Royale with Cheese Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Frank Martin, the USC Gamecocks basketball coach said this right before the Final 4. I do agree with this. Kids early on are just sponges that absorb anything and everything in the home. I'm going through it now. My wife and I are "old school" parents. We hold our son accountable for all his actions and don't let things slide. We are doing our best to make sure he doesn't get any entitlement early on. We also spank....I firmly believe you need to install fear into a kid. I have other parents that I know with young kids that let their kids get away with a lot. They don't want to hurt their kids feelings so they just don't do much disciplining. They just talk to them and that's about it. I have one friend with a 9 year old and still sleeps in the parents bed. The mother couldn't handle him as a baby screaming for her at night so she just kept him in bed...she gives into everything with him. There have been many occasions where I just want to throat punch this kid because of his smart mouth....he's never disciplined for it either. This kid once filled a straw full of Coke and spit it in my face at a restaurant. The parents just scolded him a little and told him that it wasn't nice and made him apologize....that was it. If it was my kid, my hand would have been sore. IMO, if you don't set rules and don't administer any punishment or "real" consequences when the kid acts up, especially early on, they are going to develop the mindset that rules are always flexible and if I'm difficult enough....I'll get my way. They'll carry it through them the rest of their lives. So I think Frank's quote is spot on. A kid is a kid. Early on, they are a blank sponge. They absorb behavior we allow or don't allow them to have. I do think it starts with the parents when it comes to molding the child(ren). What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aristocrat Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) My girlfriends sisters two kids get away with murder. Her husbands parents are loaded so they are spoiled like crazy. Also, the kids are completely dependent on her and if she leaves the room it's a nightmare. 4 and 2 and it's been like that for years. Stranger danger even though we're family. My son is 10 months and I will not have a kid like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Edited July 13, 2017 by aristocrat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augie Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 My girlfriends two kids get away with murder. Her husbands parents are loaded so they are spoiled like crazy. Also, the kids are completely dependent on her and if she leaves the room it's a nightmare. 4 and 2 and it's been like that for years. Stranger danger even though we're family. My son is 10 months and I will not have a kid like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Wait....your girlfriend's husband? Best not to use real names here..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebandit27 Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Absolutely. Sounds a lot like John Rosemond's principles, with which I wholly agree and try to abide by with my children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aristocrat Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 My girlfriends two kids get away with murder. Her husbands parents are loaded so they are spoiled like crazy. Also, the kids are completely dependent on her and if she leaves the room it's a nightmare. 4 and 2 and it's been like that for years. Stranger danger even though we're family. My son is 10 months and I will not have a kid like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Wait....your girlfriend's husband? Best not to use real names here..... Ha ha fixed! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Disclaimer: I worked in child welfare for some time. Hit your damn kids. Don't hit them like you're in the ring, don't be excessive about it, but please hit your damn kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teef Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 i absolutely agree with it. fwiw, i've seen a movement towards being a more hardcore parent when it comes to discipline. at least in my circle, my friends aren't putting up with much from their kids, and punishment tends to come pretty quick. we all know a few that let their kids run wild, but honestly...how much do you hate hanging around with them when their kids are there? typically we find things to do without them because of the actions of their kids. i'm not much of a spanker, but i have a 2 yr old daughter, so it's not the way to go now. i grew up being smacked by the wooden spoon, and i have no problem with it. it just gets their attention and lets them know you mean business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snafu Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Today's parents were the kids he's talking about -- who didn't have it so easy. Social media plays a big part. Every kid today knows what every other kid has and does (whether that kid is in town or across the country) and they all have to keep up with each other. Most parents today feel compelled to placate their kids and not enough of them say no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlimShady'sSpaceForce Posted July 13, 2017 Share Posted July 13, 2017 Disclaimer: I worked in child welfare for some time. Hit your damn kids. Don't hit them like you're in the ring, don't be excessive about it, but please hit your damn kids. added caution note be careful in public some azzwipe might report you for it. My kids got the sauce spoon just like I did, but never the belt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Hit your damn kids. Don't hit them like you're in the ring, don't be excessive about it, but please hit your damn kids. added caution note be careful in public some azzwipe might report you for it. In NY it's legal to discipline (aka smack) your kids, in public or private, as long as it's open hand. So smack across the cheek or bottom is okay. Closed fist (aka punch) or using objects (belt, stick, etc) is not legal, even when in the privacy of your own home. A sheriff's deputy told me this because they'd get calls from teens wanting to report abuse, but when arriving on scene would explain to the child that the spanking or slap they got was perfectly legal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Franklin Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Every generation since Ug and Olga were in the cave has complained about how kids today are a mess. It's a human thing, and foolish. Every generation has been more peaceful, committed less crime, than the one before, with very limited exceptions (Hi Baby Boomers!). So the kids must be doing something right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirby Jackson Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 He's right and as an aside I am a big fan of a Martin. He's obviously very intense but Martin is also a thoughtful, genuine, caring human being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Every generation since Ug and Olga were in the cave has complained about how kids today are a mess. It's a human thing, and foolish. Every generation has been more peaceful, committed less crime, than the one before, with very limited exceptions (Hi Baby Boomers!). So the kids must be doing something right. Amazing how many people in this thread think spanking and smacking your kid around is what this guy was talking about..it's not.And it's not about how a 4-year-old acts, it's how a 18-year-old freshman at college reacts to his first time without his parents there to push and help in his classwork, and he gets his first F...do they give up and crumble or do they react and fight harder. it's about expectations and what we are willing to let kids experience..be it success, failure, exploring the world on their own, getting into and out of trouble etc. In other words he is talking helicopter parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebandit27 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 Amazing how many people in this thread think spanking and smacking your kid around is what this guy was talking about..it's not.And it's not about how a 4-year-old acts, it's how a 18-year-old freshman at college reacts to his first time without his parents there to push and help in his classwork, and he gets his first F...do they give up and crumble or do they react and fight harder. it's about expectations and what we are willing to let kids experience..be it success, failure, exploring the world on their own, getting into and out of trouble etc. In other words he is talking helicopter parents. it's less about a de facto spanking than it is about the mentality of punitive action with kids IMO. Yes, I've spanked my kids. 99% of the time, I've felt absolutely fine about it, but there was one time where I accidentally swatted one of them a bit harder on his bottom than I meant to--certainly not hard enough to leave a bruise or anything, but it probably stung him a bit (whereas my normal swat is of the "get your attention" nature). But spanking isn't the focus, consequence is the focus. It's to teach my kids (4 year old twins) that actions have consequences, and that every person is a slave to consequence 100% of the time. Where parents get it wrong, IMO, is when they act selfishly with regard to the children. "In spite of my child's unacceptable table decorum, we can't get up and leave the restaurant right now because I really want to eat here" or "I was so looking forward to seeing little Jimmy have fun at the playground today; I'm wiling to overlook his terrible attitude and allow him to go anyway". Parents think that they're doing it for the sake of the child, but the truth is that they're not. The child's youth isn't going to be made or broken based on one activity or incident, so really it's the parent that is satisfying their own desire at that point. I know this because I've caught myself doing it plenty of times already, and each time I have to remind myself that it's not about me. Parenting, IMO, is about raising an upstanding, respectful child that will contribute positively to the world. Just my 1 cent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfanmiami(oh) Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 it's less about a de facto spanking than it is about the mentality of punitive action with kids IMO. Yes, I've spanked my kids. 99% of the time, I've felt absolutely fine about it, but there was one time where I accidentally swatted one of them a bit harder on his bottom than I meant to--certainly not hard enough to leave a bruise or anything, but it probably stung him a bit (whereas my normal swat is of the "get your attention" nature). But spanking isn't the focus, consequence is the focus. It's to teach my kids (4 year old twins) that actions have consequences, and that every person is a slave to consequence 100% of the time. Where parents get it wrong, IMO, is when they act selfishly with regard to the children. "In spite of my child's unacceptable table decorum, we can't get up and leave the restaurant right now because I really want to eat here" or "I was so looking forward to seeing little Jimmy have fun at the playground today; I'm wiling to overlook his terrible attitude and allow him to go anyway". Parents think that they're doing it for the sake of the child, but the truth is that they're not. The child's youth isn't going to be made or broken based on one activity or incident, so really it's the parent that is satisfying their own desire at that point. I know this because I've caught myself doing it plenty of times already, and each time I have to remind myself that it's not about me. Parenting, IMO, is about raising an upstanding, respectful child that will contribute positively to the world. Just my 1 cent. Nicely said. Lots of good perspectives in these responses. Will be trying to do a lot of the same as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) ^^^ I am not against spanking, but i do not believe behavior is what this guy was talking about..he was talking about how kids are not prepared for the real world of disappointment, failure, not having your parents to help etc that when they get to college and beyond it is difficult for many of them to adjust to the real world. Someone mentioned John Rosemund above, think that guy is awesome and we used him as a guide bringing our kids up. But we also followed this site and principles . http://www.freerangekids.com/ ...and while my kids are 1000% away from being perfect, they can interact in the world and I think are prepared well for life outside the cocoon of the West End of Richmond and Mommies and Daddies house. Edited July 14, 2017 by plenzmd1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebandit27 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 ^^^ I am not against spanking, but i do not believe behavior is what this guy was talking about..he was talking about how kids are not prepared for the real world of disappointment, failure, not having your parents to help etc that when they get to college and beyond it is difficult for many of them to adjust to the real world. Someone mentioned John Rosemund above, think that guy is awesome and we used him as a guide bringing our kids up. But we also followed this site and principles . http://www.freerangekids.com/ ...and while my kids are 1000% away from being perfect, they can interact in the world and I think are prepared well for life outside the cocoon of the West End of Richmond and Mommies and Daddies house. That was actually me that mentioned Rosemond! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Christ Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 . My son is 10 months and I will not have a kid like that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk sure Just remember unless you are in prison or homeless......everyone thinks they did the best job raising their kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 sure Just remember unless you are in prison or homeless......everyone thinks they did the best job raising their kids. This is truth...but i really did! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Augie Posted July 14, 2017 Share Posted July 14, 2017 We didn't need to spank on a regular basis, but I wouldn't take it off the table. One time I was driving the car with the oldest up front and the youngest in the back. The kid in back was horsing around to the point it was distracting to my driving. At a red light his arm came up front and I slapped it hard enough to make a loud crack and leave a red mark. In the rear view mirror I could see his eyes get as big as saucers with a look that said "HOLY CRAP!!! I din't know THAT was an option!!!" And that was the end of it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts