That claimed that he was OGT, back from '92, from the first EP
And in between sips of Coke
He told me that he thought we were selling out
Laying down, sucking up to the man

Well now I've got some advice for you, little buddy
Before you point the finger you should know that I'm the man
And if I'm the man, then you're the man, and he's the man as well
So you can point that ***** finger up your ass

All you know about me is what I've sold you, dumb *****
I sold out long before you ever heard my name
I sold my soul to make a record, dipshit, and then you bought one

So I've got some advice for you, little buddy
Before you point your finger, you should know that I'm the man
If I'm the ***** man then you're the ***** man as well
So you can point that ***** finger up your ass

All you know about me is what I've sold you, dumb *****
I sold out long before you ever heard my name
I sold my soul to make a record, dipshit, and then you bought one


All you read and wear or see and hear on TV Is a product Begging for your fatass dirty dollar
Shut up and buy, buy, buy my new record
And buy, buy, buy
Send more money
***** you, buddy
***** you, buddy
***** you, buddy
***** you, buddy  

 

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I am 22 years old and just graduated from college in May with a bachelor’s degree. I recently started my first full-time job and am making decent money. Now that I am on my own, I am excited to start slashing away at my $10,000 in student-loan debt so that I can start saving and investing my money appropriately.

I was raised in a financially “well-off” home until the 2008 financial crisis that cost my mother her job, savings and, eventually, her house. Though she always made ends meet and ensured I was taken care of, I witnessed what it was like to go from having more than enough money to living paycheck to paycheck and, ultimately, to having everything literally taken from you.

Therefore, I was able to learn firsthand how important financial responsibility truly is.

This leads me to my motive for this letter: My girlfriend.

I have been dating a wonderful girl for nearly a year now and she brings me lots of joy. She is sweet, caring and loyal. She has a year left of school and then will start her career as a kindergarten teacher. Not long after, she wants to start a family. She is everything I could ask for. I love her very much.

 

However, there is just one flaw that I need help with: Her spending habits. They drive me ****ing crazy.

Being that she is still in college, she has no immediate expenses of her own. Daddy takes care of everything. She literally treats him like an ATM and knows it. She is constantly buying clothes she doesn’t need and always saving items in her e-shopping carts. If her friends invite her on a vacation, Daddy will cover it and, if not, it would be doomsday. She’s entitled.

This worries me and scares me for our future.

I have brought it up to her, but she acts like it is temporary. She says that she has no reason to save money until she is out of school and treats every dollar she earns at her summer job as disposable income. When I say anything, she acts like I’m being dramatic. Because of her habits, basically anytime she talks about buying something new, it drives me nuts.

What do I do? I love her and see a future with her, but I want to ensure a stable and successful financial future for myself and my family. How can I change her ways and make her realize she doesn’t need to participate in every sale that her favorite women’s clothing designer has to offer?

Portland Patrick

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16 minutes ago, Tiberius said:

I am 22 years old and just graduated from college in May with a bachelor’s degree. I recently started my first full-time job and am making decent money. Now that I am on my own, I am excited to start slashing away at my $10,000 in student-loan debt so that I can start saving and investing my money appropriately.

I was raised in a financially “well-off” home until the 2008 financial crisis that cost my mother her job, savings and, eventually, her house. Though she always made ends meet and ensured I was taken care of, I witnessed what it was like to go from having more than enough money to living paycheck to paycheck and, ultimately, to having everything literally taken from you.

Therefore, I was able to learn firsthand how important financial responsibility truly is.

This leads me to my motive for this letter: My girlfriend.

I have been dating a wonderful girl for nearly a year now and she brings me lots of joy. She is sweet, caring and loyal. She has a year left of school and then will start her career as a kindergarten teacher. Not long after, she wants to start a family. She is everything I could ask for. I love her very much.

 

However, there is just one flaw that I need help with: Her spending habits. They drive me ****ing crazy.

Being that she is still in college, she has no immediate expenses of her own. Daddy takes care of everything. She literally treats him like an ATM and knows it. She is constantly buying clothes she doesn’t need and always saving items in her e-shopping carts. If her friends invite her on a vacation, Daddy will cover it and, if not, it would be doomsday. She’s entitled.

This worries me and scares me for our future.

I have brought it up to her, but she acts like it is temporary. She says that she has no reason to save money until she is out of school and treats every dollar she earns at her summer job as disposable income. When I say anything, she acts like I’m being dramatic. Because of her habits, basically anytime she talks about buying something new, it drives me nuts.

What do I do? I love her and see a future with her, but I want to ensure a stable and successful financial future for myself and my family. How can I change her ways and make her realize she doesn’t need to participate in every sale that her favorite women’s clothing designer has to offer?

Portland Patrick

Marry her as soon as possible and take out a huge life insurance policy on yourself with the little shopper as the beneficiary. Testify against Hillary and leave your wife well off and laughing at your death. If possible, bring friends.

hillary gun.jpg

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22 minutes ago, Tiberius said:

I am 22 years old and just graduated from college in May with a bachelor’s degree. I recently started my first full-time job and am making decent money. Now that I am on my own, I am excited to start slashing away at my $10,000 in student-loan debt so that I can start saving and investing my money appropriately.

I was raised in a financially “well-off” home until the 2008 financial crisis that cost my mother her job, savings and, eventually, her house. Though she always made ends meet and ensured I was taken care of, I witnessed what it was like to go from having more than enough money to living paycheck to paycheck and, ultimately, to having everything literally taken from you.

Therefore, I was able to learn firsthand how important financial responsibility truly is.

This leads me to my motive for this letter: My girlfriend.

I have been dating a wonderful girl for nearly a year now and she brings me lots of joy. She is sweet, caring and loyal. She has a year left of school and then will start her career as a kindergarten teacher. Not long after, she wants to start a family. She is everything I could ask for. I love her very much.

 

However, there is just one flaw that I need help with: Her spending habits. They drive me ****ing crazy.

Being that she is still in college, she has no immediate expenses of her own. Daddy takes care of everything. She literally treats him like an ATM and knows it. She is constantly buying clothes she doesn’t need and always saving items in her e-shopping carts. If her friends invite her on a vacation, Daddy will cover it and, if not, it would be doomsday. She’s entitled.

This worries me and scares me for our future.

I have brought it up to her, but she acts like it is temporary. She says that she has no reason to save money until she is out of school and treats every dollar she earns at her summer job as disposable income. When I say anything, she acts like I’m being dramatic. Because of her habits, basically anytime she talks about buying something new, it drives me nuts.

What do I do? I love her and see a future with her, but I want to ensure a stable and successful financial future for myself and my family. How can I change her ways and make her realize she doesn’t need to participate in every sale that her favorite women’s clothing designer has to offer?

Portland Patrick

Tibs trap?

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Just now, Foxx said:

Nigerian scam?

DEAR FOXXY: I'm a 28-year-old male who has never had a girlfriend or a meaningful relationship. I'm well-educated, nice-looking and have a good sense of humor. But I get shy and nervous around the opposite sex. Compounding that, I seem to have a serious "resting face." People assume I'm frustrated or angry/grumpy when it's just my normal expression. I'm worried it makes me unapproachable or appear to be unpleasant.

I have overcome addiction, attend daily support meetings and have almost a year of sobriety. I avoid bar/club scenes where a lot of people my age socialize. I'm beginning to feel very alone and empty. I asked out a temp at my job, but she had a boyfriend and offered to set me up with a friend of hers. I declined because I was embarrassed.

My friends tell me it's a game of numbers, but it hurts being rejected all the time. I see beautiful, nice women with men who treat them badly, and I obsess over what's wrong with me. My experience with women is limited. I'm not looking for a commitment, just some friends to share good times and laughter with. I'd love to have someone to spend time with before loneliness awakens previous bad habits. -- ABOUT TO GIVE UP IN PPP

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3 minutes ago, Tiberius said:

DEAR FOXXY: I'm a 28-year-old male who has never had a girlfriend or a meaningful relationship. I'm well-educated, nice-looking and have a good sense of humor. But I get shy and nervous around the opposite sex. Compounding that, I seem to have a serious "resting face." People assume I'm frustrated or angry/grumpy when it's just my normal expression. I'm worried it makes me unapproachable or appear to be unpleasant.

I have overcome addiction, attend daily support meetings and have almost a year of sobriety. I avoid bar/club scenes where a lot of people my age socialize. I'm beginning to feel very alone and empty. I asked out a temp at my job, but she had a boyfriend and offered to set me up with a friend of hers. I declined because I was embarrassed.

My friends tell me it's a game of numbers, but it hurts being rejected all the time. I see beautiful, nice women with men who treat them badly, and I obsess over what's wrong with me. My experience with women is limited. I'm not looking for a commitment, just some friends to share good times and laughter with. I'd love to have someone to spend time with before loneliness awakens previous bad habits. -- ABOUT TO GIVE UP IN PPP

do you need a sponsor? PM me.

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