The Big Cat Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Zero. That's what parents are for. Do parents no longer pay for weddings? They still pay for most. Also, I didn't marry into money, I'm an only child and we wanted to contribute. So, to take your question a step further, her parents contributed the same amount as my wife and I (10K) and my parents picked up the tab for everything else. It's common these days to look at what you want, what you have and then work together to keep everyone happy. Our biggest expense was the band (7,500), but it was money well spent because the most important thing for us was the enjoyment of everyone who came. Everyone had a blast, thanks largely to the band. My wife and I didn't even eat and I had a single drink during the reception. Our sole intent was to talk to and thank everyone who came. there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with enjoying gifts of money and expensive gifts, the whole point of this discussion is how each gift should be welcomed because who knows what is going on behind the other person's front door...some are able and willing to indulge, some (raises hand) still sometimes have trouble scraping a couple extra bucks together, but still want to enjoy in our family/friends special day. Its where these alleged expectations come into the mix..I'd rather get a nicely done scrapbook of pictures and memories, that'll last alot longer than any amount of money... As I alluded to before, the biggest eyebrow raiser for me (since my wife and I don't make a ton of money, but still set $100 as our base) was the people we knew came from a very solid means, means that are/were significantly more than my wife and I have, but they still didn't see fit to match our own standard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 They still pay for most. Also, I didn't marry into money, I'm an only child and we wanted to contribute. So, to take your question a step further, her parents contributed the same amount as my wife and I (10K) and my parents picked up the tab for everything else. It's common these days to look at what you want, what you have and then work together to keep everyone happy. Our biggest expense was the band (7,500), but it was money well spent because the most important thing for us was the enjoyment of everyone who came. Everyone had a blast, thanks largely to the band. My wife and I didn't even eat and I had a single drink during the reception. Our sole intent was to talk to and thank everyone who came. There was a band at our wedding. It was in the banquet room next door with the other wedding. We had a small wedding so I asked the people at the other event if we could come over and listen to their band and dance. And they said SURE!! BTW try planning a wedding when the bride and groom live in Miami, the groom's parents are in Buffalo, the bride's parents are in Norway and the wedding is in Chicago. Remember this is pre internet, email, fax etc. My father in law even changed the venue for the reception a few weeks before because he didn't like it. I'm glad he did because I didn't like it either and it was his money so he could do what he wanted but man did that add stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfanmiami(oh) Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with enjoying gifts of money and expensive gifts, the whole point of this discussion is how each gift should be welcomed because who knows what is going on behind the other person's front door...some are able and willing to indulge, some (raises hand) still sometimes have trouble scraping a couple extra bucks together, but still want to enjoy in our family/friends special day. Its where these alleged expectations come into the mix..I'd rather get a nicely done scrapbook of pictures and memories, that'll last alot longer than any amount of money... Well said. A gift does not have to cost a lot to be worth a lot. As I said before though, I personally think its kind of tacky to not give the newlyweds at least something. If you don't care enough about the couple to give them a little coin, or to spend a little time into making something, sharing a talent with them, etc., you should probably send regrets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 As I alluded to before, the biggest eyebrow raiser for me (since my wife and I don't make a ton of money, but still set $100 as our base) was the people we knew came from a very solid means, means that are/were significantly more than my wife and I have, but they still didn't see fit to match our own standard. But once again that is YOUR standard. Placing YOUR standard on something someone else is buying for YOU is the epitome of being spoiled. If you're placing that kind of importance on the wedding gifts then you need to rethink what the event symbolized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Cat Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 There was a band at our wedding. It was in the banquet room next door with the other wedding. We had a small wedding so I asked the people at the other event if we could come over and listen to their band and dance. And they said SURE!! BTW try planning a wedding when the bride and groom live in Miami, the groom's parents are in Buffalo, the bride's parents are in Norway and the wedding is in Chicago. Remember this is pre internet, email, fax etc. My father in law even changed the venue for the reception a few weeks before because he didn't like it. I'm glad he did because I didn't like it either and it was his money so he could do what he wanted but man did that add stress. That sounds pretty stressful. We're in Chicago, my folks are in Erie, hers Philadelphia, wedding was in Lewisburg, PA. But we had Google docs and Skype. Where did you get married in Chicago? But once again that is YOUR standard. Placing YOUR standard on something someone else is buying for YOU is the epitome of being spoiled. If you're placing that kind of importance on the wedding gifts then you need to rethink what the event symbolized. Spoiled isn't the right word and I think you're overstating the "importance" tremendously, or else I've done a poor job of communicating. As I said before, it's frustrating because you think everyone's playing by the same formalities, then someone blatantly disregards what you thought we all knew to be true. It's not "my" or my wife's standard, it's a standard developed based on observations, talking to others, reading and just having a general awareness for what is and what isn't "preferred" when it comes to getting someone a wedding gift. We didn't decree it thusly. Again, 3-5 weddings a summer for the last 5 years. I've had plenty of exposure to customs and formalities involved with being invited to, participating in and having ones own wedding here in the 21st century (no offense, Old Balls.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) That sounds pretty stressful. We're in Chicago, my folks are in Erie, hers Philadelphia, wedding was in Lewisburg, PA. But we had Google docs and Skype. Where did you get married in Chicago? Spoiled isn't the right word and I think you're overstating the "importance" tremendously, or else I've done a poor job of communicating. As I said before, it's frustrating because you think everyone's playing by the same formalities, then someone blatantly disregards what you thought we all knew to be true. It's not "my" or my wife's standard, it's a standard developed based on observations, talking to others, reading and just having a general awareness for what is and what isn't "preferred" when it comes to getting someone a wedding gift. We didn't decree it thusly. Again, 3-5 weddings a summer for the last 5 years. I've had plenty of exposure to customs and formalities involved with being invited to, participating in and having ones own wedding here in the 21st century (no offense, Old Balls.) I assumed I was overstating the importance. And anytime you place a standard on a gift it's just wrong. Totally my opinion of course. We got married at the small chapel in the Northwestern Seminary School. Same place my inlaws were married. Edited June 24, 2013 by Chef Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
\GoBillsInDallas/ Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 We got married at the small chapel in the Northwester Seminary School. So you didn't get married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Cat Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) I assumed I was overstating the importance. And anytime you place a standard on a gift it's just wrong. Totally my opinion of course. We got married at the small chapel in the Northwester Seminary School. Same place my inlaws were married. I guess that's fair. But as you may recall, when you're young and a little strapped for cash (like my wife and I are), giving and receiving money can be a touchy issue, particularly when givers and receives have significantly more of it than you and aren't as generous. I'm not proud that I got a little judgy when making our gift list, but I'm not completely ashamed, either. Oh, so you got married in Evanston. Edited June 24, 2013 by taC giB ehT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 I guess that's fair. But as you may recall, when you're young and a little strapped for cash (like my wife and I are), giving and receiving money can be a touchy issue, particularly when givers and receives have significantly more of it than you and aren't as generous. I'm not proud that I got a little judgy when making our gift list, but I'm not completely ashamed, either. Oh, so you got married in Evanston. Yup. Doesn't mean anything to me. Have not been back to Chicago since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanM.D. Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 And anytime you place a standard on a gift it's just wrong. Totally my opinion of course. The crux of the matter....and I agree 100%. Just another opinion of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 Not always in this country. Which is why I'm going to get married in India. Not only will the bride's family pay far out the ass, but her family will give my family many goats. And if they don't... Just throw gasoline on them and light a match! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Why does this response of yours make me feel like a shallow SOB for enjoying/appreciating the cash and gifts we received at our wedding?? Way to bring me down...did you marry Martha Stewart by chance?? j/k Very nice gesture on your part. We are not saints, just had all the chit we needed. Most of my family traveling from WNY or Canada to DC, none or em what I would call wealthy. BTW Jim, remember CAT went to Bucknell, where the current tuition and board is $58, 160. Tose rich kids got different expectations .. Just kidding Cat!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Big Cat Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 We are not saints, just had all the chit we needed. Most of my family traveling from WNY or Canada to DC, none or em what I would call wealthy. BTW Jim, remember CAT went to Bucknell, where the current tuition and board is $58, 160. Tose rich kids got different expectations .. Just kidding Cat!!!!!! You would know... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jauronimo Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 And if they don't... Just throw gasoline on them and light a match! Did you upset yourself again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) Did you upset yourself again? No. Why? Gasoline/kerosene... Pick your fuel. I was just commenting on SE Asian problem and how they handle a dowry that is lacking. Don't they burn the bride if the dowry isn't acceptable? I think it is called "Bride Burning." http://en.wikipedia....i/Bride_burning From Wiki: "Bride burning is a form of domestic violence, most common in South Asia, in which a bride is killed at home by her husband or husband's family due to his dissatisfaction over the dowry provided by her family. The act is often a result of demands for more or prolonged dowry after the marriage.[1] Kerosene is most often used as the fuel.[2] It has been a major problem since at least 1993.[3] This crime has been treated as culpable homicide and, if proven, is punishable accordingly, typically up to a death sentence or life imprisonment.[4] Bride burning has been recognized as an important public health problem in India,[5] accounting for around 2,500 deaths per year in the country.[5] In 1995, Time Magazine reported that dowry deaths in India increased from around 400 a year in the early 1980s to around 5,800 a year by the middle of the 1990s.[6] A year later, CNN ran a story saying that every year police receive more than 2,500 reports of bride burning.[7] According to Indian National Crime Record Bureau, there were 1,948 convictions and 3,876 acquittals in dowry death cases in 2008.[8] Bride burning is not the same as the ancient custom of Sati, formally abolished in 1829, where a widowed woman was forcibly or voluntarily placed on the burning pyre of her dead husband (usually a man in his old age) and burnt to death." Edited June 25, 2013 by ExiledInIllinois Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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