PastaJoe Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I go into the bathroom at work, the one with 9 stalls, and it's unoccupied. So I go to the 2nd to last stall. The next person to walk in goes into the stall right next to me. Not the last one by the wall, but the one on the other side. This has happened twice this week. What are they thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thailog80 Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I go into the bathroom at work, the one with 9 stalls, and it's unoccupied. So I go to the 2nd to last stall. The next person to walk in goes into the stall right next to me. Not the last one by the wall, but the one on the other side. This has happened twice this week. What are they thinking? 243217[/snapback] Maybe they're checking to see if there is a hole in the wall? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d_wag Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I go into the bathroom at work, the one with 9 stalls, and it's unoccupied. So I go to the 2nd to last stall. The next person to walk in goes into the stall right next to me. Not the last one by the wall, but the one on the other side. This has happened twice this week. What are they thinking? 243217[/snapback] i hate it when people break the "bathroom" rules.........it's like the urnials -- never take the middle one unless the other two are BOTH occupied........and don't small talk -- who wants to hear another man's voice when they're holding their junk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Plastic Cup Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Maybe they think your sh-- don't stink! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Maybe they've already read all the comments on the other stalls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted February 17, 2005 Author Share Posted February 17, 2005 Maybe they think your sh-- don't stink! It doesn't, but their's sure did, that's what makes it worse. And throw in the noise, especially around 9am Monday mornings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duey Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Yeah, I can't a lack of bathroom etiquette. How about the guy that comes in, sits right next to you, grunts like he's giving birth, and then sits there for 20 minutes in his own stink reading the entire NY Times. And am I the only one who stares in disbelief at the guys openly carrying reading material into the bathroom. Why not just advertise the fact that you're going in to take a sh--, and that you are going to be spending some time in there getting caught up on the days news. Dopes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 http://www.geocities.com/mguy_5/etiquette.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linksfiend Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Next time - email them this link when they get back to their desk. It's for urinals, but the same rules apply. http://flasharcade.com/game.php?urinal&1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted February 17, 2005 Author Share Posted February 17, 2005 How about this. You're hurrying to get to work, and there's two lanes. There's a car in the right lane going a little below the speed limit. No problem. But in the left passing lane there's someone going just about the same speed. Not passing and moving to the right lane, but staying in the left lane, and staying close enough to the right lane car that you can't get around them. You finally get to a point where you can get around them in the right lane, and then after you go by they decide it's time to move to the right lane. What are they thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duey Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 How about this. You're hurrying to get to work, and there's two lanes. There's a car in the right lane going a little below the speed limit. No problem. But in the left passing lane there's someone going just about the same speed. Not passing and moving to the right lane, but staying in the left lane, and staying close enough to the right lane car that you can't get around them. You finally get to a point where you can get around them in the right lane, and then after you go by they decide it's time to move to the right lane. What are they thinking? 243323[/snapback] That's what road rage is for. :I starred in Brokeback Mountain: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernMan Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 How about this. You're hurrying to get to work, and there's two lanes. There's a car in the right lane going a little below the speed limit. No problem. But in the left passing lane there's someone going just about the same speed. Not passing and moving to the right lane, but staying in the left lane, and staying close enough to the right lane car that you can't get around them. You finally get to a point where you can get around them in the right lane, and then after you go by they decide it's time to move to the right lane. What are they thinking? 243323[/snapback] You wouldn't happen to be in Ohio, would you? Everytime I have to drive through that damn state from Cinci to Cleveland, there's always a slew of self-rightous pricks who think it's their job to police the speed limit by blocking the passing lanes. Some kind of power trip I imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 How about this. You're hurrying to get to work, and there's two lanes. There's a car in the right lane going a little below the speed limit. No problem. But in the left passing lane there's someone going just about the same speed. Not passing and moving to the right lane, but staying in the left lane, and staying close enough to the right lane car that you can't get around them. You finally get to a point where you can get around them in the right lane, and then after you go by they decide it's time to move to the right lane. What are they thinking? 243323[/snapback] it's the Polish roadblock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Here's one: Somebody sneezes, I'm not talking a little sniffle, I'm talking a full on snot-in-the-hands sneeze. They immediatley wipe their hands on their pants then move directky to the salad bar. WHAT THE FRAK ARE THEY THINKING? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Here's one: Somebody sneezes, I'm not talking a little sniffle, I'm talking a full on snot-in-the-hands sneeze. They immediatley wipe their hands on their pants then move directky to the salad bar. WHAT THE FRAK ARE THEY THINKING? 243396[/snapback] No chit. Everyone knows you use your tie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoachChuckDickerson Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php A must for all men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoachChuckDickerson Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I go into the bathroom at work, the one with 9 stalls, and it's unoccupied. So I go to the 2nd to last stall. The next person to walk in goes into the stall right next to me. Not the last one by the wall, but the one on the other side. This has happened twice this week. What are they thinking? 243217[/snapback] LONG BUT FUNNY, any email I recieved a while back.... We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you whohate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the......... Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure. ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosedlocation. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you havejust stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS. SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH wit an ASTAIRE. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. CRACK WHORE Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and sh-- streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN. BED OF REST Definition: The creation of a hammock from toilet paper just above the water line, thus cushioning the fall of a turd. Extremely effective in averting a possible WATERMELON incident. However, such a construction cannot be expected to cope with a HANAVA OMELET. Also, the complete lack of sound emmitting from your stall may alert an UNCLE TED of suspicious activity. Discreetion is required before using this technique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 You wouldn't happen to be in Ohio, would you?Everytime I have to drive through that damn state from Cinci to Cleveland, there's always a slew of self-rightous pricks who think it's their job to police the speed limit by blocking the passing lanes. Some kind of power trip I imagine. 243388[/snapback] I think it's very important you understand that referring to a state is bothersome to some, so please refer to states in the generic form from now on. Yeah...I know...sarcasm off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PastaJoe Posted February 17, 2005 Author Share Posted February 17, 2005 UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. Funny stuff. I hate when you can see the Uncle Ted through the space between the door and stall, and you wonder if he's looking back. The Fly By U-turn is especially important if you walk into an empty bathroom, and it smells horrible from the last person. You have to do a quick U-turn and get out before the next person comes in, so they'll get blamed instead of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USMCBillsFan Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Maybe they're checking to see if there is a hole in the wall? 243222[/snapback] That's some funny stevestojan.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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