Gugny Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My wife and I were discussing last night about how quickly time has gone by. Our son (our only child) will be a teenager next month and it blows our minds. Anyway ... we got to talking about his different attempts at sports. Like most dads, I had dreams of my son being a great athlete - preferably a football and baseball player. He did baseball for a few years, beginning at the age of 5 (tee ball) and he hated it. It bored him and - to be honest - he was horrible. He tried wrestling for on season when he was about 7. Again - clearly not his thing and he didn't really enjoy it, let alone have a passion for it. Earlier this year was his first year in football (7th grade). He's still learning the game and he's not the most physical or athletic kid, but he really seems to enjoy it and wants to try out next year (8th grade is the first year they actually have cuts). In the meantime, he's fallen in love with music. First the trombone .. now the guitar and bass (drum set soon to follow). He's a natural musician with perfect pitch. He asked me one night to download "Ace of Spades," which I let him do. An hour later, he was playing it on the bass. The first time he even touched a bass guitar was over the summer. He's gifted. More importantly, it's HIS passion. I've already let him know that there is a chance that he might not make the football team next year. It's competitive and he'll need to work his ass off. He's cool with it and he's optimistic and we're supportive and showing confidence. But we're also making it clear that it's not a given ... AND ... it's okay. Not everyone can be great at everything. As I've watching him try different sports, what really has struck me has been the parents. Mostly the dads. One, in particular ... this guy's older son is a gifted athlete. I will be shocked if he's not drafted by an MLB team and if he so chose, he could likely go D-II and maybe a small D-I for football. I've seen the kid play and these sports are his passion. I went to high school with his father. He sucked at sports, but always, "made," the team. Never played, though. This guy also has a son my son's age. This younger son is NOT a gifted athlete. And let me tell you ... his father lets him know it. Yells at him. Berates him. Pushes him way too hard. This kid isn't playing football or baseball because HE wants to. He's playing it because his dick father is trying to live vicariously through him. I hate that. It takes the enjoyment out of the sport for me. And even my son talks to me about it. How it's not fun to listen to "those kinds of parents" on the sidelines. I think it's a serious societal problem. Let these kids find their OWN passion. THEN support them. That's how I roll.
Jauronimo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 1. How will our kids compete with Chinese and their Tiger moms? b. What if your kid's passion is dungeons and dragons, emo music, Oprah, political correctness, privy excavation, or the band Phish? 3. If not sports, how else will we live vicariously through our children? 4. All of the above.
Captain Hindsight Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Good for you Gugny. I always appreciated how my parents supported me in whatever endeavor I wanted to try. My dad in particular always works hard to get me connections, ideas, and search tools to better understand my passions. I wasn't great at sports, but I enjoyed being on the team. My parents supported me in that When I wasn't enjoying my first college, they helped me apply to new schools and took me on tours When I was having a mid college crisis and took an internship in California before talking to my parents about it, they drove me there and prepared me for the experience. Having supporting, but strict parents prepared me for the world and allowed me to explore pursuits that I may not have otherwise had the opportunity. I am eternally grateful for that
BringBackFergy Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Same here. My son and daughters "enjoy" sports but they aren't super athletic. My son loved wrestling but was a little over .500 for high school. My older daughter loves running but isn't a premiere athlete. She loves art. My youngest daughter is the athlete in the family (basketball, softball and field hockey) but she would rather just go outside and "play". The one thing my kids all enjoy is theater/plays/musicals...we've been to a few shows at Proctors (Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, etc). I was in shows in school, college and community theater and it is a great experience. My kids enjoy it as well and if they can do that until they are 70-80 yrs old, I'd rather they entertain people than try and hit a curve ball when they get older. Parents can be brutal...other athletes can be brutal as well. My kids always hear comments from the "better athletes" like "you suck" or "nice one...you're bad" (not necessarily directed at my kids but to others who are trying to get better at a sport). Some of it is joking around, but other kids can certainly take it the wrong way. In the end, the parents are the ones who need to teach their kids to give others the benefit of the doubt. Kids who have never played a certain sport should be commended, not chastised. In our school (K-12 has 600 kids) the teams can barely get enough varsity players for football, baseball, field hockey, etc. One would think the parents would explain to their children "hey, you need to support all members of the team because they are the ones who allow you to have a "team" in the first place". But we have the same issues here Gugny...parents living in their glory days. I sit back with my wife and realize there are other things in life for our kids in the future (like the guitar and drums, theater, flyfishing, etc.) and my kids understand that as well.
Guffalo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 I agree that some parents will pressure kids in an attempt to live vicariously through them. I remember when my boys were younger one went out for football, and because he was a big kid, he did pretty good. He loved defense but they wanted him on the offensive line where he had to be more disciplined. He played until freshman year and had a coach who though he was going to be coaching the Giants within the next 3 years. After freshman year, my son said, "I hated this season, but as long as I don't have that coach anymore next year, I'm good". Well, because the team was undefeated, they moved some of the coaches up with the team when he went to JV. Naturally the first guy there was the Offensive line coach who "claimed" my son for the offensive line. My son came home and told us he was done, didn't want to have to deal with this guys head games for another year. As much as I loved watching him, I always said I wouldn't interfere in this stuff, although if he started something, he had to finish it. He had wanted to quit halfway through the year when the coach was playing mind tricks on him and I insisted he had to stick it out since other team members relied on him. The other guy decided he wanted to try wrestling, this kid is one of those guys that can pick something up, master it, then be bored with it. He started wrestling and the parents get really competitive in that sport. I saw older parents almost having strokes watching their kids get twisted into positions that would probably kill us at our ages. Because that sport is a one-on-one sport, the parents seem to be more invested since the success falls on the kid alone. Some parents would walk out if the kid was losing or not putting in the "expected" effort. It was heartbreaking to see the kid look up and just see mom there and the father walking out the door. If the kid has a passion for something, it should come through, the key is to encourage it and see where it leads.
Canadian Bills Fan Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My wife and I were discussing last night about how quickly time has gone by. Our son (our only child) will be a teenager next month and it blows our minds. Anyway ... we got to talking about his different attempts at sports. Like most dads, I had dreams of my son being a great athlete - preferably a football and baseball player. He did baseball for a few years, beginning at the age of 5 (tee ball) and he hated it. It bored him and - to be honest - he was horrible. He tried wrestling for on season when he was about 7. Again - clearly not his thing and he didn't really enjoy it, let alone have a passion for it. Earlier this year was his first year in football (7th grade). He's still learning the game and he's not the most physical or athletic kid, but he really seems to enjoy it and wants to try out next year (8th grade is the first year they actually have cuts). In the meantime, he's fallen in love with music. First the trombone .. now the guitar and bass (drum set soon to follow). He's a natural musician with perfect pitch. He asked me one night to download "Ace of Spades," which I let him do. An hour later, he was playing it on the bass. The first time he even touched a bass guitar was over the summer. He's gifted. More importantly, it's HIS passion. I've already let him know that there is a chance that he might not make the football team next year. It's competitive and he'll need to work his ass off. He's cool with it and he's optimistic and we're supportive and showing confidence. But we're also making it clear that it's not a given ... AND ... it's okay. Not everyone can be great at everything. As I've watching him try different sports, what really has struck me has been the parents. Mostly the dads. One, in particular ... this guy's older son is a gifted athlete. I will be shocked if he's not drafted by an MLB team and if he so chose, he could likely go D-II and maybe a small D-I for football. I've seen the kid play and these sports are his passion. I went to high school with his father. He sucked at sports, but always, "made," the team. Never played, though. This guy also has a son my son's age. This younger son is NOT a gifted athlete. And let me tell you ... his father lets him know it. Yells at him. Berates him. Pushes him way too hard. This kid isn't playing football or baseball because HE wants to. He's playing it because his dick father is trying to live vicariously through him. I hate that. It takes the enjoyment out of the sport for me. And even my son talks to me about it. How it's not fun to listen to "those kinds of parents" on the sidelines. I think it's a serious societal problem. Let these kids find their OWN passion. THEN support them. That's how I roll. Good for you Gug!!! CBF
Cugalabanza Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 ...because his dick father is trying to live vicariously through him. I agree completely. Way too much of this stuff in our society. It's cool that your son has found something he loves and he's good at (and that they are the same thing!) I want my daughter to try lots of things (music, sports, dancing, science,...), not necessarily for her to excel, but so that she has experiences with lots of different things that life has to offer, which ideally will make her more confident and have fun and be healthy and well-rounded, etc...all that good stuff. And hopefully, something will click with her and become a passion. Why the hell a parent would ever want to scream at their kids and force them to do something they don't enjoy is ridiculous to me.
The Poojer Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 mine still do, pretty much on a daily basis My children let me down.
Bullpen Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 My children let me down. Am I just as terrible a person as you because I laughed at this?
Beerball Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 mine still do, pretty much on a daily basis Found out after the fact that all 3 faked it during their 7th grade concerts. They never played a stinkin note. I don't think anyone can top that.
The Poojer Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 damn little pricks Found out after the fact that all 3 faked it during their 7th grade concerts. They never played a stinkin note. I don't think anyone can top that.
Captain Hindsight Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Found out after the fact that all 3 faked it during their 7th grade concerts. They never played a stinkin note. I don't think anyone can top that. Unless your wife fakes it....
Johnny Hammersticks Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 We try to expose my son, who recently turned 6, to as many sports as possible. If he chooses to sign up for a sport, he has to at least finish out the season. The only "sport" he has decided not to play anymore is karate, as it became boring to him. He still plays soccer, baseball, lacrosse, and hockey. This was his first year of organized hockey, and he did quite well and has been selected to be on the travel team next year. He loves it so I am supportive. I always make sure to tell him before every practice/game "I love you....have fun and do your personal best." I have witnessed some pretty atrocious incidents at hockey practice this year. One Father in particular, who has one son that plays D-1 hockey and another on his way to prep-school to play hockey, is really hard on his youngest son to perform well. The poor kid is 8 years old, and he is not particularly coordinated or athletically gifted. He tries his best, but he is clearly not amongst the best players on his team. I have witnessed this Father verbally berating his son for playing poorly, and on several occasions has been mildly physically abusive (i.e., slap to the back of the head, kick in the butt). It really makes me feel sorry for this kid. No matter how hard he tries he will always be a "failure" in his Father's eyes based on what his siblings have accomplished. Gug's you should check out the documentary Trophy Kids on Netflix. The parents are pretty over-the-top, but it is a good illustration of what you're talking about.
MarkAF43 Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Man I love reading the thoughts everyone has on this. My son is due in April and I know I have years before I go through this, it helps to see how people are dealing with issues like sports and interests for their kids. I have some idea on how I want to be when he starts playing sports or whatever activities he chooses and most of you have cemented I'm on the right path for it.
Gugny Posted February 23, 2016 Author Posted February 23, 2016 Man I love reading the thoughts everyone has on this. My son is due in April and I know I have years before I go through this, it helps to see how people are dealing with issues like sports and interests for their kids. I have some idea on how I want to be when he starts playing sports or whatever activities he chooses and most of you have cemented I'm on the right path for it. Congrats, Grandpa! Do you know what he's having yet?
Beerball Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Congrats, Grandpa! Do you know what he's having yet?
BringBackFergy Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Man I love reading the thoughts everyone has on this. My son is due in April and I know I have years before I go through this, it helps to see how people are dealing with issues like sports and interests for their kids. I have some idea on how I want to be when he starts playing sports or whatever activities he chooses and most of you have cemented I'm on the right path for it. Congrats!
Guffalo Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 This one tops them all, very good read http://espn.go.com/nhl/story/_/id/14170603/nhl-former-nhl-player-patrick-osullivan-opens-childhood-abuse
Gordio Posted February 23, 2016 Posted February 23, 2016 Yeah it is a bit different these days. My son since he has been a year old all he wanted to do was have a ball in his hand. He is 12 now. He plays travel baseball, travel basketball & travel hockey & I must say out of all three sports, the most over the top parents are the hockey parents at least around these parts(WNY) & it is not even close. Just the other day I seen a dad(on the opposing team) after the game in the hall shoving one of the assitant coaches because in his view his kid didn't get enough playing time. I really don't like hockey but I do enjoy watching my son play. I just sit back & watch these parents make asses out of themselves on a weekly basis. My son's first love is baseball & he is on one of the better travel teams in the area. I coached his travel team when he was 9 & after the season I had to take myself out of the equation because I realized I was taking some of the fun out of it for him as I was pretty hard on him. It is embarrassing to say but true. So I told him after the season I wasn't going to coach his travel team next year. My son was a bit sad but he understood. So now I sit back in centerfield & try to keep my mouth shut & just let my son have fun & enjoy the game he loves. It actually has worked out great. Me & some of the other dads watch the game in CF, we bring the coolers & grill out & will bbq. It is almost like being at a bills game!
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