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Posted

Its a good one but can it really compare to this?

 

 

The hot sauce lube is another classic. I wish I had saved the blowup mattress chronicles, too. And the poetry/song lyrics.

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Posted

 

The hot sauce lube is another classic. I wish I had saved the blowup mattress chronicles, too. And the poetry/song lyrics.

My PMs are a goldmine (once you filter through Beerball's daily affirmations of what a bad person I am). Heres another good one.

 

 

its not just time zone change which in a 1 oclock game does make a difference IMO, changes in elevation and Geographic location slightly alter the gravitational force Rivers is used to dealing with on the West coast

Posted

I was...let's just say "peripherally involved with"...the systems at OPM that were recently hacked. Given the political blood bath going on over this, there is a miniscule chance that I might be called in front of Congress to testify.

 

So I wanted to ask this question of the board: if I have to testify, what TDBisms should I work in to my testimony? "You're an idiot" is a given, of course (particularly given my contempt of Congresscritters). And I'll try to use "retatta." Any other suggestions?

 

 

 

[Try to keep it non-political as much as possible, please. Mods, I ask some lenience for any political statements; I'd like suggestions from the wider board, not just PPP.]

 

"don't confuse effort with results"

Posted

1. Four pages in, and nobody has suggested that you blame the breach on the hated Patriots****** ? If the Patriot*********** Act comes up, it could be the perfect Segway to transport Belicheat under the bus, and put the Patriots******** long history of cheating into the Congressional record.

 

2. Blame it on the aliens in the underwater UFO.

Posted

I will tell you how to say something like I post. You will have them so confused (you forget, Congresscritters can't critically think) that they will throw their hands up and let you leave.

 

Just mumble something about a Riddler and a lock if you want the two word method. Four word method? Throw in "Asian carp."

 

Again, remember this is Congress. You've cut your teeth on PPP. You have this licked!

Posted

Before you are excused tell them that you are going through some large personal issue and you would like their advice.

 

No....good God no!!! Asking you knuckleheads for advice is wrong. Asking Congress for advice is just 100% jacked up dumbass mother!@#$ing stupid!!

Posted

Help with homework?

 

Gravity effected the hack?

 

You can Shirley get Rosen'ed in there.

 

Stojan and retatta as others said

 

Belinda would be too easy.

Work in:

 

"Ed gives head"

"I don't give a Stojan"

"Jerky jerks"

"Tracy Lee is a horrible parent"

 

At the end just start muttering the names of the horses who've failed to complete the Triple Crown, starting with Smarty Jones.

good throwbacks.

Instead of pleading the 5th, just say "belinda."

perfect
Posted

Before they start asking questions tell them you just put a Hot Pocket® in the microwave. Then when they ask a sensitive question, say

 

Ding! Gotta go!

Posted

Just tell them you are a supercilious pedantic anal orifice.

 

Congress will automatically give you a seat in the Senate and Obama will shake your hand. Request Texas, Florida, or Utah. Oh, and don't forget the:

 

"27 8x10 color glossy pictures with circles and arrows

and a paragraph on the back of each one."

 

Make sure to circle your big bulbous head too... Congress will love you and you will be Sr. Senator from TX/FLA or Utah in no time flat!

Before they start asking questions tell them you just put a Hot Pocket® in the microwave. Then when they ask a sensitive question, say

 

Ding! Gotta go!

No you've done it! You want him to make Senator from MA! Good going... ;-P

Posted

Blame the hack on the NSA, and that once you heard about it, you immediately emailed Lois Lerner to let her know.

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