Fadingpain Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 12 hours ago, westside said: It's been 4 years since my wife past. Why do I still feel so lost and alone? To be honest, I'm surprised I'm still here. Lord knows I've drank enough liqueur and took enough pills to wonder why I'm still alive. It does take away the pain, I'm trying to stop, yet it's 4:30 and I've been drinking all night. I know my wife would be disappointed if she saw me like this. I often wonder why I'm still alive, as of right now, I see no future. No happiness, just more loneliness. I guess it's my cross to bear. Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry to hear this news. The fact that you are writing this tells me you are seeking help. You should consider seeking out a professional counselor who can help you through this tough time, get you off your diet of self-medication (that's not going to help long term) and, if necessary, prescribe some medication that might be able to help with depression or just stabilize your mood better. Go do it! 1
Alaska Darin Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 Pitiful. She'd be ashamed of who you've become. The best thing you can do to honor her is to actually live. Be a good person...an example for others to emulate. No one in today's society is lonely for any reason other than choice. If you need help, seek it. I can promise you that there are no good answers at the bottom of a liquor bottle or jar of pills. 2
JoeF Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 Westie--I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when your wife passed. How can we help you? This is a national/international network of folks who are your sisters and brothers. We have folks on this board who have lost spouses & children. We know counselors all around the county. We love you because you are one of us and we want to help. If you are embarrassed to think about what your wife would think of you today, then tap into the TBD resource. PM someone, post another message, get help. Reach out, don't stay within yourself. You don't have the answers to move forward alone...only by reaching out to others can you find them. Sharing your grief outside of yourself will lead to support that you cannot today imagine.
Augie Posted May 15, 2018 Posted May 15, 2018 (edited) I’m so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know your pain, but I know very deep pain. I just returned a couple hours ago from the funeral for my 28 year old son. It’s devastating, but God doesn’t give us things we can’t handle. You can do this. We have, as a family and individually, sought counseling and it’s been very helpful. I’ll be honest, you have to find the right person where you really connect. The first therapist is not always the answer, but you keep trying. It helps, I promise. Before relapsing after 3 years clean (and dying of an accidental OD snort laced with fentanyl), my son was an admissions counselor at a mental health and addiction facility. He often said that “suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary condition”. It may seem to be too much to overcome, but your wife is cheering for you to do exactly that. You can do this! Make her proud! Take care, my friend. P.S. - the alcohol and pills do NOT take away the pain, they just mask it. Not a healthy path. You need to face the loss (maybe with some help) to get past it. It will never disappear, but you learn to move forward, and you can find some joy again. I promise. Edited May 15, 2018 by Augie 2 1
JohnC Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Augie said: I’m so very sorry for your loss. I don’t know your pain, but I know very deep pain. I just returned a couple hours ago from the funeral for my 28 year old son. It’s devastating, but God doesn’t give us things we can’t handle. You can do this. We have, as a family and individually, sought counseling and it’s been very helpful. I’ll be honest, you have to find the right person where you really connect. The first therapist is not always the answer, but you keep trying. It helps, I promise. Before relapsing after 3 years clean (and dying of an accidental OD snort laced with fentanyl), my son was an admissions counselor at a mental health and addiction facility. He often said that “suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary condition”. It may seem to be too much to overcome, but your wife is cheering for you to do exactly that. You can do this! Make her proud! Take care, my friend. P.S. - the alcohol and pills do NOT take away the pain, they just mask it. Not a healthy path. You need to face the loss (maybe with some help) to get past it. It will never disappear, but you learn to move forward, and you can find some joy again. I promise. Augie, My condolences. You trying to help another person while in the midst of your own grief reflects your kind and generous heart.
Augie Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 8 minutes ago, JohnC said: Augie, My condolences. You trying to help another person while in the midst of your own grief reflects your kind and generous heart. To be more accurate, it was an out of town funeral (in Hilton Head Island, where he was born). The funeral was Saturday and we just drove back, but he died and was cremated back in January. Hours after the January service, I could barely breath, but time passes, and while the pain never goes away, you learn to move forward. It’s what they want us to do, so I do my best....
Bad Things Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 So sorry to hear about your loss, Westside. Keep on keeping on... one day at a time.
ExiledInIllinois Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 (edited) 17 hours ago, Bill from NYC said: Brother, PLEASE hang in there and do not be embarrassed to seek help. I will be praying for you. I second this. Westside... You gotta seek help. I know we don't see eye to eye on some things, but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. "Holidays must end as you know. All is memory taken home with me..." Like Bill has said: "Hang in there." Please don't self-medicate with drugs. I will leave you with... I am especially fond of this interpretation of the song. Let it ease your pain. "I sing this song to my children at bedtime - to me, this song is a lullaby that commemorates and reveres the memories of our childhood. "All is memory, taken home with me" - when the vacation ends, when your childhood ends, when your home is no more - you will always have this clear, happy memory. And when you remember it as an adult, you will begin to understand what you couldn't understand then as a child when you experienced it - the sadness and pain the man in 119 must have felt, listening to Aida over and over, refusing his breakfast. And now that you've lived as much life as the man in 119 has, you can imagine yourself in his place, listening to a beautiful piece of music to ease your grief, losing your appetite from the suffering you feel. It comes full circle." Edited May 16, 2018 by ExiledInIllinois
KD in CA Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 It's time to man up and get back on the horse. Find a widows/widowers group and ask one of the ladies if she'd like to get a cup of coffee. You need to start by cultivating some companionship. You need to start engaging in life again. Humans aren't designed to live alone. Don't be a kitty -- put the booze down and just !@#$ing do it. 1
Sig1Hunter Posted May 16, 2018 Posted May 16, 2018 I've not gone through what you are going through, but we all go through seasons of life that are valleys. Some valleys can be much deeper, and longer than others. As long as you keep walking, you are guaranteed to find yourself on a mountaintop somewhere, though. The key is to keep walking. I read a book titled "No Hero". It was written by a Navy SEAL, and one particular excerpt always stood out to me. He is telling a story about climbing this massive rock face. In the middle of the climb, the instructor notices he's starting to panic. Below is the excerpt: Hey, man,” the trainer said said in a lazy, raspy voice. “Just stay in your three-foot world.” I was a couple of hundred feet up the rock face and I could barely think, let alone decipher his cryptic advice. “What the hell are you talking about, bro?” “Only focus on your three-foot world,” he said.” Focus on what you can affect. You keep looking around, and none of that can help you right now, can it?” I shook my head no.“You’re calculating how far you’re going to fall,” the instructor said. “You’re looking down at Jeff, but he’s not going to come up and help. You’re looking out at the Strip. What are you going to do, gamble your way to the top? Don’t look at me. I’m not going to help you either. This is up to you. You’re climbing this rock. Stay in your three-foot world.” Step, by step. Focus on what you can control. Keep pushing. Know that you aren't alone.
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