ChevyVanMiller Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Great piece as always from Nick. As many of you have been oogling pics of his wife you should at least give his work a read. The line about Ricky Williams and Lenny Kravitz's favorite possession is priceless. Buffalo vs. Miami -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A signature Nick Bakay Tale of the Tape 9/5/2004 The moment is frozen in my heart like it was yesterday. A young, ginger-haired dreamer name o' Bakay attended every 1970 Bills home game at the Old Rockpile. I saw men get drunk, I saw men get in fights, I saw the Jills back in the day when team rules decreed they had to be married - and at least 30 pounds overweight. What I didn't get to see was good football from the local team. That's the year I learned there isn't much to savor in a three-win season, so you have to reframe your definition of glory. This was long before O.J. was infamous. Hell, it was long before O.J. gained 2,003 yards in a 14-game season. He was just a former No. 1 pick still buried in a decoy role. Then it happened - a pitch to O.J.,s running left, and for once, miles of daylight before him, save for one lone defender in the contain role. But lo and behold, bearing down on that defender, a much-maligned blocker for the Bills that season with the unlikely name of Richard Cheek. Maybe it was his name, or his journeyman skill level, but Cheek wasn't what you'd call a fan favorite. But as he pulled left as the lead blocker, the whole stadium stood, the moment slowed down like the seconds leading up to a car Rosen, and I could feel our group consciousness meld into one pure thought: "C'mon, Cheek, just get a helmet on him. Spring the Juice, give us one moment to take home with us, and all is forgiven ... " Frame by frame, I can still see Cheek trip ... stumble ... and eat turf. I can still hear the collective gasp as a 60-yard touchdown romp disintegrated into a 2-yard loss. Sure, it still stings, but it was a defining moment for me - in that slow-mo nanosecond, I realized what being a Bills fan is all about: Hope. And here I am again, 34 years later, basking in that hopeful time of year, when all things good seem possible for the Bills as they embark on another campaign. Four seasons out of the playoffs? Never fear. Mularkey's here. Bledsoe spent more time on his back last season than Paris Hilton? Relax, the alarm clock is here (and hopefully a sub-400-pound Mike Williams). I'll grab hold of anything and everything I can, safe in the experience-leathered knowledge that winning seasons are an emotional cakewalk, and tough seasons are easily saved by three simple words: Just beat Miami. That's right - it's never too early to think Super Bowl, and it's never too early to hate the Dolphins. I have a good friend who taught his 5-year-old son the golden rule: Who's your favorite team? The Bills. Who's your second-favorite team? Whoever's playing Miami this week. It's the way it is, and the fact that the 'Fins roster gets thinner by the minute doesn't exactly bring a tear to my eye. Am I kicking them when they're down? Gee, I don't remember Shula every showing us much mercy. I've always felt this was football's perfect rivalry - North against South, Cold vs. Sun, Blue Collar City vs. Versace Death Site. They beat us for the entire decade of the '70s, we returned the favor a decade later. Like Michigan/Ohio State - even if the season's a bust - you gotta win this one. We don't get 'em at home in the winter this year, but we don't need to. Let the pummeling begin: Buffalo vs. Miami - the teams, the towns. ... It's got to help to see how they stack up at the Tale of the Tape. Logos: BUFFALO: A majestic, snorting beast. MIAMI: Flipper's unmarried uncle. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Nicknames: BUFFALO: The Nickel City. MIAMI: Death's Waiting Room. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. What People Try to Smuggle Across the Border: BUFFALO: A Fort Erie stripper. MIAMI: Elian Gonzalez. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Viable Running Backs: BUFFALO: Two. MIAMI: None. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Controversy be damned, McGahee and Henry are what I call a classy problem. Super Bowl Wins: BUFFALO: None. MIAMI: Two. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Where's the dignity in watching your team win one if you're watching it in shorts!? Things They Never Want to See: BUFFALO: Thurman in a Dolphins uniform. MIAMI: Horizontal snow at the Ralph in December. ADVANTAGE: Push. Never Again: BUFFALO: Four consecutive Super Bowl appearances. MIAMI: A perfect, undefeated season in 1972. ADVANTAGE: Crap, I have to give 'em that one. Let's move on ... Team Colors: BUFFALO: Red, white and blue. MIAMI: Aqua green and orange. I feel soft just writing that! Hey, Hojo's called, they want their shirts back. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Forces of Nature: BUFFALO: The sky between October and May. MIAMI: Hurricane Charley. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Head Coach's Last Names: BUFFALO: Mularkey, which I believe is Irish for trick play. MIAMI: Wannstedt, which I believe is Floridian for "Maybe I can be somebody's defensive coordinator next year." ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Owner's Bought Franchises by ... : BUFFALO: Putting his chips on the AFL. MIAMI: Amassing a fortune in waste management. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Early Signs of Trouble: BUFFALO: Bledsoe is passing with an alarm clock. MIAMI: Dan Marino was hired as team president, took a look around, then quit two days later. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Reunited and It Feels so Good: BUFFALO: Jim McNally and Western New York. MIAMI: Ricky Williams and Lenny Kravitz's bong. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Tailgate Treats: BUFFALO: Wings 'n beer. MIAMI: Plantains, nothin' but plantains. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Worthy of a Double Take: BUFFALO: Man breasts bared to the icy winds MIAMI: Wannstedt's trembling mustache at the "Ricky retired" news conference. ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. Not that I'm encouraging it, but you have to give points for frostbitten man-nipples. Local Mottoes: BUFFALO: Squish the Fish! MIAMI: We fixed the election! ADVANTAGE: Buffalo. So there you have it, it's all so simple when you break things down scientifically. In a stampede, the advantage goes to Buffalo. But hang in there Miami, maybe Madonna will move back there someday. Until next time, I'm Nick Bakay reminding you the numbers never lie.
JoeF Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Thanks for posting this CVM--classic stuff..... Deserves to be pinned....
ajzepp Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 MIAMI: Aqua green and orange. I feel soft just writing that! Hey, Hojo's called, they want their shirts back. 19198[/snapback] lmfao
Mark VI Posted September 6, 2004 Posted September 6, 2004 Bakay is so Buffalo. That's a great read and so true. People who grew up here know exactly what he's talking about.
JoeF Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 bump--this was really too funny to be way down here.....
Campy Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Bakay is so Buffalo. That's a great read and so true. People who grew up here know exactly what he's talking about. 19626[/snapback] And some say the Pats have replaced Miami as our biggest rival? No freekin' way! :I starred in Brokeback Mountain: Miami
Alaska Darin Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 And some say the Pats have replaced Miami as our biggest rival? No freekin' way! :I starred in Brokeback Mountain: Miami 20265[/snapback] Amen brother. Anyone who says that didn't live through the '70s. I hate Miami. Actually, that ain't even strong enough. That term ain't been invented yet.
Beerball Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Frostbitten man nipples. Too friggin funny!
nick in* england Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Wayy too funny... That man knows how to hate Miami. But he is wrong about one thing. Being a Bills fan is not just about hope - it's about hating the Dolphins too. And I am not sure which is the more important trait...
WWVaBeach Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 That was FANtastic! People were walking past my office wondering what I was laughing at. It's one of those things that if you aren't from Buffalo you'd never understand it. Great Job Nick!!! And BTW :I starred in Brokeback Mountain: FINS!!!
BRH Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Great stuff. And :I starred in Brokeback Mountain: Miami.
Sen. John Blutarsky Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 Great piece...seeing all the F Miami emoticons made me wonder....what happened to the fantastic T'Shirts we used to see at the Ralph about 10-15 years ago. You know, the ones that said nothing except F--- MIAMI in huge letters, sometimes with a mutilated Dolphin on it? Where did they go? Now that I'm old enough to buy one w/o my Mom throwing a fit I can't find one. C'mon T-Shirt guys, bring em back.... F--- MIAMI! :I starred in Brokeback Mountain:
stevewin Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 the moment slowed down like the seconds leading up to a car Rosen BUFFALO: Four consecutive Super Bowl appearances. MIAMI: A perfect, undefeated season in 1972. ADVANTAGE: Crap, I have to give 'em that one. Let's move on ... Have to disagree here - teams come close to perfect seasons - no one will EVER go to 4 consecutive SBs again BUFFALO: Man breasts bared to the icy winds On this point I think he's also confused - GW isn't here anymore!
nodnarb Posted September 7, 2004 Posted September 7, 2004 But where the hell is the link to this? espn certainly doesn't make bakay's page easy to find. i've always thought their navigation system blows, now it blows...harder. where where where?
ChevyVanMiller Posted September 7, 2004 Author Posted September 7, 2004 But where the hell is the link to this? espn certainly doesn't make bakay's page easy to find. i've always thought their navigation system blows, now it blows...harder. where where where? 20676[/snapback] Here's the link: http://www.buffalonews.com/editorial/20040905/1049707.asp Don't know how long it will be good for as the Buffalo News usually archives pieces after a couple days and then wants you to pay for them. That's why I pasted it in the first place.
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