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Posted

 

Dear Chef Jim,

 

If instead of insulting people on the internet, you did your job, maybe you wouldn't burn the customers Moons Over My Hammy Grand Slam Breakfast® for the third time this week.

 

TRBJ

 

 

Thanks Joe. But I have a follow up question. Why do people start an advice column where they say they'll answer people's questions then proceed not to answer their questions?

 

I'll hang up now and listen to your answer/

Posted

 

Dear Mike,

 

Ask TRBJ is in no way, shape or form associated with "Ask Joey," nor do we hand out legal advice. Thank you for submitting your question, and you can make a payment by sending me your credit card info via PM.

 

Joe

Well my attorney Jackie Cochran seldom loses, so your account number sent to me would be helpful. Thx

Posted

I got a job coaching a football team that I thought was gonna be really good but turns out they are a bunch of overrated, undisciplined meatheads. On top of it, now everyone is getting hurt. What do I do now?

Posted

Dear TRBJ.... Percy Harvin has been hiding in the closet under my basement steps for the last two weeks. I sent the note he pushed under the door to OBD and they said it was "positive communication". When is the right time to make him start paying rent or kick his ass out?

Posted

I got a job coaching a football team that I thought was gonna be really good but turns out they are a bunch of overrated, undisciplined meatheads. On top of it, now everyone is getting hurt. What do I do now?

 

Punt.

Posted

I got a job coaching a football team that I thought was gonna be really good but turns out they are a bunch of overrated, undisciplined meatheads. On top of it, now everyone is getting hurt. What do I do now?

 

Stare at this for a while and you'll feel better:

 

Non-Swollen-Feet-Atlanta-Podiatry.jpg

Posted

Dear Abbey: I am currently being held captive in a room that has nothing in it other than a metal chair, a lightbulb, a plastic switchblade comb, a pack of Hubba Bubba grape gum, 18 peanut M&M's, an old TV guide with Loni Anderson on the cover, 3 rusty door hinges, a roll of camoflauge duct tape and half eaten Stella Dora bread stick. There is a door with a lock and a guard outside. How do I escape?

 

Much appreciated,

Kidnapped in Kentucky

Posted

Dear Joey,

 

Being a Bills fan is beginning to take its toll on me. Just when I thought they'd turn the corner, Rex Ryan came in and fuct it all up; and we've got this "star" wide receiver who can't suit up, nor can he keep his barely-English-speaking mouth shut.

 

I'd never consider NOT being a Bills fan, but it costs a lot of money to go to the one game/per year my wife and I attend: the home opener.

 

We enjoy going to the Bar Bill Tavern for beef on weck and wings; and mostly, we enjoy the Annual TBDHOT, with the exception of one guy with a mustache and glasses.

 

This guy followed me to the porta potty and asked me if he could give me a physical. He said he wanted me to turn my head and cough, but I refused.

 

I think I'm okay spending the money on future home openers, but what should I do about the mustachioed stalker next year?

 

Sincerely,

Scared in Saratoga

Posted

Tonight Megan and I are are going on spooky trail and haunted house and then to a bar. She's quite attractive and those lucky enough to be in the group text will see so. She is quite amazing, but I do have a date with a TV News woman next week.

 

Joe, I have a question. I need to find some cheap tire spikes to keep people from going on my land. If I put them up on my own private driveway is that illegal?

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