Going to the Movies

[Gugny]

I went years (about 10) without going to the movies because people have no respect for others, or any couth.

 

This year, however, as I've become a single dad and like to make sure I find something to do with my son on weekends, I've been to quite a few movies.

 

My biggest complaint ... popcorn.  Why is one of the noisiest snacks a movie staple?  And nachos.  They sell nachos.  They're even more noisy.

 

We went to see "Tag" when it first came out.  The theaters in my local cinema are pretty small.  20 rows, max.  There was a woman who'd brought her very elderly father to see the movie.  My guess is that she wanted to see it and had to drag him along.  He slept through the entire thing and had this annoying high pitched snore.  I was going to say something and even walked back there, only to find that the guy was no less than 90.  So I just dealt with it.

 

Fast forward to today.  I strategically reserved two seats that were seat 2 and 3 at the end of the aisle; leaving seat one vacant.  What are the chances that someone will reserve one seat right there?  Answer:  100%.  Place was full.  Nowhere to go.

 

Picture John Popper circa 1990.  All reclined back with the largest bucket of popcorn available sitting atop his stomach.  He chewed with his mouth open and was eating at a pace that would impress Joey Chestnut.

 

I was just about to say something and he suddenly put the popcorn down on the floor.  He must have caught one of my glares.

 

Halfway through the movie, he's out like a light, sawing wood.  I elbowed the side of the chair and woke him up.  I ended up having to do this 4-5 times, because his snoring was drowning the movie's audio out.

 

As if the chewing and the snoring weren't enough, he smelled like a locker room and every time he moved/readjusted, the stench came my way.

 

This was, by far, the worst movie-going experience of my lifetime.  I still enjoyed the movie ("Skyscraper"  Neve Campbell, still hot), but it would have been a lot better without sitting next to this dude.

 

Edited July 23, 2018 by Gugny

[stony]

1 hour ago, Gugny said:

I went years (about 10) without going to the movies because people have no respect for others, or any couth.

 

This year, however, as I've become a single dad and like to make sure I find something to do with my son on weekends, I've been to quite a few movies.

 

My biggest complaint ... popcorn.  Why is one of the noisiest snacks a movie staple?  And nachos.  They sell nachos.  They're even more noisy.

 

We went to see "Tag" when it first came out.  The theaters in my local cinema are pretty small.  20 rows, max.  There was a woman who'd brought her very elderly father to see the movie.  My guess is that she wanted to see it and had to drag him along.  He slept through the entire thing and had this annoying high pitched snore.  I was going to say something and even walked back there, only to find that the guy was no less than 90.  So I just dealt with it.

 

Fast forward to today.  I strategically reserved two seats that were seat 2 and 3 at the end of the aisle; leaving seat one vacant.  What are the chances that someone will reserve one seat right there?  Answer:  100%.  Place was full.  Nowhere to go.

 

Picture John Popper circa 1990.  All reclined back with the largest bucket of popcorn available sitting atop his stomach.  He chewed with his mouth open and was eating at a pace that would impress Joey Chestnut.

 

I was just about to say something and he suddenly put the popcorn down on the floor.  He must have caught one of my glares.

 

Halfway through the movie, he's out like a light, sawing wood.  I elbowed the side of the chair and woke him up.  I ended up having to do this 4-5 times, because his snoring was drowning the movie's audio out.

 

As if the chewing and the snoring weren't enough, he smelled like a locker room and every time he moved/readjusted, the stench came my way.

 

This was, by far, the worst movie-going experience of my lifetime.  I still enjoyed the movie ("Skyscraper"  Neve Campbell, still hot), but it would have been a lot better without sitting next to this dude.

 

I bring booze into the theater.  It helps drown out the mouth breathers and popcorn munchers.

[Augie]

You should get one of those out door projectors so you could tell them ALL to get off your lawn! 

 

I go mid-week, sometimes bringing my 90 year old mom (for her nap). There are usually fewer than 10 people there. Quit your job, have your son drop out and that solves everything. 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

My wife and I went to the movies a few months ago to see Super Troopers 2.  There were three 13-14 year old kids sitting two rows behind us (it was just them and us in the theater), and for the first 30-40 minutes they weren’t that bad.  Just talking a little loud and screwing around on their phones. 

 

Well, about ten minutes later I saw a piece of popcorn fly over my shoulder.  Then every few seconds another piece or two would fly over us or land on us.  The kids were laughing.  My wife and I both had a large soda plus a bottomless tub of popcorn with tons of butter.

 

After a few more pieces of popcorn flew overhead I lost my ****.  I didn’t say a word.  I took the tops off both of the sodas and double fisted, turned around and threw the sodas in their faces.  I then took the tub of popcorn and threw it on them.  My wife and I walked out without a word.  Had a good laugh in the parking lot.

[Augie]

1 minute ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

My wife and I went to the movies a few months ago to see Super Troopers 2.  There were three 13-14 year old kids sitting two rows behind us (it was just them and us in the theater), and for the first 30-40 minutes they weren’t that bad.  Just talking a little loud and screwing around on their phones. 

 

Well, about ten minutes later I saw a piece of popcorn fly over my shoulder.  Then every few seconds another piece or two would fly over us or land on us.  The kids were laughing.  My wife and I both had a large soda plus a bottomless tub of popcorn with tons of butter.

 

After a few more pieces of popcorn flew overhead I lost my ****.  I didn’t say a word.  I took the tops off both of the sodas and double fisted, turned around and threw the sodas in their faces.  I then took the tub of popcorn and threw it on them.  My wife and I walked out without a word.  Had a good laugh in the parking lot.

 

Did it take long to make bail? 

 

I’d vote for acquittal, but the process is a nuisance! 

[Johnny Hammersticks]

1 minute ago, Augie said:

 

Did it take long to make bail? 

 

I’d vote for acquittal, but the process is a nuisance! 

 

P@$$y...

[Augie]

Just now, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

P@$$y...

 

I admit I’m a little soft for prison. Maybe if I went to the movies and got an educational session from the Will Ferrell movie..... But the movies are a scary place. 

 

 

It’s the step before prison! 

[Misterbluesky]

1 hour ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

My wife and I went to the movies a few months ago to see Super Troopers 2.  There were three 13-14 year old kids sitting two rows behind us (it was just them and us in the theater), and for the first 30-40 minutes they weren’t that bad.  Just talking a little loud and screwing around on their phones. 

 

Well, about ten minutes later I saw a piece of popcorn fly over my shoulder.  Then every few seconds another piece or two would fly over us or land on us.  The kids were laughing.  My wife and I both had a large soda plus a bottomless tub of popcorn with tons of butter.

 

After a few more pieces of popcorn flew overhead I lost my ****.  I didn’t say a word.  I took the tops off both of the sodas and double fisted, turned around and threw the sodas in their faces.  I then took the tub of popcorn and threw it on them.  My wife and I walked out without a word.  Had a good laugh in the parking lot.

You're lucky one of them didn't knife you in the parking lot.

[Cripple Creek]

2 hours ago, Gugny said:

I went years (about 10) without going to the movies because people have no respect for others, or any couth.

 

This year, however, as I've become a single dad and like to make sure I find something to do with my son on weekends, I've been to quite a few movies.

 

My biggest complaint ... popcorn.  Why is one of the noisiest snacks a movie staple?  And nachos.  They sell nachos.  They're even more noisy.

 

We went to see "Tag" when it first came out.  The theaters in my local cinema are pretty small.  20 rows, max.  There was a woman who'd brought her very elderly father to see the movie.  My guess is that she wanted to see it and had to drag him along.  He slept through the entire thing and had this annoying high pitched snore.  I was going to say something and even walked back there, only to find that the guy was no less than 90.  So I just dealt with it.

 

Fast forward to today.  I strategically reserved two seats that were seat 2 and 3 at the end of the aisle; leaving seat one vacant.  What are the chances that someone will reserve one seat right there?  Answer:  100%.  Place was full.  Nowhere to go.

 

Picture John Popper circa 1990.  All reclined back with the largest bucket of popcorn available sitting atop his stomach.  He chewed with his mouth open and was eating at a pace that would impress Joey Chestnut.

 

I was just about to say something and he suddenly put the popcorn down on the floor.  He must have caught one of my glares.

 

Halfway through the movie, he's out like a light, sawing wood.  I elbowed the side of the chair and woke him up.  I ended up having to do this 4-5 times, because his snoring was drowning the movie's audio out.

 

As if the chewing and the snoring weren't enough, he smelled like a locker room and every time he moved/readjusted, the stench came my way.

 

This was, by far, the worst movie-going experience of my lifetime.  I still enjoyed the movie ("Skyscraper"  Neve Campbell, still hot), but it would have been a lot better without sitting next to this dude.

 

I weep for you.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

23 minutes ago, Misterbluesky said:

You're lucky one of them didn't knife you in the parking lot.

 

That would have been a neat trick considering I holster a Glock 26 9mm wherever I go.  Also, I’m kind of intimidating looking with all the face and neck tattoos.  Not too many 6’4” black men in central Vermont like me.

[Augie]

1 minute ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

That would have been a neat trick considering I holster a Glock 26 9mm wherever I go.  Also, I’m kind of intimidating looking with all the face and neck tattoos.  Not too many 6’4” black men in central Vermont like me.

 

So....Mike Tyson but taller?  Do you travel with a lion too? Clearly you can read and write, so you’ve got that going for you. 

[LeGOATski]

You're so intimidating, but they still threw popcorn at you. Weird.

 

I've never had popcorn thrown at me

[Gugny]

11 minutes ago, Cripple Creek said:

I weep for you.

 

Whilst writing my post, I thought to myself ... "Self ... if anyone will have genuine compassion for you, it will be Cripple Creek."  You did not disappoint.  

[LeGOATski]

3 hours ago, Gugny said:

I went years (about 10) without going to the movies because people have no respect for others, or any couth.

 

This year, however, as I've become a single dad and like to make sure I find something to do with my son on weekends, I've been to quite a few movies.

 

My biggest complaint ... popcorn.  Why is one of the noisiest snacks a movie staple?  And nachos.  They sell nachos.  They're even more noisy.

 

We went to see "Tag" when it first came out.  The theaters in my local cinema are pretty small.  20 rows, max.  There was a woman who'd brought her very elderly father to see the movie.  My guess is that she wanted to see it and had to drag him along.  He slept through the entire thing and had this annoying high pitched snore.  I was going to say something and even walked back there, only to find that the guy was no less than 90.  So I just dealt with it.

 

Fast forward to today.  I strategically reserved two seats that were seat 2 and 3 at the end of the aisle; leaving seat one vacant.  What are the chances that someone will reserve one seat right there?  Answer:  100%.  Place was full.  Nowhere to go.

 

Picture John Popper circa 1990.  All reclined back with the largest bucket of popcorn available sitting atop his stomach.  He chewed with his mouth open and was eating at a pace that would impress Joey Chestnut.

 

I was just about to say something and he suddenly put the popcorn down on the floor.  He must have caught one of my glares.

 

Halfway through the movie, he's out like a light, sawing wood.  I elbowed the side of the chair and woke him up.  I ended up having to do this 4-5 times, because his snoring was drowning the movie's audio out.

 

As if the chewing and the snoring weren't enough, he smelled like a locker room and every time he moved/readjusted, the stench came my way.

 

This was, by far, the worst movie-going experience of my lifetime.  I still enjoyed the movie ("Skyscraper"  Neve Campbell, still hot), but it would have been a lot better without sitting next to this dude.

 

You enjoyed skyscraper??

Those are two things I do hate: do not bring babies or super old people into a movie theater.

 

Idiots

[Gugny]

Just now, LeGOATski said:

You enjoyed skyscraper??

 

I did.  Action-packed from beginning to end.  Masterpiece?  Nah.  But entertaining?  Hell, yes.

[Augie]

1 minute ago, Gugny said:

 

I did.  Action-packed from beginning to end.  Masterpiece?  Nah.  But entertaining?  Hell, yes.

OJ should have had a cameo. 

[LeGOATski]

Just now, Gugny said:

 

I did.  Action-packed from beginning to end.  Masterpiece?  Nah.  But entertaining?  Hell, yes.

I'll take your word for it. 

 

I'm sick of The Rock and the previews looked absolutely terrible.

 

One movie that I plan on seeing solely for the entertainment value is The Meg. That looks fun as hell. Jaws all roided up.

1 minute ago, Augie said:

OJ should have had a cameo. 

The original was great.

 

And Jason Statham should say "we're gonna need a bigger boat" in The Meg.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

23 minutes ago, Augie said:

 

So....Mike Tyson but taller?  Do you travel with a lion too? Clearly you can read and write, so you’ve got that going for you. 

 

Haha...good one.  Especially the careful yet clumsy quip about how fortunate I am to be a literate African American man.  No lion, but I do have a Husky-Corgi mix named Cricket at home.  

 

Are you going to any games this year?  I’d love to meet you.  Let me know.  My schedule is very flexible.  I’ll bring the maple syrup and choice craft beers.

33 minutes ago, LeGOATski said:

You're so intimidating, but they still threw popcorn at you. Weird.

 

I've never had popcorn thrown at me

 

I know, right?  Stupid kids.

[Seasons1992]

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this thread so far. 

[Augie]

7 minutes ago, Johnny Hammersticks said:

 

Haha...good one.  Especially the careful yet clumsy quip about how fortunate I am to be a literate African American man.  No lion, but I do have a Husky-Corgi mix named Cricket at home.  

 

 

My schedule is private until I know where the glock and the lion (you call a Husky-Corgi) will be. You’ll understand.    ?

 

Not a literate African American comment, a crazy Mike Tyson face tattoo comment. Sometimes I’m the only white guy I see all day, and I’m fine with that. Of course, Atlanta is not Vermont. 

Edited July 24, 2018 by Augie