Dealing with a gold digger

[The Big Cat]

Gold digger? I think the preferred term these days is 'c*nt.'

Edited December 5, 2015 by The Big Cat

[unbillievable]

 

Explain.

 

And it looks like she's going. Your mom won't want to disappoint her mom. If your mom is smart, she'll tell them she'll pay for the ticket but they're not going to the resort.

-He asked for a $2K loan for Christmas last year, which he used to take his girlfriend to Las Vegas, then paid it back in May with his tax refund. He's asking for a similar amount this year, which he hopes can be repaid by his bonus. Basically, his girlfriend spends future money in advance (refunds, bonuses,etc), but ends up adding to his debt because it never completely covers the cost. It's begun to pile up.

 

Recently, we've had to help him cover his basic bills. My thinking, if this relationship becomes a permanent arrangement, is that no one will want to help him out at all. He's going to have to maintain their lifestyle on his own.

 

He has a good job, used to have money to burn (had the latest iphones, PS3, etc), but now he's working overtime all the time, and needs help scraping together money for rent? I think he's taken over her mortgage and car payment; as well as grocery, concert, movie tickets, etc. I've seen girlfriends drain a guy's money before, but this feels extreme.

[BADOLBILZ]

I need some advice:

 

My grandmother is turning 100yrs old and wants to see the whole family. My mother surprised us with 1st class tickets over-seas. We just had to pay for hotels/food. My brother couldn't afford it, so the siblings (us) pooled our money to pay his share.

 

He told his girlfriend about the family trip.

 

She discovered that there was a resort nearby with scuba/sailing/gliding etc. Our mother said that my brother would have to pay for her ticket himself.

 

Right now, my brother is stressed out because he can't afford to pay for her $200 passport and make rent.

 

I discussed the problem with him.

 

-I asked if she really needed to go. He refused to go on the trip without her.

-I offered to ask everyone to fly 3rd-class. She refused to go unless it was 1st class.

-I asked if she could contribute anything at all. Pay for her own passport? She can't afford it.

 

Also, she wants to cut grandma's visit short, so they can spend more time at the resort...

 

How do I make him see reason?

 

Here's my take:

 

IF your mom has the money.........she should just pay for it to keep the peace among you guys.

 

That is the life of the benefactor in a family.

 

I think it's pretty common for large families to have that one or two people who can't get their financial sh*t together and need or expect someone to bail them out.

 

Their reasoning is usually totally irrational but you aren't likely to change them and it's annoying but all you can control is how YOU handle it.

 

Don't show jealousy or demand equal treatment/money or any of that.

 

If the money isn't there and family member won't go then make an excuse for them.

 

Grandma being 100 may know better......or not......but at least she will see that you care enough about her and your bro not to make him look bad to her or to hurt her feelings.

 

Not to make light but trust me this is a rather mild family squabble/issue and it shouldn't be blown out of proportion.

[unbillievable]

Your brother needs to sprouts some testicles and shut his girlfriend down, get his dumb ass on that plane and do for family. The fact she's putting him this position probably means he needs to kick her to the curb because it's only going to get worse, and this is just the tip of the berg.

Any criticism of her is met by anger from him.

 

I've actually considered hiring someone to catfish her into cheating. But that stuff only happens in movies.

 

For everyone who asked, this is a close internet approximation. (not actually her, just a picture from google.)

Think a little fatter, older version of the pic below:

 

[The Big Cat]

Any criticism of her is met by anger from him.

 

I've actually considered hiring someone to catfish her into cheating. But that stuff only happens in movies.

 

For everyone who asked, this is a close internet approximation. (not actually her, just a picture from google.)

Think a little fatter, older version of the pic below:

 

 

Neither photo nor description were necessary. This is the c*nt we all pictured.

[DC Tom]

A few answers:

 

-the girlfriend is a millennial.. 10yrs his junior.

-They've been dating 3yrs, only met the family once.

-She works part time. Her family cut support, which my brother apparently took over.

-Older brother's wife and two kids all got 1st class tickets.

-We promised Grandma that we'd all be there for her 100th Birthday. It's a big deal.

 

He's talking about getting married someday; given the circumstances (and history), we'll probably cut financial support as well.

 

The way things are going, it looks like he's forcing our mother to get her a ticket.

 

Lesson learned. Don't make promises you can't keep - specifically, don't make them if they're contingent on the actions of other people that you can't control.

 

And I'd be surprised if your grandmother didn't understand. 100 years of life experience, she should. My grandmother's 95, and in this same situation, her response would basically be "Well, !@#$ him then."

-She doesn't like sitting next to people she doesn't know, and needs to fly first class for the extra space. This problem also affected her passport because she won't stand in line at the post office, but must make an appointment (more expensive with a waiting list). It's not a medical condition; more a personality quirk. He explains it as "extreme shyness." Although, it doesn't keep her from going to clubs and parties.

 

Really? Not only do I not !@#$ing like anybody, but I can get a doctor's note stating that it is, in fact, a medical condition. And I'm still not that spoiled that I need special treatment.

 

She doesn't suffer from "extreme shyness." She suffers from "extreme narcissistic bitchiness."

[bbb]

Isn't a gold digger a chick who only goes out with a guy for his money? Doesn't seem to be the case here.

[John from Riverside]

This girlfriend needs to go

[DC Tom]

I will be the contrarian.

 

Shouldn't the 3-year long serious girlfriend get a 1st class ticket too?

 

Of course.

 

You do mean one-way, right?

[LB3]

Isn't a gold digger a chick who only goes out with a guy for his money? Doesn't seem to be the case here.

Kanye agrees with you.

[ExiledInIllinois]

 

A simplified explanation of a long discussion:The girlfriend feels claustrophobic around strangers.

 

-She doesn't like sitting next to people she doesn't know, and needs to fly first class for the extra space. This problem also affected her passport because she won't stand in line at the post office, but must make an appointment (more expensive with a waiting list). It's not a medical condition; more a personality quirk. He explains it as "extreme shyness." Although, it doesn't keep her from going to clubs and parties.

 

Wow!

 

Our post office makes appointments... Last December when we got our passports renewed... It was just my wife, son, daughter, and myself... LoL... in line... Where the heck are you applying?

 

Explain.

 

And it looks like she's going. Your mom won't want to disappoint her mom. If your mom is smart, she'll tell them she'll pay for the ticket but they're not going to the resort.

 

 

^^This!

Your brother needs to sprouts some testicles and shut his girlfriend down, get his dumb ass on that plane and do for family. The fact she's putting him this position probably means he needs to kick her to the curb because it's only going to get worse, and this is just the tip of the berg.

 

 

LoL... ^^This too!

-He asked for a $2K loan for Christmas last year, which he used to take his girlfriend to Las Vegas, then paid it back in May with his tax refund. He's asking for a similar amount this year, which he hopes can be repaid by his bonus. Basically, his girlfriend spends future money in advance (refunds, bonuses,etc), but ends up adding to his debt because it never completely covers the cost. It's begun to pile up.

 

Recently, we've had to help him cover his basic bills. My thinking, if this relationship becomes a permanent arrangement, is that no one will want to help him out at all. He's going to have to maintain their lifestyle on his own.

 

He has a good job, used to have money to burn (had the latest iphones, PS3, etc), but now he's working overtime all the time, and needs help scraping together money for rent? I think he's taken over her mortgage and car payment; as well as grocery, concert, movie tickets, etc. I've seen girlfriends drain a guy's money before, but this feels extreme.

 

Chicks will tend to do this... As I duck for cover!

 

Thanks Bank America!! I am just joking... Jokingly sexist!

I will be the contrarian.

 

Shouldn't the 3-year long serious girlfriend get a 1st class ticket too?

 

 

I am kinda with you too JR! I know I enable, but if I was the mother... It would have never been an issue! But still, girlfriend should have taken a higher road...

[bbb]

Kanye agrees with you.

 

Does he? I take it back then.

 

[Beef Jerky]

I need some advice:

 

My grandmother is turning 100yrs old and wants to see the whole family. My mother surprised us with 1st class tickets over-seas. We just had to pay for hotels/food. My brother couldn't afford it, so the siblings (us) pooled our money to pay his share.

 

He told his girlfriend about the family trip.

 

She discovered that there was a resort nearby with scuba/sailing/gliding etc. Our mother said that my brother would have to pay for her ticket himself.

 

Right now, my brother is stressed out because he can't afford to pay for her $200 passport and make rent.

 

I discussed the problem with him.

 

-I asked if she really needed to go. He refused to go on the trip without her.

-I offered to ask everyone to fly 3rd-class. She refused to go unless it was 1st class.

-I asked if she could contribute anything at all. Pay for her own passport? She can't afford it.

 

Also, she wants to cut grandma's visit short, so they can spend more time at the resort...

 

How do I make him see reason?

 

Tell him to take a loan out.

 

Also his girlfriend isn't spending his money... He is spending it like an idiot on her.

Edited December 6, 2015 by Beef Jerky

[unbillievable]

To add:

 

The trip has been discussed for years. The schedule was laid out months ago. The girlfriend was invited (to this and previous family events/trips, but declined). Then the hotels and tickets were purchased with the surprise upgrade to free 1st class revealed. This was during the summer.

 

On Thanksgiving, my brother informed the rest of us that his girlfriend changed her mind and wants to go, showing us the resort promotional website as her motivation. He asked for the additional ticket along with changes on hotel accommodation dates (that we paid) to include cutting our visit short for a side vacation.

 

Obviously, there was some tension with the change in plans and that is when he informed us that he was not willing to go unless she went as well. Our mother informed him that we would be happy for her to come along (and finally meet everyone- they had only briefly met once before), but would have to pay her own way.

Tell him to take a loan out.

Also his girlfriend isn't spending his money... He is spending it like an idiot on her.

 

His credit is 0 (I didn't know you could even hit zero).

Any loan would have to come from the family. Basically, I'm the buffer between him and our mother who is ready to hand over the cash.

[Beef Jerky]

To add:

 

The trip has been discussed for years. The schedule was laid out months ago. The girlfriend was invited (to this and previous family events/trips, but declined). Then the hotels and tickets were purchased with the surprise upgrade to free 1st class revealed. This was during the summer.

 

On Thanksgiving, my brother informed the rest of us that his girlfriend changed her mind and wants to go, showing us the resort promotional website as her motivation. He asked for the additional ticket along with changes on hotel accommodation dates (that we paid) to include cutting our visit short for a side vacation.

 

Obviously, there was some tension with the change in plans and that is when he informed us that he was not willing to go unless she went as well. Our mother informed him that we would be happy for her to come along (and finally meet everyone- they had only briefly met once before), but would have to pay her own way.

 

 

His credit is 0 (I didn't know you could even hit zero).

Any loan would have to come from the family. Basically, I'm the buffer between him and our mother who is ready to hand over the cash.

 

Those loans like money mutual will always give them. You need to pay them back in two weeks or the interest is insane. $200 should be easy to repay.

[boyst]

Honestly, as Thomas said. There is nothing to argue.

 

 

i could always f*ck her and take pictures which you could than send to your brother and expose her as a cheating hoor.

 

I would be willing to take that sacrificial task; and could probably pull her. Don't think it'd take much.

Edited December 6, 2015 by Boyst62

[The Poojer]

sorry in advance, but your brother sounds like an ass. if he is even considering her behavior to be acceptable, he needs to be set straight. dear lord, i wouldn't change a dinner invite in that short of time....your brother has ZERO respect for your family! This isn't about dealing with a 'gold digger' this is about dealing with a piece of **** family member. I've come close to being that kind of family member, but thankfully i wised up.

 

To add:

 

The trip has been discussed for years. The schedule was laid out months ago. The girlfriend was invited (to this and previous family events/trips, but declined). Then the hotels and tickets were purchased with the surprise upgrade to free 1st class revealed. This was during the summer.

 

On Thanksgiving, my brother informed the rest of us that his girlfriend changed her mind and wants to go, showing us the resort promotional website as her motivation. He asked for the additional ticket along with changes on hotel accommodation dates (that we paid) to include cutting our visit short for a side vacation.

 

Obviously, there was some tension with the change in plans and that is when he informed us that he was not willing to go unless she went as well. Our mother informed him that we would be happy for her to come along (and finally meet everyone- they had only briefly met once before), but would have to pay her own way.

 

His credit is 0 (I didn't know you could even hit zero).

Any loan would have to come from the family. Basically, I'm the buffer between him and our mother who is ready to hand over the cash.

Edited December 6, 2015 by The Poojer

[Doc]

sorry in advance, but your brother sounds like an ass. if he is even considering her behavior to be acceptable, he needs to be set straight. dear lord, i wouldn't change a dinner invite in that short of time....your brother has ZERO respect for your family! This isn't about dealing with a 'gold digger' this is about dealing with a piece of **** family member. I've come close to being that kind of family member, but thankfully i wised up.

 

He's kitty-whipped.

[The Poojer]

kitty whipped doesn't go this far...kitty whipped is blowing off a dinner with family or a night out with friends....this is ridiculous...

 

 

He's kitty-whipped.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Any criticism of her is met by anger from him.

 

I've actually considered hiring someone to catfish her into cheating. But that stuff only happens in movies.

 

For everyone who asked, this is a close internet approximation. (not actually her, just a picture from google.)

Think a little fatter, older version of the pic below:

 

Yep I see the problem