Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Posted
1 hour ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

But, not in "Blackploitation" flicks.  There you have to stay the same.

 

Mine: I never sleep

 

 

Only when you are dreaming that you are awake.

 

Mine: I can shoot thunderbolts from my fingertips.

  • Like (+1) 1
Posted
1 hour ago, ShadyBillsFan said:

 

I have a herbal remedy that makes me immune to DCTom’s autobot  

 

But it only works on February 29th in years that end in 3

 

mine - Perfect spelling 

  • Haha (+1) 1
Posted
8 hours ago, ChevyVanMiller said:

Mine: I can shoot thunderbolts from my fingertips.

Only with a battery alligator clipped to your testicles.  Is it left nut positive or right nut positive?

 

Mine: I can believe it's not butter

  • Like (+1) 1
Posted
4 hours ago, /dev/null said:

Only with a battery alligator clipped to your testicles.  Is it left nut positive or right nut positive?

 

Mine: I can believe it's not butter

 

when you’re on the receiving end of a glory hole

 

Mine: I can skeeve myself out

Posted
22 hours ago, transient said:

 

Are you suggesting EII can only pull lock cuts while rubbing one out?

 

I’m confused...

 

Covering all bases, EII can only wield his superpower while rubbin’ one out, and FTC can only use his superpower while watching EII use his superpower. 

 

Mine: I have the ability to complicate situations needlessly...

 

EII?

Posted

The reading and retaining of thousands of pages a month of translated Puritan and European Reformed theology.

 

(Living it out is the harder part...)

 

If I live to and can function in my 70s I'll get my doctorate...

 

 

Posted
On 4/1/2018 at 3:57 PM, transient said:

 

when you’re on the receiving end of a glory hole

 

Mine: I can skeeve myself out

 

Except for one one small 10 minute period during the day, but you never know when it’s going to occur.

 

Mine - Never need to shower 

Posted
2 hours ago, Just Jack said:

 

Except for one one small 10 minute period during the day, but you never know when it’s going to occur.

 

Mine - Never need to shower 

Because solitary confinement tends to work that way.  At least till it gets unbearable for the guards, then the fire hoses come out every other month.

 

Mine: I can see right through people

Posted
57 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Because solitary confinement tends to work that way.  At least till it gets unbearable for the guards, then the fire hoses come out every other month.

 

Mine: I can see right through people

 

But only if they're invisible.

 

Mine: can craft doilies out of chipmunk spleens.

  • Haha (+1) 1
Posted
6 minutes ago, Azalin said:

 

But only if they're invisible.

 

Mine: can craft doilies out of chipmunk spleens.

Side note:  crafting doilies is called: Tatting

 

My Polish grandmother tatted. But she never used chipmunk spleens... That would have been bad-azz & struck fear into my grandfather!

  • Haha (+1) 1
Posted
4 hours ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

Side note:  crafting doilies is called: Tatting

 

My Polish grandmother tatted. But she never used chipmunk spleens... That would have been bad-azz & struck fear into my grandfather!

^ can change a bulb at the speed of light.  But given his Polish heritage needs a sidekick to turn the chair

 

Mine: Can resurrect ancient electronic hardware into ghetto super computers

Posted
27 minutes ago, /dev/null said:

^ can change a bulb at the speed of light.  But given his Polish heritage needs a sidekick to turn the chair

 

Mine: Can resurrect ancient electronic hardware into ghetto super computers

 

But only in a musical stage production of MacGyver.

 

Mine:  Heat vision.

 

 

 

 

Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, snafu said:

 

But only in a musical stage production of MacGyver.

 

Mine:  Heat vision.

 

...which is slightly misleading, as “heat” is a reference to the estrous cycle not a thermal property, and you can only use it on cattle. 

 

Mine:  Ultrasonic funk

Edited by transient
Posted
On 4/4/2018 at 7:31 PM, transient said:

Mine:  Ultrasonic funk

 

Which can only be heard by dogs, causing your neighbors to force you out of the area to cut down on the constant howling. 

 

On 4/4/2018 at 8:21 PM, Fan in San Diego said:

Night vision eyes

 

Which only work in closests of cross dressers

 

Mine - able to nap whenever I want

Posted
42 minutes ago, Just Jack said:

 

Which can only be heard by dogs, causing your neighbors to force you out of the area to cut down on the constant howling. 

 

 

Which only work in closests of cross dressers

 

Mine - able to nap whenever I want

 

Only during meals.

 

Mine: able to predict baseball scores.

Posted
1 hour ago, snafu said:

 

Only during meals.

 

Mine: able to predict baseball scores.

 

Only after betting has closed.

 

The ability to shoot balls of fire from my eyes and bolts of lightning from my ass.

Posted
1 hour ago, Koko78 said:

 

The ability to shoot balls of fire from my eyes and bolts of lightning from my ass.

But only while watching Rachael Maddow

 

Mine: Perfect grammar on the Internet

  • Haha (+1) 1
×
×
  • Create New...