Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 But here goes. I've been divorced now for a little bit over a year, and recently I started talking with a lovely lady in San Diego. The plusses: 1) gorgeous 2) 8 years younger than me 3) really bright, is a regional manager for a major corporation 4) did i mention hot as hell? 5) Shares a lot of common interests with me I'm telling you, this lady checks all the boxes, if you know what I mean. But, there's a major hangup: She's married, considering divorce, but still married. Now having been divorced myself, I know that it's a painful and sometimes extended process for both parties. And I know that divorces are fraught with complications. That being said, this woman is as close to the ideal that I could ask for, but I don't know how to proceed. If you were me would you: 1) Just let it ride, keep talking to her, see what happens. 2) Walk away from what could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity 3) Something else. Yeah, I know, a bit winded, but I'm interested to see what the consensus is here.
Maury Ballstein Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I need a pic to offer optimal advice. For now 1)
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 I need a pic to offer optimal advice. For now 1) I wouldn't violate her trust like that. Value her WAY too much. Let's just say she's a redhead, legs for days.
TakeYouToTasker Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Anyone who is willing to begin another relationship while still being in her existing one is not worth being with.
Maury Ballstein Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 How did this "affair" begin ? Bar ? Online ? Coworker? Do yall go out in public or just stay home to not be seen? Lot of people in sexless marriages who are halfway out the door.
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 How did this "affair" begin ? Bar ? Online ? Coworker? Do yall go out in public or just stay home to not be seen? Lot of people in sexless marriages who are halfway out the door. I wouldn't classify it as an "affair." Online would be the answer to the question. I hope to visit her soon, and I'm willing to go slow as necessary.
TakeYouToTasker Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I wouldn't classify it as an "affair." Online would be the answer to the question. I hope to visit her soon, and I'm willing to go slow as necessary. Does her husband know about it? If she's still married, and isn't even sure yet if she wants a divorce, it's an affair.
Nervous Guy Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 you know T-Bone recently moved to San Diego right? Just saying...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Does her husband know about it? If she's still married, and isn't even sure yet if she wants a divorce, it's an affair. No, and that's a concern of mine. My thinking is this: if her marriage is this far gone, why not tell the guy? My worry is being used for side entertainment, know what i mean? you know T-Bone recently moved to San Diego right? Just saying... Thank God for Skype =P
thebandit27 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Pass. If she's willing to go behind his back, she'll be willing to go behind yours. You can be a friend to her, but don't even suggest anything beyond that, and if she does, run away. Mrs. Bandit had a guy when we met, and so she was off limits. We were just work buddies. Didn't hang out together outside of that, and never just the two of us. Eventually, when things didn't work out with the other guy, we started dating a few months later. The fact that she never even considered messing around behind his back was a HUGE plus for me; the fact that I never tried to mess with her while she was involved was HUGE for her. Just my 1 cent.
Cugalabanza Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Does she have kids? If the answer is no, then go for it. I'd just want to get a little better feel for what her situation is though. Is it simply a marriage that isn't working and she is, in good faith, moving on? If it were me, I'd want to get to know her enough to know that she is a trustworthy person. If that checks, I say go for it. Edited January 9, 2015 by Cugalabanza
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 How far has this gone? Is it serious? Not too far gone, which is why I'm asking advice now. Does she have kids? If the answer is no, then go for it. I'd want to get a little better feel for what her situation is. Is it simply a marriage that isn't working and she is moving on? If it were me, I'd want to get to know her enough to know that she is a trustworthy person. If that checks, I say go for it. No, no kids. And that's kind of the process I'm in now, is figuring out EXACTLY what her situation is.
Jauronimo Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Pass. If she's willing to go behind his back, she'll be willing to go behind yours. You can be a friend to her, but don't even suggest anything beyond that, and if she does, run away. Mrs. Bandit had a guy when we met, and so she was off limits. We were just work buddies. Didn't hang out together outside of that, and never just the two of us. Eventually, when things didn't work out with the other guy, we started dating a few months later. The fact that she never even considered messing around behind his back was a HUGE plus for me; the fact that I never tried to mess with her while she was involved was HUGE for her. Just my 1 cent. That would be my concern. Tell her you don't feel right about getting involved until the divorce is in motion at the very least.
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Where did you meet her online? Gaming, actually. She's on a team I'm a part of.
LB3 Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 Gaming, actually. She's on a team I'm a part of. That's what i was wondering but didn't want to come off as insulting. If she was on a dating site or something sketchier like Ashley Madison, that would be a giant red flag.
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 That's what i was wondering but didn't want to come off as insulting. If she was on a dating site or something sketchier like Ashley Madison, that would be a giant red flag. No, no dating sites for me. I know the ex is out there actively trolling to see if I'm on them, and I don't need that noise.
Canadian Bills Fan Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I would pump the breaks right now. It would be one thing if she was separated but not divorced but the fact that she is only “considering” divorce worries me. Did she mention if her husband is considering divorce as well? Or is he going to be blindsided when or if she tells him she is considering divorce. Can you elaborate about her “considering” divorce? Does she seem like she will eventually make a decision or do you get the feeling she is just going to “see how things go”? I agree with what others have said. If she is going behind her husband’s back then I would tread lightly and maybe say to her that its not fair to her husband to continue this and that you would be more than happy to pick up where you two left off once she has told her husband. CBF
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 Can you elaborate about her “considering” divorce? Does she seem like she will eventually make a decision or do you get the feeling she is just going to “see how things go”? CBF Well, her husband's asked for it a couple times already. She didn't consider it before, but she is now...If that clarifies.
Azalin Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 The first thing that came to my mind when you said that she is considering divorce was 'why'? When we find ourselves interested in a woman who's already in a relationship, us guys tend to assume that the source of that relationship's trouble is the man, when often times it's not. There are a lot of women who, like many other people, are kind, sweet, and caring, that are still rather self-centered to the point where they only preoccupy themselves with things that they want to do to the detriment of their relationship. They may get married for all the right reasons, but fail to realize that even the best marriages take effort to maintain. A very good friend of mine was burned pretty badly recently by getting involved with a woman from a failed marriage and not considering that the marriage failed because of her, not her ex. I would keep playing the field, maintain contact with this lady in the meantime, and see which way her marriage goes. Everyone who's already said her willingness to go behind her husband's back means that she'd also be willing to go behind yours is correct. If you maintain contact and see what develops with her marriage, while being honest with yourself about how she handles it, you'll be able to proceed with confidence, one way or the other, with what you decide to do in the future. In other words, think with your head, not with your heart. Easier said than done.
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