MadBuffaloDisease Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Run, Forest, run! Actually, you aren't too far off with that, and I don't know if you meant it like that. The relationship between Jenneh and Forrest was similar, i.e. a girl who needed "bad boys" to mistreat her to feel loved and a guy who was safe (albeit it "not a smart man") who loved her, but she didn't reciprocate until later. And then she got AIDS and died, and that was sad.
millbank Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Young ladies very quickly decide if you will be friend or lover and nothing will change it. You have been a most kind , safe brother who she may expound her difficulties to always with the support she needs and likely hearing what she wants to hear. Such relationships have beaten down the strongest of people the harder you try , frankly the more you hurt. There are many fine youg ladies about start dating others and tomorrow is not soon enough. Relatiohships are most importantly about being needed, but this most be a mutual needing. I always like to think of us a dams with holes in them needing to be patched. We all have our voids or holes we are blessed in a good relationship were the special person in our life patches these holes for us , and we for them. Its whats special about love and relationships that make us feel whole. They do not work with only one filling the voids.
Matt in KC Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 3 syllables for you... SUN-DOWN-ER I'm assuming you are a Spikes fan with your 51 in the name. What would our man Takeo do? Would he stay in a city that didn't appreciate him after overperforming for them for years? Would he give them shot after shot of getting it right after they showed poor judgement in their personel moves, and a lack of commitment to doing the best for their team? I think my friend, that he looked around for a situation that was more promising, and a place that made him feel accepted for the effort he brought. There are 31 other teams out there, and you need to stop limiting your options. Good luck, and don't drink too much. 203573[/snapback] Excellent. I really appreciated the extended analogy, Dwight. Don't forget to try to get a good signing bonus too, Southtown! Seriously though.... your situation sucks. I've been there and wasted too much time waiting for my current attraction to come back.... If anythinng, I think dating other people might draw her back, but really, I hope for you that you give it a shot and find someone that will be good to you without holding back for whatever reason. Remember, you deserve it! Don't sell yourself short being uber-forgiving of this woman if she's blowing you off now. She's the one missing out. (She's prob a 'fins fan, right?) Good luck!
Live&DieBillsFootball Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 If you like being her friend, you can call her occasionally. But dude, if you are looking for love or sex, you need to move on. Maybe someday she will see you with some girl and realize what she missed out on. Right now though you are heading down the road to heartbreak if you think that she is into you.
MadBuffaloDisease Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. Romance lives!
Rubes Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Romance lives! 203612[/snapback] Touché...although I was referring to his avatar....
Tux of Borg Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I'm forced to agree with the others on this board. This girl is most likely messed up in the head, and will always find her way into an abusive relationship. We all know the type, and there really is no changing them. However, i still think you have a shot at her. This girl doesn't want some office dork nagging at her for a date. We have to appeal to her darker side. Ever see the Seinfield episode where George pretends to be the "bad guy", and drives his father's car around. Classic... Go to the strip club and get a Polaroid with one of the dancers. Then go to walmart and get a frame to put it in. Put that bad boy on your desk at work, and you will have the respect of all your coworkers and your lady friend.
MadBuffaloDisease Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Touché...although I was referring to his avatar.... 203613[/snapback] I know.
ATBNG Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Ive been head over heels for this woman since last march, she is the most incredible woman I have ever met..When I first met her I didn't have the feelings I do now for her..She's funny, smart, down to earth, everything I could ever want in a woman..I came to her and told her how I felt finally in july..she then told me that she didn't see me that way and liked somebody else..Unfortunetly for me, that somebody else was a dirtbag pig who was a co-worker of ours..This guy's only intentions were to get in her pants and not her heart, what she saw in him I will never know..LUCKILY that fixation didn't last very long and she came to her senses and decided against starting a relationship with him thank god..In the mean time, this woman and I would talk everyday almost non-stop, about anything, life, weather, music, sports..Now if you dont like a person, why would you wanna talk to them all the time?? She's had one other boyfriend in her past and he was nothing more then a 2 bit drugie with a couple kids on the side..as I said before how she meets these guys I will never know..But its obvious the only guys she seems to be attracted to are a$$holes! it maybe thin, but I believe that she likes me, she likes the way I treat her, likes the way I remind her how amazing and beautiful she is, and likes everything else, she's just afraid to admit it..She's afraid to admit it because she's not use to such good treatment from a guy before..in the past month, I haven't talked to her at all, she has completely cut me off, the communication lines are severed..and I have done nothing but respected her space and left her alone..but the longer I leave her alone the more unsettling it gets to know that the woman Im falling for is there all by herself and not with me where she belongs..Its evident that she enjoyed our conversations and my company, if she didn't that she wouldn't have opened up to me like she did..In my opinion she's a very confused woman right now, who doesn't know how it feels to be loved, and ive reminded her time and time again that she should give me a shot..Im not the best lookin, or the best drest, not rich or drive a fancy car..but im the best fit for her..at least I Think so, and I hope she does too.. any words of wisdom?? 203515[/snapback] Hey STB - unfortunately I have to agree with those who are telling you to move on. I know this stinks. I've known lots of guys who pursue relationships because ostensibly they want to "save" the woman (same goes for many women as well). I know none that have actually worked out, and most ended disasterously. I've done the same once or twice in my time as well - never again. Ultimately, you owe it to yourself to be with someone who gives back equally what you put into the relationship.
Deep2Moulds46 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Im the last person that should be giving advice on women....but...with that being said I will throw my 2 cents in. I would agree with everyone else that you probably won't make her decide she wants to be with you. The best thing you can do right now is give her space. You didn't come right out and say this...but it sounds like you kind of kiss this girls ass ( sorry..I couldn't really think of a better way to say it...and we have all done it at one point or another) It sounds like you are constantly reminding her how you feel about her and telling her how great she is..etc. As sick as it sounds...for a lot of girls..they need to fear loss before they want something. Didn't you ever see that Family Matters episode where Urkel started paying attention to another girl....and it drove Laura nuts? She didn't think she wanted to be with him..until he started paying attention to someone else....and then she got jealous.
Ramius Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 i feel for you man, i've been in that situation before and it sucks...the girl uses you for a security blanket and thats about it, but sad to say she'll prolly never "come to her senses" and run to you... the best thing i have found to do is find your self another interest...i'm not saying go out sleep with any random girl, just find yourself someone new, even if its just for a little flirting...its great how a new spark can make you forget some of the old painful times and remember, there are a ton of great girls that will appreciate being treated that way and will reciprocate it and show you how much they love it...thats the girl you want... (figured since i hafta be up for work at 7, and i cant sleep, i'd at least do something productive)
KurtGodel77 Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I've been in that situation, and it's not pretty. What I've come to realize is that the hungry don't get fed. The more obvious you make it that this woman can date you any time she wants, the less interested she'll be. Attraction isn't a choice. Maybe this woman is attracted to jerks because she is comfortable with abuse. Or maybe it's because she's attracted to guys with a take it or leave it attitude. She sounds like a woman with emotional issues that you should be running away from. But if you want to make the mistake of dating her, you can increase your chances by doing the following: increase the emotional distance between you, without completely ignoring her. Always be prepared to walk away, both literally and emotionally. Act self-confident. Remind yourself you don't NEED her for anything; though from time to time you might choose to spend time with her if she feels like it. If not, no big deal. Start dating other people, and make sure she knows you are doing this. But don't make a big production out of telling her about these people; because that's a sign you're trying to impress her. If you act like you're trying to gain her approval you'll put yourself in a submissive position, and women are not attracted to submissive men.
njsue Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 First thing stop your feelings from getting any deeper. She is not interested. Why waste the time and energy. There are plenty of women out there in love land. Dont settle for something that is one sided.
MRW Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 From what you described, it just sounds like your trying to force a square peg into a round hole right now. 203543[/snapback] And the round hole isn't interested...
Mikie2times Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Ive been head over heels for this woman since last march, she is the most incredible woman I have ever met..When I first met her I didn't have the feelings I do now for her..She's funny, smart, down to earth, everything I could ever want in a woman..I came to her and told her how I felt finally in july..she then told me that she didn't see me that way and liked somebody else..Unfortunetly for me, that somebody else was a dirtbag pig who was a co-worker of ours..This guy's only intentions were to get in her pants and not her heart, what she saw in him I will never know..LUCKILY that fixation didn't last very long and she came to her senses and decided against starting a relationship with him thank god..In the mean time, this woman and I would talk everyday almost non-stop, about anything, life, weather, music, sports..Now if you dont like a person, why would you wanna talk to them all the time?? She's had one other boyfriend in her past and he was nothing more then a 2 bit drugie with a couple kids on the side..as I said before how she meets these guys I will never know..But its obvious the only guys she seems to be attracted to are a$$holes! it maybe thin, but I believe that she likes me, she likes the way I treat her, likes the way I remind her how amazing and beautiful she is, and likes everything else, she's just afraid to admit it..She's afraid to admit it because she's not use to such good treatment from a guy before..in the past month, I haven't talked to her at all, she has completely cut me off, the communication lines are severed..and I have done nothing but respected her space and left her alone..but the longer I leave her alone the more unsettling it gets to know that the woman Im falling for is there all by herself and not with me where she belongs..Its evident that she enjoyed our conversations and my company, if she didn't that she wouldn't have opened up to me like she did..In my opinion she's a very confused woman right now, who doesn't know how it feels to be loved, and ive reminded her time and time again that she should give me a shot..Im not the best lookin, or the best drest, not rich or drive a fancy car..but im the best fit for her..at least I Think so, and I hope she does too.. any words of wisdom?? 203515[/snapback] Bottom line is your up sh-- creek without a paddle. Whether they do it consciously or sub consciously women like the one you described value attention more then any other thing. Any attempt at trying to rationalize her actions without attention as the main variable will only make you more confused. This girl has low self esteem, she probably hides it well but deep down she doesn't like herself. As a result she craves attention constantly as a way to help her manage her low self image. She gave you the impression that she likes you by probably throwing in the occasional flirt and spending so much time with you. The reason she did so was to keep your interest in her sparked and keep the attention meter flowing. What really makes the hole thing even more confusing is the thing that she craves the most is being offered up on a big silver platter by you, yet she passes. The reason is not because she doesn't love your attention, its because she knows she can have it whenever she wants it. As to why she is attracted to a-holes it is also pretty confusing, but then again what about women isn't? It basically revolves around two main things, first women love project men, especially women with low self esteem. They think they can change bad men to good men, good men to better men... etc. Simply put, guys that treat them badly are the biggest projects of all so naturally they appeal to them. For point number two we revert back to the attention thing again. A-hole type guys give this girl a constant flow of attention, its just not of the positive variety. What else screams look at me more then a girl being able to constantly talk about how bad her boyfriend is. How he calls her names, treats her like dirt, and has left her emotionally destroyed. Everybody else simply wonders why she wont break up with him, but why would she? He is giving her exactly what she wants.
Nanker Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Do what you want to do. You're going to do it anyway. Oh, and please learn to use the "Return" key. It's over there on the right. If you build a shrine of devotion to her in your front room do you think it would matter? You might get more attention if you showed up with a hottie in tow and just ignored her.
Bob4Bills Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 I've been in that situation, and it's not pretty. What I've come to realize is that the hungry don't get fed. The more obvious you make it that this woman can date you any time she wants, the less interested she'll be. Attraction isn't a choice. Maybe this woman is attracted to jerks because she is comfortable with abuse. Or maybe it's because she's attracted to guys with a take it or leave it attitude. She sounds like a woman with emotional issues that you should be running away from. But if you want to make the mistake of dating her, you can increase your chances by doing the following: increase the emotional distance between you, without completely ignoring her. Always be prepared to walk away, both literally and emotionally. Act self-confident. Remind yourself you don't NEED her for anything; though from time to time you might choose to spend time with her if she feels like it. If not, no big deal. Start dating other people, and make sure she knows you are doing this. But don't make a big production out of telling her about these people; because that's a sign you're trying to impress her. If you act like you're trying to gain her approval you'll put yourself in a submissive position, and women are not attracted to submissive men. 203674[/snapback] Kurt -IMHO- comes closest to 'The Truth'! To quote 'Lex & Terry', "He who cares least, WINS!!" This extremely effective theology is already at play here- in reverse! As most posters have advised, get out and play around. Upon realizing that you're moving on, she'll very likely re-contact you. Be non-chalant/UNCARING. You've shown enough quality of yourself to her. Knowing that you're showing this to others typically triggers the motivation to stand up and be counted (re-counted). The best upside of this method is that you will probably find that you can become attracted to other women. It's a win/win. IMHO
RickJames Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 ..she then told me that she didn't see me that way and liked somebody else..Unfortunetly for me, that somebody else was a dirtbag pig who was a co-worker of ours..This guy's only intentions were to get in her pants and not her heart, what she saw in him I will never know..LUCKILY that fixation didn't last very long and she came to her senses and decided against starting a relationship with him thank god..In the mean time, this woman and I would talk everyday almost non-stop, about anything, life, weather, music, sports..Now if you dont like a person, why would you wanna talk to them all the time?? 203515[/snapback] If you want the harsh reality of it here it is. Just because a coworker or any girl talks to you on a daily basis doesn't mean they like you. You are bordering on being the "creepy guy" if you keep pushing it. Chicks aren't looking for a best friend. They are looking for a conquest. They want the unattainable. Thats why they go after bad boys and a-holes. They think THEY are the ones that can tame them. My advice for the future, move on, grow a set, and don't try and be their best friend.
JP-era Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 Ive been head over heels for this woman since last march, she is the most incredible woman I have ever met..When I first met her I didn't have the feelings I do now for her..She's funny, smart, down to earth, everything I could ever want in a woman..I came to her and told her how I felt finally in july..she then told me that she didn't see me that way and liked somebody else..Unfortunetly for me, that somebody else was a dirtbag pig who was a co-worker of ours..This guy's only intentions were to get in her pants and not her heart, what she saw in him I will never know..LUCKILY that fixation didn't last very long and she came to her senses and decided against starting a relationship with him thank god..In the mean time, this woman and I would talk everyday almost non-stop, about anything, life, weather, music, sports..Now if you dont like a person, why would you wanna talk to them all the time?? She's had one other boyfriend in her past and he was nothing more then a 2 bit drugie with a couple kids on the side..as I said before how she meets these guys I will never know..But its obvious the only guys she seems to be attracted to are a$$holes! it maybe thin, but I believe that she likes me, she likes the way I treat her, likes the way I remind her how amazing and beautiful she is, and likes everything else, she's just afraid to admit it..She's afraid to admit it because she's not use to such good treatment from a guy before..in the past month, I haven't talked to her at all, she has completely cut me off, the communication lines are severed..and I have done nothing but respected her space and left her alone..but the longer I leave her alone the more unsettling it gets to know that the woman Im falling for is there all by herself and not with me where she belongs..Its evident that she enjoyed our conversations and my company, if she didn't that she wouldn't have opened up to me like she did..In my opinion she's a very confused woman right now, who doesn't know how it feels to be loved, and ive reminded her time and time again that she should give me a shot..Im not the best lookin, or the best drest, not rich or drive a fancy car..but im the best fit for her..at least I Think so, and I hope she does too.. any words of wisdom?? 203515[/snapback] If you are leaving her alone and she isnt coming back because she misses you or what you were giving her than she isnt convinced that your what she needs. Its tough for sure, and I have been in your shoes before. But you need to give her space. Only good will come out of it. If she comes back, she would have convinced herself that she needs you. If she doesnt, she hasnt yet figured out whats good for her and your saving yourself a long painful road. Either way, she has to drive now and you have to be patient, hang in there, but give her lots of space.
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