Jerry Jabber Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) This is just for fun, but since we all know that Patriots fans have on "fan goggles" and make up every excuse known to man whenever their team gets penalized, what kind of Patriots style excuses can we make up for Dareus' drag racing case? Edited May 15, 2015 by Jerry Jabber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 This is just for fun, but since we all know that Patriots fans have on "fan goggles" and make up every excuse known to man whenever their team gets penalized, what kind of Patriots style excuses can we make up for Dareus' drag racing case? Â Let's try the same ones: Â His initial speed wasn't properly written down, so we have no way of knowing that he was actually speeding. Everyone does it. Aaron Rogers admitted that rolled through a stop sign once. The police were envious of his driving skills. Even after he was stopped and forced to slow down, he won the race, so speeding had no impact on the outcome.\ He wasn't racing, his mechanic was just trying to lose weight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wiz Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Yellow means speed up. There was a bus he was trying to catch up to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Jabber Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 If Joe Schmuckatelli was suspended X amount of games for a totally unrelated charge, then why is Dareus being punished so hard?  The NFL hates small market teams  Goodell didn't want Dareus hurting his golden boy, Tom Brady  Let's try the same ones:  His initial speed wasn't properly written down, so we have no way of knowing that he was actually speeding. Everyone does it. Aaron Rogers admitted that rolled through a stop sign once. The police were envious of his driving skills. Even after he was stopped and forced to slow down, he won the race, so speeding had no impact on the outcome.\ He wasn't racing, his mechanic was just trying to lose weight. Lmao!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurker Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 "How was Marcell to know that Mongolian Buffet didn't have a drive thru window...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) If New England is going to argue the ideal gas law I say we get a scientist of our own to do all sorts of research showing Newton's laws of motion don't apply to Marcel and his car - lots of charts and graphs would be great. Edited May 15, 2015 by The Avenger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wiz Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 If New England is going to argue the ideal gas law I say we get a scientist of our own to do all sorts of research showing Newton's laws of motion don't apapply to Marcel and his car - lots of charts and graphs would be great. You mean like at the time of his accident there was an astronomical anomaly which caused the gravitation rotation of the earth to increase at a rate of 0.3 feet per second. With that in mind and the gravitation pull of the earth being 9.8 m/s^s, one could conclude that Marcell was actually driving 3 MPH under the speed limit but gravitational affects made him drive 98 MPH. Â I have no idea what I'm talking about btw. Â But I think I got the Pats** beat in terms of possibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRW Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 He was not drag racing, he was racing to get into drag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenhigh Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Its the police's fault for not warning Dareus ahead of time that they were going to start ticketing people for drag racing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
What a Tuel Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Dareus had no idea that he was illegally drag racing, he drives his car a certain way, and he had no idea why Hughes was trying to keep up with him. He doesn't even know Hughes! Â Its the police's fault for not warning Dareus ahead of time that they were going to start ticketing people for drag racing. Â How dare they run a sting to catch someone doing something illegal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fadingpain Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) We didn't see him drag racing. We all assume he was observed racing on a road and driving through air. Â It is entirely possible he was in fact driving through water. Â Water is 15 times more viscous than air. Â If he was driving through water, his speed would not only have been reduced to a legal speed, it would have in fact been impossible to achieve the alleged speed cited in the infraction. Â Further, his speed was likely recorded incorrectly as kilometers per hour, not miles per hour, causing an artificial inflation of the numbers. Â He's also a good guy and doesn't seem like the sort to break the law, whether intentionally, unintentionally, or by act or omission. Â If he was drag racing, it is more probable than not that a ball boy was primarily merely responsible for any alleged wrongful action. Â The dog ate his homework. The kid next door did it. Â 4 out of 5 dentists who chew gum prefer sugarless gum. Edited May 15, 2015 by Stopthepain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fadingpain Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 If New England is going to argue the ideal gas law I say we get a scientist of our own to do all sorts of research showing Newton's laws of motion don't apply to Marcel and his car - lots of charts and graphs would be great. Given Marcell's hefty size and the mass of the vehicle he was driving, and taking into account the fact that he was in the northern hemisphere at the time of the alleged infraction, and accounting for the moon phase on the night of the alleged infraction, relative humidity, and dew point...and notwithstanding the effects of gravity, inertia, the strong and weak nuclear forces, and also accounting for the Coriolis Effect...it is substantially more probable than not that Dareus' actions were fully compliant with the laws of physics and by extension, the laws of man. Â In short, it is impossible for Dareus to have been "illegally" drag racing within the meaning of the law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seq004 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 He suffers from a condition called "heavy foot" and has a doctor excuse for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoSaint Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) i wonder if the nfl had him and his friends on the team turn in their phones to see if he set up a race  If they find something else can they up the punishment or have him arrested? How would a good parent handle this?!? Edited May 15, 2015 by NoSaint Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 If New England is going to argue the ideal gas law I say we get a scientist of our own to do all sorts of research showing Newton's laws of motion don't apply to Marcel and his car - lots of charts and graphs would be great. Â I could do that. Â "You can't know he was drag racing - the Heisenberg uncertainty principle states you can't accurately measure position and momentum simultaneously. So if you knew where he was, how could you know he was racing? And how is it that you measured the velocity of HIS car being completely different from all the other cars around him under the same conditions? And your speed radar...can you prove that the microwave photons that returned to your radar are the same photons that were emitted to start with? How do you know they weren't different microwave photons, and gave a different measurement than the original photons? How can you claim that two sets of microwaves gave the same measurement reliably?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tu-Toned Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 You see when the temperature drops............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wiz Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 His tire pressure wasn't measured with a proper gauge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmy10 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 You know who else penalized people for speeding? Hitler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 The locker room attendants had taken it wholly upon themselves to alter the speedometer on the vehicle while Dareus was in meetings. This occurred without Dareus' knowledge or consent. Jablonski advised McMurphy to make sure "it shows slow, just the way "D" likes it" and McMurphy is said to have taken the vehicle into a private area where he modified the linkage to the speedometer. For their actions, Jablonski and McMurphy were relieved of their duties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 He's been speeding like that his whole life. Jerry Hughes just turned him in because he was jealous that he was winning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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