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Deadspin's "Why your team sucks" 2016


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Omg the Eagles is making me cry from all the laughing I'm doing

 

 

 

 

 

CBF

OH, NO! SAM BRADFORD IS UNHAPPY! WHATEVER WILL WE DO?! Hey, ****head: The only team that would be dumb enough to trade for you already did. Medical schools would reject your cadaver if you tried to donate it.

Gold
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A little catch-up reading for everyone:

 

Oakland Raiders

 

LA Rams

Good Raiders fan comment 'Can you imagine if they move to Vegas? The 15 will be a solid pipeline of DUIs on Saturday mornings before home games and the slot machines at Circus Circus will be a scene from Fight Club. The Vegas drunk tank on Saturday nights will be a lovefest, though. lt’ll be a massive skull-tatted circle jerk to memories of Napoleon Kaufman.'

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"It’s legitimately enraging that this team got both Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson and forced them into early retirement by being such a trash franchise. That hasn’t even happened ONCE with any other team. This is a phenomenon unique to the Lions. If they had drafted Andrew Luck, he’d be an architect already."

 

Brilliant.

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"Its legitimately enraging that this team got both Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson and forced them into early retirement by being such a trash franchise. That hasnt even happened ONCE with any other team. This is a phenomenon unique to the Lions. If they had drafted Andrew Luck, hed be an architect already."

 

Brilliant.

:lol:
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The Falcons one is up now...this comment from a fan is absolutely perfect (I lived in Atlanta for several years before coming to my senses):

 

Want to know the life cycle of the average “Atlantan”?

You’re born in a ****ty suburb north of the city (Marietta, Alpharetta, Johns Creek, etc). You go to a state school like UGA, Alabama, Ole Miss, Auburn, etc. You graduate and work in PR or Sales and move to Buckhead. You go to the same bars for 3-5 years until you meet the perfect douchebro/blonde idiot. You get married before you’re thirty, then move out to the suburbs to have some ****ty kids and start the cycle all over.

Even better, the majority of people who say they’re from Atlanta are people who live in the suburbs and are afraid to go inside the perimeter (I-285 for you carpetbaggers) because the city is dangerous (read: Black). Other cities may have invented White Flight. But ATL made an art out of it.

:lol:

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I'm assuming they're waiting on posting the why-the-Bills-Suck story because there's still a lot of time left for other Bills players to be suspended.

Ha - was just thinking something similar - as soon as he files he'll be kicking himself when the next fire starts in the Bills dumpster afterwards. Maybe he can add revisions.

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When they make that article and talk about how they haven't made the playoffs in close to 20 years they should have a big ol' picture of Russ Brandon.

Or Billy Buffalo

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Ha:

 

I wonder if it’s more enjoyable to be a Buffalo Bills fan. I mean, they KNOW they suck and clearly the only purpose in going to a game is to get blackout drunk and perform some highly regrettable act that everyone on the internet can laugh at. The Colts give all these hapless-!@#$ fans a reason to think they can win (Andrew Luck) while there is no logical explanation as to how they could. With a GM who looks like he waltzed off the set of a Cinemax movie entitled “Bikini Flag Football,” that values first round picks like change I find under my seat, there is no possible way this team will win anything meaningful. But yet, these Trump supporting simpletons still trot out their Bob Sanders jerseys year after year perplexed as to why the “Coats” can’t seem to win an important game.

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