BringBackFergy Posted January 15, 2015 Author Posted January 15, 2015 (edited) January 15, 2015 10:59am Dear Diary - It's Day 15 of my captivity. No sign of help anywhere. It is dark in this room, I hear the wailing and screaming coming from the next three rooms. The others who share my captivity share my fear. The guy in the next room is called Tressy...he wears these square glasses that make him look intelligent. He said he used to be in Canada, made his way to the lower 48 last year. The guy next to Tressy is called Mularkey...he's ok, but he's pretty pissed off at the world. The last guy is Dickie J...he has been here awhile and knows how hard it is to survive in Coach Purgatory. The walls are made of concrete, with scrawled names, initials and cracks from those who occupied these rooms before me. No cell phone reception...no good meals...no secretaries or equipment managers to castigate and insult. I am at the end of the line. I have money...but what good is it in this cold dark place. Is this Hell?? No...Hell is....other people. Obviously yours...again, DM Edited January 15, 2015 by BringBackFergy
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 I didn't know St. Doug was that poetic. Deep.
DC Tom Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 January 15, 2015 10:59am Dear Diary - It's Day 15 of my captivity. No sign of help anywhere. It is dark in this room, I hear the wailing and screaming coming from the next three rooms. The others who share my captivity share my fear. The guy in the next room is called Tressy...he wears these square glasses that make him look intelligent. He said he used to be in Canada, made his way to the lower 48 last year. The guy next to Tressy is called Mularkey...he's ok, but he's pretty pissed off at the world. The last guy is Dickie J...he has been here awhile and knows how hard it is to survive in Coach Purgatory. The walls are made of concrete, with scrawled names, initials and cracks from those who occupied these rooms before me. No cell phone reception...no good meals...no secretaries or equipment managers to castigate and insult. I am at the end of the line. I have money...but what good is it in this cold dark place. Is this Hell?? No...Hell is....other people. Obviously yours...again, DM I can't help thinking of the "Rich Kotite" and "Dave Shula" suites.
BillsFan-4-Ever Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 January 15, 2015 10:59am Dear Diary - even if I don't get a good job I still get the $4million
bbb Posted January 15, 2015 Posted January 15, 2015 Dear Diary, My I-Phone is buzzing with rumors that Nate might get an interview for another OC job. I guess I will be exposed, Man my kids are driving me nuts in the house. I need a job. Watch Nate will crap on me too. Terry still hasn't cut the check. I seem so misunderstood. I may sit out next year, so much for The double dip. Unless being a consultant in Houston for 100K qualifies. Doug He's going to be a consultant? Maybe we can hire him for that job that Polian was going to do.
BringBackFergy Posted January 16, 2015 Author Posted January 16, 2015 January 16, 2015 12:32pm Dear Diary - Yes!!!!!!! Broncos here I come. Can't wait. Mountains, rivers, fishing, snow, I can hang out with the moviestars in Aspen and at the Sundance Film Festival. LOL, LOL...oh yeah...Jacksonville was just a teaser. I'm gonna create a new team in Denver. Starting from scratch, implement my new system minus Nate Hackett. I know I can get a bunch of great assistant coaches to help me out because I don't burn bridges ever...nor do I leave my coaches hanging. Ahhhhh, I can already picture me and John Elway having a Coors, maybe he can set me up with a new car to lease. You see Diary...people really do like me. Obviously yours...and I'm back!!! DOUG !@#$ING MARRONE
Buffaloed in Pa Posted January 17, 2015 Posted January 17, 2015 Dear diary I`m saint Doug. I will get my calling................
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 January 18th, like really late at night (or is it early in the morning - - who cares, I can sleep when I'm employed) Dear Diary, Things are looking up. Remember Fireman Ed, that Jets so-called "fan" who quit on his team? Woody says I'm the perfect guy to replace him - - they've still got the fireman's helmet for me to wear. I've got a private interview for the job soon (I wonder why they called it an audition?) Don't know if I'll have to bring my own hose to the games - - mine's pretty short so maybe Hack-it can hold it for me. XOXO to me, Doug
Best Player Available Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 dear Diary, How come Elway flew to Kubiak in Houston but wanted me too fly into Denver? Elway, is a power hungry, self serving douche, micro managing control freak, And Not my kind of guy. I build family's. And, why would I want To Get in a situation with Manning? Another guy who has way too much power in that offense. So yes, I cancelled and feel dam good about it. I feel good about myslef, and my ingerity as a coach, leader, and Innovative football mind. EFF Kubiak BTW. Well, heading out too putt putt by myself and wait for the phone To ring. best of luck too me, as always! Doug, leader of Men!
BringBackFergy Posted January 19, 2015 Author Posted January 19, 2015 (edited) January 19, 2015 9:20am Dear Diary - Just finished my eggs and toast and read the news about Kubiak to Denver and Quinn to Atlanta. WTF?? These GM's and owners don't know what they're missing. I am special. I am wanted. I am a hot commodity. I am confident. I am a highly intelligent coach. I am aggressive and strategic. ....and dog gone it, people really do not like me. Brady and Wilson to the Superbowl...ugh. The Bills should have drafted Wilson...if we only had that "big game" QB skillset that he demonstrated on Sunday, we would have won the whole thing. He was awesome...obviously. Jimmy Sexton hasn't returned my phone calls...he's the muther !@#$er that told me to walk away from the Bills...they loved me there. I was a Saint. Oh well, I have my second interview today at Lowes in the plumbing department and I decided to start a new Charity for youngsters interested in football. We are having a fundraiser today called "Run, Run, Pass and Kick" so I'm looking forward to seeing the 4 kids that signed up. Will update when I have a chance. My calendar is quite full now and Lowes said I may have to work nights. Obviously yours, DM Edited January 19, 2015 by BringBackFergy
BillsFanM.D. Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 January 19, 2015 9:20am We are having a fundraiser today called "Run, Run, Pass and Kick" so ....... DM
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 January 19th Dear Diary, Thought I had the Fireman Ed Doug gig with the Jets, but the helmet was too small. I tried to persuade them that the small helmet made my hose look bigger, but to no a veil. Go figure. I've still got coach of the Orange on my resume. Maybe I'll look for a team named the Lime or the Tangerines or maybe even generic Citrus. Fruit teams always love me, Doug
eball Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 1/19/15 Dear Diary: I read a tweet from Jason LaCanfora this afternoon that said he would be "shocked" if I'm not one of the first candidates interviewed for the Baltimore Ravens' OC job. That's why I'm typing this in purple -- I want Coach Harbaugh to know I'm serious about the job. Fingers crossed, DM 2-Time Pinstripe Bowl Championship Head Coach
Fixxxer Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 January 20th Dear Diary: Guess who called last night? Nate Hackett. I missed that little bugger, I miss the days where we would interchange ideas and talk about things I love, though I hated when he interrupted. Anyhow, everything was great the first hour of my monologue but then he muttered some of the most despicable words to me, EVER. He called to say that if he was offered the JAGs OC he would bring me, Saint Doug, as the OL coach. I said to him, "you little traitor, I made you, you don't get to call the shots on me" I'm calling Paul about this, I wonder if the cell phone still works after I smashed it against the wall. So pissed... PS: a bag o poop was delivered to my doorstep, it wasn't on fire but it had an inscription that read "May the S...... be with you", I don't know why they couldn't spell ****, the educational system is broken in the his country. Saint Doug.
ICanSleepWhenI'mDead Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) January 20th, Dear diary, People are so mean. They tease me because they think that coaching the Bills to a winning record for the first time in like forever isn't really a miracle, so I haven't earned the right to be called Saint Doug. Well I've got news for all the haters. If I can't perform miracles, how did I get my dog to author his own video diary? 'Splain that to me, Mr. Whaley. When the Pope visits Philadelphia, I'm gonna give his whole Ynez this link, and we'll see about who deserves sainthood: I miss my testicles, too, Saint Doug Edited January 20, 2015 by ICanSleepWhenI'mDead
BringBackFergy Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 January 20th, Dear diary, People are so mean. They tease me because they think that coaching the Bills to a winning record for the first time in like forever isn't really a miracle, so I haven't earned the right to be called Saint Doug. Well I've got news for all the haters. If I can't perform miracles, how did I get my dog to author his own video diary? 'Splain that to me, Mr. Whaley. When the Pope visits Philadelphia, I'm gonna give his whole Ynez this link, and we'll see about who deserves sainthood: I miss my testicles, too, Saint Doug That's a great video.
BringBackFergy Posted January 20, 2015 Author Posted January 20, 2015 (edited) January 20, 2015 11:49am Dear Diary - Day 20 of my captivity. I feel lost...almost wandering in and out of reality. Nothing appeals to me...my dog, my pantry of Kraft Mac and Cheese, even my "Football for Dummies" treatise remains untouched with corners folded from last September. This cottage is quiet. The pines sway back and forth inviting me to join their lonesome ritual each morning. This field is remote enough but I still feel the choking reminder of Whaley and that !@#$ing "raised eyebrow" glare of his. Pisses me off. But wait...I forgot to mention: Free at last, Free at last, thank the Lord in heaven, I'm Free at last. I always wanted to coach in Jacksonville and I knew they would come calling. Just wait...Gase will **** the bed and then they'll be clamoring for me to take over the head coaching duties. I may take the job if it's offered, or hold out for something better. You and I both know I'm worth it. Diary...you're my best friend. You are always there for me...regurgitating the words I love to hear...my own. Obviously still here but working at Lowes at 6pm, DM Edited January 20, 2015 by BringBackFergy
Best Player Available Posted January 20, 2015 Posted January 20, 2015 Dear Diary, Well, the news is breaking. had the wife call into NFL records to see if I am the first ever o-line/asstinant HC. Gus already said were on a short leash and don't buy a house down here. I got some great ideas for the O-line and ways to help Bortles lift his game. odd I asked Gus that I should probably pack my bags for the senior bowl and he said don't bother. most likely bigger plans for me as Assistant Head Coach. man that has a nice ring to it. Well I am sure we can get this three win season to easily a five win next year. reminds me of my Cuse days. The Jags are lucky too get me in my NFL prime. I may have taken a 3.5 mil pay cut, but cuttng up the wife's credit cards will balance that out. back in the Saddle, Big Bad Doug
BringBackFergy Posted January 21, 2015 Author Posted January 21, 2015 Dear Diary, Just sitting on the beach here in obviously BEAUTIFUL Jacksonville. Haha. Enjoy those cold NY winters, suckers. I just took a dip in the 53-degree ocean, and am now working on my tan and my journaling. I am really looking forward to my next challenge in Jacksonville. With me as the Head Coach (asst), we are going to fill all 30,000 seats every game! I actually already reached out to the "hogs"-- a name I came up with for our o-line-- and told them, "watch out." I have already shifted all 5 guys out of their natural positions so we can implement my trick blocking schemes. Anyway, off to the boardwalk with my girl, and then we are going to hit all those foreclosures and short sales. I already have my eyes on a Spanish-style home that was reduced from $1.5 million to $149,000. This place is great!! Obviously still the man. HC (asst) Douglas Marrone, St./Esq/MD
YoloinOhio Posted January 21, 2015 Posted January 21, 2015 I just found this thread. Probably one of the funniest things I've ever read.
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