Horrible fan's worst case scenarios

[VA Bills Fan]

Week 1 vs NYJ: bad vs worse. Tyrod throws for 225, runs for 100. Shady breaks off a couple long ones. The Jests turn it over 5x. Expectations in western NY immediately get way out of hand. W 33-9

Week 2 @ Carolina: McDermott returns home, and gets drubbed. LB corps immediately exposed as Cam spreads the field and runs for 90 yds. The Panthers go nuts with screen passes, converting several 3rd and longs. Big day for Carolina TEs -- which will become a theme for the season. L 31-13

Week 3 vs Denver: a grinder of a game. Denver D is stingy against the run-heavy Bills, but the Denver O is inept against a sad Bills defensive unit. Field goals rule the day. Expectations again soar for no good reason. Upset W 15-12 in OT.

Week 4 @ Atlanta: A beatdown, in every facet of the game. L 44-10

Week 5 @ Cincy: it's the game they can never win. Gutsy effort from Shady, but Tyrod limps off in the 3rd quarter, and things unravel quickly as TJ Yates reminds the world why he's not starting. L 24-20

Week 6 BYE

Week 7 vs Tampa, aka the new hotness in the NFL. Winston has people on the Florida gulf coast talking playoffs. Wheels begin to wobble in earnest in WNY. Tyrod is back under center, throwing less and less accurately with each passing Sunday, due in part to a lack of competent receivers. L 33-17

Week 8 vs Oak-Vegas: Tears continue to be shed because the Bills braintrust passed over Khalil Mack, a guy in their backyard from UB, who supplants Von Miller as the most productive LB in football. Another thumping. Tyrod gets injured trying to do too much running, b/c his receivers can't get open. Sal Maiorana gets even more whiny. L 34-9

Week 9 at NYJ: TJ Yates creates QB controversy by playing well against a very bad team. Season sweep of the Jets costs the Bills the #1 pick in the draft, because they can't even be bad effectively. W 24-17

Week 10 vs New Orleans: back and forth affair with Tyrod back in action. Neither defense can stop the other: Saints in the air, Bills on the ground. Last team with the ball wins. Surprise W 34-31

Week 11 @ San Diego: The Chargers can still throw the ball. Screens and tight ends kill the weak middle of the Bills D. Shady is still beautiful to watch though. L 27-20

Week 12 @ Kansas City: once again, the Bills just can't beat these guys. Ugly game. L 19-17

Week 13 vs New England: the Bills play an inspired first quarter, jumping out to a 17-0 lead. CBS sends its #1 team to broadcast the game because Tom Brady! Jim Nantz and Phil Simms openly root for the Pats, exchanging warm hugs as Belichick makes a few simple adjustments that totally confound the Bills' coaching staff. Pats tight ends top 150 receiving yards. Gillislee runs for 180. Tyrod leaves in the 2nd quarter with another knee injury. Jimmy Garoppolo plays the 4th quarter because the Pats have already clinched home field throughout the playoffs, and CBS needs Tom Brady to hold still a while so they can worship him, zooming in on his chin dimple just so. L 44-17

Week 14 vs Indy: Why not try Peterman at QB? Here's why: L 33-10

Week 15 vs Miami: Who made this crazy schedule? Miami in weeks 15 and 17? NE in weeks 13 and 16? This just in: Jay Cutler actually isn't the worst QB in the league. Their D isn't bad, there are some WR weapons on this team, and Jayiii Ajayiiii is very good when healthy. But on this day, everything goes right. Tyrod looks really good, Shady goes off. W 34-13

Week 16 @ New England: Garoppolo, no Brady. Doesn't matter. CBS does live look-ins on this game, just to show Tom Brady wearing a knit cap and cheering for lil Jimmy. L 24-16

Week 17 @ Miami: If no one shows up to watch a football game, does it make a sound? L 31-21

So that's... 5-11.

Edited August 9, 2017 by VA Bills Fan

[PromoTheRobot]

Thanks. Now I don't need to watch the games.

Edited August 9, 2017 by PromoTheRobot

[26CornerBlitz]

Love it when someone confirms their own prognostication bias as true. Well done.

[Buffalo716]

Look how many ***** I give

[Royale with Cheese]

Should we just talking about the 2018 draft?

[r00tabaga]

What is KCs record swami?

[VA Bills Fan]

Hope this is wrong fellas

[Heitz]

Love it when someone confirms their own prognostication bias as true. Well done.

 

Now, THIS ^, is sad, but true...

[BUFFALOKIE]

I like your creative writing skills, but I don't like you're post.

 

;-)

Edited August 9, 2017 by BUFFALOKIE

[26CornerBlitz]

If the Bills head to San Diego they will be forced to forfeit since the Chargers will be in LA. If they make to LA, they beat them.

[Captain Murica]

Sad but conjecture?

[K D]

you are way off...we win that last game thus moving down 2 spots in the draft and NOT getting a top QB. but hey...most exciting 6-10 team in the NFL!

[mead107]

Week 1 vs NYJ: bad vs worse. Tyrod throws for 225, runs for 100. Shady breaks off a couple long ones. The Jests turn it over 5x. Expectations in western NY immediately get way out of hand. W 33-9

 

Week 2 @ Carolina: McDermott returns home, and gets drubbed. LB corps immediately exposed as Cam spreads the field and runs for 90 yds. The Panthers go nuts with screen passes, converting several 3rd and longs. Big day for Carolina TEs -- which will become a theme for the season. L 31-13

 

Week 3 vs Denver: a grinder of a game. Denver D is stingy against the run-heavy Bills, but the Denver O is inept against a sad Bills defensive unit. Field goals rule the day. Expectations again soar for no good reason. Upset W 15-12 in OT.

 

Week 4 @ Atlanta: A beatdown, in every facet of the game. L 44-10

 

Week 5 @ Cincy: it's the game they can never win. Gutsy effort from Shady, but Tyrod limps off in the 3rd quarter, and things unravel quickly as TJ Yates reminds the world why he's not starting. L 24-20

 

Week 6 BYE

 

Week 7 vs Tampa, aka the new hotness in the NFL. Winston has people on the Florida gulf coast talking playoffs. Wheels begin to wobble in earnest in WNY. Tyrod is back under center, throwing less and less accurately with each passing Sunday, due in part to a lack of competent receivers. L 33-17

 

Week 8 vs Oak-Vegas: Tears continue to be shed because the Bills braintrust passed over Khalil Mack, a guy in their backyard from UB, who supplants Von Miller as the most productive LB in football. Another thumping. Tyrod gets injured trying to do too much running, b/c his receivers can't get open. Sal Maiorana gets even more whiny. L 34-9

 

Week 9 at NYJ: TJ Yates creates QB controversy by playing well against a very bad team. Season sweep of the Jets costs the Bills the #1 pick in the draft, because they can't even be bad effectively. W 24-17

 

Week 10 vs New Orleans: back and forth affair with Tyrod back in action. Neither defense can stop the other: Saints in the air, Bills on the ground. Last team with the ball wins. Surprise W 34-31

 

Week 11 @ San Diego: The Chargers can still throw the ball. Screens and tight ends kill the weak middle of the Bills D. Shady is still beautiful to watch though. L 27-20

 

Week 12 @ Kansas City: once again, the Bills just can't beat these guys. Ugly game. L 19-17

 

Week 13 vs New England: the Bills play an inspired first quarter, jumping out to a 17-0 lead. CBS sends its #1 team to broadcast the game because Tom Brady! Jim Nantz and Phil Simms openly root for the Pats, exchanging warm hugs as Belichick makes a few simple adjustments that totally confound the Bills' coaching staff. Pats tight ends top 150 receiving yards. Gillislee runs for 180. Tyrod leaves in the 2nd quarter with another knee injury. Jimmy Garoppolo plays the 4th quarter because the Pats have already clinched home field throughout the playoffs, and CBS needs Tom Brady to hold still a while so they can worship him, zooming in on his chin dimple just so. L 44-17

 

Week 14 vs Indy: Why not try Peterman at QB? Here's why: L 33-10

 

Week 15 vs Miami: Who made this crazy schedule? Miami in weeks 15 and 17? NE in weeks 13 and 16? This just in: Jay Cutler actually isn't the worst QB in the league. Their D isn't bad, there are some WR weapons on this team, and Jayiii Ajayiiii is very good when healthy. But on this day, everything goes right. Tyrod looks really good, Shady goes off. W 34-13

 

Week 16 @ New England: Garoppolo, no Brady. Doesn't matter. CBS does live look-ins on this game, just to show Tom Brady wearing a knit cap and cheering for lil Jimmy. L 24-16

 

Week 17 @ Miami: If no one shows up to watch a football game, does it make a sound? L 31-21

 

So that's... 5-11.

Now we will play the games and will see. Think we will do well.

[CNY315]

Week 5 @ Cincy: it's the game they can never win. Gutsy effort from Shady, but Tyrod limps off in the 3rd quarter, and things unravel quickly as TJ Yates reminds the world why he's not starting. L 24-20

Didn't we beat them last year?

[Buffalo716]

I don't understand why people post such crap. Even if it's their opinion.

 

I think the Bills suck and will be 5-11. I'm gonna start a thread at TBD about it and watch the fireworks. Classic technique.

 

Why not just keep that opinion to yourself

[Gunsgoodtime]

Sad but true? I think you could use a different title. I would bet you every penny I got that the way the season goes down will not be exactly like you posted. Let's the game end before saying True

[CNY315]

In Buffalo last year. 1-4 @ CIncy since 1998, but actually did win there last time in 2011. My bad! 6-10!

I think we sweep Miami and beat KC, LA and Cincy.

Edited August 9, 2017 by CNY315

[VA Bills Fan]

 

Week 5 @ Cincy: it's the game they can never win. Gutsy effort from Shady, but Tyrod limps off in the 3rd quarter, and things unravel quickly as TJ Yates reminds the world why he's not starting. L 24-20

Didn't we beat them last year?

 

You're right - 6-10 baby.

I think we sweep Miami and beat KC, LA and Cincy.

My mistake!

[Albwan]

Speaking of the jets, today on wfan joe and evan were going on and on about how

awful the jets will be this year, but then go on to say they should beat the bills once.

Sadly I agree, I see the bills being only slightly better than the jets.

[Do The Reich Thing]

In Buffalo last year. 1-4 @ CIncy since 1998, but actually did win there last time in 2011. My bad! 6-10!

 

WRONG! Game was in Cinci a$$hat