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Posted

What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

 

One is a sick duck and the other, I forget how it goes but your mother's a whore

 

(nerd points if you know what this is from)

Posted

....Wonderful!

 

What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

 

One is a sick duck and the other, I forget how it goes but your mother's a whore

 

(nerd points if you know what this is from)

Posted

What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

 

One is a sick duck and the other, I forget how it goes but your mother's a whore

 

(nerd points if you know what this is from)

:lol:

Posted (edited)

A chinaman walks into the eye doctor's office and says "doctor, I'm having trouble seeing."

 

The doctor asks "Do you have a cataract?"

 

To which the chinaman replies, "No, I have a Rincoln."

Edited by Rob's House
Posted (edited)

A drunk in a bar throws up on his shirt. He's upset that his wife will know he's been drinking again. The bartender says he has a good excuse. He tells the drunk to put a $20 bill in his pocket, and when she asks about the shirt, tell her someone threw up on him and gave him $20 to get it cleaned. So he goes home, and the wife asks what happened to his shirt. He explains what happened like the bartender said, and then pulls out $40. The wife says, "But you said he gave you $20 for the shirt, why do you have $40?". The drunk replies, "He sh*t in my pants too!".

Edited by PastaJoe
Posted

A koala wakes up next to a hooker and gets out of bed...making his way toward the door. The hooker wakes up and asks the koala where he's going without paying. Koala says to the hooker: "I'm a koala, look up the definition in the dictionary." He walks out the door. Hooker opens the dictionary. "Koala (n) Small marsupial that eats bushes and leaves."

 

This joke works much better using Aussie slang and a Wombat.....the punchline being "He eats roots and leaves."

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=root

Posted

I posted this here before. I did a Google search and it was almost 10 years ago... Holy Moly, time to tell this joke again:

 

What do you call an artsy pumpkin?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Avant-Gourd.

Posted

Not sure if this is on the line or if ive crossed it by a mile but here goes:

 

A new study just came out that says 9 out of 10 people prefer gang rape.

Posted

Not so much a joke here as a funny moment at work yesterday....

 

Coworker was nuking some leftover spaghetti. While it was in the microwave he was tossing a Ziploc bag with grated parmesan cheese up in the air. Another coworker asked what he had there, a bag of coke to which he answered no, it's a bag of parmesan cheese. I was standing nearby and told them they were both wrong. Then I snatched the bag out of the air and walked away and told them...

 

It's Nacho Cheese :P

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