Belichick to Play Cornerback Against the Colt

[Pitta]

Bill Belichick to Play Cornerback Against the Colts

 

Charged with the task of developing yet another game plan to shut down Peyton Manning and the explosive Indianapolis offense – but this time with a defensive corps racked by injury – Patriots head coach and reputed football genius Bill Belichick has decided to start himself at cornerback in Sunday’s divisional playoff game.

 

“I can come up with a game plan to defeat anyone – I’m that good and everybody knows it, especially Peyton Manning,” said Belichick. “But I at least need remotely competent players on the field who can execute what I draw up. With both our starting cornerbacks out, as well as Richard Seymour, we don’t have that. Heck, we’re so depleted we’ve had a freaking wide receiver playing DB for months. Manning will have a field day with that group, regardless of the ingenious game plan I throw at him. That’s why I’m shedding the hoodie this week and putting on the jersey.”

 

Belichick, 52 years old and 5-foot-10, 205 pounds, hasn’t played football since 1974 when he was a center and tight end at tiny Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut.

 

“So what that I’m 52 years old and have never played cornerback in my life,” said Belichick. “No one knows the Xs and Os and fundamentals of the game like I do. I guarantee you I’ll be in the right place at the right time. Age and size don’t matter when you know the game like I do. I know how to play the game of football better than anyone ever.”

 

Belichick also pointed out that he was a lacrosse co-captain at Wesleyan. “Sure, it’s been 30 years, but lacrosse teaches positioning and lateral quickness, two things that will make for a very successful debut at a defensive back,” he said.

 

Belichick’s game plan for Sunday will feature heavy doses of Corey Dillon on offense to control the clock and keep Manning and the Colts’ offense off the field. Then he’ll unleash himself on defense when Indianapolis has the ball.

 

“Peyton Manning has never beaten me and I don’t expect to let it happen now,” said Belichick. “On paper, he should handle our secondary fairly easily, regardless of the scheme I put in, but he hasn’t had to deal with the likes of me in the secondary yet. Soon I’ll be known as a genius both on the sidelines and on the field.”

 

sportspickle

[ch19079]

belichick will get 3 INTs and 2 TD, and brady will get another SB MVP with 30 yards passing.