Vegas

[Johnny Hammersticks]

If you end up at strip clubs, try to stick to OG (Olympic Garden) or Club Paradise (which is essentially walking distance from the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino). Cover is expensive at the door, so any time you get into a taxi, check with the driver for what kind of passes he/she has. They hold the passes to get you in for free, but they don't hold passes for all clubs, so feel them out.

 

If you get to the club and the place is packed and you're with 5 or more guys, give the guy at the front about $40 to clear a table for you, otherwise you're standing around waiting for drinks. Get a table, get a waitress, run a tab, etc. Lapdances run $20 per dance, but regardless of what the chick is sticking in your face, LISTEN to the music. The boom-boom crap gets mixed and you'll find yourself thinking "Wow, this is a long song" before the chick sits down and says "Okay, that's four songs at $20 per song." Make sure you tell her up front "One song at a time." She'll never see you again and will have no problem calling the front to ensure you pay her so ensure you establish the rules up front.

 

There is an option to buy "funny money" from your waitress. It's basically like monopoly money for dances that you buy in bulk (5 dances, 10 dances, etc.) It's a good way to monitor the amount of money you're spending on dances, but if you plan on doing that, you need to do a couple of things: first, call your credit card company in advance and let them know what you're doing. You only need to spend a few hundred dollars before the credit card company calls the club, and then they have you calling the credit card company and it's buzzkill. Also, if you go with funny money, make sure you let the dancer know up front. The house takes 5-10% of the funny money when they cash it in, and they'd rather know up front. Girls WILL dance for funny money because most of something is better than all of nothing, but tell them up front because some of them get pissy after the fact.

 

Or, y'know, go enjoy one of those Cirque shows.

 

Damn dude....did you go to strip club college or something? I am now more knowledgeable for having read this post, and for that, I thank you sir.