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Posted

Healing thoughts, from my family to yours. I appreciate you. It takes a lot so share in the hopes it may help others.

Posted

Can't say how sad this makes me. I've lost countless friends to addiction and I'm truly sorry you have to go through this. You're in my thoughts and I hope somewhere is a light to guide you through.

Posted

Can't say how sad this makes me. I've lost countless friends to addiction and I'm truly sorry you have to go through this. You're in my thoughts and I hope somewhere is a light to guide you through.

My sons have been to more funerals than I have. That's a horrible fact. This is an epidemic and needs to be treated as such. These are good people with countless loved ones.

Posted (edited)

My sons have been to more funerals than I have. That's a horrible fact. This is an epidemic and needs to be treated as such. These are good people with countless loved ones.

My Son too.

something many of us feel hits home.

Thankful for this reaching out, to remind some of us how lucky we are. And that we need to maintain empathy for our friends our neighbors and some of those we have never met yet, like NG and his Family.

PS Aug you and I have discussed these matters over the years, as have a couple of us. Having experienced all to much does not lessen NG pain. But he has some who can hear his words and know what they mean. all in a Bills forum no less

Edited by 3rdand12
Posted

My Son too.

something many of us feel hits home.

Thankful for this reaching out, to remind some of us how lucky we are. And that we need to maintain empathy for our friends our neighbors and some of those we have never met yet, like NG and his Family.

PS Aug you and I have discussed these matters over the years, as have a couple of us. Having experienced all to much does not lessen NG pain. But he has some who can hear his words and know what they mean. all in a Bills forum no less

As NG pointed out, there is shame and regret for the user, but often also for the family. We were very open and it was amazing how many people we barely knew came to us to talk, always quietly. Talking helps. There is regret in this epidemic, but there should be no shame. These are not bad people or bad families, but tragic circumstances. Our younger son's best friend was lost, and he was like our third son. His family now smiles and laughs when he comes up, but the hole remains.

Posted

So young. Heartbreaking.

 

My condolences to you and your family from one fellow bills fan and member of tsw to another.

 

I hope you can find strength in this very difficult time.

Posted

I have re-read this thread again just now and still shed tears...to all those who posted, sent PM's or even just read through it an thought about it....Thank you! Your compassion, empathy, prayers and support REALLY make a difference! Last weekend at his service and celebration of life, my family was overwhelmed by the enormous outpouring of love that was bestowed upon Danny and my family from strangers, friends and family...I count everyone of you as friends.

 

For those of you that did not read his obituary, look back in this thread, there is a link...we were very open with the circumstances and his struggle, people called us "courageous" for doing so...I appreciate that, but I cannot imagine not doing so...no more sweeping it under the rug, if it helps one person, then his death was not without meaning...sadly I found out the other day that another young man in town died of an overdose on the day of my son's services. So I ask if you know of people going through this, reach out to them and never give up. Again...I can't thank you guys and gals enough for your outpouring of support.

 

In closing I would like to share my eulogy to my son, it's my honor to share something about him to a small part of the world:

 

Danny and I shared something very special and complex…it’s not easy to put into words, I was his father, but HE was MY hero…sounds strange to say. He had so many qualities that I admired and often envied, in a lot of ways HE was the person that I wanted to be. Things that were difficult for me came so easy for him, his outgoing, open, unabashed and gregarious nature always amazed me. Danny never really took no for an answer, he was always working an angle to get what he wanted, he was relentless and undeterred. It was often very exhausting being his parent. He was like this from a very young age and for the most part served him well, he was able to get away with quite a few things just using his charms…it didn’t work on everyone, especially his coaches, I think he drove every one of them crazy…I remember once in high school when he jacked up a three from way beyond the arc and I heard coach Dan Spellman yell “NO…NO!!!!”….of course after he swished it, that admonishment changed to “Ok…OK”…I was so very proud of his efforts on the court, he was fearless, courageous and had a cocky sort of confidence, that part of his game might have irritated some, but he used that to his advantage, again working whatever angle he could. One particular skill he worked on was manipulating the referees. As we know, he wasn’t shy, and he never hesitated to initiate a causal conversation with them before and during the game, it cracked me up watching him work that charm on them. Sports in general were Danny’s passion and that is how we spent a lot of time together, whether watching football, basketball or occasionally baseball, Danny would rattle off some obscure fact about a player that I had no idea how he could know. He had a mind like a steel trap when it came to sports….but school? Well, he didn’t really care about that stuff. He was loyal to a fault, whether it was his teammates, friends or siblings. He would step in without hesitation to defend someone, sometimes it would get him in big trouble…but it was worth it to him. He always had someone’s back. An aspect of Danny that some people might not know was his fondness for young children…during his high school years when at AAU basketball tournaments with the Hartford Heat, I’d see him between games entertaining young kids, it didn’t matter if he didn’t have a clue who they were, with his gentle nature and his quick smile he have them laughing and entertained in no time. He was the same way with his friend’s younger siblings. This was one of his many gifts, not many people knew of Danny’s soft side, except those close to him…I’m not sure if or why he guarded that so closely….he would have ended up being a wonderful father.

Danny was a teacher and a coach, but he didn’t know it…he taught me many things…the first being patience! He taught me all his innate qualities…faith, loyalty, persistence, acceptance and compassion. Over the last 6 years, he struggled with his addiction, but he also matured into a man. A man I loved and was proud to call my son. A few years ago, during a long stretch of sobriety, we were having a normal conversation when he said, “Dad, I’m an addict, it’s just what I am”…that shook me to my core since he had been sober for over a year, I wanted to dismiss it, deny it….but I realized he accepted it and that gave him strength. He didn’t want to travel down the road he had chosen, and tried repeatedly to get things right. His family stood next to him in loyalty, we had faith in him, we were patient, persistent, accepting and compassionate. The outpouring of love for Danny over the past week has been astounding to me, a true testament to what he was in his brief time on earth. I hope his death is not in vain, but serve as an inspiration for others not to give up and conquer their demons; or to others who know someone struggling, reach out, be persistent and show compassion and understanding.

Posted

I have re-read this thread again just now and still shed tears...to all those who posted, sent PM's or even just read through it an thought about it....Thank you! Your compassion, empathy, prayers and support REALLY make a difference! Last weekend at his service and celebration of life, my family was overwhelmed by the enormous outpouring of love that was bestowed upon Danny and my family from strangers, friends and family...I count everyone of you as friends.

 

For those of you that did not read his obituary, look back in this thread, there is a link...we were very open with the circumstances and his struggle, people called us "courageous" for doing so...I appreciate that, but I cannot imagine not doing so...no more sweeping it under the rug, if it helps one person, then his death was not without meaning...sadly I found out the other day that another young man in town died of an overdose on the day of my son's services. So I ask if you know of people going through this, reach out to them and never give up. Again...I can't thank you guys and gals enough for your outpouring of support.

 

In closing I would like to share my eulogy to my son, it's my honor to share something about him to a small part of the world:

 

Danny and I shared something very special and complex…it’s not easy to put into words, I was his father, but HE was MY hero…sounds strange to say. He had so many qualities that I admired and often envied, in a lot of ways HE was the person that I wanted to be. Things that were difficult for me came so easy for him, his outgoing, open, unabashed and gregarious nature always amazed me. Danny never really took no for an answer, he was always working an angle to get what he wanted, he was relentless and undeterred. It was often very exhausting being his parent. He was like this from a very young age and for the most part served him well, he was able to get away with quite a few things just using his charms…it didn’t work on everyone, especially his coaches, I think he drove every one of them crazy…I remember once in high school when he jacked up a three from way beyond the arc and I heard coach Dan Spellman yell “NO…NO!!!!”….of course after he swished it, that admonishment changed to “Ok…OK”…I was so very proud of his efforts on the court, he was fearless, courageous and had a cocky sort of confidence, that part of his game might have irritated some, but he used that to his advantage, again working whatever angle he could. One particular skill he worked on was manipulating the referees. As we know, he wasn’t shy, and he never hesitated to initiate a causal conversation with them before and during the game, it cracked me up watching him work that charm on them. Sports in general were Danny’s passion and that is how we spent a lot of time together, whether watching football, basketball or occasionally baseball, Danny would rattle off some obscure fact about a player that I had no idea how he could know. He had a mind like a steel trap when it came to sports….but school? Well, he didn’t really care about that stuff. He was loyal to a fault, whether it was his teammates, friends or siblings. He would step in without hesitation to defend someone, sometimes it would get him in big trouble…but it was worth it to him. He always had someone’s back. An aspect of Danny that some people might not know was his fondness for young children…during his high school years when at AAU basketball tournaments with the Hartford Heat, I’d see him between games entertaining young kids, it didn’t matter if he didn’t have a clue who they were, with his gentle nature and his quick smile he have them laughing and entertained in no time. He was the same way with his friend’s younger siblings. This was one of his many gifts, not many people knew of Danny’s soft side, except those close to him…I’m not sure if or why he guarded that so closely….he would have ended up being a wonderful father.

Danny was a teacher and a coach, but he didn’t know it…he taught me many things…the first being patience! He taught me all his innate qualities…faith, loyalty, persistence, acceptance and compassion. Over the last 6 years, he struggled with his addiction, but he also matured into a man. A man I loved and was proud to call my son. A few years ago, during a long stretch of sobriety, we were having a normal conversation when he said, “Dad, I’m an addict, it’s just what I am”…that shook me to my core since he had been sober for over a year, I wanted to dismiss it, deny it….but I realized he accepted it and that gave him strength. He didn’t want to travel down the road he had chosen, and tried repeatedly to get things right. His family stood next to him in loyalty, we had faith in him, we were patient, persistent, accepting and compassionate. The outpouring of love for Danny over the past week has been astounding to me, a true testament to what he was in his brief time on earth. I hope his death is not in vain, but serve as an inspiration for others not to give up and conquer their demons; or to others who know someone struggling, reach out, be persistent and show compassion and understanding.

 

:cry:

Posted

I have re-read this thread again just now and still shed tears...to all those who posted, sent PM's or even just read through it an thought about it....Thank you! Your compassion, empathy, prayers and support REALLY make a difference! Last weekend at his service and celebration of life, my family was overwhelmed by the enormous outpouring of love that was bestowed upon Danny and my family from strangers, friends and family...I count everyone of you as friends.

 

For those of you that did not read his obituary, look back in this thread, there is a link...we were very open with the circumstances and his struggle, people called us "courageous" for doing so...I appreciate that, but I cannot imagine not doing so...no more sweeping it under the rug, if it helps one person, then his death was not without meaning...sadly I found out the other day that another young man in town died of an overdose on the day of my son's services. So I ask if you know of people going through this, reach out to them and never give up. Again...I can't thank you guys and gals enough for your outpouring of support.

 

In closing I would like to share my eulogy to my son, it's my honor to share something about him to a small part of the world:

 

Danny and I shared something very special and complex…it’s not easy to put into words, I was his father, but HE was MY hero…sounds strange to say. He had so many qualities that I admired and often envied, in a lot of ways HE was the person that I wanted to be. Things that were difficult for me came so easy for him, his outgoing, open, unabashed and gregarious nature always amazed me. Danny never really took no for an answer, he was always working an angle to get what he wanted, he was relentless and undeterred. It was often very exhausting being his parent. He was like this from a very young age and for the most part served him well, he was able to get away with quite a few things just using his charms…it didn’t work on everyone, especially his coaches, I think he drove every one of them crazy…I remember once in high school when he jacked up a three from way beyond the arc and I heard coach Dan Spellman yell “NO…NO!!!!”….of course after he swished it, that admonishment changed to “Ok…OK”…I was so very proud of his efforts on the court, he was fearless, courageous and had a cocky sort of confidence, that part of his game might have irritated some, but he used that to his advantage, again working whatever angle he could. One particular skill he worked on was manipulating the referees. As we know, he wasn’t shy, and he never hesitated to initiate a causal conversation with them before and during the game, it cracked me up watching him work that charm on them. Sports in general were Danny’s passion and that is how we spent a lot of time together, whether watching football, basketball or occasionally baseball, Danny would rattle off some obscure fact about a player that I had no idea how he could know. He had a mind like a steel trap when it came to sports….but school? Well, he didn’t really care about that stuff. He was loyal to a fault, whether it was his teammates, friends or siblings. He would step in without hesitation to defend someone, sometimes it would get him in big trouble…but it was worth it to him. He always had someone’s back. An aspect of Danny that some people might not know was his fondness for young children…during his high school years when at AAU basketball tournaments with the Hartford Heat, I’d see him between games entertaining young kids, it didn’t matter if he didn’t have a clue who they were, with his gentle nature and his quick smile he have them laughing and entertained in no time. He was the same way with his friend’s younger siblings. This was one of his many gifts, not many people knew of Danny’s soft side, except those close to him…I’m not sure if or why he guarded that so closely….he would have ended up being a wonderful father.

Danny was a teacher and a coach, but he didn’t know it…he taught me many things…the first being patience! He taught me all his innate qualities…faith, loyalty, persistence, acceptance and compassion. Over the last 6 years, he struggled with his addiction, but he also matured into a man. A man I loved and was proud to call my son. A few years ago, during a long stretch of sobriety, we were having a normal conversation when he said, “Dad, I’m an addict, it’s just what I am”…that shook me to my core since he had been sober for over a year, I wanted to dismiss it, deny it….but I realized he accepted it and that gave him strength. He didn’t want to travel down the road he had chosen, and tried repeatedly to get things right. His family stood next to him in loyalty, we had faith in him, we were patient, persistent, accepting and compassionate. The outpouring of love for Danny over the past week has been astounding to me, a true testament to what he was in his brief time on earth. I hope his death is not in vain, but serve as an inspiration for others not to give up and conquer their demons; or to others who know someone struggling, reach out, be persistent and show compassion and understanding.

 

I just saw this and said a prayer NG. I have grown children and grandchildren and I am praying all the time they are not deflected from the course set for them.

 

There, but for the Grace of God.....

Posted

I have re-read this thread again just now and still shed tears...to all those who posted, sent PM's or even just read through it an thought about it....Thank you! Your compassion, empathy, prayers and support REALLY make a difference! Last weekend at his service and celebration of life, my family was overwhelmed by the enormous outpouring of love that was bestowed upon Danny and my family from strangers, friends and family...I count everyone of you as friends.

 

For those of you that did not read his obituary, look back in this thread, there is a link...we were very open with the circumstances and his struggle, people called us "courageous" for doing so...I appreciate that, but I cannot imagine not doing so...no more sweeping it under the rug, if it helps one person, then his death was not without meaning...sadly I found out the other day that another young man in town died of an overdose on the day of my son's services. So I ask if you know of people going through this, reach out to them and never give up. Again...I can't thank you guys and gals enough for your outpouring of support.

 

In closing I would like to share my eulogy to my son, it's my honor to share something about him to a small part of the world:

 

Danny and I shared something very special and complex…it’s not easy to put into words, I was his father, but HE was MY hero…sounds strange to say. He had so many qualities that I admired and often envied, in a lot of ways HE was the person that I wanted to be. Things that were difficult for me came so easy for him, his outgoing, open, unabashed and gregarious nature always amazed me. Danny never really took no for an answer, he was always working an angle to get what he wanted, he was relentless and undeterred. It was often very exhausting being his parent. He was like this from a very young age and for the most part served him well, he was able to get away with quite a few things just using his charms…it didn’t work on everyone, especially his coaches, I think he drove every one of them crazy…I remember once in high school when he jacked up a three from way beyond the arc and I heard coach Dan Spellman yell “NO…NO!!!!”….of course after he swished it, that admonishment changed to “Ok…OK”…I was so very proud of his efforts on the court, he was fearless, courageous and had a cocky sort of confidence, that part of his game might have irritated some, but he used that to his advantage, again working whatever angle he could. One particular skill he worked on was manipulating the referees. As we know, he wasn’t shy, and he never hesitated to initiate a causal conversation with them before and during the game, it cracked me up watching him work that charm on them. Sports in general were Danny’s passion and that is how we spent a lot of time together, whether watching football, basketball or occasionally baseball, Danny would rattle off some obscure fact about a player that I had no idea how he could know. He had a mind like a steel trap when it came to sports….but school? Well, he didn’t really care about that stuff. He was loyal to a fault, whether it was his teammates, friends or siblings. He would step in without hesitation to defend someone, sometimes it would get him in big trouble…but it was worth it to him. He always had someone’s back. An aspect of Danny that some people might not know was his fondness for young children…during his high school years when at AAU basketball tournaments with the Hartford Heat, I’d see him between games entertaining young kids, it didn’t matter if he didn’t have a clue who they were, with his gentle nature and his quick smile he have them laughing and entertained in no time. He was the same way with his friend’s younger siblings. This was one of his many gifts, not many people knew of Danny’s soft side, except those close to him…I’m not sure if or why he guarded that so closely….he would have ended up being a wonderful father.

Danny was a teacher and a coach, but he didn’t know it…he taught me many things…the first being patience! He taught me all his innate qualities…faith, loyalty, persistence, acceptance and compassion. Over the last 6 years, he struggled with his addiction, but he also matured into a man. A man I loved and was proud to call my son. A few years ago, during a long stretch of sobriety, we were having a normal conversation when he said, “Dad, I’m an addict, it’s just what I am”…that shook me to my core since he had been sober for over a year, I wanted to dismiss it, deny it….but I realized he accepted it and that gave him strength. He didn’t want to travel down the road he had chosen, and tried repeatedly to get things right. His family stood next to him in loyalty, we had faith in him, we were patient, persistent, accepting and compassionate. The outpouring of love for Danny over the past week has been astounding to me, a true testament to what he was in his brief time on earth. I hope his death is not in vain, but serve as an inspiration for others not to give up and conquer their demons; or to others who know someone struggling, reach out, be persistent and show compassion and understanding.

 

Great eulogy. This is the second time you put tears in my eyes. Best wishes.

Posted

I have re-read this thread again just now and still shed tears...to all those who posted, sent PM's or even just read through it an thought about it....Thank you! Your compassion, empathy, prayers and support REALLY make a difference! Last weekend at his service and celebration of life, my family was overwhelmed by the enormous outpouring of love that was bestowed upon Danny and my family from strangers, friends and family...I count everyone of you as friends.

 

For those of you that did not read his obituary, look back in this thread, there is a link...we were very open with the circumstances and his struggle, people called us "courageous" for doing so...I appreciate that, but I cannot imagine not doing so...no more sweeping it under the rug, if it helps one person, then his death was not without meaning...sadly I found out the other day that another young man in town died of an overdose on the day of my son's services. So I ask if you know of people going through this, reach out to them and never give up. Again...I can't thank you guys and gals enough for your outpouring of support.

 

In closing I would like to share my eulogy to my son, it's my honor to share something about him to a small part of the world:

 

Danny and I shared something very special and complexits not easy to put into words, I was his father, but HE was MY herosounds strange to say. He had so many qualities that I admired and often envied, in a lot of ways HE was the person that I wanted to be. Things that were difficult for me came so easy for him, his outgoing, open, unabashed and gregarious nature always amazed me. Danny never really took no for an answer, he was always working an angle to get what he wanted, he was relentless and undeterred. It was often very exhausting being his parent. He was like this from a very young age and for the most part served him well, he was able to get away with quite a few things just using his charmsit didnt work on everyone, especially his coaches, I think he drove every one of them crazyI remember once in high school when he jacked up a three from way beyond the arc and I heard coach Dan Spellman yell NONO!!!!.of course after he swished it, that admonishment changed to OkOKI was so very proud of his efforts on the court, he was fearless, courageous and had a cocky sort of confidence, that part of his game might have irritated some, but he used that to his advantage, again working whatever angle he could. One particular skill he worked on was manipulating the referees. As we know, he wasnt shy, and he never hesitated to initiate a causal conversation with them before and during the game, it cracked me up watching him work that charm on them. Sports in general were Dannys passion and that is how we spent a lot of time together, whether watching football, basketball or occasionally baseball, Danny would rattle off some obscure fact about a player that I had no idea how he could know. He had a mind like a steel trap when it came to sports.but school? Well, he didnt really care about that stuff. He was loyal to a fault, whether it was his teammates, friends or siblings. He would step in without hesitation to defend someone, sometimes it would get him in big troublebut it was worth it to him. He always had someones back. An aspect of Danny that some people might not know was his fondness for young childrenduring his high school years when at AAU basketball tournaments with the Hartford Heat, Id see him between games entertaining young kids, it didnt matter if he didnt have a clue who they were, with his gentle nature and his quick smile he have them laughing and entertained in no time. He was the same way with his friends younger siblings. This was one of his many gifts, not many people knew of Dannys soft side, except those close to himIm not sure if or why he guarded that so closely.he would have ended up being a wonderful father.

Danny was a teacher and a coach, but he didnt know ithe taught me many thingsthe first being patience! He taught me all his innate qualitiesfaith, loyalty, persistence, acceptance and compassion. Over the last 6 years, he struggled with his addiction, but he also matured into a man. A man I loved and was proud to call my son. A few years ago, during a long stretch of sobriety, we were having a normal conversation when he said, Dad, Im an addict, its just what I amthat shook me to my core since he had been sober for over a year, I wanted to dismiss it, deny it.but I realized he accepted it and that gave him strength. He didnt want to travel down the road he had chosen, and tried repeatedly to get things right. His family stood next to him in loyalty, we had faith in him, we were patient, persistent, accepting and compassionate. The outpouring of love for Danny over the past week has been astounding to me, a true testament to what he was in his brief time on earth. I hope his death is not in vain, but serve as an inspiration for others not to give up and conquer their demons; or to others who know someone struggling, reach out, be persistent and show compassion and understanding.

I'm glad to see you're doing better. Drop me a note if you need anything.

 

But now, though, I must call you an idiot to reinforce my curmudgeonliness. I do have a reputation to maintain, after all.

Posted (edited)

A beautiful eulogy Mark, I can only imagine the sorrow you must be going through, but it helps to reflect on what a wonderful son you have watching over you now. I am sure that his presence will be felt each and every day going forward, whether it is the sound of a sneaker squeak on the hardwood floor, or a smirk that your wife or daughter has that Danny had. He will be around you and poke through to remind you that he is still around. Embrace these signs as his way of watching over you, he will forever be in your heart.

Edited by Guffalo
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