Chef Jim vs. OC in Buffalo

[Chef Jim]

Go are you really this !@#$ing naive? Once again I only read your first sentence but really?? You do understand this is what the media will be running with for the next two weeks and on November 30th at 11:59 Obama is going to pull back the curtain and prove to the American people that he can perform magic. The populace will stand in awe. "But the project manager, all the experts, even OC said it couldn't be done but you, you our mighty fearless leader have done it!!" It will be a sight to behold and His approval ratings will soar to above 90% and he will be well on his way to a third term. This was his plan all along. I know this for a fact.

[OCinBuffalo]

Dude(we need a facepalm emoticon). Who's being naive?

 

Consider the source. Don't embarrass yourself. You are taking their wishcasting at face value? For Pete's sake....why?

 

(See, here I am again: I don't want to insult Chef. I actually am looking to help him here. Like a friend that tells you "Yeah, I see it, but look at her: she's probably a crackhead, so be careful and wrap it.")

 

This doesn't sound wishy to you...at all?

"It's all going to be a glorious day, approval ratings at 90!"

 

Isn't this merely a variation, on what we have been hearing from the very same people in the very same Valley, for so very long:

"When people get to know Obamacare, they will get to like it."

 

Of course it is. That has been the wishcasting, right along, from 2009 until today. The new modifications to that:

"When people get to see the website working, they will like Obamacare in general, and Obama specifically. And that's THE PLAN!"

 

This is the new wishcasting. Apparently the fact that when they hit "enroll", as of now, 80% of the time they will get

 

"ASSERTION ERROR.Something(parameter1, parameter2)...."

 

doesn't matter at all, huh? Yeah, nothing ups user confidence more than untrapped technical error messages(that's what they look like, I figured I'd show you now), because the system hasn't undergone proper testing.

 

I imagine it all looks like "win": moving those pieces on the map, in the bunker, to Googleboy.

 

I have given you a buttload of empirical IT evidence that it won't be ready. Now, the project manager has come out and publicly stated that it won't(and, I believe him, because if this was my project? This IS NOT the time for "Look! We overdelivered. Surprise!" Any REAL project manager knows that.)

 

And all you and Google boy have: "Hey Lucy is gonna hold the football one more time, and this time...."

 

Chef, this is approaching pathetic now.

 

I'm starting to think you are throwing the game: just you can make these people look as stupid as possible. That would be hilarious if you are, and I will give you all the credit for trolling me good.

Edited November 20, 2013 by OCinBuffalo

[Chef Jim]

Ok well I figured I should at least read one full post of yours in this competition and this is the one. I've got one word for you.

 

I have a question for you and I want your next post to do one thing and one thing only and that is answer this question. Are you privy to everything that they all are working on to get this site working on time. And please you next post should do just this. Answer that question.

[OCinBuffalo]

The question shows the ignorance in technicolor.

 

For a project of this scope and scale, not even the project manager himself is privy to everything they are working on to get the site working on time, so of course I am not. It's a silly question, because that's not how we do this. I can't sit behind every programmer and watch him write every function, neither can the manager.

 

That's why we talk in %s, goofball. This isn't the stockmarket. This is about people...doing a technical job.

 

That's why the project manager, quite literally, said "the backend was only 60-70% done". He did not say: "we have 25 of the InsuranceCompanyforStateX database tables and procedures done, and we have 14 left to do." It's flat out dumb to talk in those terms, because even if he knows the answer: it's a point in time answer. What if one of the 25 has to be re-done?

 

Then, he just lied to the client. And believe me when I tell you: clients just love that. The client guy who is looking to cancel your project because then he gets the other client guy who supported you fired, and he moves up? (Ahem, like the Republicans) He's all over that.

 

However, whether I am able to observe them writing, testing, and committing each line of code, each database column(or member of collection...it depends), each integration script(or xml endpoint, again it depends), doesn't change the fact that Google boy and his "hook it to the search engine"...

 

...is not how you build backend software. The backend software...the issue at hand, is the issue you just can't address, isn't it?

[Chef Jim]

I ask a simple yes or no question and you give us......well not sure what you gave us but what you showed me is that you can't follow simple instructions. So this just proves that you're a bloviating fraud. You claim to be this IT, programming wizard but I find that hard to believe when you can't even follow a simple instruction. So you've proven that all this crap you've been posting is just that. Crap. Site will be up and running in T minus 10 days baby!!

[OCinBuffalo]

I gave you the only correct answer: "no, and that's only meaningful to an idiot."

 

Now, what have you done in your post to disprove that answer? Nothing.

 

Just like in every other post in this thread. The point is put to you: and you run.

 

I answered your ignorant(not dumb) question. Now it's my turn:

Show me 3 questions I've asked, anything that ends in a ?, in any of my posts, that you've answered.

 

EDIT:

Dum de dum.....(twiddle...twiddle....) la te da....(tick tick tick)

Oh, btw....while you're failing to find the 3 times you've addressed any of the "good points" you said I've made?

 

Did you send my response to The Boy Google? (That's funnier)

 

I can't wait to hear what he has to say. Just remind him that I have a whole bag of "Psssht!" with his name on it.

 

EDIT2: Of course, now I've opened up the "you should know better than to send something like that to a client, if you say you are a super duper consultant(or whatever twee thing you say)". However, I respond with: "Dude, I send most of my clients dirty jokes, funny pics, hot chick pix, whatever, because...I revel in my blue collar clientele...you can have your white collar tight asses".

Edited November 20, 2013 by OCinBuffalo

[4merper4mer]

Dude(we need a facepalm emoticon). Who's being naive?

 

[Chef Jim]

I gave you the only correct answer: "no, and that's only meaningful to an idiot."

 

Now, what have you done in your post to disprove that answer? Nothing.

 

Just like in every other post in this thread. The point is put to you: and you run.

 

I answered your ignorant(not dumb) question. Now it's my turn:

Show me 3 questions I've asked, anything that ends in a ?, in any of my posts, that you've answered.

 

EDIT:

Dum de dum.....(twiddle...twiddle....) la te da....(tick tick tick)

Oh, btw....while you're failing to find the 3 times you've addressed any of the "good points" you said I've made?

 

Did you send my response to The Boy Google? (That's funnier)

 

I can't wait to hear what he has to say. Just remind him that I have a whole bag of "Psssht!" with his name on it.

 

EDIT2: Of course, now I've opened up the "you should know better than to send something like that to a client, if you say you are a super duper consultant(or whatever twee thing you say)". However, I respond with: "Dude, I send most of my clients dirty jokes, funny pics, hot chick pix, whatever, because...I revel in my blue collar clientele...you can have your white collar tight asses".

 

So you have blue collar clients?? So when you say you've looked under the hood you really mean you've looked under the hood. Sorry Charlie this isn't a internal cumbustion engine we're talking about here. So you've been making all this IT **** up as you've gone along. I thought so. You are so full of ****.

[OCinBuffalo]

Yeah this makes sense. Too much wine last night Chef? Still groggy?

 

There's essentially nothing to reply to here, and I've already won this argument. The hard news story is that the "website" cannot be working by the end of this month, because they back end payment system(subsidy, or no subsidy, system) won't even be started until January.

 

There's nothing left to talk about.

 

Meanwhile, did anybody see them as the 4 security specialists if the site was going to be secure? All 4 said one word: "no".

 

Yeah, go ahead and put your data in, because The Boy Google says he hooked the search engine to it...when 4 real deal white hats are telling you not to. All they did Chef? The same thing I did. So, you should feel privileged. You got your own personal specialist to give you an expert opinion, for free.

 

 

 

With nothing to reply to, I will use the time to clarify what I do: I am essentially the originator of what I call "blue collar software". Ze Germans that we partnered with have some overlapping ideas, but, they defer to me for "the canon". Besides, I can write it better anyway.

 

If you want to know more about it. Ask me. If not, I don't care. But please...don't run your mouth ignorantly? You should see what we are looking to do in restaurants. You might want to try being a Chef again. It's freaking this waitress of 30 years out....but she likes it, because she can control it. That's why I do this.

 

Working in the Valley was easy and boring, and I got real tired of the phonies and their crap. I could do a presales meeting on autopilot, provided I said the same stupid phrases the Valley pseudo-Buddhists desired from me, and made it sound like this was specific to the client.

 

Working with these people is interesting and much more challenging professionally, because it really is different every time. Also, if I say the word "synergy"...somebody will say "What? Did you say sin orgy? Where? ". It keeps things practical, and it keeps me in my place. That's how this job is supposed to work.

Edited November 21, 2013 by OCinBuffalo

[Chef Jim]

Cool, so you're working at restaurants now. Do you wear a paper hat, a hair net or both when you program the fryer.

[OCinBuffalo]

I always work with clients I'm not a big believer in skipping the plane ride and doing it virtually. Even if I'm sick, I get on the plane. Face time is face time, because for all our advancement, human beings are human beings.

 

Knowing this, was the same reason I knew the thing wouldn't be ready, BEFORE I looked at the code.

 

Chef, you've never been a project manager. Sure, you managed a kitchen(which means you are apparently more qualified to be President, and also manage the HealthCare.gov project). However, do you know what the very first thing I have to think about...when you suddenly add 292 people to my project? Hint: It's the same thing if you only added 1.

 

Think for a sec....

 

 

 

 

Where are they going to sleep tonight? I swear to God, that's what I'd think. Clearly the magnitude of that answer increases exponentially as the #s of people rises.

 

Or, it could be, how are they all going to get here, or, how am I going to manage them remotely if they stay where they are? Who on my team am I going to have to send away from this project site, and locate them where they are? What's that gonna cost me?

 

See? I haven't even gotten into: where should I put them on the project? What are they qualified to do? How do I integrate them into my existing resource plan? Do I integrae them at all? Who is going to manage them, and/or can I trust their current managers, if they have them, to follow my direction? Or, am I going to have to crack heads the first couple weeks, while nothing gets done, just to make sure everybody knows who's in charge, because they are coming in "all high and mighty"?

 

These are the real concerns on big projects. This is all the stuff you have to deal with, BEFORE, you even start writing the code, and it's an ongoing thing. I usually do this stuff after lunch. (EDIT: who am I trying to kid. I send emails, and I am very lucky to have a person who helps with this. I should send her flowers tomorrow.)

 

That's why you need real big project managers, not pitiful government lawyers/lobbyists, to manage real big projects.

Edited November 21, 2013 by OCinBuffalo

[Chef Jim]

All I read in the above posts were the words I and I'd and I'm. I got 22. Sounds like you're probably not a project manager but a project dictator.

 

It's a done deal dude. They have to be so far along the road to sucess with this project. Why else would Obama be on the campaign trail.

[Chef Jim]

I should win by virtue of the fact that I've shut OC up for 5 days.

[OCinBuffalo]

Nah....that wasn't you. That was work stuff. I can't just hang around here and teach Intro to Management Information Systems, and Freshman Economics. I get paid to do that.

 

Everybody and their F'ing brother has been pestering me about "is it gonna work"? So, I've been discussing this...I just haven't been doing it here. It's spread to the bar, of all places. My liberal bar "friends" are genuinely worried. They think this means the end. I told them sorta what DC_Tom says "don't worry, given the prepetual stupidity that the education system produces? Maybe it saves you.".

 

Yeah, I got em coming and going on that. But, it's just bar dudes. Hardly worth the effort. One guy just got it the other day. 3 days to realize I was calling him an idiot. 3 days.

 

And, I WIN!

 

Because, they came out again today and said it wasn't going to be ready.

 

Here's what I would say on the "magic" day: "Based on the deadlines we set for the project internally, we are on schedule, and in some places a bit ahead(because how can you know we're not?) Any other comments about the status of the project were made when we didn't have our new plan in place, so they were inaccurate, premature, and very regrettable. We just weren't ready to give a timeframe on the new plan. At the time, we were being asked to estimate one, immediately, to satisfy some external concerns. The Nov 30 date was our best estimate, given the data we had. As of today, our progress is up to standard, we are on plan, and looking forward to final delivery."

 

Or something like that.

 

 

You want to have an argument? Try to poke a hole in that paragraph...

[Chef Jim]

Everybody and their !@#$ing brother has been asking you if it's going to work? Yeah right, then you woke up and took a piss.

[Chef Jim]

It's Obamacare eve baby! Tomorrow is the day. The site will be wrapped up tight with a big bow and put under the tree at midnight tonight! As I mentionedin another thread Obama is Santa with all his magical powers so read em and weep sucker.

 

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why. Obamacare is coming to town!"

 

See I can rhyme too.

[OCinBuffalo]

Happy I WIN! Day.

 

Except....to Chef of course.

 

Dude, google "Obamacare EZApp".

 

That not-workaround is the definitive I WIN. If the site was working as designed, why the need for something that doesn't work as designed, but, gives you the impression that everything is working? They are faking it.

 

Why? Because(hopefully for the final time) the 834 transactions are still not working.

 

As I said.

[Chef Jim]

I love your "I win, I win, I win!!" ****.

 

You are the 1993 Houston Oilers of debate.

[OCinBuffalo]

But, it's not my "I WIN" ****.

 

It's Levi's.

 

And, Chef?

 

I win. Today is the day. You know it. It's all over for you. Roll around in the mud with The Boy Google, and his dopey: "let's hook our search engine to it, that solves everything!" approach.

 

 

Perhaps that's best thing about this win...The Boy Google went on record telling you something assinine, and now, both you and I can abuse him for it whenever it suits us.

 

EDIT: That is...unless you lied about that.

Edited November 30, 2013 by OCinBuffalo

[Chef Jim]

Perhaps that's best thing about this win...The Boy Google went on record telling you something assinine, and now, both you and I can abuse him for it whenever it suits us.

 

EDIT: That is...unless you lied about that.

 

I should win based on this alone.