Anyone ever go through a divorce with a child?

[billsfan89]

22 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I would basically have to give her half up front of what we believe the house will sell for.  Our real estate agent believes strongly that we're going to get "X" number.  Which would be roughly $80-$100,000 profit.  I can't give that to her right now.  She offered to wait until I sell it but then she would struggle and that would really bother me.

 

I'm hoping your first paragraph is correct....he's my biggest worry now.

 

I've actually thought about what if I did see her with another man?  I really don't think I'll be bothered much but still have a little.  We were very firm that we're not having overnight guests for a long time.  It was actually a question in the divorce papers of how long we agree to it.  We put down 2 years.  I was fine with it.  I'm not exposing my son to anyone for a long time and she feels the same way.  When our son isn't there, we can do whatever we want.  I believe I'm closer to "getting back out there" than she is but who knows.  I'm just going to have fun for a few years.

 

I think I'm going to have a little anxiety for the next 15 years until my son is 18.  I feel overall, her and I will be all right but there will be moments.  We fought while married, I can't expect us to be complete angels to each other all the time in divorce.  We'll just keep it civil.

 

I am just telling you what I have heard from some pretty credible people, at that age it isn't nearly as life jarring an event but still be sure to see your child often obviously. I am no expert myself but that's what I heard from pretty credible people. As for the jealousy side, you should feel OK to be a little jealous but eventually, things will settle down and you both will be OK with it. Just avoid sleeping with friends or people she knows. 

 

There will be some friction even couples who are together fight over how to raise a child. So it is natural that split up people will too. Just don't let it get personal or uncivil and keep it away from your child as much as possible. My parents are still together but they did fight a normal amount of the time and I would classify them as having a healthy relationship. 

 

Overall I am confident you will be OK and your kid will be OK based off of what I read.

Edited September 20, 2018 by billsfan89

[plenzmd1]

57 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I would basically have to give her half up front of what we believe the house will sell for.  Our real estate agent believes strongly that we're going to get "X" number.  Which would be roughly $80-$100,000 profit.  I can't give that to her right now.  She offered to wait until I sell it but then she would struggle and that would really bother me.

 

I

1

I am no expert on this, but the new mortgage should be able to cover the profit piece. Remember, your new mortgage would include the "profit"..which I assume you would split equally. PLus you are saving commisions and quite possibly transfer taxes etc. A real estate lawyer would have a much better idea that I

 

The question then becomes will you qualify for a mortgage at a higher principal amount and a single income.

 

Again, just ideas..

 

BTW, i just learned the other day there is a professional designation of financial planners who specialize in divorce. CDFA

 

https://www.finra.org/investors/professional-designations/cdfa

[Kirby Jackson]

Sorry to hear this man. It can’t be easy. I don’t have experience with it but my advice would be to always put the kid’s best interests first. That’s the one thing that you guys will always be able to agree on. If you defer to that to solve disputes I’d imagine that it would be better.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

1 hour ago, Royale with Cheese said:

I've actually thought about what if I did see her with another man? 

 

Never had this problem. My line of thinking: "Now he gets to deal with her. Good luck, buddy."

 

[Royale with Cheese]

33 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

Never had this problem. My line of thinking: "Now he gets to deal with her. Good luck, buddy."

 

 

I think I'll eventually has this line of thinking but not at first.  Especially in the early stages.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

6 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I think I'll eventually has this line of thinking but not at first.  Especially in the early stages.

 

Heh. Well, you'll probably be surprised what you get used to.

 

Then again, by the time I came to the recognition that we needed to split, it was a truly miserable situation. You don't seem to be there, so, YMMV.

 

[Just Jack]

13 hours ago, The Poojer said:

allegedly

 

 

It works. Until you start going grey. Then it's hard to pass yourself off as being "late 30's".

 

13 hours ago, joesixpack said:

 

Why would you want to? Women don't gain sanity until their 40s.

 

 

Duh, it's one night, not looking for long term relationships. 

 

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Just now, Just Jack said:

 

It works. Until you start going grey. Then it's hard to pass yourself off as being "late 30's".

 

 

Duh, it's one night, not looking for long term relationships. 

 

 

Enh....I'll pass on crazy even for one night.

 

[Royale with Cheese]

22 hours ago, teef said:

that's what i figured.  as long as the bank will give the new mortgage, both people win.  i'm just not sure how you would determine the market value of the house.  in some of the suburbs here, houses are going for a lot more than their worth, really because there's nothing on the market.  i suppose they go by the taxable value of the house.

 

The other main thing to is that this is the house we bought together and first raised our son in.  No way I can stay there when it's going to be empty.  Just me and my son 3-4 days out of the week.

 

My ex did say that she's willing to give me the house, take her name off the deed if she can have one more day with our son.  I'll always be 3 days, she will always have 4.

I turned it down and it is a lot of money.  No money value is worth my son.  

[Hapless Bills Fan]

On 9/20/2018 at 6:39 AM, Gordio said:

The is absolutely ridiculous.  Sometimes the courts make no sense.  You probably had a broad for a judge is my guess.  

 

This is ridiculous too.  I think the "didn't have a lawyer and tried to be a nice guy" is the take home lesson.

Meaning no personal insult, Joe, and feeling for your plight, there's this saying "he who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client".

 

Judges tend to view things very narrowly from the eyes of the law and if you present an argument that doesn't slot into that narrow channel you're toast.

We had a riot in this city last year about this time because the judge ruled (appropriately, based on what he called out in his ruling) on a horrible, internally inconsistent case presented by the prosecutor's office.  Was it justice, probably not, but it was probably the correct legal ruling given the case the prosecutors presented.

 

12 hours ago, Just Jack said:

It works. Until you start going grey. Then it's hard to pass yourself off as being "late 30's".

 

There is a solution for that, quite literally.

[Augie]

22 hours ago, plenzmd1 said:

just need to get a new mortgage and deed.

 

You’d want two appraisals first, most likely. The way they do it in relocations is to get two appraisals, and as long as they are within 5% they use the average. If they are not close, they get a third appraisal to see which one is off. THEN you head to the lender, or you use the lenders appraisal as one of the two. (They need to order their own.) You just don’t want to fight down the road because someone feels the appraisal was off (or appraiser was influenced, as is often attempted) and someone got screwed. I mention only because I’ve seen this go badly. 

 

Be careful now to eliminate potential future sticking points. Cover all the bases. 

[Hapless Bills Fan]

On 9/19/2018 at 1:43 PM, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I've got personal friends, including my brother who have been through this and have spoken with them.  

This is just another avenue.

 

Yeah, actually Royale, you sound like you're pretty together overall.  Good luck, Man.

 

As for the "next 15 years" LOL!  AS the parent of an 18 yr old we just sent off to college, you have no idea - but the divorce will be relatively Small Beans in the Kid Anxiety Pool.

[Royale with Cheese]

2 minutes ago, Hapless Bills Fan said:

 

Yeah, actually Royale, you sound like you're pretty together overall.  Good luck, Man.

 

As for the "next 15 years" LOL!  AS the parent of an 18 yr old we just sent off to college, you have no idea - but the divorce will be relatively Small Beans in the Kid Anxiety Pool.

 

I feel I'm going to drink more in the next 15 years.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

3 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I feel I'm going to drink more in the next 15 years.

 

Whatever you do, don't do that.

 

There's an obvious reason why you shouldn't.

 

[Royale with Cheese]

22 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

Whatever you do, don't do that.

 

There's an obvious reason why you shouldn't.

 

 

I'm not much of a drinker.  I do drink, not every day but most but I can't remember the last time I got drunk.  I just don't like the feeling anymore.

[Hapless Bills Fan]

1 hour ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I feel I'm going to drink more in the next 15 years.

 

Oh, yeah.  And it won't stop at 15, BTDT, trust me. 

[The Poojer]

I know you are probably saying this a bit tongue and cheek, but be careful...it's easy to try and drown your misery in drinking, it's also very easy to go overboard.....enjoy with restraint.  Easier said than done

 

1 hour ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I feel I'm going to drink more in the next 15 years.

[Royale with Cheese]

5 minutes ago, The Poojer said:

I know you are probably saying this a bit tongue and cheek, but be careful...it's easy to try and drown your misery in drinking, it's also very easy to go overboard.....enjoy with restraint.  Easier said than done

 

 

It is tongue and cheek but I'm actually a good drunk when I do get to that level.  I become Mr. Positive and love everyone.  I'm like Otis from the Andy Griffith Show.

[Hapless Bills Fan]

23 hours ago, Royale with Cheese said:

I've thought about my alone time with my son a lot.  I know I'm going to be much more active with him since my time is limited now.  I was active with him before but when you have him all the time, sometimes you just want to rest on the couch and watch him play. 

 

Just $0.02 here.  I think that's very common with divorce and shared custody, both parents feel like they need to be more active with the kid.  There even is sometimes a bit of (maybe subconscious) competition.  Mom takes kid to Incredible Pizza Company kid raves to Dad how much fun it was.  Dad wants kid to have as much fun, takes him to Six Flags.

 

Remember kids need chill time and sometimes the low-rent, low-key stuff is what sticks with them longest.  Go with his interests, if he wants to play with trains or legos while you chill on the couch, it's about him, not you.  You don't have to break the budget to amuse him.  At 3 yo, kids adore building crap out of cardboard boxes and stuff.  You can be a hero at the cost of packing knife, a straight edge, some wire ties, and acrylic paints while he builds rocket ships and race cars and schtuff.  Later on build hovercrafts out of styrofoam meat trays, plastic bags, and dollar-store battery fans.

 

I still remember when my daughter was 4 or 5, we planned a marvelous vacation in LA.  We went to the ocean, Disneyland, booked "breakfast with the princesses", California Adventure, bunch of other stuff.  We were staying with friends who had a daughter a couple years older.  At the end of the trip, asked the kid "what did you like best?" 

 

"Throwing the Barbies in the pool with (their daughter) and rescuing them" was the answer.  So much for all the money we spent.

 

 

39 minutes ago, The Poojer said:

I know you are probably saying this a bit tongue and cheek, but be careful...it's easy to try and drown your misery in drinking, it's also very easy to go overboard.....enjoy with restraint.  Easier said than done

 

Oh, NOW you tell me

[Royale with Cheese]

2 minutes ago, Hapless Bills Fan said:

 

Just $0.02 here.  I think that's very common with divorce and shared custody, both parents feel like they need to be more active with the kid.  There even is sometimes a bit of (maybe subconscious) competition.  Mom takes kid to Incredible Pizza Company kid raves to Dad how much fun it was.  Dad wants kid to have as much fun, takes him to Six Flags.

 

Remember kids need chill time and sometimes the low-rent, low-key stuff is what sticks with them longest.  Go with his interests, if he wants to play with trains or legos while you chill on the couch, it's about him, not you.  You don't have to break the budget to amuse him.  At 3 yo, kids adore building crap out of cardboard boxes and stuff.  You can be a hero at the cost of packing knife, a straight edge, some wire ties, and acrylic paints while he builds rocket ships and race cars and schtuff.  Later on build hovercrafts out of styrofoam meat trays, plastic bags, and dollar-store battery fans.

 

I still remember when my daughter was 4 or 5, we planned a marvelous vacation in LA.  We went to the ocean, Disneyland, booked "breakfast with the princesses", California Adventure, bunch of other stuff.  We were staying with friends who had a daughter a couple years older.  At the end of the trip, asked the kid "what did you like best?" 

 

"Throwing the Barbies in the pool with (their daughter) and rescuing them" was the answer.  So much for all the money we spent.

 

Thanks for the advice.  I actually work for a packaging company that makes cardboard boxes.  The GM at one plant told me if I need any boxes for anything, just come by and she'll give me a lot.  I can build a wicked fort out of this.

 

For the past few years, as a family we would go down to Florida in the summer for vacation.  This past summer, my son didn't want to go in the ocean.  We were staying at my friends condo that had a pool.  We were at the pool every day and not the ocean.  We could have saved a ton of money by just staying home and going to the neighborhood pool.