Cub Reporter Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) Hey guys, I know everyone hates when someone tries to push their blog or something of that nature. However, I'm a high school student and an aspiring writer. I began this blog primarily to get feedback on my writing, and to improve at the skill. I am by no means pushing the blog to get traffic through my site; frankly it doesn't matter to me. I understand all of you are rather knowledgeable Bills fans and I thought the best place to get feedback on writing would be this site. Anyone who has a problem with this, please don't post in this thread, I'm only looking for feedback so I may grow as a writer. Please visit the site www.buffalocubreporter.yolasite.com. Thanks for the help. Edited August 28, 2013 by Cub Reporter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Uh-oh. One word of advice kid. Hire a real good editor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddenboy Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) I don't mean this as a negative. Just constructive criticism. I really hope you receive it that way. As to your OP, you have a couple errors a young writer should learn about and never make: (1) Paragraph breaks. Nobody wants to read a large block of words online. (2) Grammar. Pick up the Little, Brown Handbook, or any reliable grammar and usage text. http://www.amazon.co...e/dp/0205213073 (a) . . . someone tries to push HIS blog. "someone" is singular and takes a singular pronoun. Think "some one of us" because we are only talking about one person (b) . . . through my site; frankly . . . . You gotta have a semicolon there, instead of a comma (c ) "I'm am only looking . . . " We know what you mean, but a good writer ALWAYS proofreads first. Same with ". . . I'm may grow as a writer." The whole point of writing, IMHO, is to have an interesting idea to convey. And when you make grammatical or spelling or usage errors, it makes the reader PAUSE, and you never want that. You want flow and readability, so, especially online, you gotta pay attention to format and grammar. Also, if you ever want to get PAID for writing, you need to show the employer that you have a COMMAND of the English language. That you are better than your competitors at conveying ideas to the readers. I wish you the best. Go you, and Go Bills. Edited August 28, 2013 by maddenboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cub Reporter Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Thanks for the feedback maddenboy. I probably should have put more effort into my first post. I'll edit those out now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddenboy Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) feel free to PM me. Not sure how that works. I'm a lawyer, so I have some experience with language and read-ability. And if you check out my posts here, I always try to be readable. I'm born and raised in B'lo, although I live in Cali now. Always happy to help. Edited August 28, 2013 by maddenboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maddenboy Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 (edited) And now that I've read your linked-to site, it seems you have decent content. But again, the point of content is to have a reader actually READ it. All the way to the end. Mix in some UNDERLINES, some BOLDS, and some LISTS (which people love on the internet), and your page-views will increase. Learn to DRAW the reader all the way through the entire post. This is just a part of how you make money on the internet. Advertisers want to know that your readers' eyeballs will be all over the page, to the end. And maybe to the next page(s). Write well = get paid. Write well AND write smartly for the internet = get fully paid. Edited August 28, 2013 by maddenboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cub Reporter Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 I really appreciate all the effort maddenboy. I'm definitely noting all your helpful criticism. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Poojer Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 the use of 'The Bills' at the beginning of sentences is pretty repetitive...also spell check, spell check, spell check...Strengths is not spelled 'STRENGHTS'. Content is fine, good in fact, just need to polish up the delivery..others have said the paragraphs, i agree with that, its not very inviting to the eye....keep trying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cub Reporter Posted August 28, 2013 Author Share Posted August 28, 2013 Thanks Poojer. I can't really change the set-up of the article, the website is primitive, but I understand the criticism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I agree with Chef in that a second pair of eyes will help. It's great that you are starting out young. I would also add read prodigiously and learn from others. This will also build your vocabulary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Do you read books on the history of sports, athletes and events? That's always impressive when you can converse about things like that. Would really help in an interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cub Reporter Posted August 29, 2013 Author Share Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks BuffaloBill…I realize now that I need to proofread with more attentiveness. Gatorman, I'm pretty well versed in sports history, but I agree completely. Knowing endless information about the subject I'm writing about can never hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Oh and BTW kid if you have people like me and Pooj pointing out grammatical and spelling errors you might just want to find another profession. And when you're old enough you'll realize that was a bag on me an Pooj, not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberius Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 Thanks BuffaloBill…I realize now that I need to proofread with more attentiveness. Gatorman, I'm pretty well versed in sports history, but I agree completely. Knowing endless information about the subject I'm writing about can never hurt. Yes, as someone else pointed out, always helps to be able to tell a story and history is just filled you material you can use that is relevant and interesting. Good luck kid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Cat Posted August 29, 2013 Share Posted August 29, 2013 I'll go ahead and add to the pile on. Why the !@#$ not? Who gives a ****? Bills Season Preview: With camp and the end of preseason approaching, many questions still persist. Who will start at Quarterback? Which Wide Receivers will make the team? Will the defense be improved this year? What will the final 53 man roster look like? Read more with the link at the top. What To Expect Of the Sabres: With little known talent on the Buffalo Sabres, what can one expect of the unknown, but large amount of rookie talent that will soon dominate the Sabres roster? Read more with the link at the top. You got your modifiers screwy in the first sentence and always air on the side of active tense: As camp and preseason end. (Also, if you can say the same thing with fewer words, do it. Always.) "Persist" doesn't fit. "Remain" gets the job done. Again active voice: Will the defense improve this year? '"With" the link at the top' sounds goofy. Click the link up top to read more, follow the link up top--both sound better to me. Expect "from" the Sabres. "With little known talent on the Buffalo Sabres, what can one expect of the unknown, but large amount of rookie talent that will soon dominate the Sabres roster?" --this whole sentence is jacked up, but it illustrates WHY we were forced to diagram sentences in middle school. In fact, I don't even know what you mean to say. Start from scratch. Writing is !@#$ing hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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