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Posted
17 hours ago, bbb said:

 

Pinball and guitar don't even sound close at all?  How can you think that? 

I was wondering the same thing..

18 hours ago, shrader said:

 

This reminds me of a good one from Thanksgiving this year.  My aunt asked me if they have Starbucks in Florida.

Um....do they?

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Posted
18 hours ago, shrader said:

 

This reminds me of a good one from Thanksgiving this year.  My aunt asked me if they have Starbucks in Florida.

Yes, they do.  No, you cannot get an ‘early bird’ cup of coffee before 4 p.m.

Posted
18 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

When I was little and Vietnam was raging, I thought Vietnam was a place where you went to  have wars, and it was  just a big open field with soldiers and tanks..could not conceive of actual villages, towns, people getting bombed   I had heard of WW1 and WW2..I just assumed they were fought in/on Vietnam too .

 

When I was little and Vietnam was raging someone had spray painted War on a Stop sign in a neighborhood we'd pass through from time to time. I thought "Stop War" was a warning that we were entering a war zone. I used to duck down in the back seat and wondered why we couldn't go a different way.

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Posted
2 minutes ago, SinceThe70s said:

 

When I was little and Vietnam was raging someone had spray painted War on a Stop sign in a neighborhood we'd pass through from time to time. I thought "Stop War" was a warning that we were entering a war zone. I used to duck down in the back seat and wondered why we couldn't go a different way.

I totally get that!

Posted

I used to think that drinking and driving referred to any liquid whatsoever when you were behind the wheel.

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Posted

Two things my dad used to tell me were that if you wrote on your hand with a pen, you could get sick and die of ink poisoning. Also, turning the light on in a moving car was illegal.

 

It wasn't until about two years ago that I found out neither of those things are true.

Posted

  When I was a kid I thought that strip malls were called that for a certain type of gentleman's club that had to be included amongst the businesses.  Imagine my disappointment as a 14 year old riding with an older cousin to find out there were only stores there like Radio Shack and Payless Shoes. 

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Posted

Up until I was about 8, I believed anything and everything my grandmother told me. I asked her how old she was, she said she was 49. That made sense, that was an old person in my eyes. When my mom told me that my oldest aunt was 42 at the time, meaning she was seven when she gave birth. Still seemed about right to me.

 

I have a cousin who was about my age, but was a pudgy kid till he was about 5 or 6. My mom used to sing to us "Daniel my cousin, you are, fatter than me." She had me convinced that she wrote the song, and Elton John changed the lyrics just a little bit.

 

The McKinley Mall used to have generic bronze statues all around. A mother shopping with her child, a man walking, stuff like that. After I had just seen the Wizard of Oz for the first time, I got worried, and every person my mom would talk to, I'd ask if they knew where we could buy oil cans because people were rusting up. 

 

The laughing of The Lunatic from Pink Floyd's "Brain Damage" scared the crap out of me. Like legitimately made me scream and cry.

Posted

When I was a sophmore  in high school I had an accident during late summer and opened up my hand, torn nerves/ruptured artery, yada yada. Anyway I had lost the nerves in the hand and had no feeling, so I became quasi-left handed for a period of time. I stopped by my Mothers office at a school and was complaining to a cute girl who had been volunteering in the office for credits. She listened to me whine about how I can't do this or that with my right hand, and the feeling isnt back, just typical 17 year old self centered whining. She nodded in agreement the whole time. When my Mom came out to find me, I went to say goodbye to the girl and try to figure out if I had a chance. As she pulled away from the desk, I saw that her right hand was gone, she had a prothstesis on her right hand. I wandered off like I had been punched, replaying all the complaints I had just spewed about losing the use of my fingers and hand for a few months. I felt like such a doofus.   

Posted
21 minutes ago, Guffalo said:

When I was a sophmore  in high school I had an accident during late summer...and hand for a few months. I felt like such a doofus.   

Remind me to work the word ‘funny’ into the thread title if I ever ask this again.  ?

Posted
6 hours ago, shrader said:

I used to think that drinking and driving referred to any liquid whatsoever when you were behind the wheel.

 

When I lived in South Carolina and they finally changed the law to make it illegal to have an open container I was very upset! Do you mean....all this time I could have been driving around with an open beer (without having to be sneaky about it)??? I had no idea! But after all....it was SC. 

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Posted

The ole lady was going through cook books and came across a recipe for some “good morning shake”. It called for double strength coffee. She says she might not like that, I say just use regular coffee then. Her: “it’s not that, I just think it will be weird putting coffee grounds into a shake” 

 

 

Posted

Years ago I was at a party.

 

A friend of a friend was married to a large lady who I hadn't seen in a while. 

 

Someone mentioned that large lady was pregnant and I said something to the effect "You're kidding, I had no idea, congratulations!!". Problem was she was in the last trimester which apparently was blatantly obvious to everyone but me.

 

My comment was well-intentioned, but nevertheless it was an epic fail. One of those moments I'll always feel bad about.

Posted
10 minutes ago, SinceThe70s said:

Years ago I was at a party.

 

A friend of a friend was married to a large lady who I hadn't seen in a while. 

 

Someone mentioned that large lady was pregnant and I said something to the effect "You're kidding, I had no idea, congratulations!!". Problem was she was in the last trimester which apparently was blatantly obvious to everyone but me.

 

My comment was well-intentioned, but nevertheless it was an epic fail. One of those moments I'll always feel bad about.

 

FAR better than congratulating the lady who just had a thing for late night snacks. 

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Posted
On 1/3/2019 at 11:57 PM, Augie said:

 

FAR better than congratulating the lady who just had a thing for late night snacks. 

My father ALMOST did that the other day to the waitress...

 

thank God he still has enough sense to ask me if she was indeed pregnant before congratulating... she was not 

  • Sad 1
Posted
On 1/3/2019 at 11:46 PM, SinceThe70s said:

Years ago I was at a party.

 

A friend of a friend was married to a large lady who I hadn't seen in a while. 

 

Someone mentioned that large lady was pregnant and I said something to the effect "You're kidding, I had no idea, congratulations!!". Problem was she was in the last trimester which apparently was blatantly obvious to everyone but me.

 

My comment was well-intentioned, but nevertheless it was an epic fail. One of those moments I'll always feel bad about.

 

At a prior accounting firm, right in front of me a new hire asked the managing partner when she was due. Got the response, “ I’m not pregnant, I’m just very fat.”

 

i have had some friends during my life that could have turned that moment into gold for themself....

 

 

 

Posted
5 hours ago, row_33 said:

 

At a prior accounting firm, right in front of me a new hire asked the managing partner when she was due. Got the response, “ I’m not pregnant, I’m just very fat.”

My wife was on the receiving end of that situation.  

What people (especially our kids) don’t understand is that if you insult or anger my wife, then my life becomes unbearable until things blow over.  And they don’t really blow over.  Memories will resurface when you least expect it.  Don’t do that to me.  

Posted
20 hours ago, row_33 said:

 

At a prior accounting firm, right in front of me a new hire asked the managing partner when she was due. Got the response, “ I’m not pregnant, I’m just very fat.”

 

i have had some friends during my life that could have turned that moment into gold for themself....

 

 

 

A few years ago I saw a colleague at the office who I have not seen in several years (we work in different locations).  She's a good friend of mine who I've known for nearly 20 years now.  She was so "big" when I saw her in the distance I concluded she must be pregnant.  I was going to approach her to comment on this exciting news.

 

I then thought 1) she already has a girl who is the center of her life and 2) she had not mentioned anything to me (typically via email) that she was pregnant, but she would have and 3) she is probably a few years too old to be pregnant now and so I decided to keep my mouth shut and just say "hello" and chit chat, with no mention of pregnancy unless she brought it up.

 

Turns out she just went through some type of crazy hormonal shift or something and put on like probably 30 pounds since the last time I saw her....not pregnant.

 

I have learned over the years to simply NOT say "Hey you're pregnant!" to a woman EVER unless she says it first.

 

 

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