(Some) Parents of Student Athletes

[Canadian Bills Fan]

 

Congratulations to you, both! Are you going to make them Bills fans, or will you be nice?

 

 

Oh, if I didnt have a choice neither will he.

 

My 3 year old daughter has already been decked out in Bills gear.

 

 

Took awhile for Childrens Aid to clear me of any wrong doing

 

 

 

CBF

[MarkAF43]

 

Congratulations to you, both! Are you going to make them Bills fans, or will you be nice?

 

 

I plan on doing what I can to raise him as a Bills fan, I figure eventually over both of our lifespans one of us should see a good team.

[dpberr]

I think parenting is difficult. As your kids get older and get into high school on the cusp of being adults, you've got to weigh success vs. happiness and have a little self realization of who's going to define that success and happiness - and who really should.

 

It's not easy.

 

I've always been troubled by the parent who's forcing football on their brilliant musician son simply because dad played football. Or forcing college on their child who understands and enjoys fixing cars.

[Gugny]

I think parenting is difficult. As your kids get older and get into high school on the cusp of being adults, you've got to weigh success vs. happiness and have a little self realization of who's going to define that success and happiness - and who really should.

 

It's not easy.

 

I've always been troubled by the parent who's forcing football on their brilliant musician son simply because dad played football. Or forcing college on their child who understands and enjoys fixing cars.

 

Funny you use that example. My son just told me the other day that he would like to fix cars. He's been grounded ever since. KIDDING. I told him that he's got plenty of time to figure out what he wants to be when he gets older (if he's anything like me, the "growing up" part ain't happening), and if it turns out that he wants to fix cars, then that's what we'll back him in.

[CookieG]

My wife and I were discussing last night about how quickly time has gone by. Our son (our only child) will be a teenager next month and it blows our minds.

 

Anyway ... we got to talking about his different attempts at sports.

 

Like most dads, I had dreams of my son being a great athlete - preferably a football and baseball player.

 

He did baseball for a few years, beginning at the age of 5 (tee ball) and he hated it. It bored him and - to be honest - he was horrible.

 

He tried wrestling for on season when he was about 7. Again - clearly not his thing and he didn't really enjoy it, let alone have a passion for it.

 

Earlier this year was his first year in football (7th grade). He's still learning the game and he's not the most physical or athletic kid, but he really seems to enjoy it and wants to try out next year (8th grade is the first year they actually have cuts).

 

In the meantime, he's fallen in love with music. First the trombone .. now the guitar and bass (drum set soon to follow). He's a natural musician with perfect pitch. He asked me one night to download "Ace of Spades," which I let him do. An hour later, he was playing it on the bass. The first time he even touched a bass guitar was over the summer. He's gifted. More importantly, it's HIS passion.

 

I've already let him know that there is a chance that he might not make the football team next year. It's competitive and he'll need to work his ass off. He's cool with it and he's optimistic and we're supportive and showing confidence. But we're also making it clear that it's not a given ... AND ... it's okay. Not everyone can be great at everything.

 

As I've watching him try different sports, what really has struck me has been the parents. Mostly the dads. One, in particular ... this guy's older son is a gifted athlete. I will be shocked if he's not drafted by an MLB team and if he so chose, he could likely go D-II and maybe a small D-I for football. I've seen the kid play and these sports are his passion. I went to high school with his father. He sucked at sports, but always, "made," the team. Never played, though.

 

This guy also has a son my son's age. This younger son is NOT a gifted athlete. And let me tell you ... his father lets him know it. Yells at him. Berates him. Pushes him way too hard. This kid isn't playing football or baseball because HE wants to. He's playing it because his dick father is trying to live vicariously through him.

 

I hate that. It takes the enjoyment out of the sport for me. And even my son talks to me about it. How it's not fun to listen to "those kinds of parents" on the sidelines.

 

I think it's a serious societal problem. Let these kids find their OWN passion. THEN support them. That's how I roll.

 

A very nice write up.

 

To add....sometimes, you never know.

 

Watching our 2 sons grow up, our youngest was by far the more physical, more aggressive of the 2, the one who loved physical contact. I would jokingly refer to him as my Linebacker in Training.

 

The oldest was shy, sensitive, and got bullied a bit in grade school. The youngest, when in kindergarten, was singled out by a 2nd grade playground bully. Without getting into it...let's just say the bully made a mistake.

 

By the time 4th grade rolled around, my oldest wanted to try football, so we enrolled him in a flag football league. I ended up coaching him for 2 years. Every other kid on his first team had experience, and he was probably the worst player on the team (no..I didn't start him at QB, but like everyone else..I made an effort to ensure everyone played).

 

My youngest...he was in 2nd grade at the time and would come to the practices. Sometimes, I'd throw him in to a scrimmage, move him to a spot on defense and say, "run after the guy with the ball". I'll be damned if the kid wasn't running down 5th graders. Sometimes, he'd tackle them.

 

But the thing was...my youngest had 0 interest in the game, or sports in general. It always surprised me, considering how physically active he was. I asked him a few times, but he was never interested.

 

By 6th grade, the oldest wanted to try full contact football. The first contact practice was..about what you'd expect from a kid who's never played. But the first weekend I took him in the yard, in pads and showed him some blocking/tackling techniques. He picked it up pretty quick.

 

Through junior high, he ended up starting both ways on his team, OL and DE and didn't do too bad. By the end, teachers/coaches at his junior high were asking my youngest to try out. He wouldn't.

 

HIgh school...eh...I didn't realize how bad their high school program was. But they got a new coach who was building the program...and has made a little headway.

 

My oldest really got into it. He hit the weights, he worked out at 6 am, for his 1st 2 years, he was going against guys on another team that outweighed him by 50-70 lbs. By his senior year, he ended up at about 6'0" 240 and was one of the 4 captains. As an OG, he was still outweighed on a regular basis, but not as bad. He ended up a pretty good player on a team that didn't win too much. But..he enjoyed it. If nothing else..he wasn't bullied any more.

 

My youngest...the first day of high school, the head football coach cornered him and begged him to go out..he wouldn't.

 

Both are honor roll students. Both have stayed out of trouble. Both have totally different likes and dislikes. Both have chosen their friends wisely and have avoided peer pressure.

 

In many ways, I consider my wife and I have been extremely lucky. A little bad peer pressure can ruin a lifetime of good parenting. Luckily, we didn't face that.

 

PS. The oldest understood from the beginning that he was on a one and done rule as far as concussions went. The game was over for him if he ever got one. It isn't worth it. A coach from another team talked to me about him playing college ball and said that teams can put him on a 5000 to 6000 calorie diet to bulk him up to 300 or so. With his body frame..that's not worth it either.

Edited February 24, 2016 by CookieG

[Gugny]

 

A very nice write up.

 

To add....sometimes, you never know.

 

Watching our 2 sons grow up, our youngest was by far the more physical, more aggressive of the 2, the one who loved physical contact. I would jokingly refer to him as my Linebacker in Training.

 

The oldest was shy, sensitive, and got bullied a bit in grade school. The youngest, when in kindergarten, was singled out by a 2nd grade playground bully. Without getting into it...let's just say the bully made a mistake.

 

By the time 4th grade rolled around, my oldest wanted to try football, so we enrolled him in a flag football league. I ended up coaching him for 2 years. Every other kid on his first team had experience, and he was probably the worst player on the team (no..I didn't start him at QB, but like everyone else..I made an effort to ensure everyone played).

 

My youngest...he was in 2nd grade at the time and would come to the practices. Sometimes, I'd throw him in to a scrimmage, move him to a spot on defense and say, "run after the guy with the ball". I'll be damned if the kid wasn't running down 5th graders. Sometimes, he'd tackle them.

 

But the thing was...my youngest had 0 interest in the game, or sports in general. It always surprised me, considering how physically active he was. I asked him a few times, but he was never interested.

 

By 6th grade, the oldest wanted to try full contact football. The first contact practice was..about what you'd expect from a kid who's never played. But the first weekend I took him in the yard, in pads and showed him some blocking/tackling techniques. He picked it up pretty quick.

 

Through junior high, he ended up starting both ways on his team, OL and DE and didn't do too bad. By the end, teachers/coaches at his junior high were asking my youngest to try out. He wouldn't.

 

HIgh school...eh...I didn't realize how bad their high school program was. But they got a new coach who was building the program...and has made a little headway.

 

My oldest really got into it. He hit the weights, he worked out at 6 am, for his 1st 2 years, he was going against guys on another team that outweighed him by 50-70 lbs. By his senior year, he ended up at about 6'0" 240 and was one of the 4 captains. As an OG, he was still outweighed on a regular basis, but not as bad. He ended up a pretty good player on a team that didn't win too much. But..he enjoyed it. If nothing else..he wasn't bullied any more.

 

My youngest...the first day of high school, the head football coach cornered him and begged him to go out..he wouldn't.

 

Both are honor roll students. Both have stayed out of trouble. Both have totally different likes and dislikes. Both have chosen their friends wisely and have avoided peer pressure.

 

In many ways, I consider my wife and I have been extremely lucky. A little bad peer pressure can ruin a lifetime of good parenting. Luckily, we didn't face that.

 

PS. The oldest understood from the beginning that he was on a one and done rule as far as concussions went. The game was over for him if he ever got one. It isn't worth it. A coach from another team talked to me about him playing college ball and said that teams can put him on a 5000 to 6000 calorie diet to bulk him up to 300 or so. With his body frame..that's not worth it either.

 

Nice. I worry about the peer pressure thing as my son gets older. He has few friends, which is pretty much how I rolled/still continue to roll. My wife and I have always tried to create a home environment in which our son can talk to us about anything - and more importantly - identifies when it's the right time to talk about anything. So far, so good.

 

We always tell him whether his choices were good ones or bad ones, and explain why - either way. We're not big punishers. As long as he's learning, and he cares, we're happy.

 

I know I'm biased, but I have yet to meet a boy his age with more respect for, not only elders, but for everyone with whom he interacts.

 

He's not great, academically, but he tries (sometimes not hard enough, but that's getting better with maturity).

 

He's had a ton of problems with bullies. This year is the first year he's begun to push back. I made it clear to him - and to his principal - that I've given him the green light to defend himself. He's done it a couple times this year and it's helped the situation more than the administration's attempts. Luckily, the principal is also a father and he's told me that he "gets it." If there's an altercation, as long as my son isn't the instigator or throw the first punch, then he's in the clear. We're not encouraging him to fight; we're encouraging him to stand up for himself.

 

As far as sports go, I don't know. I fear that he will not make the cut for football next year, based on what I saw this year. I'm fine with it (I almost want it, with the threat of concussions). He said he might give track and field a shot (something like shot/disc) and I think that will likely be it. I picked music over sports after 10th grade; but I didn't get into music until 9th grade, so he's ahead of me there.

 

As long as he's passionate about something, we'll support him every step of the way. Happy, healthy and good character. That's what it's all about.

[Captain Hindsight]

 

Nice. I worry about the peer pressure thing as my son gets older. He has few friends, which is pretty much how I rolled/still continue to roll. My wife and I have always tried to create a home environment in which our son can talk to us about anything - and more importantly - identifies when it's the right time to talk about anything. So far, so good.

 

We always tell him whether his choices were good ones or bad ones, and explain why - either way. We're not big punishers. As long as he's learning, and he cares, we're happy.

 

I know I'm biased, but I have yet to meet a boy his age with more respect for, not only elders, but for everyone with whom he interacts.

 

He's not great, academically, but he tries (sometimes not hard enough, but that's getting better with maturity).

 

He's had a ton of problems with bullies. This year is the first year he's begun to push back. I made it clear to him - and to his principal - that I've given him the green light to defend himself. He's done it a couple times this year and it's helped the situation more than the administration's attempts. Luckily, the principal is also a father and he's told me that he "gets it." If there's an altercation, as long as my son isn't the instigator or throw the first punch, then he's in the clear. We're not encouraging him to fight; we're encouraging him to stand up for himself.

 

As far as sports go, I don't know. I fear that he will not make the cut for football next year, based on what I saw this year. I'm fine with it (I almost want it, with the threat of concussions). He said he might give track and field a shot (something like shot/disc) and I think that will likely be it. I picked music over sports after 10th grade; but I didn't get into music until 9th grade, so he's ahead of me there.

 

As long as he's passionate about something, we'll support him every step of the way. Happy, healthy and good character. That's what it's all about.

My dad told me once if I get detention for knocking out a bully he'd be proud and make sure mom doesnt get mad haha

[John from Riverside]

parent nepotism in youth sports is very real. You have to watch out for that.

 

Then the next thing you have to watch out for

 

Parents who think their kids are youth stars will someone end up go onto be High School sports starts automatically

 

Falling into the thinking of that trap yourself.

 

I had a real eye opening experience watching just how different it is.

 

 

 

-

[Gugny]

parent nepotism in youth sports is very real. You have to watch out for that.

 

Then the next thing you have to watch out for

 

Parents who think their kids are youth stars will someone end up go onto be High School sports starts automatically

 

Falling into the thinking of that trap yourself.

 

I had a real eye opening experience watching just how different it is.

 

 

 

-

 

Care to elaborate?

[Johnny Hammersticks]

 

Care to elaborate?

It's a jungle out there man.

[John from Riverside]

 

Care to elaborate?

It would be a extremely long post

 

I will cut it to two lines for now

 

- Sometimes things are really as not as big a deal as you think they are......and you find out later and then you see how it really is and wonder why you thought a certain way to begin with

 

- What might be the case for one of your kids......definately might not be for the other

 

And when they actually talk to you as a parent.......you have to listen...

 

I have learned that the hard way

Edited February 25, 2016 by John from Hemet

[mead107]

I always said that I would back my kids in what ever there choice was. If at age 16,17, or 18 have not learned what are good choices they will never be able to make good choices. End result is what counts.

[dpberr]

If parents could neither coach or watch their kids play organized sports, you'd be surprised at the sheer number of kids back out on the playground having fun.

[MarkAF43]

If parents could neither coach or watch their kids play organized sports, you'd be surprised at the sheer number of kids back out on the playground having fun.

 

 

It's funny you say that, I helped coach my nephews baseball team (8 and 9 yr olds) and the one thing I constantly stressed to those kids was to have fun. It's a game, it's a time to laugh, to smile, to shake off mistakes, learn from them but just have fun. It's a sunny day out, and you're with friends playing a game, enjoy it. It seemed to work for a lot of them. I taught them when they needed it, but the more important thing was to recognize it's a game and games should be fun.

[DC Tom]

I don't have kids. I just like popping in to parenting discussions to tell you all that you're raising your kids incorrectly.

 

So...you're all raising your kids incorrectly.

[Beerball]

I don't have kids. I just like popping in to parenting discussions to tell you all that you're raising your kids incorrectly.

 

So...you're all raising your kids incorrectly.

Gugny thanks you sincerely for your contribution.

[DC Tom]

Gugny thanks you sincerely for your contribution.

 

Why? Did he share this with his mommy and daddy?

[Beerball]

 

Why? Did he share this with his mommy and daddy?

No, he's writing a paper for his Social Studies class.

[John from Riverside]

If parents could neither coach or watch their kids play organized sports, you'd be surprised at the sheer number of kids back out on the playground having fun.

yep

[Gugny]

 

Why? Did he share this with his mommy and daddy?

 

I speak with at least one of my parents daily, so yes, I guess I have shared this with them in a way. Thank you for not being a parent.