bbb Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 I'm thinking this has got to be a financial/health insurance thing. I think I heard before that there is a point where a patient is in the hospital X amount of days and then the hospital starts losing money every day after that. When my mother died, they pushed and pushed to rescind her living will or whatever it is called where she actually DID want the machines, the water, the food through tubes, etc. She wanted to live every day that she could.........They kept asking her and us to sign a DNR or change her living will or whatever. She refused........Finally, she had another heart attack and she decided to sign it, when we talked to her into it - after the doctors convinced us she wasn't going to make yet another comback The same thing is now happening with my friend's father and she had to make the decision for him, and is now beating herself up that she shouldn't have listened to the doctors who kept pushing for it. What gives? I can't google a good answer.
/dev/null Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Real doctors differ from TV doctors like House or that Autistic kid I see commercials for. They cannot perform miracles and in general have a pretty good idea when somebody cannot be saved 3 hours ago, bbb said: What gives? I can't google a good answer. Google does not have all the answers. Neither does DuckDuckGo, Bing, or Yahoo. In fact, there are some answers the Internet cannot provide 1 1
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) My sister is a nurse. They call them "frequent flyers." I know that sounds mean. Probably doing more harm every time the cycle is repeated. We are going through this debate with Our father right now. In his case, it has nothing to do with money. He's in the VA. Basically socialized medicine. It's his ability to thrive that is lost. Why make him a frequent flyer? He's suffering. My Brother is health proxy. He finally changed the living will because he knows my father can't and the cycle will cause more and more harm... Pain, discomfort, failing to thrive. Like /dev said above. Edited December 11, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois
Another Fan Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 In a nursing home anyway Medicare will only cover to the point where somebody is making progress. Meaning somebody not making progress will have to pay out of pocket. Costs can be significant
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 43 minutes ago, Another Fan said: In a nursing home anyway Medicare will only cover to the point where somebody is making progress. Meaning somebody not making progress will have to pay out of pocket. Costs can be significant "Ability to thrive." The docs can't work miracles.
Another Fan Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 13 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said: "Ability to thrive." The docs can't work miracles. Exactly
Nanker Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Sadly, no one will live forever. At some point people have to face reality and just let go. 2
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Another Fan said: Exactly I don't want to be cynical. Just clinical. I am not lacking empathy. Everytime they bring the patient back, they are doing more damage, causing more pain... Vicious cycle. A lot of times, the patient can't express what agony they are in. Confined to bed, constant care... Then the bedsores, etc... Will they walk again, get to bathroom or need 24/7 care? Maybe the doctors see this and detach their emotions. People want to make it about money... But if I was in that shape... Let me go. It would break my heart that everything I worked for my whole life went to the State so they can wipe my ass, turn me over so I don't get bedsores... I would rather see my loved ones enjoy the fruits of my labor. To cling to emotion, live is extremely selfish, IMO. Now granted... It all hinges on that "ability to thrive." Is that ability there. Enlightenment is non-attachment. Edited December 11, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois 1 2
bbb Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 I agree with all you're saying. But, my mother had made comeback after comeback. She was on life support and came back. If she wanted all this stuff (that I have signed that I DON'T want) - they should not be hounding her and us to sign off on stopping them. Why even have the living will or whatever it's called in the first place?!?...................It was incredibly excessive and made me start thinking there is something financial going on here. Follow the money.
dpberr Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 There is a financial motive on a few sides. Nobody wants to be sued for lack of a better word "executing" a living will and then the grieving family files a suit saying "hey, that's not what our father wanted!" even though dad signed a document attesting to her wants a decade earlier. As far as the hospital is concerned, this is a bell you most likely ring only once, so it's good to trust...but verify. In some families there are a lot of shenanigans around the estate of soon to be departed family members. Some people have a lot of financial motivations in keeping dad alive, others need him dead, etc. The true colors of your family are only ever revealed when your mom and dad pass away. It goes either of two ways: It's peaceful and chill or it's the legal equivalent of the bank robbery scene in HEAT. 1 1
row_33 Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 hospitals have to make several objective decisions every day on the scarce resources available people who are very touchy-feely and in this line of work become very cold and hard when they discuss such decisions they have been a part of sorry to all who are stuck in the misery of a loved one in a very shaky moment in life, hope it was a long and enjoyable life to this point.... 2
Cripple Creek Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 I believe that in the vast majority of cases they are looking out for the best interests of the patients, but maybe I’m naive.
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, bbb said: I agree with all you're saying. But, my mother had made comeback after comeback. She was on life support and came back. If she wanted all this stuff (that I have signed that I DON'T want) - they should not be hounding her and us to sign off on stopping them. Why even have the living will or whatever it's called in the first place?!?...................It was incredibly excessive and made me start thinking there is something financial going on here. Follow the money. Is Your mother thriving? Physical therapy? Is able to get out of bed? Comfortable? Is she able to reason this decision? I agree with you... Sounds like her wishes are being honored. Why hound her. They are asking her, right? Sounds like poor taste. Edited December 11, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois
bbb Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 3 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said: Is Your mother thriving? Physical therapy? Is able to get out of bed? Comfortable? Is she able to reason this decision? I agree with you... Sounds like her wishes are being honored. Why hound her. They are asking her, right? Sounds like poor taste. My mother died 6 years ago. I mentioned that in the OP.............It's my friend's father right now. She is beating herself up for listening to the doctors who kept pushing.
ExiledInIllinois Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 2 minutes ago, bbb said: My mother died 6 years ago. I mentioned that in the OP.............It's my friend's father right now. She is beating herself up for listening to the doctors who kept pushing. I am sorry... Missed that, got sidetracked and forgot with your most recent post. I then ask those above questions about your friend's father. Is he able to thrive? Will he be able to get physical therapy, get to bathroom, out of bed... Is there hope? What's his ability to thrive look like? Or is he a "frequent flyer" (no disrespect intended) with no hope in sight? If that's the case, why is she beating herself up about it? Does she believe in miracles? So sorry. NOT making light of situation, I am going through this debate with my three siblings, with our father, as we speak. Don't be so cynical. Maybe, just maybe they (medical community) just don't like seeing the hopeless harm modern medicine is creating. ?? Hope this cheers you up. Stay strong! 2
The Avenger Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 Read "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande - excellent book on the subject. Doctors are trained to fix the problem, but unfortunately some things cannot be "fixed". People have really started to think very hard about how they want the end of their lives to be and whether they want to take all sorts of extraordinary and expensive measures to gain only slightly more time - a quality vs. quantity argument. Many people are discontinuing expensive and grueling experimental cancer treatments if they have late stage cancer in favor of maximizing the quality of time they have left. People are opting to die in hospice care rather than hooked up to lots of machines in an ICU. I don't think the doctors are operating on a financial motive. I think many realize that people are being robbed of quality of life in many cases just to increase their length of life by a short amount - is that in someone'e best interests? Is the desire to keep someone living as long as possible no matter the quality of life the true wish of the patient or is it for the patient's family who doesn't want to see them go? It's a mighty complicated topic, but "Being Mortal" is a fantastic read on a fascinating topic. 1
bbb Posted December 11, 2018 Author Posted December 11, 2018 2 minutes ago, The Avenger said: Read "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande - excellent book on the subject. Doctors are trained to fix the problem, but unfortunately some things cannot be "fixed". People have really started to think very hard about how they want the end of their lives to be and whether they want to take all sorts of extraordinary and expensive measures to gain only slightly more time - a quality vs. quantity argument. Many people are discontinuing expensive and grueling experimental cancer treatments if they have late stage cancer in favor of maximizing the quality of time they have left. People are opting to die in hospice care rather than hooked up to lots of machines in an ICU. I don't think the doctors are operating on a financial motive. I think many realize that people are being robbed of quality of life in many cases just to increase their length of life by a short amount - is that in someone'e best interests? Is the desire to keep someone living as long as possible no matter the quality of life the true wish of the patient or is it for the patient's family who doesn't want to see them go? It's a mighty complicated topic, but "Being Mortal" is a fantastic read on a fascinating topic. Here's the thing. I totally get all that 100%. I have it in my papers that I don't want anything to prolong my life...............But, my mother did. So, leave her the eff alone about it. They hounded us. If it really is in the patient's interest, how about letting the patient decide what they want. She was fully capable of doing that.
Augie Posted December 11, 2018 Posted December 11, 2018 (edited) 20 hours ago, Cripple Creek said: I believe that in the vast majority of cases they are looking out for the best interests of the patients, but maybe I’m naive. I agree, for the most part. I have an ex-brother-in-law who is a doctor. He scared the crap out of me with stories about people who are organ donors. It seemed like a great idea to me, you know, if you can help another person/family once you don’t need your....whatever. Some of these tales included people not being so patient to get those organs. (I hope that doesn’t upset any organ donors, as that’s an amazing gift - just not too soon. And as it turns out, he could be a bit of a jerk) I also have a good friend whose dad had terminal cancer. He swore they left him one night, and the nurses just jacked him up with the morphine. When my dad left the hospital for Hospice, I felt like I was living the same story. They said sometimes they just hang on because we are there, why don’t we all go home and have dinner. About 45 minutes later, we got the call. I’m pretty sure, and actually hopeful, that the same thing happened. He wasn’t coming back. He’d never have any meaningful life on this earth, so they jacked up the morphine and let him move on. When it’s my time, I hope they do the same for me. I swear, sometimes it seems we treat our dogs better than we treat our loved ones. But to each, their own. The VERY LAST THING I would want is to have my inevitable passing drag on, emotionally punishing my family while draining financial resources they could better use in their lives than in my death. But that’s just me..... . Edited December 12, 2018 by Augie 3
Sweet Lou Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 My wife wanted to pass away at home and she did after a 6 year battle with a very tenacious form of breast cancer called, HER 2. We had a lot of help from family, friends, neighbors, the county nursing facility and the traveling nurses where I live. My health insurance covered the rest. She had a DNR which was by her own choice and it was put in motion while she was still well enough to do so. She also had a living will that was very descriptive with step by step instructions. It didn't make her death any easier, but it did make her final wishes easier and closure more accepting. Before her early departure, she was employed in the ICU/CCU Unit of the local hospital, not far from where I still live. I dislike saying it, but she had experience watching people die. Good Luck BBB. It's not easy 2 1 1
Augie Posted December 12, 2018 Posted December 12, 2018 2 minutes ago, Sweet Lou said: My wife wanted to pass away at home and she did after a 6 year battle with a very tenacious form of breast cancer called, HER 2. We had a lot of help from family, friends, neighbors, the county nursing facility and the traveling nurses where I live. My health insurance covered the rest. She had a DNR which was by her own choice and it was put in motion while she was still well enough to do so. She also had a living will that was very descriptive with step by step instructions. It didn't make her death any easier, but it did make her final wishes easier and closure more accepting. Before her early departure, she was employed in the ICU/CCU Unit of the local hospital, not far from where I still live. I dislike saying it, but she had experience watching people die. Good Luck BBB. It's not easy God bless, she’s in a better place. We have had some close personal losses fairly recently. A lot of kind people here on this board reached out to me. It really helped, and I’m thankful to them. If you’d like, feel free to reach out here or via PM. We are a community that stands together.
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